Personal feelings/experiences on coming out as ABDL while dating

[surprise35]

This is such a great post and talks about two issues that I have recently experienced in the past year. One is seeking out and finding a kink-positive sex therapist who has helped me massively with my ABDL side in ways I never imagined. This started in April of last year and continues now via video chat as she is the best therapist I have ever spoken too. I am 47 and was into this before the internet and had no idea what it was and why I was into it at all. I was terribly ashamed, confused and repressed about expressing it in any way and telling partners about it always seemed horribly uncomfortable and awkward. I could never find someone who seemed to understand in any meaningful way and it just made me repress it more and hide it from everyone in my life.
Last year was my time time going to a munch, meeting others, playing with others and talking about it to a variety of other ABDL's. This step helped so much as well to except this part of me as this happened just a few months before starting my therapy.
In this whole time I separated from my wife who never excepted my lifestyle even though I attempted to talk about it a lot over the entire course of our relationship. I don't entirely blame her at all, I really didn't express myself the important of ABDL and diapers to me very well but still I am very happy to be out of that relationship for a wide variety of other reasons.
I met someone new late last year and decided to tell her about my fetish after only two dates, it just felt right at the time and it ended up being exactly the right choice for this relationship. While she is not at all in the kink community and didn't know what ABDL was she listened and asked a lot of questions that were caring, thoughtful and amazingly respectful. We are taking things slow but I am so incredibly happy with her in so many aspects of our relationship that it feels perfect the pace we are going at. We still talk about it a lot and we have done some stuff together that makes me so grateful to be with her.
I agree completely that making myself happier and secure about my kink/fetish has helped me communicate so much better with a partner and let them know what I want and need.

 

[TabulaRasa2017]

Tabby, that has been my experience as well. The vast majority of people do not come around. If you are lucky enough to have them change their view you are in the exceptions section versus the rule.

This is precisely why I am upfront with people. Better to have them bolt then to have them explode later.

Hi daddyconnor,

It's good to hear this sort of feedback myself. And I agree -- being upfront about this early on I believe saves a lot of heartache down the line.

 

[TabulaRasa2017]

This is such a great post and talks about two issues that I have recently experienced in the past year. One is seeking out and finding a kink-positive sex therapist who has helped me massively with my ABDL side in ways I never imagined. This started in April of last year and continues now via video chat as she is the best therapist I have ever spoken too. I am 47 and was into this before the internet and had no idea what it was and why I was into it at all. I was terribly ashamed, confused and repressed about expressing it in any way and telling partners about it always seemed horribly uncomfortable and awkward. I could never find someone who seemed to understand in any meaningful way and it just made me repress it more and hide it from everyone in my life.
Last year was my time time going to a munch, meeting others, playing with others and talking about it to a variety of other ABDL's. This step helped so much as well to except this part of me as this happened just a few months before starting my therapy.
In this whole time I separated from my wife who never excepted my lifestyle even though I attempted to talk about it a lot over the entire course of our relationship. I don't entirely blame her at all, I really didn't express myself the important of ABDL and diapers to me very well but still I am very happy to be out of that relationship for a wide variety of other reasons.
I met someone new late last year and decided to tell her about my fetish after only two dates, it just felt right at the time and it ended up being exactly the right choice for this relationship. While she is not at all in the kink community and didn't know what ABDL was she listened and asked a lot of questions that were caring, thoughtful and amazingly respectful. We are taking things slow but I am so incredibly happy with her in so many aspects of our relationship that it feels perfect the pace we are going at. We still talk about it a lot and we have done some stuff together that makes me so grateful to be with her.
I agree completely that making myself happier and secure about my kink/fetish has helped me communicate so much better with a partner and let them know what I want and need.

Hi suprise35,

I'm happy for you that you've gotten to a point where you feel healthy about your ABDL side and have an understanding partner in your life now. Yes, for me, my marriage ended not because of ABDL incompatibility, but for other, larger reasons. But the ABDL didn't help. Actually one of the best dating experiences I've had I ended up telling them on the first date. I generally don't tell on the first date, but it just goes to show positive things can come from being open and honest with someone.

 

[sbmccue]

This thread brings back a lot of memories for me.

I told my first serious girlfriend after we'd been dating about a year; at that time, there was no internet and I thought I was the only person alive with these fantasies. She was incredulous - infantilism seemed a polar opposite to the sort of person I was as an adult - and asked me whether I would actually wet a diaper if she put one on me. We never discussed the idea again; I gathered that the idea of me in baby clothes was too much of an affront to her image of me.

Fast forward about 4 years, and I told a young lady with whom I was developing a very serious relationship. She'd had a lot of experience as a babysitter, daycare worker, etc., and was one of the most maternal young women I knew. She did try to put me to bed one night, but that was as far as things progressed. She said I was 'sick' for wanting her to diaper me.

A few years later, I found the courage to bring up diapers with my then-fiancée. She was accepting enough; she would bathe me every now and then, diaper and change me and even bought me a baby playpen and helped me squeeze into a child's highchair. But the role-play was beyond her; I was an adult in baby clothes and baby situations. I don't think there's anything much worse than that!

When my wife and I were first starting to date, I thought I'd learned something from all these experiences and brought up my infantilism early on. That disclosure very nearly ended our relationship. She told me point-blank that my baby desires had no place in our married life. Like many others, I went ahead with the marriage thinking that I could sublimate the baby needs. I'm now convinced, decades later, that sublimation is a pipe dream. Pushing these desires aside doesn't happen and the need to be 'babied' cannot be managed.

Along the way, I've told several very close friends. One diapered me a few times but was never wildly enthusiastic. The others just weren't interested. Our friendships remained unaffected, for which I've been very grateful over the years.

From my admittedly small sample size, I've concluded that the odds of finding a receptive female partner are about 20%. I think most other threads on this topic will bear that out; when you're approaching partners, only about 1 in 5 women will be willing to have the discussion at all. I think the high "rejection rate" is largely due to the pragmatic view most women have of diapers, babying and baby things.

If you find that lady in 100 who is enthusiastic about playing the 'mommy' role, then you're the envy of many of us who share the frustration of having looked, looked and failed.

 

[TabulaRasa2017]

This thread brings back a lot of memories for me.

I told my first serious girlfriend after we'd been dating about a year; at that time, there was no internet and I thought I was the only person alive with these fantasies. She was incredulous - infantilism seemed a polar opposite to the sort of person I was as an adult - and asked me whether I would actually wet a diaper if she put one on me. We never discussed the idea again; I gathered that the idea of me in baby clothes was too much of an affront to her image of me.

Fast forward about 4 years, and I told a young lady with whom I was developing a very serious relationship. She'd had a lot of experience as a babysitter, daycare worker, etc., and was one of the most maternal young women I knew. She did try to put me to bed one night, but that was as far as things progressed. She said I was 'sick' for wanting her to diaper me.

A few years later, I found the courage to bring up diapers with my then-fiancée. She was accepting enough; she would bathe me every now and then, diaper and change me and even bought me a baby playpen and helped me squeeze into a child's highchair. But the role-play was beyond her; I was an adult in baby clothes and baby situations. I don't think there's anything much worse than that!

When my wife and I were first starting to date, I thought I'd learned something from all these experiences and brought up my infantilism early on. That disclosure very nearly ended our relationship. She told me point-blank that my baby desires had no place in our married life. Like many others, I went ahead with the marriage thinking that I could sublimate the baby needs. I'm now convinced, decades later, that sublimation is a pipe dream. Pushing these desires aside doesn't happen and the need to be 'babied' cannot be managed.

Along the way, I've told several very close friends. One diapered me a few times but was never wildly enthusiastic. The others just weren't interested. Our friendships remained unaffected, for which I've been very grateful over the years.

From my admittedly small sample size, I've concluded that the odds of finding a receptive female partner are about 20%. I think most other threads on this topic will bear that out; when you're approaching partners, only about 1 in 5 women will be willing to have the discussion at all. I think the high "rejection rate" is largely due to the pragmatic view most women have of diapers, babying and baby things.

If you find that lady in 100 who is enthusiastic about playing the 'mommy' role, then you're the envy of many of us who share the frustration of having looked, looked and failed.

Hi sbmccue, thanks for sharing. If you don't mind me asking, just from the tone of your post, I wondered, are you still married? I agree with you, having been in a marriage where I thought I could sublimate this as well, that it can't be done in a healthy way. It is a need and needs should be met, within reason of course. I think we all have our ideal of what we would like in a partner, and life is of course messy. But I think communication is key and that by communicating these desires to a partner early on, you often have a good sense of whether or not they will be open to this. For me, it just comes back to not wanting to waste each other's time and emotional energy - no judgement but I would rather the person go on and find someone they're more compatible with then spend months or years hoping perhaps in vain that they will somehow come around.

 

[sbmccue]

Yes, I’m still married. I finally decided that expecting any one person to fulfill every one of my needs was unrealistic. My wife is also the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, and I could never expect to find anyone else like her.

 

[TabulaRasa2017]

Yes, I’m still married. I finally decided that expecting any one person to fulfill every one of my needs was unrealistic. My wife is also the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, and I could never expect to find anyone else like her.

Thanks again for sharing your perspective.