People who have children: Is it weird getting your child through milestones that you hate?

SpAzpieSweeTot

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I am sorry for your cerebral palsy child and I did not mean to insult. I was speaking more for children without conditions which my so has many of.

I will call that bad advice from any doctor to the parent, and then bad advice for those who allow their non afflicted (normal) child to insist on a diaper till age 3 up to 7 as their standard underwear.

Most young baby children do not constipated like that if you hydrate them well enough.

I have read news stories from England how parents are sending their school aged children to school that are still dependent on diapers and are not toilet trained and the problems it is causing.

What happened with teaching children toilet habits and why does it now extend 3 years and beyond?
No, no, no, honey, you didn't insult me. I see your point. I see what I'm guessing is a bit of fear of social ostracism, and being behind for a kid, too.

I will ask, behind according to whom? Training age tends to vary by culture.

All the children who went into Dr. Hodges' book were typically developing kids, though. The parents were clueless that their typical kids were constipated, because they were pooping everyday, and it was usually soft. It took xrays for the parents to see anything was wrong, and these kids were wetting, because their bowels were so full, as to be pushing on their bladders, but because they were pooping everyday, and it was soft, the parents didn't know.

The definition most doctors use is infrequent or hard poops. Well, if the kid isn't emptying, it doesn't matter if they're going everyday, and softly, or not. Theyre not emptying, and that's constipation. Hodges saw both urine leakage, and stool leakage in these typically developing kiddos. This is because when you hold too long, the muscles get too stretched out, and weak.

Imagine an anal sphincter, too weak to hold stool back. That can happen when stool is held too long. There's sometimes a hard plug, with very loose stool behind it, that leaks out first. Imagine bladder, huge, but too weak to get everything out. That can happen from holding too long.

All Dr. H. was doing, was trying to prevent the holding back that can cause those weak muscles, because later on, that becomes IC, and the UTIs that are so much more common once parents stop being responsible for wiping them. A noble goal, no?

One must look at everything. If someone put away my work, because I went to the restroom, and they could just do that because they were bigger than me, and I could, I'd hold it, too.

This is how kids feel when we put away their work. Older kids have even more reason to hold it way too long. Have you seen school bathrooms? Many are disgusting. Why does it have to be 3 or beyond? It doesn't. It absolutely doesn't. It can be stated, kindly, gently, and respectfully, with no carrots and no sticks, from birth, if one wants to.

I'm not saying, "For land's sakes, wait practically forever," nor am I saying, "Start from infancy, and if not, fooey."

I'm saying "Be careful not to force it, and don't lie."

Imagine you have no ABDL experience, and someone you live with, and love, who is a giant compared to you, and has almost infinitely more power than you, says, one day, "It is time. Piss and shit your pants. I HAVE SPOKEN! Okay, okay, do it, and I'll smile at you, and hug you and be happy, but don't, and I won't. Do it and you'll get a sticker? Candy? What do you want, man!? It's my job to get you to do this!"

Now, don't forget, for purposes of discussion, you aren't you. Does the fact that the giant, who you live with and love, is angry, change the fact that it's an entirely new skill? How about happy? How about the fact that the beloved giant is making you responsible for his or her emotions? Do cookies, or stickers make that fact go away? Does any of that make pooping and peeing in a position completely unnatural to you, and feeling it against your skin, any easier? Wouldn't you feel a little lied too, if you discovered that was what they wanted of you the whole time? Would you protest, and keep doing as you'd always done?

What if the beloved giant said, from the beginning, "This is where I'd like you to do this, and since you can't alone, I'll help, but I won't drag you to somewhere you don't want to be, or force you. I'll help," or, if the giant waited to tell you, "Oh, you're ready? It's a new skill. I won't withhold anything, or go nuclear,"?
 
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SweetPrincess

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Yeah I'm not saying he'd definitely be bullied, there's a chance though. People are a lot more tolerant nowadays and I think saying "diapers are for babies" isn't used as much, I never use this because it embarrasses a child and also they aren't just for babies. Some children are stubborn and will refuse to use the potty or toilet so like I said I'd never force my child.
While I want to agree and I think you're right that we all are becoming more tolerant. Companies like Huggies however seem to be stuck in their old ways. Diapers are not just for babies and I'd never tell my kids that.
 

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No, no, no, honey, you didn't insult me. I see your point. I see what I'm guessing is a bit of fear of social ostracism, and being behind for a kid, too.

I will ask, behind according to whom? Training age tends to vary by culture.

All the children who went into Dr. Hodges' book were typically developing kids, though. The parents were clueless that their typical kids were constipated, because they were pooping everyday, and it was usually soft. It took xrays for the parents to see anything was wrong, and these kids were wetting, because their bowels were so full, as to be pushing on their bladders, but because they were pooping everyday, and it was soft, the parents didn't know.

The definition most doctors use is infrequent or hard poops. Well, if the kid isn't emptying, it doesn't matter if they're going everyday, and softly, or not. Theyre not emptying, and that's constipation. Hodges saw both urine leakage, and stool leakage in these typically developing kiddos. This is because when you hold too long, the muscles get too stretched out, and weak.

Imagine an anal sphincter, too weak to hold stool back. That can happen when stool is held too long. There's sometimes a hard plug, with very loose stool behind it, that leaks out first. Imagine bladder, huge, but too weak to get everything out. That can happen from holding too long.

All Dr. H. was doing, was trying to prevent the holding back that can cause those weak muscles, because later on, that becomes IC, and the UTIs that are so much more common once parents stop being responsible for wiping them. A noble goal, no?

One must look at everything. If someone put away my work, because I went to the restroom, and they could just do that because they were bigger than me, and I could, I'd hold it, too.

This is how kids feel when we put away their work. Older kids have even more reason to hold it way too long. Have you seen school bathrooms? Many are disgusting. Why does it have to be 3 or beyond? It doesn't. It absolutely doesn't. It can be stated, kindly, gently, and respectfully, with no carrots and no sticks, from birth, if one wants to.

I'm not saying, "For land's sakes, wait practically forever," nor am I saying, "Start from infancy, and if not, fooey."

I'm saying "Be careful not to force it, and don't lie."

Imagine you have no ABDL experience, and someone you live with, and love, who is a giant compared to you, and has almost infinitely more power than you, says, one day, "It is time. Piss and shit your pants. I HAVE SPOKEN! Okay, okay, do it, and I'll smile at you, and hug you and be happy, but don't, and I won't. Do it and you'll get a sticker? Candy? What do you want, man!? It's my job to get you to do this!"

Now, don't forget, for purposes of discussion, you aren't you. Does the fact that the giant, who you live with and love, is angry, change the fact that it's an entirely new skill? How about happy? How about the fact that the beloved giant is making you responsible for his or her emotions? Do cookies, or stickers make that fact go away? Does any of that make pooping and peeing in a position completely unnatural to you, and feeling it against your skin, any easier? Wouldn't you feel a little lied too, if you discovered that was what they wanted of you the whole time? Would you protest, and keep doing as you'd always done?

What if the beloved giant said, from the beginning, "This is where I'd like you to do this, and since you can't alone, I'll help, but I won't drag you to somewhere you don't want to be, or force you. I'll help," or, if the giant waited to tell you, "Oh, you're ready? It's a new skill. I won't withhold anything, or go nuclear,"?
Ok I like your long winded message. And that was missed in others posts as an excuse to where a diaper past age 3. I am tired and did not read it all, but from what I saw it made sence and agrees with my poin.

Unless, there is a medical reason, then there is now reason to withhold potty training between the age of 1.5 to 2.

I am not going to answer to that individual who said scientific datA says diapers up till 7, asked me for scientific data of what a normal child voids or deficates like. That is the most stupid question to a parent of a potty trained spectrum child.
 

TeddyBearCowboy

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Did I miss something here? I appreciate all the sharing of thoughts and information about whether it is okay for potty training to extend beyond 2 or 3 or 5 or 50.... But I ask PurpleScorpion to chime in here if this was his question for the thread?

The way I read this, is if he was asking if “Is it weird getting your child through milestones you hate?

Then he described a bit in the post itself about getting children potty trained and all as to how it related to ones own ABDL interest.

In my earlier post to this thread, I responded as a parent myself to this question.

To me, it seems the thread has become a bit distracted towards a different topic... of when, if, and how you should potty train your child? This is a good question and valuable discussion, but I’m just pointing out it is different than the original question asked.

It seems this is an entirely different question than what was being asked about it being a weird experience for an ABDL parent who wants to wear diapers him/her self, but yet teaching or training their child to not wear them.

I would ask the OP, PurpleScorpion, to chime in here if I am wrong and misunderstood. If so, I apologize. Otherwise, I think this thread is going an opposite direction than to the question being asked.

Perhaps there needs to be a separate thread about “When is it appropriate or not appropriate to allow a child to stay in diapers?” That seems to be where this thread has gone, rather than the OP question.

Please forgive me for offending anyone, but as I am a parent myself, I am very curious as to others answers for the original question. Has anyone else here who has children found it awkward (or weird) to be potty training your child when you would rather not be (or at least at times want to act as such)?

And if not a parent, do you see this as a conflict? Teaching your child to be potty trained, when you wear diapers out of preference yourself?

That is the way I read the OP’s question.

... Just some thoughts from a Teddy Bear Cowboy who has seen and been around the diapered block and life’s experiences a time or two.
 
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ElPulpo

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You are right, Teddy Bear Cowboy, I'm sorry for digressing.
I agree very much with what you answered earlier.

Potty training is a development step that is built into the average human being. It's not indispensable, but there is a natural predisposition. People who can't walk or control their elimination do exist and therefore there are ways to augment their legs or bladders with external complements. Personally I think there's nothing wrong about using these complements even if you don't need to, as long as you don't mock or molest others (btw, in my youth I spent a day in a wheelchair just to share the experience, and that was quite enlightening. Spending a day in a diaper or with a blindfold etc. could help everybody understanding our and other people's perspectives better).
However, as long as a child's organs are capable of learning their full range of functions, they should do so. They may find their own kink, be it the same or anything else. Some people may even get happy wihout being ABDL in their own peculiar ways.

During my wife's first childbed, I was paradoxically the only one in our house not wearing any padding, but we had so much else on our minds that apart from noticing I couldn't care. Later, our children's diapers were something completely different from mine. It might be even easier for a pure white plastic DL like me than for an AB that uses stuff sharing more similarities. Still, I agree that there's a separation between the parents' private quirks and the children's changing abilities (pun potential).
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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Did I miss something here? I appreciate all the sharing of thoughts and information about whether it is okay for potty training to extend beyond 2 or 3 or 5 or 50.... But I ask PurpleScorpion to chime in here if this was his question for the thread?

The way I read this, is if he was asking if “Is it weird getting your child through milestones you hate?

Then he described a bit in the post itself about getting children potty trained and all as to how it related to ones own ABDL interest.

In my earlier post to this thread, I responded as a parent myself to this question.

To me, it seems the thread has become a bit distracted towards a different topic... of when, if, and how you should potty train your child? This is a good question and valuable discussion, but I’m just pointing out it is different than the original question asked.

It seems this is an entirely different question than what was being asked about it being a weird experience for an ABDL parent who wants to wear diapers him/her self, but yet teaching or training their child to not wear them.

I would ask the OP, PurpleScorpion, to chime in here if I am wrong and misunderstood. If so, I apologize. Otherwise, I think this thread is going an opposite direction than to the question being asked.

Perhaps there needs to be a separate thread about “When is it appropriate or not appropriate to allow a child to stay in diapers?” That seems to be where this thread has gone, rather than the OP question.

Please forgive me for offending anyone, but as I am a parent myself, I am very curious as to others answers for the original question. Has anyone else here who has children found it awkward (or weird) to be potty training your child when you would rather not be (or at least at times want to act as such)?

And if not a parent, do you see this as a conflict? Teaching your child to be potty trained, when you wear diapers out of preference yourself?

That is the way I read the OP’s question.

... Just some thoughts from a Teddy Bear Cowboy who has seen and been around the diapered block and life’s experiences a time or two.
Yes, sir, I think so. It might not be anyone's fault, though, since so many issues are stuck to this one. Any issue put forth for a parent, instantly gets attached to what kind of parent you are, or want to be.

My points, put a little more concisely.

1. As ABDLs, we might feel extra pressure to make sure our kids don't turn out different, but we needn't let that make us into unkind jerks, and if we avoid it, we're fine.

2. There's a reason for accidents, usually constipation, even it you have no clue it's there, and it may require imaging to find, even in typically developing kids, so, don't be a Dickens.

3. Why would we hate skills? I don't.

Even though real kids go into a completely, utterly different spot in our brains, I think it's neccesarily impossible to separate the extra perspective we have, from the process, and we can use the extra perspective to help us out.

It's not the ABDLs skill to acquire. It's the kid's, and you might be surprised that no force is required. I'm an anarchist. I will not initiate force, or commit fraud (lie) to get what I want. Force can only be used in defense of self, including 3rd party self defense, or justly acquired property.
 

Bobbysgirl67

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Ok, mother of 7, grandma of 9 here...all "trained" at various ages. 2 of my kiddos a little later E was,just strong willed, peepee was easy, but bowel issues were more of a challenge She was out by 4.5 ish. J is on spectrum depended on pullups till 7 or do due to urinary reflex. The school nurse was awesome. I NEVER used cribs. They all slept in our bed till weaned and wanted their own bed I didn't have the decision to withdraw a bottle or binkie because none of them liked it. They were all breastfeed with natural weaning. The earlier was almost 2. The latest was almost 7 (no she didn't pull my shirt up at the playground it was only at home, mostly at night) They are all happy functional adults Even my spectrum kid is successfully employed as a truck driver. I am very proud of them all. The only "little thing I did back then was suckling. I bought pacifiers for all of them but none liked them so I sucked them while nursing. I had to be discreet but....
Fast forward I recently rediscovered my pacifier addiction and purchased my 1st adult pacifier. it was amazing. Calmness I feel, the soothing stroking of my paci blankie brings me to a place of utopia. I thought ahhh just a little phase like before but, NO I think its here to stay. I suck paci whenever I am alone. My room, driving, walking the dog...I keep my paci blankie in my backpack so if I can't suck I can rub. I never knew about Adult Baby until recently. after reading I decided to definitely try. it is self motivating, calming, soothing, comforting I did recently ordered a diaper cover with cloth diapers and hopefully will be able to try them soon.
Hippocrate, no I don't think so. I followed cultural norms raising my kids. But never forced a behavior they were not ready for. I have always been supportive of their lifestyles. I have one who, unfortunately is addicted. I dont support her lifestyle I encourage her sobriety but she is my baby and always will be, I have 1 who is a cross dresser, he claimed he is heterosexual, we have many open discussions. I dont dress him but in the privacy of his room and his relationships he knows I dont judge him. My granddaughter recently came out as gender confused. She lives with her dad and very conservative step mom. I am here for her always. I am her touch point. Here she has a safe place to explore with out judgement.
I am doing this for ME. I dont have to I want to. I'm not going to surrender my adult lifestyle. I'm not looking for mommy. I just want to play. And to be truthful I think that is what we all want. The what is your regressing triggering sumed it up for me. Someone said bottle, but beer. Someone said power tools for play......babies don't drink beer or use power tools But an adult baby can be because we are making that decision.
Peace, love, suck and play. AND make sure your bumbum stays dry!🤩😘🍼🍺🍷🍹🥂
 

WanderingToddler

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Most of us are here because we like the idea of laying in a crib, drinking from a bottle and wetting our diapers. So, does it feel weird making your child go through those steps-ditching the crib, the bottle, the diapers, the pacifier, the high chair, walking and talking... since you don't want any part of it?

Or am I not seeing the whole picture because I'm single and childless?
This is an excellent question. I have two children aged 2 and four. the 2 yo is currently potty training.

I do not feel like I am being untrue to myself by helpping them progress quite the opposite in fact I feel like I am being true to who I am. Let me explain.

I am an ABDL I have always had desires towards diapers and have developed over time an affinity for many little and baby items. At many times in my life I wished I could get rid of these desires. I was ashamed of them, embarrassed by them, or simply afraid of being called out. Over time I have come, with the help of my wife, to accept these desires an integral part of who I am. I have no choice in being an ABDL it is simply who I am. I do however have the choice in how ABDL is incorporated into my life. I chose to wear diapers, wet diapers, wear cute clothing, cuddle stuffed animals, use a pacifier and a bottle. I chose not to sleep in a crib (though I wound't mind trying it some day).

I enjoy being an ABDL and am very grateful for the ways it has enhanced my life. I have a ready to go way to decompress and de-stress. I have gained insights into people who are different than me or in other ways on the outside of societal norms because I have felt that I have been there. I believe I am more empathetic towards others and less likely to judge because I am ABDL. I judge people for who they are not for any one choice or habit they have, but for their whole person (as much as is possible). At this point I do not believe I would give up being an ABDL because I chose to be one.

I served in the US military to help defend people's freedoms. Freedom of religion, speech, etc. One of the USA's core believes is that we are free. Freedom comes from having choices. Helping my children potty train, move out of cribs, move on to more advanced toys, walk, and grow up is not about depriving them of being able to chose to go back to those things (As i have) but about making sure they have the choice. I want the best for my children, i want them to have the freedom and confidence to be who they want to be. It is my job as a partent to equip them with the tools, skills, and abilities to suceed and be the best version of themselves that they chose to be. It is also my duty to help guide their believes and moral compass so that they chose to make good decisions and be upstanding members of society. Fortunately this is not in conflict with ABDL as there is nothing wrong with ABDL. It does not hurt anyone (self or others) and is not against any laws.

In short,
I stay true to myself and show my love for my children by equipping them to chose for themselves and guiding them to want to make good choices. It is my pleasure to help equip them to make their own choices, and my privdlidge to be proud when they make good choices.

On a side note ABDL is neither good nor bad it simply is. How we let it influence us in the choice we make can be good or bad. Using it was a way to enhance our lives is good. Forcing it on others is bad. for example.
 

ElPulpo

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This is an excellent question.
One of the USA's core believes is that we are free. Freedom comes from having choices. Helping my children ... grow up is not about depriving them of being able to chose to go back to those things but about making sure they have the choice. I want the best for my children, i want them to have the freedom and confidence to be who they want to be. It is also my duty to help guide their believes and moral compass so that they chose to make good decisions and be upstanding members of society.
This is an excellent answer.
I admit that here in Old Europe, many people are prejudiced against the US and their somewhat obtrusive concept of freedom. However, at the risk of sounding cheesy, your attitude conveys USAmerican freedom in a positive sense. Keep it up, and I'm sure they will.
 

WanderingToddler

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This is an excellent answer.
I admit that here in Old Europe, many people are prejudiced against the US and their somewhat obtrusive concept of freedom. However, at the risk of sounding cheesy, your attitude conveys USAmerican freedom in a positive sense. Keep it up, and I'm sure they will.
LOL freedom is not a uniquely american concept, but yeah we do have a propensity to overdue the rhetoric on that one. Often to the detriment of the underlying value we attempt to portray.

Thank you for the compliment.
 

Bobbysgirl67

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This is an excellent question. I have two children aged 2 and four. the 2 yo is currently potty training.

I do not feel like I am being untrue to myself by helpping them progress quite the opposite in fact I feel like I am being true to who I am. Let me explain.

I am an ABDL I have always had desires towards diapers and have developed over time an affinity for many little and baby items. At many times in my life I wished I could get rid of these desires. I was ashamed of them, embarrassed by them, or simply afraid of being called out. Over time I have come, with the help of my wife, to accept these desires an integral part of who I am. I have no choice in being an ABDL it is simply who I am. I do however have the choice in how ABDL is incorporated into my life. I chose to wear diapers, wet diapers, wear cute clothing, cuddle stuffed animals, use a pacifier and a bottle. I chose not to sleep in a crib (though I wound't mind trying it some day).

I enjoy being an ABDL and am very grateful for the ways it has enhanced my life. I have a ready to go way to decompress and de-stress. I have gained insights into people who are different than me or in other ways on the outside of societal norms because I have felt that I have been there. I believe I am more empathetic towards others and less likely to judge because I am ABDL. I judge people for who they are not for any one choice or habit they have, but for their whole person (as much as is possible). At this point I do not believe I would give up being an ABDL because I chose to be one.

I served in the US military to help defend people's freedoms. Freedom of religion, speech, etc. One of the USA's core believes is that we are free. Freedom comes from having choices. Helping my children potty train, move out of cribs, move on to more advanced toys, walk, and grow up is not about depriving them of being able to chose to go back to those things (As i have) but about making sure they have the choice. I want the best for my children, i want them to have the freedom and confidence to be who they want to be. It is my job as a partent to equip them with the tools, skills, and abilities to suceed and be the best version of themselves that they chose to be. It is also my duty to help guide their believes and moral compass so that they chose to make good decisions and be upstanding members of society. Fortunately this is not in conflict with ABDL as there is nothing wrong with ABDL. It does not hurt anyone (self or others) and is not against any laws.

In short,
I stay true to myself and show my love for my children by equipping them to chose for themselves and guiding them to want to make good choices. It is my pleasure to help equip them to make their own choices, and my privdlidge to be proud when they make good choices.

On a side note ABDL is neither good nor bad it simply is. How we let it influence us in the choice we make can be good or bad. Using it was a way to enhance our lives is good. Forcing it on others is bad. for example.
So very well put. Thank you for sharing and thank you for defending our nation😘♥
 

TeddyBearCowboy

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I was mostly curious if people felt like they were betraying themselves or being hypocritical when they were raising their children.
Thanks PurpleScorpion for replying. This is what I thought you were getting at.

I just was trying to get the thread back to your point or question of your thread, rather than taking such a different direction such as why, how, and what time it is appropriate to diaper train.


Again, I get your question PurpleScorpion. Before I was a parent, I used to question myself as to what kind of parent I might be since I was ABDL. I was kind of afraid of what it would be like being one who wants to wear diapers and then having children to care for that were wearing them. I can't say that I worried about being hypocritical, but rather it was a worry if somehow the two situations would be awkward. I loved diapers and baby things and yet the thought of being a parent and having those kinds of feelings certainly didn't seem appropriate.

But as I shared before, the concerns I had of being ABDL and a parent never ended up being an issue at all. The two were just somehow very much separated. It was all just natural being a parent and caring for my children. My own ABDL interests were just not part of parenting and experiences raising my children. So if anyone else does have similar concerns, I share this experience to hopefully ease your anxiety about it, and also share that you can be both a good parent and ABDL. There is just a distinct difference there.

I also think that part of the reason I never felt hypocritical while potty-training my children was that I knew it was something that in most cases they would need to master (unless there was a physical reason why they could not).

...And if you have followed other of my posts, you will see that I have a child who has had a diaper interest himself. I went through a process that I have yet to hear any other person on ADISC or elsewhere say they have experienced... --That is being an ABDL parent and discovering that your 12 year old child also had this desire and was wearing diapers.. You can search my other posts about this. But I will share this much, because I was ABDL myself, it helped me respond in a way that I think most other parents might not be able to. There have been many posts here about members who had their parents discover their diaper interests and it didn't go really well. I would like to think that perhaps even if I wasn't ABDL that I still would have responded similarly, because I have a teddy bear nature regardless of the diapers. But I also think this passed on to other things that my kids went through and struggled with as they grew and achieved being an adult. --but that story too digresses somewhat from the OP's original question.

I hope that other parents might likewise speak up as to if they had any inner conflict about potty-training their children when they were not being fully separated from diapers themselves.
 
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