People who have children: Is it weird getting your child through milestones that you hate?

PurpleScorpion

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Most of us are here because we like the idea of laying in a crib, drinking from a bottle and wetting our diapers. So, does it feel weird making your child go through those steps-ditching the crib, the bottle, the diapers, the pacifier, the high chair, walking and talking... since you don't want any part of it?

Or am I not seeing the whole picture because I'm single and childless?
 

Slomo

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I've always complentated with that same question (I'm married, no kids by choice). I do believe it's wrong to not help a child to grow up as expected. Yet it's also wrong to be such a hypocrite for denying them the very thing you want as well. The best response to this I've seen is to encourage them, but never force them, to give up baby stuff or diapers. If they are still adamant to be diapered at age 5, then it's far from ideal but so be it.
 

CookieMonstah

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I've always complentated with that same question (I'm married, no kids by choice). I do believe it's wrong to not help a child to grow up as expected. Yet it's also wrong to be such a hypocrite for denying them the very thing you want as well. The best response to this I've seen is to encourage them, but never force them, to give up baby stuff or diapers. If they are still adamant to be diapered at age 5, then it's far from ideal but so be it.
By age 5? Unless they had some sort of learning disability then they should be trained before then. Going to school in a diaper would cause all sorts of problems, they'd lose out on learning time and they'd most likely be bullied. I wouldn't force them to give up stuff but by a certain point it's time to encourage them to give stuff up.
 

Slomo

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By age 5? Unless they had some sort of learning disability then they should be trained before then. Going to school in a diaper would cause all sorts of problems, they'd lose out on learning time and they'd most likely be bullied. I wouldn't force them to give up stuff but by a certain point it's time to encourage them to give stuff up.
Oh agreed, maybe. Interestingly, I just yesterday watched one youtube video of a 5.5 year who had just gotten out of diapers. Apparently his schoolmates didn't bully him, and his mom had tried everything to encourage pottytraining him. His mom even tried forcing no diapers to no avail, but then one day it clicked and he was ready to loose them. So it seems to me, forcing no diapers isn't the right way either.
 

CookieMonstah

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Oh agreed, maybe. Interestingly, I just yesterday watched one youtube video of a 5.5 year who had just gotten out of diapers. Apparently his schoolmates didn't bully him, and his mom had tried everything to encourage pottytraining him. His mom even tried forcing no diapers to no avail, but then one day it clicked and he was ready to loose them. So it seems to me, forcing no diapers isn't the right way either.
Yeah I'm not saying he'd definitely be bullied, there's a chance though. People are a lot more tolerant nowadays and I think saying "diapers are for babies" isn't used as much, I never use this because it embarrasses a child and also they aren't just for babies. Some children are stubborn and will refuse to use the potty or toilet so like I said I'd never force my child.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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That's why he said 5. In America, that's when kindergarten starts. One pediatrician, Dr. Hodges, actually advocates potty learning at about 4, because he knows that part of what causes voiding disorders, and IC, is holding it too long. Itsnoaccident.net

but then, in another study,
There's another method called Elimination Communication. The infants' faces and bodies, and cries are watched for signs of needing to go. The parent holds the baby over a potty place, and cues.

If a pottytunity is missed, it's the parent's fault, for not paying attention. The baby isn't punished, or rewarded, like one wouldn't punish failure while learning any other new skill. Kids at any age don't need a cookie every time they learn to do anything either. Diapers aren't out of the question with modern EC, either.

They don't seem to get that, F*%$k you! You lied to me! You let me believe this was okay for my whole life so far, and now, because you decide, I'm supposed to magically know how to potty," thing typically trained kids have, and they tend not to be constipated.

The EC process is over around the time traditional training is started.

Keep things kind, gentle, and respectful, with no carrots or sticks, and there's merit in whatever you choose.

No kids yet, but, hey, forethought. Parenting is the most important act of philosophy anyone will ever have.
 
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diaperfooties

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Although I don't have any kids I have helped out by babysitting and things like that. The experience I had with it is it is completely different even though you are changing diapers or using baby products which you yourself would love to use it does not really cross your mind.

Kind of hard to explain I also worked as a cna at a nursing home and changed diapers almost all day every day. You really don't have the same thoughts or mindset because your consumed with taking care of the kid or adult.

You do what you need to in order to help them live the best life they can and in the matter of kids those milestones will have to be passed its just something you really don't think about you just do the best job possible.
 

CookieMonstah

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That's why he said 5. In America, that's when kindergarten starts. One pediatrician, Dr. Hodges, actually advocates potty learning at about 4, because he knows that part of what causes voiding disorders, and IC, is holding it too long. Itsnoaccident.net

but then, in another study,
There's another method called Elimination Communication. The infants' faces and bodies, and cries are watched for signs of needing to go. The parent holds the baby over a potty place, and cues.

If a pottytunity is missed, it's the parent's fault, for not paying attention. The baby isn't punished, or rewarded, like one wouldn't punish failure while learning any other new skill. Kids at any age don't need a cookie every time they learn to do anything either. Diapers aren't out of the question with modern EC, either.

They don't seem to get that, F*%$k you! You lied to me! You let me believe this was okay for my whole life so far, and now, because you decide, I'm supposed to magically know how to potty," thing typically trained kids have, and they tend not to be constipated.

The EC process is over around the time traditional training is started.

Keep things kind, gentle, and respectful, with no carrots or sticks, and there's merit in whatever you choose.

No kids yet, but, hey, forethought. Parenting is the most important act of philosophy anyone will ever have.
Yeah a lot of children I find struggle with pooing and it's caused by holding and causing problems. I'd wait until the right time and if it means waiting until they're 4 and nearly going to school then so be it.
 

lilzander382

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Omg, I am seeing a lot of ignorance about raising young children in this post. There are wacko doctors that say letting a child refuse to use the toilet until past five is ok. There are parent websites (mostly from Canada) (baby and life) that allow their 5 to seven year old children to continue to use diapers just because their children are "affraid" of the toilet. I say BS. Learn to use the toilet or pee/mess yourself in front of your peers and they will make fun of you and you will learn quickly. That is what happened to me as a 4 year old when I had an accident just a couple of times. Of course my parents didn't shame me, but other kids were sure to tell my parents.

My child was potty trained by 2. Not to say he didn't need some overnight help until 3.5, and he slipped a bit after that. And he was embarrassed by pull ups at that point.

Waiting till five or beyond is too late and the wacko doctors that say otherwise need to resign.
 

TeddyBearCowboy

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Most of us are here because we like the idea of laying in a crib, drinking from a bottle and wetting our diapers. So, does it feel weird making your child go through those steps-ditching the crib, the bottle, the diapers, the pacifier, the high chair, walking and talking... since you don't want any part of it?

Or am I not seeing the whole picture because I'm single and childless?
I am using the reply feature to show again the initial post and re-emphasize what the original question was for this thread.

I think what Scorpion was asking is if it was weird that as a parent, who is DL or ABDL, that you are teaching your child to stop doing some of the very things that you, as an ABDL, actually do or want to do?

— PurpleScorpion, am I right in how I rephrased that?

Perhaps it is kind of like the proverbial teaching to “do as I say, not as I do”?

In any case, as a father now of three grown children, I can answer this question from direct experience... ... No, the thought really never entered my mind. Honestly.

As a parent, teaching my children toilet training, drinking and eating from cups and utensils, and sleeping in a regular bed was as normal as anything. It was just the real life processes of growing up. it is something that everyone needs to learn and do in society. Being ABDL is feelings and desires that don’t match what real life actually is. You can’t transition to be an actual baby. Everyone to some extent has to eventually function in society through the growing up and becoming an adult reality. So helping them along in the process is just what you do.

There was never a second thought about how those steps If training related to my own personal desires at times to act opposite and act in baby like manner.

This same situation held true for diaper changing and all aspects of caring for them as babies. There just was no relation from taking care of my babies to my own being ABDL. I dont ever recall a time thinking of something I bought for them, “that is a cute outfit, I wish I had one like it“. Those thoughts just didn’t happen.

Being a parent is so different than you might think. For me, while my kids were babies I actually found I had less ABDL interests, perhaps because I was too tired after late night changings and up with fussy babies, and such that I certainly didn’t have the time or energy. But actually, I think it is because when you have a child of your own, often you are so much more involved in just caring for them that you forget a lot about yourself, and your happiness is seeing them and the milestones they make growing up.

Hopefully that helps to answer your question PurpleScorpion. Again, no, it isn’t weird and most likely you aren’t even going to think about it. You would think there would be a correlation, but for me, the two worlds were just completely separate from each other.
 
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CookieMonstah

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Omg, I am seeing a lot of ignorance about raising young children in this post. There are wacko doctors that say letting a child refuse to use the toilet until past five is ok. There are parent websites (mostly from Canada) (baby and life) that allow their 5 to seven year old children to continue to use diapers just because their children are "affraid" of the toilet. I say BS. Learn to use the toilet or pee/mess yourself in front of your peers and they will make fun of you and you will learn quickly. That is what happened to me as a 4 year old when I had an accident just a couple of times. Of course my parents didn't shame me, but other kids were sure to tell my parents.

My child was potty trained by 2. Not to say he didn't need some overnight help until 3.5, and he slipped a bit after that. And he was embarrassed by pull ups at that point.

Waiting till five or beyond is too late and the wacko doctors that say otherwise need to resign.
They aren’t wacko doctors, I’ve seen many children have problems with their bowels and bladders because they aren’t ready to toilet train. I personally would want my child trained by age 4 as in the U.K. is the age when they start school and I wouldn’t want the teachers to have to deal with that on top of what they already have to do. Like I said in previous posts, it seems like there is less stigma about wearing nappies past a certain age and having accidents. You were probably teased about it back in a time when people weren’t as accepting, today I don’t hear of younger children teasing others because of an accident or because they wear nappies.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

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Y'all, please don't miss this. I don't hate the idea of potty learning. I hate the damage caused by doing it wrong. Reward charts, and punishment, I can't get behind, politically or philosophically. Would you punish a kid for falling off a bike? Does a kid need a pat on the head for learning to ride one? Not if the kiddo learns to do it out of intrinsic motivation.

Same deal here.

They tried potty rewards on me, and punishments. I still leaked urine, and occasionally, feces, sometimes catastrophically. I couldn't stop, no matter how much they praised, rewarded, yelled, or punished. Know how I finally made them stop bitching? I barely drank. That causes pretty bad dehydration headaches. I didn't shit myself as much, either, because the dehydration caused constipation, as did the occasional overeating I did to try to get water from food, and to stop myself up.

I was 13 or so when I first read cerebral palsy and incontinence in the same sentence. Too bad people who were older than I, and tasked with caring about me, and said they did, couldn't do that.

By the way, rewards kill intrinsic motivation.

"Do as I say, not as I do," is such 🐂:poop:. Children learn what they live.

Do you have to be the same as your parents? No, but if don't want to be a carbon copy, you have to look for a better way.

That wacko doctor was seeing such bad constipation in his practice, that the bowel full of stool was pushing on the bladder, and making his patients wet themselves. Kids don't slip for no reason.

 
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lilzander382

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Y'all, please don't miss this. I don't hate the idea of potty learning. I hate the damage caused by doing it wrong. Reward charts, and punishment, I can't get behind, politically or philosophically. Would you punish a kid for falling off a bike? Does a kid need a pat on the head for learning to ride one? Not if the kiddo learns to do it out of intrinsic motivation.

Same deal here.

They tried potty rewards on me, and punishments. I still leaked urine, and occasionally, feces, sometimes catastrophically. I couldn't stop, no matter how much they praised, rewarded, yelled, or punished. Know how I finally made them stop bitching? I barely drank. That causes pretty bad dehydration headaches. I didn't shit myself as much, either, because the dehydration caused constipation, as did the occasional overeating I did to try to get water from food, and to stop myself up.

I was 13 or so when I first read cerebral palsy and incontinence in the same sentence. Too bad people who were older than I, and tasked with caring about me, and said they did, couldn't do that.

By the way, rewards kill intrinsic motivation.

"Do as I say, not as I do," is such 🐂:poop:. Children learn what they live.

Do you have to be the same as your parents? No, but if don't want to be a carbon copy, you have to look for a better way.

That wacko doctor was seeing such bad constipation in his practice, that the bowel full of stool was pushing on the bladder, and making his patients wet themselves. Kids don't slip for no reason.

I am sorry for your cerebral palsy child and I did not mean to insult. I was speaking more for children without conditions which my so has many of.

I will call that bad advice from any doctor to the parent, and then bad advice for those who allow their non afflicted (normal) child to insist on a diaper till age 3 up to 7 as their standard underwear.

Most young baby children do not constipated like that if you hydrate them well enough.

I have read news stories from England how parents are sending their school aged children to school that are still dependent on diapers and are not toilet trained and the problems it is causing.

What happened with teaching children toilet habits and why does it now extend 3 years and beyond?
 

lilzander382

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And, I am sorry to say. Any doctor that tells you to allow a normally developing child to continue wearing diapers past 3 is a wacko.

Now I will say this. If your child expresses to you they want to continue using diapers or a pull-up, then I believe talk about it is ok and ground rules of when it is is ok.
 

dogboy

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Like other parents on this site, I had no trouble separating my desires with the idea that my children as babies and toddlers, wore diapers, slept in a crib, etc. Like TeddyBearCowboy said, my AB and diaper desires almost disappeared completely when my children were little. Perhaps it was because as their father, I also was their protector and psychologically I wouldn't let anything interfere with me being a good father for them. For whatever reason, my AB/DL desires vanished until they were older. Then those desires came back with a vengeance.
 

Slomo

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And, I am sorry to say. Any doctor that tells you to allow a normally developing child to continue wearing diapers past 3 is a wacko.

Now I will say this. If your child expresses to you they want to continue using diapers or a pull-up, then I believe talk about it is ok and ground rules of when it is is ok.
So it's only a wacko that says after 3 is ok, but IF your child wants to continue then it's ok??????
 

Sigmund

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I don't have kids but I see no reason why I wouldn't just potty train them normally if I had kids. I know they're not the same as me and it's not like I refuse to use the toilet or wear underwear normally. I just keep ABDL desires to the occasional indulgence for the most part and I know that most people don't care for this sort of thing.
 

CookieMonstah

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I am sorry for your cerebral palsy child and I did not mean to insult. I was speaking more for children without conditions which my so has many of.

I will call that bad advice from any doctor to the parent, and then bad advice for those who allow their non afflicted (normal) child to insist on a diaper till age 3 up to 7 as their standard underwear.

Most young baby children do not constipated like that if you hydrate them well enough.

I have read news stories from England how parents are sending their school aged children to school that are still dependent on diapers and are not toilet trained and the problems it is causing.

What happened with teaching children toilet habits and why does it now extend 3 years and beyond?
It’s not just about being hydrated that causes constipation. Children withholding also causes constipation. Also nowadays it extended beyond 3 years because there’s more of an emphasis of waiting until the child shows signs of being ready to toilet train instead of saying “okay it’s time to throw away the nappies and use the toilet from now on” like they’re gonna magically know how to do it in quick time.
 

ElPulpo

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And, I am sorry to say. Any doctor that tells you to allow a normally developing child to continue wearing diapers past 3 is a wacko.
So, what's a "a normally developing child"? There's the thing called "normal distribution", that for a reason contains the word "normal". If three years is the average age for potty training, 50% need longer than that. The same applies to walking, talking, whatever. Normality includes some variety. A fixed date is not at all normal.

That's why contemperary advice usually does not give fixed dates, but recommend watching for signs that the child is entering the right developmental stage. Unfortunately, this requires some attention instead of a schedule.


Quote: "Most children are able to control both bladder and bowels and leave diapers behind sometime between 3 and 4 years old. The average for when children night train is between ages 4 and 5 Most children are fully potty trained by the time they’re 5 to 6 old."


On the other hand, do you have any substantial source sustaining your claim about mentally deranged doctors?
 
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