Partner of a DL

[aliceinwonderland]

Hey,

So start by saying I love my partner so much, and I am trying very hard.

When we started dating he told me he wears diapers as a way to cope with anxiety and depression and some childhood sexual trauma. He said he wanted to stop and find a better way to cope. For months he did, he didn't wear and all was ok, he was working hard on things, though I am sure some of times he would of benefited from wearing looking back. I had a hard time wrapping my head around all this. It's hard to come into a new relationship, be madly in love and know they are your person and then handle all the mental illness and the coping strategy you didn't even knew a world existed for DL and Adult babies.

I am away for a few months. While gone, Recently I have come to find out, that he's really needing that comfort he get from wearing on hard days, but he doesn't know how to tell me. I found a twitter account where he talks about wishing he could tell me he feels better when he wears in certain moments. I want him to be okay, and feel he can tell me at this point he needs it. I know I might not ever understand and that's okay with me, but i accept it and want to find a way to make his needs and mine work together. I wrote him a letter, telling him i accepted it and supported whatever he needs. That I had a few questions about how he wants me involved, ie does he want to be alone when he wears, is there a way he can tell me he is wearing so im not surprised if i reach down for sexy time? I didn't ask any questions in the letter and said simply when he was ready I would love to talk.

Now my fear is because he originally told me he wanted to stop i was supportive of that, and I'm nervous he is going to think i'm only saying i accept it because I have to and that it isn't the truth. It is. I even have considered offering to wear or incorporate it in our sex life if he decides one day it's something he would like to do (he doesn't know this or my questions until he starts the convo).

I love him so much and I want to find ways and advice to help me with this and him find a level ground. Has anyone had a partner not into it, or wear for mental health and have to tell a partner. How can I assure him I mean it when I say I accept it and want to find a way to make this work.

 

[Frungie]

It seems like both of you are not communicating your thoughts and feelings towards each other and about diapers. Your last sentence has the answer for you. Tell him you love him, accept him, and diapers are only a part of who he is. If he treats you with love, kindness, and respect, what is the relative importance of his "underwear?"

 

[WeakEndPartyPerson]

Firstly me and quite a lot of others on the non-vanilla side of this (probably) want to say you are a fantastic person for being so accepting.
Secondly it's highly unlikely you're going to hear from a non-partipating partner of an incontinent person or person with MH issues on here as this is not that kind of site, Adisc (if you will) skews a lot more into the alternative lifestyles of nappy wearers, there's a good handful of incontinent folk who've ended up somewhere on the ABDLI+ spectrum but this is not a straight up medical support site
...it is a support site but again it's content can sometimes majorly differ from what you'd find on a vanilla support site.
That aside, welcome and know you're amongst good folk.

 

[aliceinwonderland]

I

Firstly me and quite a lot of others on the non-vanilla side of this (probably) want to say you are a fantastic person for being so accepting.
Secondly it's highly unlikely you're going to hear from a non-partipating partner of an incontinent person or person with MH issues on here as this is not that kind of site, Adisc (if you will) skews a lot more into the alternative lifestyles of nappy wearers, there's a good handful of incontinent folk who've ended up somewhere on the ABDLI+ spectrum but this is not a straight up medical support site
...it is a support site but again it's content can sometimes majorly differ from what you'd find on a vanilla support site.
That aside, welcome and know you're amongst good folk.

It's not medical. He wears for comfort and stress relief due to anxiety not bladder control

 

[BigBlueBear]

Now my fear is because he originally told me he wanted to stop i was supportive of that, and I'm nervous he is going to think i'm only saying i accept it because I have to and that it isn't the truth.
...
How can I assure him I mean it when I say I accept it and want to find a way to make this work.

The only thing you can do is tell him exactly how you feel. Explain that you're afraid he might think you're only accepting of his diapers because you have to. By communicating your fears, it will help eliminate whatever doubts he might have.

Based on your post, I think it is clear that you want to be genuinely supportive of your partner. If you express yourself to him in the same way you are expressing yourself to us, I think everything will be just fine.

 

[ORBaby]

When he is stressed why don't you suggest that he put on a diaper because it has helped him in the past?
I know he wanted to quit and find another coping mechanism, but the diapers worked good in the past and were not hurting. Tell him that you want him to be happy and that you don't mind the diapers.

 

[aliceinwonderland]

When he is stressed why don't you suggest that he put on a diaper because it has helped him in the past?
I know he wanted to quit and find another coping mechanism, but the diapers worked good in the past and were not hurting. Tell him that you want him to be happy and that you don't mind the diapers.

I did that yesterday because i could tell he was having a hard day. And he just answered with "a goodnight sleep and ill be fine" Even though he knows I found the twitter account he wont come out and tell me directly about it. despite me trying to show him I'm okay.

 

[RedPandaDL]

As a DL, I even realize that wearing diapers is a bit on the weird side, however I find them very comforting like your partner does. I just started wearing about a year ago even though I am 44. I told my wife a few months later, which was really difficult for me. She was not very accepting of it, and we still don’t discuss it, but she still loves me the same.

Your partner may just feel uncomfortable about wearing around you, because he is not sure how you will react. He has probably never had anyone see him in a diaper.

I will say that my wife was more comfortable with the idea of padded underwear, and I did eventually purchase some Super Undies (Aka Threaded Armor all-in-one pull ons). I wasn’t really into wetting my diapers and these give me that comforting padded feel of a Reguldiaper. They also look more like underwear, which doesn’t make me feel quite as weird. Maybe your partner would be more comfortable wearing those around you.

Final suggestion would be to put on a diaper yourself and surprise him. That might break the ice. If you are comfortable with that of course. Many would not be. He will eventually get the courage given how supportive you seem to be.

On a side note, a lot of DLs would love to be able to give up wearing diapers, but that is a very difficult thing. Maybe your partner feels like he is achieving that goal and doesn’t want to give in now. Most likely he knows if he gives in now, he will probably never be able to give it up again. And what if you decide later that you don’t like it. That may be his true fear.

sorry for the long post. Good luck!

 

[WanderingToddler]

Speaking from my experience it is difficult to believe that a parent is in fact ok with this. We spend so much of it gives being ashamed it addressing and expecting rejection. I am still become more comfortable including my partner after years. It is a slow process but the more UPenn you are the more he will being to believe that it is in fact ok. I am not saying he doesn't trust you, it is more that the thought that someone would accept this is new and strange and the fear of losing everything heavier you change your mind is horrifying.

Normalizing it for you and him is the goal and it will take awhile to do that. I have found that as I have Incorporated it into my life more, I've needed it less. I've found a balance and that has helped me greatly.

Try asking him for feedback on how your active make him feel. If he reads diaper stories see if he will suggest some of his favorites that you can read. Then ask him what he liked most and least about the stories.

 

[Piefox]

Just be honest open and truthful. It already sounds like your understanding and willing to work with him. Coming from the other side of the spectrum it was a really difficult topic for me to disclose with my girlfriend. I am super glad I did but it took me the better part of a year before I was comfortable talking about it. It can be a really sensitive topic for some, myself included.

I was worried that I would scare my Girlfriend away which was why I was super nervous about talking about it and if you truly are accepting then you should find a way to bring that to light. We are still together and love each a lot and I have a lot more trust and reliance with her because of it.

Even though I have bladder issues it is still a touchy topic to an outside party and I keep very hush about it.

 

[RubberJin]

If you haven't already found them there's a whole load of threads from partners (both sides) seeking very similar advice over the years, I'd recommend reading back through some as they all contain at least one nugget of good advice.

Sounds like a bit of a communication breakdown between you, perhaps he's having trouble opening up & trusting you which is understandable with a thing like this, it's an embarrassing thing to enjoy and it's very hard to believe someone else is OK with it. You've just got to keep talking openly and freely.

Oh, top marks for posting up and being so supportive - a lot of partners wouldn't get that far so you're already doing great!

 

[ORBaby]

I did that yesterday because i could tell he was having a hard day. And he just answered with "a goodnight sleep and ill be fine" Even though he knows I found the twitter account he wont come out and tell me directly about it. despite me trying to show him I'm okay.

You have done all that you can do at this point. It's up to him now. He is very lucky to have someone as understanding as you are.

 

[JOCKMAN]

Give it time...this has only been a few days? Your relationship is more than his diapers. Go with that and when diapers are brought up you can tell him you are fine with that (and keep reminding him as no big deal). Let him decide when to bring this issue up. Go with the dozen of other things you like about him and he likes about you and work from that. His diaper wearing is only a small part of your relationship. If he gets stressed ASK HIM what you can do to help. You have weeks / months ago to see where the relationship goes to.

 

[dogboy]

After I told my wife it was difficult at first to wear in front of her but over time it became easier. Communication and time will probably work all of this out for both of you. I wish you the best.