Parents want me to quit - what do i do???

[CoolCat502]

right, so at some point on an abdl forum a couple years ago i asked someone to message me off-list and put in my email address, which has my name on it.

suddenly, googling my name brought up a link to an abdl site. (why are these bloody forums indexable by google?????)

because my parents like to stalk people on google, they found this link, figured out the abdl sn i use on all the sites, googled that, and, well found EVERYthing.

they also discovered that on my profile i had listed myself as "bi". i think at the time they were more disturbed about the "bi" thing. i also had a profile i never really used on alt.com, and that totally freaked them out.

anyway, after some tension my parents kinda calmed down a bit and moved on, and then i started dating a girl so i guess my parents were convinced i was straight now.

then about 3 months ago, someone my parents work with who knows me from summer camp googled my abdl handle (it was an OLD summercamp nickname, which i thought was safe since i don't talk to anyone from summercamp anymore and no one still calls me that irl) my parents freaked out, and i had to go through and start changing the screen name on all my abdl websites. they pestered me to go see a therapist, i was living in a small town at the time, and was going to be moving soon, so i was able to just kinda use that as an excuse and put it off so they would leave me alone.

well, my parents have stalked me again (didn't change my sn on one website cuz i thought this one wasn't google indexable).

they sent me this email:

Just for grins I did a bit of research and see that as recently as Feb.18, 2009 you were still on the adult diaper sites. I had hoped that you had been able to stop this behavior. I encouraged you to get therapy when we discussed this many months ago. I have not brought this up because for a while you were going through difficult things with work in Rotorua and did not want to add to your stress. Now that you are settled in Auckland and have more access to therapists, I strongly recommend that you get help to stop wearing diapers and start finding more productive ways to deal with whatever feelings you use the diapers to deal with.
I also noticed that you still consider yourself to be "bi". I have not brought this up for quite some time either. I thought you were moving in the direction of being heterosexual since you have been involved with Ruth for almost a year and seem to be interested in dating females presently. You also have talked about being married eventually and having a family so I thought you had come to a heterosexual conclusion regarding your sexual identity.

i didn't reply, then i got a call from them this weekend, and it was horrible and confrontational and my mother kept telling me that i need to get help, that i'm in denail of the problem, that i need to stop going to abdl websites, that i need to choose between being striaght or gay, yeah, it was horrible.

they said they would talk to me about this again in two weeks.

i don't know what to do. has anyone else had similar experiences??

 

[timmahtherebel]

If you are over 18, they have no right to control your life. A person should be allowed to choose their own sexual identity, and should be able to pick the lifestyle they want.

I think your parents aren't being fair. You do not have to see a therapist as you are not insane.

 

[DiaperBadBoy]

But if you live in there house, you have to follow their rules, that's what sucks about living at your parents house.

It's your choice if you want to go to a therapist, you shouldn't have to go. You parents just want a better life for you and think it's better if you do that.

 

[Fire2box]

I would personally ask them if they think this is better then other vices. such as smoking, drinking or even illegal drugs. Once parents see that the most you can really get is a slight case of diaper rash which is even less of a threat then poison oak they can be somewhat more open minded towards it.

Sure being in diapers and what not isn't productive but I am willing to bet your parents vices aren't productive either. I am willing to bet that's why they wish you found something to do that's productive.

Anyway's in the end just ask them what they think is wrong with wanting diapers and baby stuff. They will most likely just end up saying crap that isn't true at all though they believe it to be true.

In any case you shouldn't let really anything destroy the relationship between you and your parents. Thankfully I never got this sort of talk from my parents, while maybe my mother to a extent but not this badly.

 

[CoolCat502]

i am 27, and don't live at home.

how do i get them off my back?

 

[CoolCat502]

fire, already had that discussion with them, they keep insisting its an addiction as bad as drugs. their issue is that they think it will put off a potential partner, lead to a less satisfying or unhealthy sexual relationship with a girl, and that if/when i have children they could discover my nappies and that would disturb them for life.

they are very big on family values, and a bit conservative in that regard.

the problem is that these are all somewhat valid issues, some of which i have actually struggled with.

and the simple "fuck off and let me do what i want and stop snooping" doesn't really work with them... i've tried that.

 

[babymick21]

Given your age "fuck em", seriously. From what it sounds, they might respond well to you just dropping the issue. Don't shove it in their face, but don't back down (and don't make a stand, either...just don't back down).

It's funny how they don't seem to understand what 'bi' means AT ALL. Ie., bi people can date whoever! So, if you're dating a girl, doesn't mean you're not bi! lol...stupid parents.

Don't change...but, for the sake of all things soft, BE SMARTER WITH YOUR SN's!!!!!

 

[Aki]

You're over eighteen. Tell them to bugger off, it's your life.
And if they're really bugging you, you could probably get them into legal trouble for stalking you.
Harsh, but effective.

 

[CoolCat502]

mick, what do you mean? how do you not back down and not make a stand? the problem is that they will continue to bring this up until they're satisfied they've beaten this to death. like they also have issues with me dating women that aren't jewish, and years on they still harass me about that. grrrrrr.........

they don't understand the "just drop it" concept.

there's an option of cutting off contact with my parents, or hanging up on them when they confront me with sore topics, but from experience that always just builds even more tension...

the conversation about being bi yesterday was really horrible. no, they don't "get" it. at one point my mother said i can't go around sticking my penis in whatever orifice i want (yes, exact words, actually repeated several times). they said i should either be straight and get on with being straight or be gay and get on with beign gay. i think her issue is that i guess being bi leaves the uncertaintly for her if i'll get married to a woman and have the traditional family (their wish) or wind up with a guy and be in an "alternative" family (their fear). i think they either want the good news that i'll be with a woman forever and they can relax, or be with a guy forever and then they can sorta deal with the disappointment. being in the middle and having that uncertainty means they don't know what to do, and thus can't either relax or deal with the disappointment and can only sit there and fret over every next step.

 

[TheFoxxehAssassin]

They legally can't touch you. You don't live in their house. You don't have to follow their rules. There is nothing with you, diapers, or bi.

If they really think it's that bad, cut off communication. But that might be a little extreme.

--The Silent Assassin--

 

[CoolCat502]

not only do i not live in their house, i live on the other side of the world - i came from the USA, and i moved to NZ alone. partially to get a bit of physical distance...

yeah, i get legally they can't do anything. duh. i am over the being rebellious fuck you parents. i'm at the age now, where, like it or not, these are my parents and i am stuck with them forever, and i need to find a way to get along with them.

last time i tried cutting off contact the emotional stress got to me and i wound up in the hosptial with a random serious illness.

i am looking for a way to approach this that's constructive, not just destructive.

 

[dogboy]

I seldom give this kind of advise, and I suppose it's very wrong, but now is the time to lie to your parents, because how you lead your life as a 27 year old is none of their business. They obviously are very conservative in their beliefs, and you are not going to change them. They also want what they believe to be the best for you. On top of that they are worried about you, probably because they love you, and want the best for you. This leaves you with two things to do. Cancel all of your accounts where you can be found as you, and tell them that you really are only interested in girls, and that you are pretty sure you are outgrowing the desire for diapers, etc...blah blah blah. Why worry your parents, and why bring all of this grief down on yourself. Sometimes we tell too much, and there are things about ourselves that we need to keep private. Good luck.

 

[adaffme149]

I say, next time, pick up the phone and tell them short and sweet, "Don't contact me untill you can accept me. You have no right to tell me that my personal lifestyle is wrong, and if you can't accept me, I am forcet to sever certain dead weight for the greater good of myself.", and then disconnect the phone. Let 'em suffer untill they decide they can accept you, and shouldn't take the fact that you're there to listen to what they want you to be for granted, and that you don't HAVE to be what they want you to be anymore. That should do the trick. But remember, this may affect you too, and may even backfire. You may want to try less extreme measures first.

Edit: I do see that you said, it does get to you, but you just have to remember why you're doing this: to gain the ability to be yourself, and not what they want you to be... It may be time to get your own place, no offense.

You could also just get them in a room that's got no exit besides the one doorway, which your chair will be conveniently blocking after they enter said room, along with two chairs in front of yours, and have them sit down, and say, "Look. This isn't going away. It's going to be there, and you're going to either accept it, or waste your time in vain to try and "cure" something that isn't wrong in the first place. This is who I am, and if you don't like it, then that's your own burden to bear. I'm going to be this way, and no amount of even more stress from you is going to change it. And yes, I can stick my penis in whatever orifice I choose, be it a man's anus (Yes, do be professional and mature about it, and show them you do not fear saying such normally uncomfortable things, maybe this will make them a bit uncomfortable, and show them that they won't be able to humiliate you with such words), or a woman's vagina, or maybe even a woman's anus. It's my penis, and I will do as I please with it. And, there is more to love than just sex. Love has nothing to do with sex. If I find the person right for me, it won't matter if it's a man or a woman, I will love them just the same. That is just something you'll have to deal with, because I'll be happy eithe way. You can choose to be dissapointed, or you can choose to accept it, and be happy for me. In this day and age, people are much more informed, and do not live in fear of being different, and therefore do not feel that they should be something they're not, just because others think so. Your "old-world" standards are out, and I am going to do what makes me happy. I find it highly discriminatory that you would judge somebody based on their religion, as well. Either way it won't affect my decision. There is no more running from this discussion, it is happening now, and this will be the last discussion of it. Any questions?"

That seems quite constructive. Or, you could take them with you to a counselor, maybe get them some acceptance counseling.

 

[h200420012]

oh yeah...why IS this site indexed by google?

 

[LaramFox]

oh yeah...why IS this site indexed by google?

Google's How I Found It?

I Dont Know How Exactly... But I Did? xD

 

[Pojo]

Wait, I don't feel like reading everything, but if you're 27, why does it matter, especially if you don't live with them? I'd just ignore them and deal with it. Sure, they're your parents, so I bet you want to please them, but you can't please everyone. Some aren't going to accept everything, so there isn't anything you can do.

 

[thewiseguy7]

Yeah you can find anything on Google, here's what i found for my universal user name, mazman12, which my parents have because its also my email...

 

[thewiseguy7]

Yeah you can find anything on Google, here's what i found for my universal user name, mazman12, which my parents have because its also my email...

As you can see these are all me, there are two links on there for adisc, and my myspace link. Scary.

 

[Mesmerale]

Guys, you need to understand something. This is a Jewish mother. Nothing that you've all said is going to work.

As a Jewish mother, she is entitled to complete control of her children's lives. She can make them do whatever she wants, because she knows what's best for them. All of the things that "She couldn't have in her youth" must be there's, whether they want it or not.

All of the things that she thinks are wrong, must be wrong. Why? Because she thinks it, and there is nothing that you can do to convince her otherwise.

Simply put, do as dogboy says: Lie.

Tell them you're seeing a therapist (I actually recommend this because therapists are awesome. You don't have to talk about "getting rid of" your AB feelings, but talking to a therapist is really good to do, in my opinion.), tell them you aren't really into "that diaper stuff" anymore. Tell them you think you're straight.

Tell them what they want to hear. And do whatever you want to do. Don't feel guilty about it, they brought it upon themselves when they chose to be so close-minded about what they'll accept.

If they can't handle the truth, then spoon-feed them the lies that will keep them satisfied, and live your life the way you want to live it. It's your life, after all.

 

[h3g3l]

i am 27, and don't live at home.

how do i get them off my back?

I seldom give this kind of advise, and I suppose it's very wrong, but now is the time to lie to your parents, because how you lead your life as a 27 year old is none of their business. They obviously are very conservative in their beliefs, and you are not going to change them. They also want what they believe to be the best for you. On top of that they are worried about you, probably because they love you, and want the best for you. This leaves you with two things to do. Cancel all of your accounts where you can be found as you, and tell them that you really are only interested in girls, and that you are pretty sure you are outgrowing the desire for diapers, etc...blah blah blah. Why worry your parents, and why bring all of this grief down on yourself. Sometimes we tell too much, and there are things about ourselves that we need to keep private. Good luck.

I have to respectfully disagree. The cat's out of the bag now, and this is a pretty basic part of one's lifestyle. If a lie is told, it is only a matter of time before it falls apart. Unless, of course, you and your parents don't know each other terribly well. And if that is the case, then I'd not bother putting this kind of effort into it.

To this end, I would recommend drafting something like the following:

Dear mom and dad,

I appreciate your concern and can understand if it causes you discomfort with your co-workers or others who google-bomb my name or nickname. However, please note that I have been out of your home and domain for 9 years now and am self-sufficient. While I enjoy the time that we spend together, if it is to be dominated by discussion, speculation, and condemnation of my private life and sexual proclivities, then I am afraid that we will have to call it quits.

By the way, how does dad's tongue feel on and in you? Do you reciprocate for him? What do the two of you think about when you're having sex with each other?

As you can see, there are things that no person should know about another without it being volunteered. The inappropriateness and awkwardness that you feel when I asked about dad's tongue mirrors my feeling when you ask about my life and decisions.

Thanks for understanding,

CoolCat 502

It's a definite line in the sand. Look, either your parents can accept you or not - and that doesn't really matter. However, how they interact with you and others must indicate respect and support for you, in whatever decisions you are making. Or you can part ways. I can appreciate the desire to maintain contact with them, but if this means altering something as fundamental as sexual orientation, or gender identity (a different example), then it will be damaging.

There is, too, a reasonably simple "rule of thumb" that I subscribe to when considering counseling. It follows from the kind of thinking that guides DSM criteria. Namely: is something in your life disrupting or shaping your life either deeply within one domain, or spreading across domains, such that it is diminishing your quality and enjoyment of life?

If so, then you need counseling as soon as possible.