Parent Haters

[FullMetal]

This is a rant. This also has some sexual context. So, before you slap any bad rep on me for reading something you don't like...don't read it. I think it is relevant for those who think they have really bad parents. This also does not apply to everyone seeing is that all parents are different, but in light of all the parent haters here I just wanted to open some eyes.


Really though...if you don't want to read me rant...stop reading....now.


Now...

No...really stop!

OK fine, go.

I have been a DL for a while now, actually all my life, and I have also been on these sites for a while as well, five to six years I think. Anyway, I have helped numerous amounts of kids and even adults who have DL and TB problems. I have written letters for them to give to their parents, I have told them what diaper to get, what they needed to do certain things and all that jazz and some how, in every single one of these situations, they go on to tell me how much they hate their parents, and how their parents are such idiots: I find it quite amusing and extremely sad.

I would like to make this clear to anyone who doesn't know. Being open minded goes both ways. You like everyone and everything, and are cool with it? Really? I highly doubt it, but I wont infringe on your right to believe it, so cool, good for you. But- Just because you like everything and are cool with everything and everyone, doesn't mean everyone else has to be. Open mindedness goes even further, you have to open your eyes to other peoples views. People wont see things the way that you do, that goes a lot more for your parents.

It's not all bliss though, I mean there are bad parents out there, but just because your parents don't like you wearing diapers, doesn't mean shit. Get the hell over yourself. Listen, parents like to put their children on pedestals, you are not a sick person for liking diapers, but you are out of the norm, I can tell you that. Look at it from their point of view, I know, its hard but just try, they want whats best for you, and fitting in is viewed as a good thing.

You want to be cool? You want to be different? Then why not just stop and think, because there is not much of that going on anymore. Yes, your parents will see it as bad that you want to change your religious beliefs. Yes, they will think it bad if you want to go do dangerous things. Yes, your parents will also probably think it is bad if you like diapers. AND FOR CHRIST SAKES, if you want to rebel, YES THEY WILL THINK OF IT AS A BAD THING!!!!! Looking cool is not the only thing rebelling will bring.

Wait?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?! They don't want you to be gay? HOW DARE THEY?!? Really? Who would have thought they didn't want that?!?!?! I mean, being ridiculed your whole life for being different is so great, why would any parent want to take that away from their child. And this is coming from FullMetal, a very big flamer. I mean, sure they shouldn't be kicking you out of the house (sowwy Mr. Kraiden) and they shouldn't disown you, but just as you have the right to like guys, they have the right to not like you liking guys.

It pretty much comes down to, what in the hell is wrong with you? They love you, they are looking out for you. I know, woe is me, they don't understand that I love diapers, but what?!? Hello? Who in the hell would. And even if they didn't care...why the hell are you even telling them that you like diapers? Or what the hell...why stop their, why not tell them you like to stick things up your butt because it gives you the right amount of pleasure to jack off to? Why the hell not? It is part of your life style isn't i-

Oh god how I loOOOOoooOoOove that excuse too. "I have to tell them because it is a part of who I am INSIDE!!!!" CUE THE GOD DAMN VIOLINS!!! I hate to say this, but if that's the excuse your going with you better be leaving the house telling your parents "I'll be home around nine or ten, well that is after I stick my penis in this girls vagina and try not to get her pregnant. Oh and by the way, can you water my marijuana plant. Only a little though! Don't want to kill it." Get the hell out of here.

If you don't want to make them mad, stop pissing them off! If you have a conversation and end up saying, 'My mom hates me!!!!' chances are, she loves you even more than you think. I have this long as conversation with this boy who kept on telling me his parents hate him because they don't understand that he is bad at math and get mad when he brings home a bad grade...umm, If my parents were happy with me getting a bad grade, I would call child services myself. Its normal!!!! Come on people, get real.

Anyway, to sum it all up. Your parents are looking out for whats best for you, cut them a little slack. They might irritate you and all but that's what they are supposed to do, it is mainly their job. All they want to do is watch you do well and prosper. So they don't like you in diapers? So they don't want you moving to a different country? So they don't want you to stray from their religious beliefs? Is that really so wrong? If you truly see it that way, you have to, have to have to have to have to have to....have to just check yourself. Look at it from their point of view, see if anything changes.

END RANT.

FullMetal

 

[recovery]

Do I dare be the first to reply. Meh..

Every parent will have some expectations of their child. From their intellectuability to how well they socialise with people. the child in their younger years makes a big part of you parents life rasing you and everything. So they try to teach how to behave sensibly, teach you whats right and wrong. Always encouraging you to do better at school etc... They are responsible for you and they are trying to do the best for you.

so as you said FullMetal about parents being unhappy with low math grades. It is normal and I would expect it. No one was good at everything. I'm good at maths but crap at organisation. So of course they are always on my back about it. I admit it, and take it in. I don't go and complain about it, I was in the wrong.

As for complaing, "I wasn't good at it in the first place" unless its compulsery. Employers would expect you do have an average grade or higher in everything. Its there to help your future. I don't think your parents really want to be loaning money out to you to realise you still can't sustain a living by yourself.

the whole issue of diapers confuses most parents. So again, you took the risk of getting caught/wanting to open up to them. No one said it would be easy. Again, your parents want you to be a good person. Some of them would see it "Its one of those teenage phases". But really, expect them to raise eyebrows. Times change, fasion changes. Each generation of people is different. There are emos, punks, hippies etc... I am sure parents would try to stop their children from clasing themselves in this group as that wasn't how they were raised and again, surely isn't good for your development.

At the end of the day, your parents have done a lot for you. The world doesn't owe you any favors. Nor will your Parents bend their backs backwards and serve your every need.

I have to say I pretty much mostly with what you said FullMetal.

 

[baconbit]

Full metal i got what you were saying with the being ridiculed but what about when they parent acts like a child and teases or ridicules there kid for something like that.

 

[FullMetal]

I have to say I pretty much mostly with what you said FullMetal.

Huh? No i got what you said, but I just thought it was funny

Full metal i got what you were saying with the being ridiculed but what about when they parent acts like a child and teases or ridicules there kid for something like that.

As I stated, I am making a generalization. I said that it does not have to do with all parents. But, better to answer your question. If a parent is ridiculing their child, they are obviously abusive or don't know what they are doing. The best way to take care of it, in my opinion, is for the child to gracefully speak to their parents in a mature fashion. This thread is taken out of context, I just tried to give tidbits of information, some will apply, some will not.

If you go into further detail of what kind of ridicule you are referring to then I might be more inclined to answer fully but I am not sure what you are getting at.

FullMetal

 

[Peachy]

There's always two sides of the story here, I guess.

What FullMetal is trying to say, I think, is that your parents have high expectations in your future life, career, family and what not. So whenever you say, do or think something that contradicts their expectations, you shouldn't expect your parents to be very welcoming about it. If you're lucky, they will say they understand and not get all worked up, but that's actually the best you can hope for.
Should you hate your parents for that? Probably not. Hate is quite a strong emotion, and I can guarantee you that - should you ever had kids of your own - you will catch yourself thinking the exact same way as you parents were thinking back when they discovered your secret and you really hated them. Ask any person of an older age and you'll always hear stories about how they rebeled and wanted to change the world, and eventually discovered it wasn't quite that easy.

Does that mean you should change your life, drop your strange hobbies and what not? I'd say no. It's your destiny to think differently and to try new ways, to test new frontiers, and it's also your destiny to experience failure many times.
I agree with FullMetal though: Just don't go around saying you "hate" your parents. Your opinion and their opinion of where you should be going in life will differ significantly, but keep in mind that they have many more years of experience and at least try to listen to their advice every once in a while. At the end of the day, they're your legal guardians...not your commanding officers. Ultimately, you get to make the final decision...and have to live with the consequences!

Peachy

 

[andysetra]

FullMetal, I couldn't agree with you more. Whenever someone says they want to tell their parents, the first question I always ask is WHY???. It's one thing to be caught, or 'found out', but it's another to voluntarily tell your parents what (in most cases, c'mon people, face it) gives you sexual pleasure.

And as for parents not wanting their kids to have problems in life fitting in - those were my mom's exact concerns when she found out I like guys. Not "it's immoral", "it's wrong", etc. But instead worried how I would cope in society and stuff. It took a lot of reassuring her. Now that's just with being gay. If you look at *BDL-ism from someone else's perspective, it's pretty damned weird (and much less known than being gay ). I think we can all agree about that.

But...parents who find out their child is an TB/DL or different in another way and start getting all righteous and mean, are not excused. They are just bad parents in my opinion.

 

[baconbit]

If i am getting what you are saying. You thin the parents are protecting there kids well in many cases that is right.

 

[Monkey]

Meh, I would have liked this topic so much more if the opening post wasn't so aggresive & patronising.

Also this:

And this is coming from FullMetal, a very big flamer.

Was pretty lame.

Albeit, I agree with what you're saying.

 

[TallestBabyEver]

I thought this flame was gonna be like 4000 degrees and i would get fifth degree burns without a flame retardant suit, but i walked through the fire and saw the light (lol)

I am one of the "older" people on this forum (if 19 is old enough). I have not lived in one place for more than 4 years, with my parents taking me all over the place. From New Joisy to South Korea, then Malaysia, then Michigan and then finally back to NJ (cue the violins fullmetal). When i was around 14 years old, i figured that my parents were ruining my life by taking away friends that i had so little time to make. I hated them for it and tried to rebel. I didnt do squat in school, got into trouble a lot, and even tried to kill myself twice. I thought that if i resisted them enough they would listen to me and give me whatever i wanted. But they stood their ground making me even more agitated. I was depressed and lost, and somewhere in there i became a DL, but my parents would never have guessed until later on. Meanwhile, I got more than my fair share of "crap" not only from them but my relatives as well. It made them sad that i was going in a downward spiral that i refused to believe.

I was on course to dropping out of high school until one summer i decided to give up and do something useful with my life. After all, i gave my parents enough crap already while they still loved and cared for me. I needed to return the favor somehow. I got my act together and decided to do some school work. With that i graduated from high school and they paid for a decent college up in NY. I got a really nice car (that i had saved up for) and took it with me up north. After not doing so bright during the first quarter they took my car keys away until i got my grades up. I'm not angry at them for taking something i worked for. I needed to work more to earn it. I love them for it and they still love me, no matter what happens.

Before i left for college, i broke the DL news to my mother who tried to avoid me for the next few weeks, but she couldn't because i am her son. She gave me some crap about it of course, but in the end we still love each other.

Now my dad lost his job and is searching for a new one which most likely means moving again. It doesn't bother me as much now, but it's just another hurdle in my life that, with a little effort, i can jump.

In the end, your parents do love you, some ways more than others. They need you as much as you need them. Shit happens in life, but that doesnt mean you have to hate your parents for them.

Thanks FullMetal for bringing this up. I feel like i got something off my chest thats been around for a long time.

 

[Mr Alex]

I hate many things ABOUT my parents, but I don't hate them.

Thats what I think most people mean when they say they hate their parents, aka won't let them go to friends house, they hate their parents for that, but don't actually hate them.

TBE did you pay for the entirety of the car? I would understand if you only payed for half, but If my parents took away something I payed for in entirety, I would be VERY angry.

 

[EmeraldsAndLime]

If it's upsetting you so much, then why not leave people to their own ventures? Don't take this as a malicious attack on you, because I certainly don't ever intend that here, but I find you concern for other people's welfare a little too full-on.

I have been a DL for a while now, actually all my life, and I have also been on these sites for a while as well, five to six years I think. Anyway, I have helped numerous amounts of kids and even adults who have DL and TB problems. I have written letters for them to give to their parents, I have told them what diaper to get, what they needed to do certain things and all that jazz and some how, in every single one of these situations, they go on to tell me how much they hate their parents, and how their parents are such idiots: I find it quite amusing and extremely sad.

I would like to make this clear to anyone who doesn't know. Being open minded goes both ways. You like everyone and everything, and are cool with it? Really? I highly doubt it, but I wont infringe on your right to believe it, so cool, good for you. But- Just because you like everything and are cool with everything and everyone, doesn't mean everyone else has to be. Open mindedness goes even further, you have to open your eyes to other peoples views. People wont see things the way that you do, that goes a lot more for your parents.

Let me just start off by saying that I think it's great you are looking out for and helping other people, FullMetal. An attribute that seems to come along rarely in people nowadays.

But I feel that being a little apathetic comes with the territory of being open-minded. I'd like to think I'm open-minded, and as a result of that I respect other people's differences - physically, mentally, emotionally - to a great degree. So I won't ever infringe on someone else's actions or beliefs if they let me do the same. And this is the reason why I think being open-minded makes you a little bit apathetic. People do things of their own accord and I don't stop them. I have my own thoughts about them that I keep to myself. I don't particularly care what a person does, as long as it doesn't affect how I go about what I'm doing, then I'm happy. It's really just a matter of you keep to yourself and I'll keep to myself.

People have confronted me before about what appears to be my lack of concern for other people, but they just don't seem to realise that I let people make their own decisions without any influence on my part. Simply put, if it doesn't concern me nor affect me, then I let it be. Live and let die.

It's not all bliss though, I mean there are bad parents out there, but just because your parents don't like you wearing diapers, doesn't mean shit. Get the hell over yourself. Listen, parents like to put their children on pedestals, you are not a sick person for liking diapers, but you are out of the norm, I can tell you that. Look at it from their point of view, I know, its hard but just try, they want whats best for you, and fitting in is viewed as a good thing.

You want to be cool? You want to be different? Then why not just stop and think, because there is not much of that going on anymore. Yes, your parents will see it as bad that you want to change your religious beliefs. Yes, they will think it bad if you want to go do dangerous things. Yes, your parents will also probably think it is bad if you like diapers. AND FOR CHRIST SAKES, if you want to rebel, YES THEY WILL THINK OF IT AS A BAD THING!!!!! Looking cool is not the only thing rebelling will bring.

Wait?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?! They don't want you to be gay? HOW DARE THEY?!? Really? Who would have thought they didn't want that?!?!?! I mean, being ridiculed your whole life for being different is so great, why would any parent want to take that away from their child. And this is coming from FullMetal, a very big flamer. I mean, sure they shouldn't be kicking you out of the house (sowwy Mr. Kraiden) and they shouldn't disown you, but just as you have the right to like guys, they have the right to not like you liking guys.

I really couldn't agree more here.

Seriously, to all people out there who think their parents do hate them - do try to look at it from their point of view. They want you to be normal, to have normal relationships, to get a normal career, and to live a safe and relatively ordinary life. So you tell them you you like diapers, are into members of the same sex and want to be a whore for a living. Honestly, what do you expect them to do. Not have a problem with it? That's just plain crazy.

Understand, society still hasn't reached a point yet where all minorities are accepted, and I honestly don't think it ever will. If, as a society, we celebrate the concept of "everyone's different" or uniqueness, then that leaves absolutely no room for us to develop into a society where everyone holds the same beliefs. And as a simple matter of consequence, you will see things in vast difference to your parents. You may feel like divulging your personal desires or feelings to them, but in all reality, it breaks the norm that they expect of you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

And don't get me wrong here, there have been a few things about myself that I have wished to tell my parents, including this whole diaper thing about myself. But the impression they have of me - which comes across all the time - is that they love me dearly, but think I'm far outside the box that could classify me as a "regular" member of society. Telling them some personal things about myself could have just broken any normal attachments they held of me. I'll admit, they are very close-minded people. They've admitted that they would disown me if I were homosexual (which I am inclined to think I am), and they take everything at face-value, based on what popular-belief thinks is right and wrong. If something comes across as confusing or too "out-there" they reject it with strong bigotry. As much as I loath this way of thinking (and consequently how they think of me), I still love my parents. There are no two ways about it. And I don't want to break that over something as trivial as me just-so-happening to like diapers or anything like that. (Please bear in mind, I'm just brushing over it here - I feel diapers are a very important part of me, so don't get the idea that it means nothing to me)

So I guess all I'm saying is if you do want to tell your parents, be thoughtful about it, because there exists people out there who are very quick to judge, let alone accepting something that totally breaks the norm of society. Of course, having open-minded parents makes it a lot easier if you eventually decide for disclosure. More often than not, they'll just brush it aside (apathy) and let you do your own thing.

 

[Vaultin]

The idea of telling my parents about my sexuality/fetishes/whatever is laughable. They don't force me into their bedroom, I don't force them into mine. It's a non-issue. Who wants to go there with their parents? It's like asking your mom if it was good the night you were conceived...

 

[TallestBabyEver]

I hate many things ABOUT my parents, but I don't hate them.

Thats what I think most people mean when they say they hate their parents, aka won't let them go to friends house, they hate their parents for that, but don't actually hate them.

TBE did you pay for the entirety of the car? I would understand if you only payed for half, but If my parents took away something I payed for in entirety, I would be VERY angry.

It's true, i paid for it, all $10k saved up over 5 years of paper routes, country clubs, and tire shops. The trade off is that they pay for my insurance while i pay for gas (Ultra premium only for mine, its required or else it runs kinda weird). Also I had a bit of a mishap when i swerved to miss a crossing deer and tapped a tree. My car wasnt fixed in time for school so my parents are holding on as incentive for my grades. It is frustrating yes, but i dont need it all the time and so far im managing without it. Plus its wintery up in Northern NY and my car seems too nice to be taking it out for snow excursions. I'm getting it back soon so i can't wait!!

 

[andysetra]

It's true, i paid for it, all $10k saved up over 5 years of paper routes, country clubs, and tire shops. The trade off is that they pay for my insurance while i pay for gas (Ultra premium only for mine, its required or else it runs kinda weird). Also I had a bit of a mishap when i swerved to miss a crossing deer and tapped a tree. My car wasnt fixed in time for school so my parents are holding on as incentive for my grades. It is frustrating yes, but i dont need it all the time and so far im managing without it. Plus its wintery up in Northern NY and my car seems too nice to be taking it out for snow excursions. I'm getting it back soon so i can't wait!!

Yeah, even though I paid for my first car myself, my parents loaned me the money until I paid it off (which was quick, I hate owing money). And with that car, and the one I have now, my dad has helped me out immensely with repairs and maintenance on it (cause I didn't know jack when i got the first one...didn't even know how to change the oil....)

PLUS I was able to stay in their home for free while going to post secondary, which kept me out of debt while in school (though I did work solid throughout theschool year, and a couple jobs during the summer).

I know people who complain about their parents, and yet expect so much for free (I'm talking high school seniors and older here..). There's gotta be a give and take in there...

*trails off and gets distracted*

 

[Aidy]

I think you're confusing tbdls with ... teenagers. Lots of teenagers "hate" their parents. It isn't something unique to this community. It isn't real hate (usually), it's usually anger and not getting what they want. Rights, freedoms, independents, privacy.

One kid in my extended family is 14 and is... off the rails.. to put it nicely and in a court case he said to his Dad "I hate you and I'll kill you if I ever get a chance." His Dad didn't give a crap, didn't take this to heart, because it's some super macho teenager with a squeaky voice who wants to go out all night and do what he wants in Northbridge (pub/fight central)

I've heard rants from many people during my high school years on how they "hate" their parents and some of these "hates" went for one or two years. It stopped when they matured and realised they didn't hate them but were just angry.

"Anger and hate are different emotions with the same negative charge. The only difference is anger is useful." Maynard James Keenan of Tool, A Perfect Circle and Puscifer.

Harsh words are usually not truely what anyone thinks.

 

[Charlie]

I love my parents! They're so reasonable.


Actually, I'm struggling to think of a time where I've completely disagreed with them about something... They aren't over-protective, and I'm not overly stupid; I wouldn't want to do anything they wouldn't let me do!

Although, they would freak big-time if they ever found out I've met up with people from the internet. But hay, that's why it's important to lie!

 

[Mr Alex]

If I were that kids dad, I would have toyed with the idea of after he cooled down about that issue, giving him a .45 and saying, "Go ahead."

Of course, once I have kids, I would probably never do something so irrational.

 

[PuddleFopsKit]

Personally, I tihnk some people just expect too much. Everyone wants the parents who'll let them do what tehy want, but is that really a good thing? Hell, if my parents let me do half the things I wanted, I would be in jail, or dead now. As far as your parents getting mad over your sexuality. Honestly, I can understand them maybe being disappointed about you being gay, or whatever, but I can't reason for them to treat you poorly because of it, or talk bad about you. They don't have that right.

When it comes to the whole open minded department, common sense must be used. Just becasue someone seems open minded, doesn't mean you can drop such a bomb on them, and expect them to accept it. it's wierd.. YES! REALLY! Something like this is abnormal, and they may never understand. But who could honestly expect them to? In most cases, I'd say the best thing to do, is just to keep certain things to yourself, such as sexuality and fetishes. When it comes to my parents, I quit telling them things a long time ago. My life is mush less complicated that way. That's why I have a shrink, so I can talk to someone without being ridiculed.

Now about the hate thing: I can honestly say I have many reasons to hate my dad. I suspect my dad is bi polar, and that has lead to arguments, fist fights, etc between us. He is also very unsuportive of new ideas, and the most negative person I have ever met. But all in all, he's done a lot for me, and I don't hate him. Yes, he has taken things too seriously, but I don't hate him for it. Hate is such a strong thing- and the world is already to full of it. Just learn to love each other, ok? Nothing good ever comes from fighting.

 

[Dawes]

(This post is just a simplified and abridged expression of my own personal feelings in response to no one's post in particular.)

If your parents don't beat you, abuse you, sexually mistreat you, or certifiably harm you, then you need to look at the big picture and look at your advantages.

1) They probably feed you.
2) You probably don't live in a third world country where your flesh is the best breeding spot for flies and pests.
3) You have a lot more chances in life than thousands and millions of people your age around the world.

In short, if your parents don't mentally or physically harm you, you need to step back out of your self-centered, teenaged angst-filled mentality, look at things from your parents' point-of-view, wipe your eyes, and grow up. If you've food on the table, a way to get around, and parents who care enough to respectfully discipline you, you're probably over-reacting. Yes, there are exceptions -- but many times, there are none.

There are often two sides to a conflict, after all, and neither of them are entirely right or entirely wrong.

Retrospect.

"But Rance, you sound like your parents treated you well..."

They did. My parents treated me like gold. Why? Because I treated them like gold. Yes, I went against their wishes now and then, but I learned hard and fast to know what was right for me. My father is nearing eighty years of age, and he grew up in a generation entirely different from ours. I was rocked with belts, punched in the face when I was old enough to share blows, beaten to the rocks in our driveway, and met the brick wall various times.

But it wasn't abuse. It was response. I wasn't smart enough to realize, at those times in my life, that my choice to raise my fists to my father was immature and completely foolish. Yes, my father was a hard-ass. I never joined the military as I intended because, as I often say in humor, I was in the military for the 21 years that I lived with my parents.

All I'm saying is this: 25% of the time, there are legitimate excuses to dislike your parents. 75% of the time, there aren't any, and you need to realize that the flaw, most often, lies in the child who thinks he/she knows everything about the world, but truly has no clue.