Not sure what to do

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James

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Well, I had to explain my life story to you guys, but here goes.

All my life my mom told me my dad was a bad person, from ages 2-14 I had nothing to do with him because of what she said. She would tell me he was cheating on her, and other lies. Since this started at a early age, I learned to hate my dad.

When i was 14 my mom died, of a asthma attack. I found out she had a mental illness, and that most of the things she had told me about my dad were a lie. Though he wasnt a picture perfect husband he had done things wrong before, he was not this mean horrible person I thought he was, Since my mom was gone, I was forced to live with the one man I never had anything to do with my entire life, it was like living we a stranger for a few months.

Well, me and dad are fine now. We have a ok relationship, though my dad is one of those people that is hard to live with and in times of anger can say stuff he don't mean.

Anyways, Ever since back in December, I have been having shortness of breath and heart palpations due to stress. I feel so lonely with just me and my dad, and my dad is really not one of those parents I can talk to or have long conversations with or even relate too, heck we are totally different.
On top of feeling lonely, I just hate the way I worry so much now. I just miss having somewhere there like my mom was. My dad kinda leaves me alone and lets me do what I want.

I'm just not sure what to do this is why I'm posting.
 

Takashi

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This sounds alot like my brother, I have a half brother and ever since he was born this mom would say that our dad was horrable and the scum of the Earth when he's actually a very easy guy to get along with, unforchanetly that women is still alive.

As for your situation, I hope that your health problems go away and as for your relationship with your dad, try to do stuff together. Try to find that one thing that you guys can find some commen ground in.

Lastly this if for you :hug:.
 

ayanna

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Anyways, Ever since back in December, I have been having shortness of breath and heart palpations due to stress.
Sounds like an anxiety/panic attack...maybe you should see a doctor 'n have it diagnosed. It could be something else entirely.
 

Pramrider

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James, even though you mentioned not being able to have heart-to-heart type conversations with your dad, you should let him know about any physical or medical problems you might be having. I'm sure he would be concerned about your health and well being, and make sure you got the proper attention.

Now, I'm assuming from what you wrote, he was completely out of the lives of you and your mother for those 12 years? If that's the case, I believe he could have decided to just stay out after she passed away and have you placed in foster care until you were of age. (A foster care expert I'm not, but pretty sure he could have refused to be your caregiver.) Not being part of your life all those years, it might have been easy for him to make that call. The fact that he took you in tells me he still must have desired to be in your life and care for you, even though he is hard to live with at times. That's why I feel he'll show concern if you open up to him about the problems you've been experiencing. Sincerely hope so, anyway!

~Pramrider
 

Peachy

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I'm afraid, when parents split up, things usually get nasty for the kids too. And that, unfortunately, also includes one parent trying to manipulate the kids into hating the other parent. Doesn't make your situation any better, but at least you're not the only one with that problem.

That said, have you tried finding information on that kind of stuff on the internet? Maybe there are other people in your situation who can give you advice, because I'm afraid I have not experienced that before and wouldn't know what to suggest.

In terms of your health problems, an appointment with an asthma specialist should be high up on your list of priorities. You really don't want to risk having or developing the same problems as your mom. And as Pramrider said: Get your dad into the boat. It's his chance to show concern for you and help you out, thereby improving your relationship.

Peachy
 

James

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I've tried to have a heart to heart with him, all he can say is "Well, what do you want me to do?" I have talked to my sisters, they said I could move in with one of them if need be, I don't think there is much of anything I can do to have much of a relationship with him, believe me for the past 10 months I've tried. Doesn't work very well. My sisters tell me the best way to put up with my dad is to agree with what he says, and stay in my room which is pretty much what I do either at my friends , or sisters house, or my room. It's just I love my dad, but I am tired of his Bull shit, Like my friends not aloud over at our house anymore for no reason at all. Always being verbally abusive, tell me that I'm not worth anything, and I'm a scum bag. Always pissed off at everything I do, though I try to please him. I'm one of the best kids I know, I hangout with a rough crowd. I never get in to trouble, or do anything relatedly bad. I forgot to mention I do have asthma, I will try to get a oppt with a doctor to see what is wrong with me, I am sure it is to do with stress etc, still not sure what to do with my dad though.
 
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tom

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I too worry too much, and often suffer from panic attacks in stresful situations. A trip to the doctor would do no harm, and it may just give you someone impartial to talk to, which may help to get things off your mind, doctors can be quite friendly and caring really. But be sure of this, this hard time in your life will pass, just ride it out as best as you can, that said, don't coop up your feelings. If you find your sisters easy to talk to, talk as muh as you need to to them, or maybe talk to a school teacher perhaps. Hope things get better for you, and if you need to talk, give me a pm.
 

Fire2box

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Well I don't know what to say about the shortness of breath and all but I was in the same sort of situation with my parents just reversed. Whenever I asked my dad about my mom he would tell me she abused drugs such as weed and dabbled in some hard stuff sometime. Then my grandma on my dad's side of the family hated my mom I guess from "running out" on me and my siblings (my dad kicked her out).

Anyways my mom has cleaned up a lot in the past ten years but right now I hate her since she was drunk most of all weekend at my older brother's wedding like two weeks ago. Anyways me and my older brother came to a agreement that both of our parents are assholes to some extent. Anyway sorry about talking about my family. I just thought it might help to show that your not really alone in having one parent dislike and sometimes lie about the other.

Anyways I'd suggest trying to talk to your dad more or at least go out and try to do some fun stuff together.
 

Peachy

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I think the cliché thing psychologists suggest in your situation is to try and do stuff together with your dad, i.e. go to theme parks, the movies and what not. So in essence, spending time together.
I'm not sure though if that'll work in your situation, especially when your dad has the attitude that you're a "scum bag". Not the most advanced parenting skills there. At any rate, see if you can talk him into doing some stuff together.

Peachy
 

James

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Well, Those are good ideas guys, but I've tried and my dad essential doesn't even want to leave our house. Except for maybe a quick trip to the grocery store, and when I ask if he wants to hangout he goes "Why would i want to hangout with someone like you?" He pushes me anytime I try to actually talk/ have a relationship with him, He did that to my other sisters a few years ago after they didn't do what he wanted them to do in life. (They dropped out of college) They didn't talk to me or my family for a few years, After my mom died, we got close again, and I'm so glad, because They are really my support system now.

Edit:

Yeah, we got into another fight, he said, he is going to get our internet cut off...

That's just great :'(

He says he is going to call them in a bit to get our service cut off, I hope he is just bluffing.
 
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Jaiden

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Eep, sorry to hear about all this, James.

Your dad sounds like he has a lot of issues of his own and, I don't want to be too sympathetic to him considering what you're saying, but it's probably hard for him as well as you at the moment and it sounds like he's trying to cope by just shutting down and lashing out. Well, that never works in the long run.

He probably doesn't realise quite what he's doing to you at the moment so I think going to a doctor about your health issues would be not only sensible in itself but might also help him realise he needs to be more attentive to you. Someone has to get it across to him that having a healthy relationship with his kids is absolutely in his own interest as well as their's.

It's at least good to hear you have people you can talk to in your sisters though. Hope things improve for you, mate.
 

James

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Thanks guys, Aslong as I have this community, I think i'll be ok :)
 

Klokwork

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I've tried to have a heart to heart with him, all he can say is "Well, what do you want me to do?"
That sounds like a dad. You've got to level with him. He's a guy. You've been living with your mother your whole life. You need to learn that a father's love is different from a mother's. He's going to ride your ass and nothing you do will ever seem good enough, But deep down he's proud. He wants to make you tough and doesn't want to coddle you. As you keep living with him you'll understand the father/son relationship. Then he will be more open and you can connect. But in the manly way. Like you're one of his buddies.
 
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