Non-IC girlfriends.

greatlake5

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My girlfriend was here for almost the whole evening (and sleeping). We haven't slept the the complete night. Usually she goes home. Just like I go home at her house during the evening. A mix between being "new intimate" friends and the other fact is that I'm IC. She doesn't have any problem about me being IC. I've known her for almost 5 years, became good friends and spent a fair amount of time together. Eventually she asked a few (and sometimes uncomfortable) questions. I'm largely private and only share a very few close friends. I finally had to own it. It wasn't that easy. But she kept questioning and I eventually gave here some answers. Not everything but enough to satisfy her.

We haven't slept completely over night. I suppose I'm still nervous. The chance that I might have a BM accident while sleeping (which I do normally when sleeping). I use
internal deodorants but I still worry that she might smell an accident. She's seen me wet and knows I regularly wear a wet diaper. And that she doesn't freak-out. At some point I know, especially when we spend time together, that it will become more normal. For both of us.

I just want other IC people for how they handled it. This is still a fairly new for us. She has seen me in a diaper, booster and plastic pants. She knows about what I use for.
Most of the time I'm wearing some loose shorts or pants but she does know all about my IC. And she seems to be perfectly OK with it. There's not like I have a lot of friends that I can talk about. I'll be seeing my therapist which I've been seen for years (~20 years). I'm sure she'll answer any questions I'll have.
 
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AnalogRTO

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I met my girlfriend in college, a time when I still had some bladder control during the day but little at night. My control has slowly gone to almost none and I now wear full-time to deal with it. I am not FI, but have had a couple issues (as anyone does) over the years.

Remember, if you are with someone to the point where you decide to have children, you will be spending YEARS dealing with bodily functions on a daily basis. If the someone you are with cannot handle bodily functions (whether with a child or an adult) then it might be worth questioning if they are someone you want to stay with. If they can, it just means that they understand the reality of the world and are unfazed by your particular issue, likely they think you have plenty of other redeeming qualities that make it worth their while to stay with you.

That girlfriend of mine? She and I celebrated our 31st anniversary this year. She's taken it all in stride and been the best thing in my life.
 
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Diapersntights

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I'm not incontinent (and sorry to read of your battles), but this woman sounds great, she's known you for a long time, so hopefully she's got her eyes wide open, but is still in to you. That's the important thing and don't forget it.

Keep being honest with her, take it slowly, but let her in - it's about building trust on both sides. Clearly this isn't easy for you to open up and be emotionally naked, but give her a chance to understand that fear of vulnerability. Rather than reject you, you may understand why and how she can deal with it, if you need to set boundaries you can as you go - but keep talking. Good luck, you sound like you deserve a positive break.
 

slimjiminy

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We haven't slept completely over night. I suppose I'm still nervous. The chance that I might have a BM accident while sleeping (which I do normally when sleeping). I use internal deodorants but I still worry that she might smell an accident.
At this point, since she knows about your IC, I would confide to her that you have this fear ("that I might have a BM accident while sleeping"). Then she'll understand your reluctance when you are reluctant or the accident if that happens. Honesty is the best policy here.
 
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iam32bit

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I can give a ladies perspective. As long as one does the best they can in regards to hygiene I think you will be okay. Accidents happen, but make sure you do what you can to minimize the impact to her. When someone loves another person, trivial things like Incontinence doesn’t define who you are and what you mean to them. There is a clear difference between having Incontinence and a Fetish, one is uncontrollable and is with you 24/7, the other can be tamed to an extent.

Focus on what you bring to the relationship, I am sure it isn’t your Incontinence ;). We all have our flaws and our challenges in life. It takes time for new people to learn about them. Be smart and don’t make every moment you share, about your incontinence and you will be golden.
 
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greatlake5

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iam32bit said:
Accidents happen, but make sure you do what you can to minimize the impact to her.
That what worries me. We've napped together and when we get up she can see my diaper is wet. That's not really the problem. But if I have a messy accident, that's different. Yes, immediate changing. Nonetheless, the damage is done. For wetting, she just laughs it off. She often says "looks like you need a change." She's even suggested to "lets get you changed." Completely embarrassing. I'd never let that happen. I don't want to even think about BM accidents.
slimjiminy said:
confide to her that you have this fear ("that I might have a BM accident while sleeping").
I've told her. Sometimes she just pats my bottom and says "don't worry. What are you going to do? Never sleep?" She's very 'matter of fact.' I wish it was so easy. But it isn't. I'm going to be seeing my therapist this week. She always gives me the right answers. I'm sure she'll be saying that I'm being obsessive (laughing). But it's a complicating situation and I'm not laughing.

I'd like to think that I'm pretty smart. I know that my friend is fairly cool. She doesn't freak out when she see's me wearing my protection. So why am I getting so worried? I guess I should be more rational. My therapist will tell me that anyway.
 

slimjiminy

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So why am I getting so worried? I guess I should be more rational.
It is a sensitive issue for you, and most people in your situation. No need to feel bad about that. It's good that your GF is not phased by it.
 
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AnalogRTO

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greatlake5 said:
That what worries me. We've napped together and when we get up she can see my diaper is wet. That's not really the problem. But if I have a messy accident, that's different. Yes, immediate changing. Nonetheless, the damage is done. For wetting, she just laughs it off. She often says "looks like you need a change." She's even suggested to "lets get you changed." Completely embarrassing. I'd never let that happen. I don't want to even think about BM accidents.

I've told her. Sometimes she just pats my bottom and says "don't worry. What are you going to do? Never sleep?" She's very 'matter of fact.' I wish it was so easy. But it isn't. I'm going to be seeing my therapist this week. She always gives me the right answers. I'm sure she'll be saying that I'm being obsessive (laughing). But it's a complicating situation and I'm not laughing.

I'd like to think that I'm pretty smart. I know that my friend is fairly cool. She doesn't freak out when she see's me wearing my protection. So why am I getting so worried? I guess I should be more rational. My therapist will tell me that anyway.
It's hard to overcome these concerns that have been with us so long. We've conditioned ourselves that this is 'our' problem, we don't want anyone else to have to deal with it. That means changing ourselves and minimizing the impact that this has on others. We don't want to make it something that others have to deal with, we see it as a burden that we don't want to put on them.

In the end, it sounds as if you have found someone who accepts you as the whole package. You see her as being very 'matter of fact' about things with her responses. It might be better to think of it as accepting the reality of the situation. She's learned just what IC entails in your life and it doesn't bother her, she still wants to be with you.

It's conditioning we've received over so many years of our lives. Bodily waste and those functions are drilled into us as being 'dirty' and 'nasty'. It could be that we've been programmed to see it as a disease vector, it could be that our instincts naturally push us away from it. Of course, become a parent and you'll deal with it regularly for years.

You've had this situation for so long that you've likely kept yourself from relationships with not wanting to be seen as anything other than 'normal' or as requiring someone else to accept what can be a difficult issue to deal with. Now, you've got someone in your life who knows about this and still wants to be with you. It will be hard to accept, and it sounds as if she's been willing to take it slowly so you can work through all this. If this relationship is going to be long term, you're going to have to accept this the way she has.
 
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Link66

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greatlake5 said:
My girlfriend was here for almost the whole evening (and sleeping). We haven't slept the the complete night. Usually she goes home. Just like I go home at her house during the evening. A mix between being "new intimate" friends and the other fact is that I'm IC. She doesn't have any problem about me being IC. I've known her for almost 5 years, became good friends and spent a fair amount of time together. Eventually she asked a few (and sometimes uncomfortable) questions. I'm largely private and only share a very few close friends. I finally had to own it. It wasn't that easy. But she kept questioning and I eventually gave here some answers. Not everything but enough to satisfy her.

We haven't slept completely over night. I suppose I'm still nervous. The chance that I might have a BM accident while sleeping (which I do normally when sleeping). I use
internal deodorants but I still worry that she might smell an accident. She's seen me wet and knows I regularly wear a wet diaper. And that she doesn't freak-out. At some point I know, especially when we spend time together, that it will become more normal. For both of us.

I just want other IC people for how they handled it. This is still a fairly new for us. She has seen me in a diaper, booster and plastic pants. She knows about what I use for.
Most of the time I'm wearing some loose shorts or pants but she does know all about my IC. And she seems to be perfectly OK with it. There's not like I have a lot of friends that I can talk about. I'll be seeing my therapist which I've been seen for years (~20 years). I'm sure she'll answer any questions I'll have.
Can I ask what are the "internal deodorants"? Curious to find out and try.
 

greatlake5

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slimjiminy said:
It is a sensitive issue for you, and most people in your situation. No need to feel bad about that. It's good that your GF is not phased by it.
I agree that it's a sensitive issue. To be honest, I still can't quite understand how cool she is. We've been good friends for 5 years before she finally jumped me. I didn't know how to handle this at first. It didn't take long when she asked me about me wearing a diaper. At first I denied it but it was pretty clear that she'd seen the signs. When I finally told her she never blinked an eye. Yeah, what a surprise. Even today.

The more time we spend together, it's clear that me being IC has never been an issue. Apparently she has a sister that was a long time bedwetter.
At least what she's said. According to her, IC happens to just about anyone. It happens. No big deal. So yeah, she's not phased by it. I guess it's my luck. So far, so good.
 

LePew

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Hey greatlakes. I’ve been following your GF story (happy for you!)) and want to chime in on this. Have you considered that she doesn’t just like you despite your diapers, she might like you in part because you’re diapered?

Everyone’s got a type you know and she might just be the kind of girl that goes for exotic types like you. You know what I mean?
 
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greatlake5

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LaPew said:
she might like you in part because you’re diapered?
No.
 

LePew

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greatlake5 said:
It does seem like she’s enjoying that aspect ;)
That’s the impression that I’m getting.
 

greatlake5

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LaPew said:
It does seem like she’s enjoying that aspect
No. She is just a very understanding person. Please leave it alone.
 

LePew

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greatlake5 said:
No. She is just a very understanding person. Please leave it alone.
Nothing wrong with bringing up that topic. Let’s keep an open mind please. Good to hear that she’s a very understanding person. You lucked out ;)
 

rennecfox

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it probably won't be as bad as you think, if you are really worried you can wear some rubber pants overtop, most poly backed diapers if tapped snug it reduces odor anywhere from 60-85% so it might be mildly irritating... personal experience using internal deodorant, like not as bad as the smells of being inside a McDonalds.
 

ltaluv

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greatlake5 said:
No. She is just a very understanding person. Please leave it alone.
LaPew said:
Nothing wrong with bringing up that topic. Let’s keep an open mind please. Good to hear that she’s a very understanding person. You lucked out ;)
This perfectly encapsulates what goes wrong with the Incontinence forum: ABDLs (whether medically incontinent or not) tend to have difficulty understanding what goes on with those who are incontinent.

I was incontinent before my wife and I met, and she's understanding and supportive of all my medical problems including my incontinence. However, neither she nor I derives any enjoyment from my incontinence or my need for diapers. If she did enjoy my diapers, we likely would not have continued dating because I refuse to define myself by my medical problems and would not want to be with someone else who did so. At the same time, if she couldn't handle my need to wear diapers, we wouldn't have continued dating, either. Finding someone who fits between those two categories can feel like balancing on a knife edge.

@greatlake5, congratulations on finding somebody who sees past your medical problems to the person behind them. There are many, many other ways in which you have to be compatible with someone for a relationship to work, of course, but finding someone who's understanding and empathetic is a huge early hurdle. I hope your relationship continues to grow and develop in ways that bring you both joy!
 
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greatlake5

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rennecfox said:
. personal experience using internal deodorant, like not as bad as the smells
Chlorophyll copper (Nullo) works about 75% of any odors. And I also wear plastic pants with quality disposables. So for the most part nobody can notice if I had a BM accident. At least during the day. It happens occasionally and I know I have about an hour or two before anyone smells an accident. Especially if I can't change right away. But the issue is when I go to sleep. Most of my BM accidents happen during sleep (~75 - 80% of the time). I don't have an issue during the day but at night it's another thing. If she is sleeping with me then I'm sure she'd notice. She's said that it's not a problem for her (yes, she knows that I occasionally mess my diaper). But still, having her notice that I had an accident, even with chlorophyll copper,
she must know. I can only hope that she's as truly understanding as she says.
 
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MaxxH

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Disclaimer: I am not a woman, nor do I play one on TV. I could be full of it.

It might be helpful to your perspective to consider that women have a third kind of messy episode down there on a regular basis. I'm sure that conditions them to some degree of acceptance of nasty happenings in the nether regions.

In my experience, most of them do their best to not involve us in the bloody details (pun intended), as you have been doing with your issues. In the end, we still sleep with them, and they with us.
 
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puppyz

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Link66 said:
Can I ask what are the "internal deodorants"? Curious to find out and try.
I use chlorophyll tablets by Swisse from Chemist Warehouse. They come in a bottle of 200 for about $30. I take 4 in the morning and that pretty much gets rid of about 75% of smell when I go in my nappy. Try to get the double strength ones (208g)
 
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