Non diaper lover with a DL boyfriend

[TheMat]

Some DLs just like to wear diapers. Others like to use them too. For me, wetting is 80% of the experience and I can't stand feeling like a diaper is wasted or not used completely, especially expensive diapers. If my wife told me I couldn't wet I would probably feel like I might as well not wear at all too.

In no way should you do anything you're not comfortable with though. I think a reasonable reservation for you would be that you don't want to touch/change/see his diapers if he's used them. Maybe he can only wear them when you're around and wet them when you're not. Or only if the diaper is covered. But to say he can't wet at all is like buying him a new car and telling him he can't drive it. Try to find a compromise where he can still wet some of the time.

It sounded like he partially used a diaper, then put it away, and that's what he wanted you to put on him? If so, that is kinda gross. Once a used diaper comes off it shouldn't be kept around so you're reasonable in not wanting to do that.

It's really reasonable and understandable that since you deal with so many diapers in the real world that it's hard to get into your bf wanting to wear them so it's really admirable that you're trying at all.

 

[Catgirl1234]

Some DLs just like to wear diapers. Others like to use them too. For me, wetting is 80% of the experience and I can't stand feeling like a diaper is wasted or not used completely, especially expensive diapers. If my wife told me I couldn't wet I would probably feel like I might as well not wear at all too.

In no way should you do anything you're not comfortable with though. I think a reasonable reservation for you would be that you don't want to touch/change/see his diapers if he's used them. Maybe he can only wear them when you're around and wet them when you're not. Or only if the diaper is covered. But to say he can't wet at all is like buying him a new car and telling him he can't drive it. Try to find a compromise where he can still wet some of the time.

It sounded like he partially used a diaper, then put it away, and that's what he wanted you to put on him? If so, that is kinda gross. Once a used diaper comes off it shouldn't be kept around so you're reasonable in not wanting to do that.

It's really reasonable and understandable that since you deal with so many diapers in the real world that it's hard to get into your bf wanting to wear them so it's really admirable that you're trying at all.

I like your new car analogy! I never thought of it like that. In my mind, just wearing them was enough to relax him.
Do you have any advice on getting comfortable with changing dirty diapers? I’d like to be able to do that for him sometime in the future.

 

[Janvier]

Once again, thank you all for your replies!
All was going well until tonight when he asked me out a diaper on him, which I agreed to of course. However I noticed it was dirty because he said he peed a little bit in it before (it was the last of expensive diapers I bought him so we wanted to make it last). I told him I didn’t want to put a dirty diaper on him because I thought that was gross, and then I said I didn’t really want him to go in them at all because I’m not comfortable with that right now. He felt like I was criticizing him and I made him feel bad. I told him I am going at my pace and I’m trying my best, and pretty much everything that you guys said. I also told him that the reason why I can’t get super into it right now is because this last year I spent working as a nursing assistant where I changed old people’s diapers every day, and now I’m working with kids with autism ages 3 to 14 whom diapers I have to change. After I said that, he said that was a good point and that before he thought that I wouldn’t mind because I had all of the experience. Then he said he was never going to wear them again. I told him I didn’t want that, and that I want him to wear them, but he said he wasn’t going to (which I know isn’t going to happen because wearing diapers is a part of who he is). I need to get it through his head that I want him to wear diapers and I want to be a part of it, and that he is being unreasonable expecting me to not have as many reservations as I do. Any suggestions?

I would be grossed out too. I use my diapers but I don’t think I’d ever put on a diaper with old urine in it. God the smell alone! I don’t blame you.

I mean, I don’t like to shame people for the things they like... because I obviously do weird things myself. But this would make me nauseous.

I am not sure what to suggest, other than it being a “hard no” for putting used diapers on. Maybe a compromise on the wetting? He takes off his own wet diaper and disposes of it and you put on the new one. I would be more than happy with that setup.

 

[TheMat]

I like your new car analogy! I never thought of it like that. In my mind, just wearing them was enough to relax him.
Do you have any advice on getting comfortable with changing dirty diapers? I’d like to be able to do that for him sometime in the future.

For some just wearing is all they want to do.

What I usually say to partners in your position is to try not to focus on the diaper but on how happy it makes him. He should be responding with lots of affirmation to offset the ick factor. Just go at your own pace, try it a few times, and if you find it's a hard limit for you that's perfectly fine and reasonable too.

 

[RunButDontHide]

He sounds entitled and disrespectful, he should appreciate how lucky he is that you are so ok with it. As others have said, he sounds like a bit of an asshole, unwilling to compromise... Nobody's perfect, I hope you guys can work this out. He has the fetish and it's something he can't really control, fetishes are hardwired into the brain, but he's definitely not going about it in the most mature way... You yourself are also entitled to have your limits and things that you are comfortable with or not, and he should respect that...

 

[Lewis Badger]

A few people are jumping to the conclusion that your boyfriend is an arsehole, and truth be told, how he behaved is out of order, but we are only human and liking diapers is probably something that he struggles with, because it's such a niche fetish.

He probably wasn't sure how you'd react and he's probably played a thousand scenarios in his head where he's rejected by a potential partner, you accepting that it's a thing might have been a surprise and not something that he's sure how he'd deal with, especially that someone could possibly 'tolerate' diapers without being into it.

I'm not saying that things would work out somehow, a lot of relationships don't, but I'd suggest that you take it steady and give him time to adapt.

 

[irnub]

Few more things:

- when two people don't exactly share the same kinks, think of it as a Venn diagram. The part where the circles touch is what you do together. The parts where they don't is what you do on your own time.

- you and your bf need to have a talk (maybe thinking of that Venn diagram, and also while not in the middle of doing stuff) and establish limits / hard no / soft no. For example, I like wetting my diapers and being changed out of them, but I know changing a wet diaper is a soft no for my bf and a general turn-off. As such, I respect his wishes and generally try to either be out of one (or at least not be in a wet one) before initiating any kind of sexy times. If he starts to initiate, I'll excuse myself to the bathroom real quick and slip out of it. He does his part by padding me up afterwards before we go to sleep. Discuss it and figure out what works for you guys. Establish limits so you know what you can do.

- Expressing preference isn't kinkshaming. Your bf needs to understand that and stop wildly oscillating between "I'll never touch a diaper again" and then pushing your boundaries with them. He also needs to understand what your boundaries are, which is why you need to have a discussion about this and any other kinks either of you have when not in the heat of the moment.

 

[lonnie]

Here’s what my wife finally did to help my commit to wearing 24/7.
She cut up and tossed all my underwear in the trash, replaced them with diapers.
I got the hint really fast that I was now going to be in diapers 24/7.

 

[JOCKMAN]

Any update Catgirl? I had written a further post on this but then lost connection so it flew away to another dimension. So basically in a shorter summation: from your writing it sounds like he has some other twists with being a DL which you both are working out. Great! Maybe you can both note that you do other things TOGETHER that do not have to deal with his DL and that is a BIG plus in a relationship. Talk about your differences / feelings / viewpoints (tough conversations!) BUT ENJOY what you do have in common and enjoy as a couple.

 

[Hottogurugan]

From what I'm hearing. He sounds..... confused. Or at least he misinterprets easily, from what I understand you want to engage in his fetish or at least accomodate it (and youre being incredibly so) but whenever he goes too far and you point it out he seems to think that means the games over and the best action is to stop everything. I think you just need to sit down and communicate. See what he wants and see what you want, and the way you write its obvious that you want him to wear, so why? Do you get enjoyment out of it or do you simply want to be accommodating?

But, go at your own pace. Work out boundaries. It might be a good idea to wear together or reverse roles. It might need to stop entirely. But you should definitely sit him down and communicate.

I hope it all works out and hope to hear from you again!

 

[nareh60280]

Here are my two grains of salt:
- I think he needs some help, not because of his ABDL side, but it seems that he has some issues with self acceptance and with communicating his feelings, it seems that he wants "it all" or "nothing at all", instead of being open on finding a middle ground.
- I think you are doing an outstanding job on your acceptance towards him, congratulations! However, you need to stand in your limits, and make him respect them.
- I think the problem here is that he is incapable of doing assertive communication. He has desires, which are totally valid, however, he fails on communicating them while respecting you. He also fails in working towards his desires. It's impossible to jump directly into ALL of what he wants, the needs to accept that you are walking at your own pace!!

Nothing is wrong with you (from what I can see), it seems that you are really giving your best to him. He just needs to respect your own rhythm and your boundaries.

 

[LilxFawn]

Wow, he sounds like a totally manipulative dirtbag! I’m sorry, but NO ONE is forcing me to wear things I don’t f*cking want to wear!!! F*ck him. He can’t make you do anything you aren’t comfortable with. If he isn’t willing to see what a dick he’s being then I say bye bye to him. You’re doing your best to be supportive and all he’s being is hot and cold and manipulative. “I want diapers! No I don’t! I want YOU to wear them all the time!!!” Uh yeah no. That’s some f*cked shit and I hope you value yourself more than that and that you let him know what a dick he’s being. He needs to not rush you and/or force you into things you don’t like or want. He sounds selfish af

 

[nareh60280]

I totally agree with LilxFawn... You should reconsider what are YOU obtaining from this relationship... It seems that you are giving a lot... But are you getting something in return?

 

[LilxFawn]

I totally agree with LilxFawn... You should reconsider what are YOU obtaining from this relationship... It seems that you are giving a lot... But are you getting something in return?

Right?! It sounds like he’s using them. It definitely seems like a give take relationship, with the OP doing ALL the giving and the S/O doing all the taking and no giving in return. It’s shameful. He should feel terrible and realize how d@mn lucky he is to have someone that’s so understanding. Smh

 

[PCS]

He sounds like a bit of a control freak.

I’d re-evaluate the relationship.

I say this as a DL myself.

 

[Catgirl1234]

Hello all! Thanks again for everybody’s input and advice!
Things have actually been pretty great! I heeded you’re advice and stood with my boundaries which he respects. He’ll wear them some days after work then other days he won’t wear them. He’ll wear them to bed some nights then other night’s he won’t wear them. Every once in a while he’ll ask me to change him which I do no problem.
So things are definitely way better now. Thanks everyone for offering me insight and helping me sort out my feelings with everything!

 

[sbmccue]

As others have noted, your SO doesn't know what a jewel he has!

 

[Catgirl1234]

Thank you so much