New Xbox Experience - *explicit*

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Dawes

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I'd rather have a panda bear jack me off with a glove covered in broken glass.

So, I go home on the 19th after a long day of work and class, and I think, "Hey, I'm going to play a little bit of Call of Duty: World at War and kill some zombies before I hit the bed," right? So I turn it on, and it begins downloading the whole ravingly awesome new Xbox dashboard that they've been touting for about six months. I was skeptical -- I liked the old dashboard and what it managed to do for me in its simple and organized way. I wanted not to lose the individuality that I put into making the interface function well for myself.

Needless to say, I was a little afraid of their big "Xbox Live Experience Update," and I have to admit, my fears came true: this thing works about as well as trying to stick your weiner in a sink-bottom garbage disposal. Let me dictate a few absolute failures that make this retarded new interface blow more dick than a toothless whore looking for her next rail of coke.


1) If your themes even work, you're just paying for a picture.
Yes, remember how you downloaded those nifty themes that added pictures of your favorite games, characters, and movies in the background of the Xbox navigation blades? Well, my friend, you just got ass-boned out of about two bucks (which you probably shouldn't have spent in the first place), and your Xbox is prepared to look like a complete splatter of donkey bullshit. With the lack of blades means that your themes, which had several pictures in them, only have one -- your background picture behind the menus. You can't change it, you can't move it, and it won't change to the other pictures. If that's not enough, there's a big fat gray half-sphere that floats in the background behind all of that crap to give you a "soft background" on which to do your "interactive browsing."

Fuck that. Retards fuck me better than this brutally mangled piece of navigative bullshit. Where's my awesome Dark Knight theme? It's there, but I only get a stupid-ass picture of his motorcycle instead of the awesome picture of the Joker I had before. Where's my Castlevania: Symphony of the Night theme? I bought it for about a buck ... oh, and I guess it just doesn't work for this new dashboard!

Thanks, Microsoft. Go toss a dildo into your mouth and enjoy eating it, along with my hard-earned cash.


2) Avatars. Seriously, what the fuck? Who cares? I come to play games, not to play dress-up in some Pussyville broadway show where I get to play the dicksucker and Microsoft gets to pound me in my ass-cavity. There's no option to "Look Fucking Awesome," so I'm left with "Look Like A Nintendo Rip-Off Douchebag." What a consumated cock-grab. Thanks for marching me off to the electronic equivalent of a Nazi death-camp.

If I wanted cute avatars, I'd get a Nintendo. Instead, I got an Xbox. I guess maybe I have only myself to blame for that tiger-tit monstrosity of a horrible choice.


3) I came to play games, dickhead. Oh, and the menu navigation licks asshole. I come to play games, not diddle-dawdle around with menus to try to get to where I can play my game and enjoy myself. I don't want the "epitome of social interactive entertainment." I don't give a shit about all of this downloading movies and masturbatory dick-poopery Xbox suddenly implemeneted -- if I wanted that, I'd go to Blockbuster. I want to put my game in, play it, and have my Xbox do nothing but like it. Instead, I'm given a pizza-faced pop-culture explosion of wet diarrhea asking me to spend my money, get nothing in return, and waddle home with a bleeding asshole. The menu navigation is entirely reversed from the original style, and nothing is the same.

This radical new Xbox Experience is about as much of an experience as getting ass-raped by a hyena in the middle of a freezing forest with nobody around to hear your screams, and even if they did, you'd be mute and you'd have to suffer the anal semen-tazing you were meant to receive.

Fuck you, Xbox. Your new update is a piece of shit. I hope your developers die in car accidents, because you fucked with my easy gaming experience, and I kill children for that.

I give this clusterfuck of tomfuckery a zero out of bloody butt-plugs.
 

miles

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I pretty much agree with everything.
Hopefully they can try to cater to everyone in the next update.
At least they gave us one good feature with the update, the ability to play games off the hard drive.
I never thought I was going to be able to use my 120GB drive up, but now it's filled with games. Plus it really does help on games like Lost Odyssey where the loading times were longer than they needed to be.
 

cylenrii

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dude....calm down, other than the pictures its the exact same except your folders scroll up instead of sideways......jeesh >_<

and the games still start automatically anyways , so half the time you dont even see the "crappy " folders
 

Maxicoon

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amen to that Rance. This "Experience" fucking sucks.
 

mm3

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Your metaphors made me lol hard.

My 360 E74'd on me a few weeks ago, so either way I can't give a real opinion about it :(. Fucking Microshit, they finally come up with something that's not a complete ass-raper, a great console, except it's filled with defects. It's like they *want* it to fail on you so that you have to waste another $200+ on a new one!

...wait.
 

Lil Snap

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You know- you might consider forwarding that little "creative review" to the douches that created it. They might enjoy a little "constructive criticism"! :D

Just glad I got a PS3 (and get to update it everytime I turn it on)
 

Pojo

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I kind of like the update...Well I'll admit the avatars are a little gay...I already have a Mii on my Wii...So I don't really want another one on my 360...And it seems to be a bit more tedious going to start a game or something...But my favorite thing about it, is the Netflix thing (I'm sure Tafshin can agree)...If you don't have a Netflix account, then you probably won't like it as much or may not have even used it...But it's my favorite addition to the thingie...As for everything else...I do like how it looks in the marketplace, but I don't think I will ever buy a theme or picture or whatever...The only ones I have were free at some point
 

Ultima

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The one time I'm grateful to have dialup!!! I can't connect to XBL out here, and I've known this was coming for a long while, I wasn't happy about it. I'm going to try to hold off connecting to Live for as long as I can lol. So I have some time to deal with the inevitable. The shit is stupid, if I wanted something like the Wii, guess what? I'd get one...But I wanted the hardcore gamer machine, not some crap where it looks pretty and I can admire my dashboard. I want something simple, easy and gets me to the game ASAP. The ONLY redeeming feature of it is putting games onto the HDD, and if it wasn't for that, I would be mucho pissed...Even more than I am now.
 

miles

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You guys do know there is a feature that allows you to boot up games right off the bat right?
Also NXE has a feature that allows you to select which games you want to boot up instantly and which ones you want to boot up manually.

Sure it's a crappy UI, but at least we have a choice of minimizing our exposure to it, and you have to admit, the new in game guide is a lot better than the single blade thing we had before.
 

Ultima

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I haven't seen the new in game guide, but if it's any more complex than before, I don't care for it. It was incredibly simple and easy, no hassle whatsoever. And I do realize that you can boot games up automatically, but what if I wanted to go onto marketplace to download a video or game? Then I have to go through all of that. Unless you're just into the stuff with the Wii, where it's cute and clever and everything, it's a wate. 100%. There was nothing wrong with the old dashboard other than the fact that they could cuten it up for the older population, and draw in a different crowd for sales. PERIOD. They let me down >_>
 

miles

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The in game guide is like the classic blades, only smaller. They FINALLY let you check achievements from it as well.
They are quite nice.

Also the new market place is actually organized pretty well. I prefer it over the old one.

That's about it tough. They have annoying advertisements all over the place and they FORCE you to make an avatar when you update. Not to mention it's clunky and hard to navigate some times.
 

Tafshin

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Just a little thing I want to add here, the themes Rance was compaining about only having one picture... well they're all still there. I've tinkered around with NXE to know. And they're all in the same places, like Music/video, Memory, Game stuff, Markeplace. The getting there is just a little different. And if it bothers you that bad, just usb whatever picture you want, anyway.

Personally, I like the whole NXE thing. I never did like the limited usage of things with the Miis (mainly customizing), and the whole subject of who ripped off who is pure legal stuff, as I've read reports that even though Nintendo was first to implement them, Microsoft used Rare to acquire the licenses for avatar-esq features first.

But still, its all according to taste i guess. The last thing I'll mention, is that I like having all the content for 1 game in a single menu. Used to be I was like "Oh, I see they have a gamerpic for this paticular move/game, I wonder if there's a theme, or trailer, or strategy, or DLC" But know its all right there, including all the specs and info on the game itself.

I'm not saying the NXE is the best thing ever, but is it really a stretch to say "oh, well, let me just get used to it"

::EDIT:: For Pojo, yes, Netflix is very awesome. =3
 

Fire2box

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They and Sony are trying to capitalize on Nintendo's success. Even being a owner of the Wii since day one I will admit most of the games on the Wii right now are mediocre casual games for people who barely play video games. These consumers think these games are great and there's a lot more of these people then your veteran gamers. So there's more money in causal stuff then the games we been used too. Thankfully we haven't been forgotten but there are considerable less video games we consider "AAA" titles and even some of thoses turn out to be meh or even worse quality.
 

kite

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i agree with everything pretty much said so far against the new interface. i just got a 360 and after the update my fiance and i were pissed. she was wondering why microsoft would ruin such a good, simple interface... and then i reminded her about vista.
 

IncompleteDude

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This is why I own a PS3 only. It's classy. Plus, the PS3 Home avatars are realistic and very flexible. For example, in Home you can get an Echochrome body instead of the normal one. Any game dev could do stuff like that. It's pretty cool.

Anyways, enjoy your NXE and netflix (minus Sony titles).
 

Sawaa

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I adore it, personally :3 But then, I only use my 360 to play games (like epic long 15 hour first sitting of Last Remnant) so I don't see the dashboard very often. The HDD install makes it worth it, and my avatar is cute :)
 
M

Mako

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It took me a bit to get used to the navigation, but I prefer it too. A lot of little improvements and the marketplace is much better. As for the picture thing, my favorite picture from my theme (catgirls!) is the main background so it doesn't bug me. Then for the mii rip-offs, well I liked the mii's and microsoft was smart to take the idea and run with it. They'll actually DO something with them.
 

Tafshin

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Anyways, enjoy your NXE and netflix (minus Sony titles).
Well, "Alot" of Sony titles. Alot of their other film production companies have movies that are avaialble on Live, just not Sony Pictures and Paramount, that I'm aware of.
 
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FullMetal

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Didn't download it yet....now I kinda don't want to...

FullMetal
 

dogboy

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Ditto FullMetal. I have enough trouble playing the games. I'm probably the only one here who can get lost in Halo 3 and bump around into rocks and trees for hours cursing the whole time. I've conquered all the Diablos at leve 3, and yet I just bump around in Oblivion looking for some damn place where I can buy a better weapon. There's so much bullsh*t In just trying to get somewhere to kill something. It's all about developing personalities, and crap, and all I want to do is walk up to anything that looks like it's moving and kill it. They're all to complicated, or too difficult. I want to unwind when I play a game, not earn a doctorate.

And Rance, I'm sorry to admit, but as you can see, I'm a gaming retard, so I may have acidently raped you in the ass. Sorry about that. Did enjoy your description...haha.
 
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