New territory

overwhelmed253

Contributor
Messages
1
Role
Adult Baby
Hey all, this is my very first post here and I am hoping that I can get some guidance or advice. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have a good relationship. Early in our marriage he came to me and asked me to wear a diaper. It very quickly progressed from there – peeing and messing in it, allowing him to change me like a baby (wipes and all), wearing it out in public, and letting him watch me poop in it. I am OK with wearing the diaper and peeing in it but despite my objections and explaining how it feels demeaning to me and makes me feel objectified he keeps pushing for all the other stuff. This has been going on for years and every once in a while I will give in. We had a very honest conversation about it today and he admits that he does things and pushes the topic hoping that it will become “normalized” for me. He also admits that he does things he knows that I like to create a “sex debt” so that I feel more obligated to engage in the diaper play, to the extent that he wants me to. He also described “regular” sex as “that was nice” but he really wants the diaper all the time. After all this, I am left feeling like I am not enough for him anymore. He doesn’t want me as his wife for sex much less make love to me, he is not attracted to me as a woman but instead as a body with a diaper on (even though he insists that is not the case). We have tried negotiating boundaries and deals so he can get what he wants and I have some say in it, but I will be honest I hate anything beyond peeing in the diapers so much that I have not held up my end of the deals. To top it all off, after our conversation today I told him I needed time and space to process everything and he got withdrawn and mopes around, I would rather have a knock out drag down fight than that!

I don’t know what to do with this, I am a little heartbroken over it and I don’t have anyone who I can talk to about it. Any advise would be appreciated!
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
2,478
Role
Private
It's sad that your husband doesn't realize how lucky he is to be married to someone who accepts him as he is, without judgement for having an obsession most people find repulsive.That you are willing to participate at all is just icing on the cake.

I'm not qualified to give advice but it appears to me, from your side of the story, that he isn't doing his part in maintaining the relationship. The idea that a relationship needs to be "maintained" can be disheartening because of the notion that a romantic relationship is self-maintaining through love. In the real world couples will have differences that need to be worked out.

He will always need diapers as part of the relationship, so it's understandable you would be "left feeling like [you are] not enough for him anymore" since you simply can't tolerate it to the extent he wants. It's not your fault. You have your limits. We all do. He is willing to work on the relationship to the extent he will do things you like, but if his only motive is to get what he wants in return then you will naturally feel bad about that. All relationships involve some kind of practical bargaining, but in loving relationships there needs to be times when the only selfish motive for doing something really nice for the partner is the happiness felt for making the partner happy. He may have that in him, but he could be so blinded by his diaper obsession that he fails to express it. If this is the case you may need a third party (counseling) to help sort it out.
 

littlemoosey

Est. Contributor
Messages
722
Age
59
Role
Adult Baby
You have been incredibly accommodating. But now, personal boundaries continue to be crossed despite your spoken reservations. He does not show that cares about you at all and is playing "mind games" as well, emotional black mail if you will.

I think if you went "cold turkey" on him, that is just stop indulging his fantasies all together, he would emotionally shut you out until you broke down. To give him less of what he wants to just appease him with "something" will not work either. He is like a meth addict, you are telling him he can have a joint but nothing more... he will continue to make you feel bad and try and break you down.

Unfortunately he is a selfish spoiled brat... and no where in your post did you talk about being in love, although you may be, but it may be for all of the wrong reasons.

You need to seriously re-assess this one, move on and be happy... or this.

moosey
 

Trevor

Est. Contributor
Messages
8,927
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur
It may be a meaningless distinction to you but when he says you're not just a body in a diaper to him, he's very likely being honest. It's not some body he wants in the diaper, it's you he wants in the diaper. We don't consciously choose what turns us on. Diapers are the catalyst for him (me too) but it's you that he loves.

It's unfortunate that this isn't something exciting for both of you. Some counseling might help in terms of realistic expectations but it won't change what excites him and I don't see how it would change what disgusts you.
 

WABX

Est. Contributor
Messages
707
Age
67
Role
Diaper Lover
It's very sad that he can't see your side of it and what it's doing to you. I feel for you and I don't see this ending well. Compulsion at this level is very hard to break. Good luck.
 

Lewis Badger

Est. Contributor
Messages
192
Role
Diaper Lover, Little
you're doing and incredible job and there's some good advice here already, don't doubt yourself, what you want in the relationship and if what he's asking for is demeaning then I don't think you should feel obliged to do it because you're married, love goes both ways, you shouldn't feel inadequate for not wanting or able to meet his kinks.
 

SpAzpieSweeTot

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,520
Role
Adult Baby, Little, Incontinent
Go see a kink aware therapist. Dr. Rhoda Lypscom actually has ABDL as a specialty. Other sex therapists are aware of it, though, without specializing in it. Sex Savvy, which is hosted by a sex therapist, has 2 episodes on ABDL. Kinkology has one. Love In Brief is all about it, as is Dream A Little. All of these are podcasts. The reason I'm recommending these first, is because it's helping me not vilify your husband right now. Honey, as far as I'm concerned, even if I understand his wants,the manipulative crap he's doing is not okay!

You have already done more than most would for him, and it's great that you're even here.
 
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diaperfooties

Est. Contributor
Messages
158
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur, Little
Do not feel guilty you are doing above and beyond your part. You have to out your foot down and make lines that you will not cross. Maybe try to setup like a safe word that when either of you say it everything stops. If you need to go into another room or leave the house for a minute.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself you matter just as much as him or anyone else.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
19,361
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
Yeah, this is something the two of you are going to have to talk out, and since I'm sure you've tried to do that, but unsuccessfully, I have to agree with the others that the two of you should see a sex therapist. He needs to realize that you also have to be happy and feel comfortable. It can't be one sided.
 
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