New mom here.

Jessicamom

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Hi. I’m new here. Not sure if I am even allowed on here. You see I am here looking for help, support, guidance for my son. He is only 13 is why I don’t know if it’s ok to be on here. He has been a bed wetter his entire life. We have tried pull-ups off and on but they leaked so we always went back to regular diapers. Also on and off he would have day time accidents. The last few months he was asking to be diapered earlier than normal before bed and would be wet before bed so we would change him. Someone told me about diaper lovers so I started doing a little research. I decided when school was out I would ask him in the morning if he wanted another diaper instead of underwear and regular cloths and see what his reaction was. When I asked he was surprised I asked and was a little hesitant but said yes. It’s been 2 weeks now and he is in diapers all the time now. Our agreement is he will not poop in them. He seems so happy. So much happier than before. I just don’t know if I am doing any harm in allowing this. Will there be any long term effects? Psychological damage?
 

ThatGuyFromThatThread

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Hi. I’m new here. Not sure if I am even allowed on here. You see I am here looking for help, support, guidance for my son. He is only 13 is why I don’t know if it’s ok to be on here. He has been a bed wetter his entire life. We have tried pull-ups off and on but they leaked so we always went back to regular diapers. Also on and off he would have day time accidents. The last few months he was asking to be diapered earlier than normal before bed and would be wet before bed so we would change him. Someone told me about diaper lovers so I started doing a little research. I decided when school was out I would ask him in the morning if he wanted another diaper instead of underwear and regular cloths and see what his reaction was. When I asked he was surprised I asked and was a little hesitant but said yes. It’s been 2 weeks now and he is in diapers all the time now. Our agreement is he will not poop in them. He seems so happy. So much happier than before. I just don’t know if I am doing any harm in allowing this. Will there be any long term effects? Psychological damage?
I would suggest trying to keep him focused on other things that interest him but are more typical.

If that doesn't let it pass, as a phase (it does for some but not others), clearly define the rules in a way you can both handle.

They make more obsorbant youth pull-ons, if more expensive than the usual youth ones. If he really wants a proper diaper, see if a part diaper is enough for him; let him pull it off like a diaper, if he wants, while being able to use it like a Pull-Up. If not, I still *strongly* advise only he changes himself.

Cleaning himself should be solely his responsibility, at his age. He should be able to diaper himself, too, if his motor skills aren't severely impaired.

You two need to figure out what comfort level(s) you have, so you can get on the same page but make sure he understands he's also expected to continue maturing in other ways.

I suggest he continue to develop teenaged interests, regardless, along with taking the corresponding responsibilities.

He will probably do the binge and purge cycle, so I suggest - if he says he wants to throw it all out - you offer a big trash bag but actually store it all for him. Let him be clear he wants it back, if he's going to, before you offer it back. You'll save potentially a lot of money, as this can go on for years.

Please and thank you.

~ A long-time AB/DL who wants to make this easier for you both
 

sdweasel

and sometimes Rachel 💖
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Welcome! I wish my parents had been as understanding as you are, and as a parent thank you for being open and understanding.

To be honest, I need to start looking at actual medical research on this topic. Any answer I give is drawn from assumptions and other peoples experience, but I'll do what I can.

I'll start with the easy question, psychological damage. I'm not aware of anything like that occuring as a result of AB or DL behavior itself. It can be difficult to accept the desires though, as time goes on. Questions like "what's wrong with me?" Or "why am I like this?" have followed many of us around. It can become a very shameful thing when dealing with relationships later on. I've only just told my wife of 11 years a week or so ago because I'm tired of the secrecy. Not so much psychological as behavioral.

I second what ThatGuy said. It's hard to know at 13 if it's going to become the lifelong behavior many of us know. It's probably not a great idea for you to assume the role of mommy in this regard either. The idea of my mother taking that role is actually somewhat repulsive, though your circumstances are different from mine.

As for long term physical effects, it is generally assumed that extreme long term use can lead to incontinence. I'm certainly willing to accept that if you build habits around wearing and using diapers daily that some level of temporary issue could arise until those habits are dealt with or retrained.

In any case, many of us live seemingly normal and happy lives. He isn't broken, damaged, or as I was accused of "some kind of freak."

Be there, be supportive, and thank you for caring enough to ask.
 

littlemoosey

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Gosh, first off welcome. And I applaud you for your courage and the love you must feel for your son to come on here.

Allot of us were very much like your son. Not necessarily bed-wetters, but we were so much happier in diapers.

I am 61 now, and never wanted out of them. I knew about this side of myself when I was 4 years old, and in some form or another put myself back into diapers. Back in the 60's and 70's this was perplexing to me as you can imagine. I was all boy, but just very happy when I was in diapers. Now, ask any 60-70's mommy about their son wanting to be diapered and they would go through the roof. There was nothing to explain it. And I felt like I was the only person in the world. I could not talk about it, I could not share it... it was scary and lonely. When I married, I was so afraid of my wife finding out and loosing her, I literally gave them up for 30 years. 30 years later as my life took a turn for the worse, I told my wife about this. It was the scariest moment of my life. I had held that secret for over 50 years. She fully embraced this side of me. IT WAS LIKE 10,000 pounds coming off of my shoulders. I am diapered more often than not now, and I am a much happier person.

Most people here that have known about this side of themselves since they have been little, will tell you that when they are diapered they are much more relaxed and happier. If they can share this with their significant other, all the better as it removes allot of the stigma and shame that surrounds this, especially for a male.

You say that your son is happier and more relaxed and that is fantastic. Additionally he does not have to live in constant fear about mom or dad finding out. You can also help to shepherd him through this. I am guessing that you have already consulted a physician regarding his wetting to eliminate any physiological causes? I wont tell you to take him to a shrink or therapist although you have probably considered that. Many of us on here have tried to give up this urge, this incredible draw. As I said I literally did it for 30 years, but it was always there with me. Many have tried therapy to no avail. If your son is a true diaper lover, it can be for 1000 different reasons. None of us have really figured it out. We all have some idea what the initial trigger was, but I dont think that anyone knows for sure.

There are a few books out there regarding teen diaper attraction written for parents: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42368256-so-your-teenager-is-wearing-diapers

I am sure there are more... if you search around.

Bottom line, keep the lines off communication open with your son. Help him to find appropriate rules for wearing. DO NOT let him tell any of his friends no matter how understanding he thinks they might be. At that age a friend today is not one tomorrow, and this information is damaging in the wrong hands. As I said, I held this secret for over 50 years and over 30 years from my wife. Let him know that no matter what you still love him.

A therapist once told me, "of all the things that I could have gotten involved in to control my stress, drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, this is nothing!" It is not illegal or immoral, it is just an odd choice of underwear for an adult. But I am a much much happier adult now. I really wish that I could have shared this with someone years ago... perhaps even my mother, but she would have come unglued and I would have ended up in an institution.

Long term damage. I doubt it. Most of us have this in balance and it does not overwhelm our world. Many of us are married, have families, have higher education 6 figure and better careers. Your son has one thing almost all of us did not have, a mother who is trying to understand, loves him, and help... good for you.

We are here for you.
 

dogboy

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I wish my mom had been as accepting. I think I would have been a much happier child had I been allowed to wear diapers. I don't think there would be any psychological problems from letting your son wear diapers but as others have said, one can feel guilt and question why they want to wear diapers. I grew up on the Jersey Shore at a time when one had to be tough otherwise they would be bullied. I lifted weights and wanted to wear diapers and it was difficult for me to reconcile the two. This was before the internet but I knew of a couple other kids my age who deliberately wet their pants.

Since you had the courage to approach you son, that opens the door for more discussions. On this site when one makes an introduction thread, the instructions say "we are more than just our diapers". So is your son so you should encourage him to seek balance in his activities. He should be with friends, involved in activities, etc. and yes, there can be time to wear diapers. I had to wear behind my parents' back so I would be diapered in my room later at night and before bedtime. Appropriate times to wear and hygiene are things you will need to work out with him.

If I had been allowed to wear diapers when I was 13, I think I would have been a kinder person.
 

checkingoutall

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Welcome Mom, as you read these replies, you can see you are in the right place. This site is a support site. The others have given you some great advice. Always feel free to ask questions about anything that you are struggling with and or things you have found that has helped you and your son. One of the biggest thing is that he is happy which makes you happy.
 

Fiammaverde

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The main issue would be that, since the rest of the world is not so accepting about the idea of wearing diapers for not strictly medical reasons, who does that tends to insulate him/herself from others.
He probably needs to engage into some social activities that can be carried on while discreetely wearing diapers and it would be good if there are other persons (friends, family members) who know about why he feels the need to wear diapers and support him in his choices.
 

ChristopherRichard

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Myself and Littlemoosey (above) are extremely similar in age and life story.
What he says is spot on the mark.

I am TRULY grateful to you for seeing/hearing and respecting your sons exploration of what is essentially harmless if not a little bizarre as my wife kindly put it.

In this instance, I actually applaud the internet for something useful, ADISC is here for you now. It will be here for your son when he is older if he decides diapers are in his life for good.

ALL the comments written above mine have sage advice that certainly does work for most of us.
Best of all, people here have complimented YOU on your understanding and strength, TAKE IT, you have earned it.

At least he will not have to hide, be ashamed, self-loath, for the next 50 years like some of us did.
 

ChristopherRichard

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Umm no this is not acceptable 18 plus site reported
Sorry Chrischrischris, I have to give this one the benefit of the doubt.

Good that you have reported it, and I trust Moo will be on the ball.
BUT if this is the real deal, then there is only an age issue regards the OP, who if genuine, HAS EVERY RIGHT to ask what has been asked and get the advice asked for.

I truly hope that this is a POSITIVE life changing moment for the OP and her son.
 

chrischrischris

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Yeah my problems started at 8 I do feel for the op but children are not allowed ,children should not be involved in this site..
Umm this is dangerous lots of people do not understand adult babys .so it's very important to protect this site its about adults in nappies.
And nothing to with real children
 

chrischrischris

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Sorry Chrischrischris, I have to give this one the benefit of the doubt.

Good that you have reported it, and I trust Moo will be on the ball.
BUT if this is the real deal, then there is only an age issue regards the OP, who if genuine, HAS EVERY RIGHT to ask what has been asked and get the advice asked for.

I truly hope that this is a POSITIVE life changing moment for the OP and her son.
Stepping back don't want to fall out with any one sorry to upset anyone
 

Jessicamom

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Thank you all so much for the kind words.

ChrisChrischris, I understand your concern, and if I need to remove my account and move on I will. That is why I asked. If I can stay I appreciate it.

I don’t have a lot of time this morning but will answer some of your questions. As for medical, Jacob is on the spectrum, but high functioning. His autism is what has caused the big delay in potty training, bed wetting being hereditary didn’t help with that either. He absolutely needs the diapers at night just not during the day. His pediatrician is well aware of the bedwetting and night diapers, she is not aware of the new situation with day time diapers.

As for his friends and social life. He has a good number of friends, he is involved in sports, and does pretty well in school. 2 of his best friends know about his bed wetting. Both of them used to wet there bed when they were younger but have both outgrown it. Fortunately they don’t tease him as they understand the issue.
 

chrischrischris

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So
Thank you all so much for the kind words.

ChrisChrischris, I understand your concern, and if I need to remove my account and move on I will. That is why I asked. If I can stay I appreciate it.

I don’t have a lot of time this morning but will answer some of your questions. As for medical, Jacob is on the spectrum, but high functioning. His autism is what has caused the big delay in potty training, bed wetting being hereditary didn’t help with that either. He absolutely needs the diapers at night just not during the day. His pediatrician is well aware of the bedwetting and night diapers, she is not aware of the new situation with day time diapers.

As for his friends and social life. He has a good number of friends, he is involved in sports, and does pretty well in school. 2 of his best friends know about his bed wetting. Both of them used to wet there bed when they were younger but have both outgrown it. Fortunately they don’t tease him as they understand the issue.
Sorry I do understand but this about adults acting as children . don't mean any harm .no real children should not be discussed.
I wish you all the best .
 

ChristopherRichard

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Thank you all so much for the kind words.

ChrisChrischris, I understand your concern, and if I need to remove my account and move on I will. That is why I asked. If I can stay I appreciate it.

I don’t have a lot of time this morning but will answer some of your questions. As for medical, Jacob is on the spectrum, but high functioning. His autism is what has caused the big delay in potty training, bed wetting being hereditary didn’t help with that either. He absolutely needs the diapers at night just not during the day. His pediatrician is well aware of the bedwetting and night diapers, she is not aware of the new situation with day time diapers.

As for his friends and social life. He has a good number of friends, he is involved in sports, and does pretty well in school. 2 of his best friends know about his bed wetting. Both of them used to wet there bed when they were younger but have both outgrown it. Fortunately they don’t tease him as they understand the issue.
Personally I think you are asking in the right place.
You can't exactly go to mumsnet and ask any of what you have asked, I believe you have done your homework and found the right site.
That said, may I ask how you got to know about ADISC?
It might calm a few jangling nerves.
 
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