new, boyfriend is a DL, Big, and i dont know how to deal with it

Not open for further replies.


trying to understand it, i love him, he told me right out at the beginning, and i ended the relationship. since have agreed to try and work thru things. tying to get thru the knot in my stomach every time it comes up or he wants me to wear a diaper and carry a sippy cup. my heart sinks and my blood pressure goes thru the roof. was doing ok, until i was looking for something in house and found a newly ordered box of Diapers, and i was back at square one.
boyfriend is a DL/ Big, having a hard time accepting

my boyfriend is awesome, when we first started dating he told he was a DL/Big, i stayed with him for about 3 weeks,but the stress of what it was and what it entailed made me step back, we have since decided to try again, we have been together about 3 months, and get me to understand. Now i am not a prude by any means and am accepting of his other fetish, spanking, bondage, etc..and do participate. im not fond of his addiction to fetlife flirting, but do accept.
i cannot seem to however get a grasp on the DL. i thought i was good with it, but came across a box of diapers in the house today and my heart dropped and i started to shake, so apparently i am having issue with it. i am going to see a therapist next week, but figured i should go to a group that may be more qualified to help me...Any words of wisdom???
Talk to him and understand that this might be a coping mechanism for him and something that alleviates the daily stress in his life from work, etc. I do understand how it makes you uncomfortable, I don't see anything prude about how you feel or anything. I'd talk calmly to him though, listen to what he has to say and see how you feel. If after a while you still feel uncomfortable or have a hard time dealing with it, then work with him on getting both of you to see a therapist or a counselor.
Any words of wisdom? Well you know, advice is not always nice. And it's never guaranteed that it's the right one for you.

You have to know yourself. From what you're telling you seem to try to understand it and I suppose it's kind of hard for any "vanilla" person to get a grasp of it in the beginning. So my basic advice is always communication, talk to your partner. This is the most important.
Be open about your fears and problems with this, talk to him about what's on your mind and what's troubling you. Eitherway you may get "an answer" that satisfies your, or not, but otherwhise you'll never know. As also, maybe you can come to an agreement or are able to see then that this is absolutely nothing for you.

Anyway regarding the fetish, easily put he simply enjoys wearing diapers, nothing else... nothing horrible. The reason behind it is another thing, they are as diverse as the people themselves who have this kind of fetish.
It's still strange right? It's nothing bad, it's probably how you may like to wear certain clothes or jewellery, which is important to you, or more simply put: Lingerie you like to wear for something more "intimate". I mean, everyone is a little bit crazy on their own, right? Your boyfriend simply has deep urge to focus on those.
I wonder, since you mentioned other kinks... you seem to be fine with them? You don't actually sound like you do enjoy them, or are you? That's important, you don't need yourself to be forced to participate if you don't like it. You could easily negotiate that you're "getting" what you like 50% of the time, if you anyway want to participate in his kinks.

However, this is kind of troubling me:
im not fond of his addiction to fetlife flirting, but do accept.
That's absolutely not okay if you are not fine with this. Period!

Of course there are couples which are fine about the idea of getting your appetite somewhere else, i.e. flirting with other people is okay. And furthermore those that life an open relationship. But if you don't want that, then you don't need to deal with this neither do you need to accept this in any way.

I wouldn't want this either to be honest. I would not accept this as a... mh good(?) relationship to be in. I would not like this very much. I mean it's a no-go for me. That's something you don't need to accept no matter how much you love him. Why anyway? It's not your fault, it's clearly his. While the fetish is noones fault, since it is none. But this is a choice, one that he clearly makes.
So if you're really not fond of this, then address it. Perhaps don't make a fuss, but mention it explicid, so there's no room for misunderstandings left.

In conclusion, you do sound a bit like your boyfriend is abusing your good nature and affection towards him. Perhaps I'm absolutely mistaken... then just ignore this. But if so, make your boyfriend remember this: Love it or leave it. Love isn't about forcing one another to do things they don't like, this is my honest advice.
Don't force yourself to do anything you do not like to do at all, love is about so much more than sex. If you want to try it's okay, but don't feel obliged.

This are just my 2 cents. If you want to see a therapist is your choice. If you really love him, but cannot go on with this then it might be worth a try, I can't tell since I don't know. It's some input and that's never that bad.

Best of luck.
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Deleted member 29386 and egor

I see it like boobybird. Many people use diapers for relaxing after a hard day.
Talking. When both sides telling, what they are feel in this moment - than you have a chance to understand each other. talking about your limits and looking, if you feeling good with this limits or correct it. And start slow. I was often overstrained because it was to fast for me.

best wishes :)
I'm curious of all the many things, why do you think diapers bother you, perplexed39? There are many possible reasons and I think we can give better advice if we understand why you're bothered.

Is it the diaper itself? It's a pair of thick underwear, so I'm hoping that wouldn't be an issue? Is it using the diaper and worries about hygiene? Is it about how you view your boyfriend when you associate diapers with him?

Think about it a little, and if you can try to explain why they bother you, I think it will help all of us understand the problem better.
Glad you came here and asked for our help! The internet can be very mean, ignorant and judgemental about us.

You'll notice I'm quite new to this forum as well, I'm a longtime DL who has finally begun the process of self acceptance and has been through the tough time of coming out to a girlfriend about it.

One thing I can say is try and be honest with each other. If you are truly uncomfortable and don't want to be around with these type of things whatsoever, it could be unhealthy to stay in the relationship. But, if you think you really love this guy, then try and have an open mind about it.

Ask him about what being a DL is for him, and how it came about. Some of us ended up here due to some series of events in our childhood, usually not good ones. We've been ostracized, picked on and felt alone for a good portion of our adolescent years. The fact that you (kind of) stuck around after he told you this is an amazing thing and I'm sure it means a lot to him. Make sure he knows that you understand the step it took for him to tell you.

Talk with him about your hesitations to do some of things, and he should understand. This is not something where you can dip your toes in the water and then dive right off the diving board. You have to take it slow, process and understand what it is. It might also help him if you share something of your own that is also "weird", that'll make him feel more comfortable. Sharing with each other those interests could bring you two closer and then maybe he could start doing things you enjoy in that sense--whatever that may be.

I wish you luck with your boyfriend!
Talk to him. Communication is key. Does he just want the freedom to wear around you, & interact with you normally, or does he want you to participate. If you're not comfortable to participate, & he asks you; just let him know that you're OK with him wearing, but you don't want to be involved. Find out what's he's hoping for, & discuss what you're comfortable with.

Find out what he's wanting. I wish I could find someone like you one day. I've always been afraid to tell any of my real life friends, out of fear. We are very misunderstood by the general public. I'm a DL. For me the fetish involves my diaper only, & not that belonging to an actual child.

For some DL's is not a fetish. They just like to wear them as underwear. So yes, like dlwearer said, you'll need to talk to him & find out what it means to him.

If it really makes you uncomfortable, just ask him to keep it private & to not do it around you.
I think you've gotten very good advise from dlwearer. Like dlwearer, I applaud your sticking around with your boyfriend. I know we're not always easy to live with. Most people have no idea that there are some adults who enjoy wearing diapers, or enjoy using baby objects like sippy cups, bottles, pacifiers, etc. There are some up sides and of course some down sides to all of this. Most of us are good people, have a gentle side and appreciate living a peaceful life, though there are no personality guarantees. We also are all different from one another in various ways. None of us really know why we enjoy wearing diapers, are more so, feel compelled to wear diapers or regress to an earlier age.

What we do harms no one, usually, but it can seem gross to those who don't experience the same feelings. Diapers can be expensive, and wet diapers begin to smell after awhile. It can be fun however, to indulge in younger age play, etc., but you do have to be able to accept that. It's certainly not for everyone. My wife supports me and plays along to a lesser degree, but it's not her thing. Our relationship works because we both respect each other's needs. I'm just as giving to her as she is to me, so that's something you'll have to think about. Can you give him what he needs and at the same time, can he make the relationship work by being kind, considerate and helpful and giving to you?

As always, sitting down and talking about this is a must. Beyond all of what I said, only you can decide to live with this, or break off the relationship before you invest more of yourself. One thing to consider is that almost all of us never get rid of these feelings, so it's something you would most likely have to make a lifetime commitment to.
Maxx said:
I guess the problem I have is him trying to get YOU to wear... that doesn't seem right, or fair.
^^ this.
As others said, talking to him about what you're comfortable with. Also, if you have the idea in the back of you're mind that you can get him to stop being a dl. It's probably not going to happen.

As I have not been in a relationship myself tho, I can't really add any thing else other than. Tho you will find in private people can be weirder than you ever imagined. At the end of the day it only matters how you feel about something, not how the rest of the world feels about it. Don't not accept something because it's not normal, but don't accept something against you're will just because others will consider you crewel.

I hope things turn out well, good luck.
I've been married for 12 years and told my wife about my diapers long before we were engaged. I've also diapered her on rare occasions. But, the diapers, infantalism and, in my unfortunate case, incontinence is my deal not hers. Likewise, you have the choice to participate, understand, accept or move on. To be honest, the behavior you describe with your boyfriend sounds impulsive, disrespectful and uncompromising. If it continues without the both of you coming to some agreement, you should leave him. On the other hand, if he can show you some respect (get the F**K off fetlife) and you could both understand where the other is coming from and give something back then that's the magic of a relationship.
Not open for further replies.