Never telling your partner?!

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daria7483

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I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again.

cpndl
I think this is everyone's biggest fear, and the reasoning behind both keeping it a secret indefinitely, and telling someone too soon, both of which are mistakes.

I have not told my boyfriend of four months about it, and I'm not sure if I will. People keep telling me this is a mistake. My recent near-discovery, where I had the diapers hidden in a transparent container under the bed and he and I had to pull everything out to get to my cat, seemed to back up that belief. But my desire to wear seems to be fading and has been for the past three years. Most of the time I have no interest in wearing, and sometimes I wear because I have the mindset "jeez, I have to get rid of these diapers eventually" more so than because I want to. So I feel like I can get away with never telling him if I'm not going to be wearing much anyway.

I've told two previous boyfriends. One of them babied me once, the other one never did because although he said he accepted it, he clearly wasn't crazy about the idea. I wouldn't exactly say I regret it, but the feeling of going through all the emotional upheaval of telling someone, thinking "this could be the person I might spend the rest of my life with, better tell him!" and then it doesn't work out and I feel like I told them for no good reason...well, it kind of feels like you might feel if you trained for an athletic event for a few weeks only to then be told that you couldn't participate in the event and all your training was for nothing.

Plus, when you tell a boyfriend/girlfriend of several months or even a longer period that you are an AB or DL, you are doing so with a certain amount of trust and an assumption that that trust will always be there. But you don't know that it will or that all that trust will always be there even if you part ways. People do change, and unfortunately sometimes for the worst. And even if they don't change permanently, the temptation to tell a mutual friend some juicy gossip about you in the aftermath of a bad breakup might prove too much. I sometimes wonder if my first boyfriend didn't tell a mutual friend of ours who he wound up dating a few months after he and I had broken up, but fortunately I've never seen any indication that he did.
 

care_a_lot

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I told my wife actually after I married her. I thought that she'd be accepting of who and what I am and she was. She let me call her Mommy and she let me be her little baby girl. Although I never actually did USE the diapers for me I'm more of an adult child (probably around age 7) than an adult baby. Now that things are in pieces between my wife and I, I don't know whether I will be going back to her in which case I'll probably be too scared of her family not accepting it in me or going off with someone else. But I can tell you that if I go with someone else I will be telling them reguardless of whether they tell a mutual friend or not. Ironically my mutual friends are really understanding its just finding the right partner that understands and accepts all of me that seems to be proving difficult.
 

ShippoFox

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It's not fading for me. I don't want it to fade anyway. I'm really hoping I can find someone eventually. I have a hard enough time meeting people in the first place though. It was easy to tell my last girlfriend... it was an online relationship and I gave her TONS of hints beforehand. She was okay with it. She even bought me some stuff and mailed it to me once. We broke up early last year, but she never told anyone as far as I know. And we're still friends, but I don't really talk to her about it much now. Unfortunately, I haven't really met any girls since.... online or offline. Even finding an accepting friend or two would be nice.

I'm not gonna give up hope.... though I have my doubts...
 
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gamebaby

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I would think you really should tell any one that will live with you. Mostly becuse you will want to do ab things. If you realy want to be an ab and have your partner, that would be an only option. besids if she or he realy likes you they will understand.
 

dogboy

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Here's my story again. I've been married for 30 years living in secret from my wife. Like Pramrider said, we didn't have the internet as teenagers and young adults, and so thought we were among a very few individuals with this quirk. And like others, you are soiling yourself, acting like a baby. Who would rush out to tell others this news? We also grew up in an era where strength was expected of the male. We like generations before us, were males who went to war.

When I was dating my wife, there were a number of things that I told her about myself that were worse than infantilism. She loved me and accepted me for who I am, but did not know of my ABism. In the first 7 years of our marriage, I became a house owner and a busy father. I enjoyed raising my children, and I was able to just not practice nor participate in my AB desires, though it sometimes drove me near crazy. We then moved to Virginia, and because of my new job, I had Fridays off, giving me the perfect opportunity to do my thing.

Recently my wife's health declined as she is a diabetic, and my job also changed, taking away my Friday off. I was ordering diapers off the internet, and my wife saw the online order and asked me what had I ordered. I put it off saying Amazon was wrong. I went to the internet and found this site, and it helped me confess to her that for all of my life I have been an infantilist. She accepted it very well, and asked if I needed to order more supplies. I realize I am very lucky and in the minority. Part of her acceptance is because we were both very active in the late '60s demonstrating against the Viet Nam war, and demonstrating for Civil Rights. She new I was bi and even met on a number of occasions with my gay college room mate. We are a partnership. I have saved her life maybe hundreds of times because of low blood sugar. Now we are learning home dialysis together. I would have chosen an easier life for the both of us, but this is what we have been given. Believe it or not, I consider myself very lucky despite all the recent health problems.
 

Mingus

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Wow, what an inspiring story, Dogboy. Congratulations to you both on building such a strong, loving relationship, and good luck to you and your wife.

(Inicidentally, another Virginia resident here--go to college in Scotland, hence that location--what part of the state are you in, if I may ask?)
 

wetatnight

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if I were to ever get married
my potential wife would have to be accepting of my diaper wearing.
even if she didn't were them or want be involved with mine.
I can under stand why some people. keep thing like ab/tb/dl a secret
because I also grew up in the 1970's and 1980's and wasn't aware of many people who shared these same feeling or disires and I knew that it was a big taboo.
if people back then had problems with people wearing diapers for medical reasons, they wernt going to accept people who did for fun or sexual reasons.
 
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