Need to Vent 😭

ShyGirl91

A sweet & innocent who just wants to be held
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I just joined a reddit thread for DID. I had a couple of questions. One of them was about purchases that were made that I had vague recollection of doing.
I had wondered if my 4 year old little/alter had figured out how to purchase goodies for herself and the rest of the littles, or if it was another alter doing this since I was surprised to have seen certain purchases that had been made.
I don't have any children of my own so I don't know what a 4 year old is capable of in regards to technology.

When I asked, I suddenly felt attacked by a couple of people, saying my littles aren't actually their identified ages.
And that they can't be their ages because they aren't chronological. Basically, speaking for MY experience! At hearing me read their words, one of my little took it to mean she wasn't actually real. That she was fake. Pretend.

Newsflash: my parts have been with me since they WERE physically their identified ages. So, they actually are chronological. My 2 year old alter can recall a part younger than herself when my body was physically her age.
And, even if they weren't chronological, no one gets to determine the validity of my experiences.

When my 4 year old heard my adult part read what this person said, I felt her heart break and "heard" her screaming, "I AM FOUR! I AM REAL!" She then proceeded to burst into tears and I felt this deep, gut wrenching sadness she was feeling.

My 12 year old protector alter grew livid and jumped to the littles' defense toward this person, telling them there is no one-size fits all for DID and those who experience it, and who were they to tell us what is or isn't true within our diagnosis?

Despite this, my littles are feeling horribly sad and I'm doing my best to remind them of their experiences and what others have witnessed. That they are real, they aren't fake, and that professionals in the field of therapy have witnessed them front according to their ages. Motor skills, voice, and mentality all change and match their developmental levels and, as one therapist said after witnessing the dissociation, "You can't fake that."
They may not have their own individual bodies but their developmental stages match their ages. If it weren't for my older alters, they wouldn't even eat. We would die. Starve.
The more "forward" they are, the less my adult part remembers things.
There have been a couple of times where my adult self nearly lost my vision when one of them fronted. And, when I fought for control, my head had a pins and needles sensation, and I felt foggy and exhausted afterwards.

Despite reassuring them, it has caused the 4 year old to feel like throwing all their stuff away and denying themselves.

I know this post may seem a little off the wall but I can feel their angst and hurt and I just needed to vent and put words to their hurt.
I feel like this is a safe place to vent because, even if you may not understand, at least you guys are kind and supportive.

I thought maybe that reddit group might be beneficial but I think I'm going to delete my account. Too many people who think their experiences are how everyone's experiences should be with DID.
 
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I'm terribly sorry for you. I have to say I'm reminded of those on the religious right who say that transgenderism is "all in your head" and probably a mental illness.

Hugs, kisses, and love, hon.
 
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pacifierPaige said:
I'm terribly sorry for you. I have to say I'm reminded of those on the religious right who say that transgenderism is "all in your head" and probably a mental illness.

Hugs, kisses, and love, hon.
Thank you for your support and kindness! 🩷 Yes, people can be so mean about things they haven't experienced and/or understand!
I also know what it feels like to be traumatized by those claiming to be Christians. It's another thing I'm going to work through in trauma therapy.
I'm so sorry you were deeply hurt by them, too.
*Hugs, kisses, and love!*
 
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I am so sorry that happened to you!! The internet is an exceptionally cruel place at times, especially when people don’t understand something. From what I’ve seen on the internet specifically about DID, it is incredibly scrutinized and misunderstood, so I can only imagine how difficult and exhausting it is to just want to find support and then be reprimanded and insulted over your own lived experiences as someone with DID.
That said I am really glad you feel safe enough to talk about it on here!! We will always be here when you and any of your alters need the support. While I certainly don’t want to compare these kinds of experiences I’m sure the majority of us here unfortunately can relate to the cruelty of the internet with misunderstanding a part of who you are that you can’t control. Hang in there!! Ultimately you know your life and experiences best and some people just can’t grasp anything they’ve never felt themselves, and that’s always on them and never on you!
 
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lilbabyjooce said:
I am so sorry that happened to you!! The internet is an exceptionally cruel place at times, especially when people don’t understand something. From what I’ve seen on the internet specifically about DID, it is incredibly scrutinized and misunderstood, so I can only imagine how difficult and exhausting it is to just want to find support and then be reprimanded and insulted over your own lived experiences as someone with DID.
That said I am really glad you feel safe enough to talk about it on here!! We will always be here when you and any of your alters need the support. While I certainly don’t want to compare these kinds of experiences I’m sure the majority of us here unfortunately can relate to the cruelty of the internet with misunderstanding a part of who you are that you can’t control. Hang in there!! Ultimately you know your life and experiences best and some people just can’t grasp anything they’ve never felt themselves, and that’s always on them and never on you!
Thank you! Your words mean a lot! And, yes, another reason I felt safe to vent is because I know those of us in the ABDL community have many times, and are often, treated horribly because of being misunderstood. I knew that even if my DID wasn't understood in the ADISC community, that you guys would certainly understand me from an ABDL aspect and the rough experiences had from those who just don't get it. It does hurt when others speak for us and our experiences when they just don't know or understand. I hope my OP didn't sound hurtful to anyone here. I certainly didn't intend it to be hurtful. I felt safe to express my frustrations and was only referring to the DID aspect (not in any way trying to infer those of us in the ABDL community don't understand being misunderstood) 🩷. I appreciate your encouragement and support!! It truly means a lot. 🫶
 
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I can't see or hear my little side but I know he is there. He is 6 and he has been a part of me since I was 6. He remembers everything about that time or that day in our life. He is always there reminding me of that year. Anybody that believes they don't have an age is mistaken. In my case atleast my Little took on a time or year before the trauma of abuse started. I'm glad my little is 6 and not 12 or 13 when my trauma was at its peak. He has always been my best friend and always there when I escape into myself. I've always wished to be 6 again but he is.
Your always free to vent with us. We all understand in one way or another the misunderstood life of ab/dl. I've always said since I joined that my dl is about regression. A part of me is 6 and I envy him.
This was a hard one to right. To put into words how I feel about this misunderstood part of us. Hopefully it sounds right. Most 6 year old"s arnt vary good at righting lol.
 
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Kirisin said:
I can't see or hear my little side but I know he is there. He is 6 and he has been a part of me since I was 6. He remembers everything about that time or that day in our life. He is always there reminding me of that year. Anybody that believes they don't have an age is mistaken. In my case atleast my Little took on a time or year before the trauma of abuse started. I'm glad my little is 6 and not 12 or 13 when my trauma was at its peak. He has always been my best friend and always there when I escape into myself. I've always wished to be 6 again but he is.
Your always free to vent with us. We all understand in one way or another the misunderstood life of ab/dl. I've always said since I joined that my dl is about regression. A part of me is 6 and I envy him.
This was a hard one to right. To put into words how I feel about this misunderstood part of us. Hopefully it sounds right. Most 6 year old"s arnt vary good at righting lol.
Awe 🥹 yes, I understand. 🩷 Thank you so much for your encouragement! This is how I feel with my parts. They have been there since they were those ages physically. They are close to my heart. It sounds very much like the 6 year old in you is, too! 🫶🫶
 
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I get how your feeling I've been around many with either DID or Disaccociative Disorder. Both of which are very interesting in their own way. DID is completely real and I've seen someone's alters come and go. I have also seen where with Disassociate Disoder my mom has its her way of coping with certain situations. She switches to an alter that's still her but with the coping skills needed for that situation. I'm so sorry your Littles feel that way as they are very real and exist. I hope you continue to see the support here and know a few have our own stories that we are or either know of someone with similar stories.
 
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Fleegster said:
I get how your feeling I've been around many with either DID or Disaccociative Disorder. Both of which are very interesting in their own way. DID is completely real and I've seen someone's alters come and go. I have also seen where with Disassociate Disoder my mom has its her way of coping with certain situations. She switches to an alter that's still her but with the coping skills needed for that situation. I'm so sorry your Littles feel that way as they are very real and exist. I hope you continue to see the support here and know a few have our own stories that we are or either know of someone with similar stories.
Thank you so much! 🩷 It means a lot. 💕 Dissociative disorders can be rough at times, but it's a comfort to know I'm not alone and that what I have experienced is real!
 
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