Need to get this off my chest....

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This is something I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of, and I think talking about it here will help with that.

Please, I really need some reassurance because it's something I feel bad about, and it would especially help if I knew I wasn't the only one who did this.

This was when I was a teenager, so I haven't done this at all in over 20 years. But I still have a chip on my shoulder over it.

When I was a teenager, I occasionally tried on my sister's bras and panties. I know there's nothing wrong with wearing bras and panties, but I feel so ashamed that I wore my sister's. I lined them up with toilet paper and masturbated in them because it felt so good. I think the only decent thing I did was I always put them in the washer and dryer afterwards.

I know I should have gone out and gotten my own, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. As a teenager I had no money and I just couldn't bring myself to go to a store and buy bras and panties (this was before you could order online.)

It's something I feel really awful about. I know it was decades ago, but my conscience is on fire for doing it. I know that wearing bras and panties is common for men, and I know there's nothing wrong with that. I just feel like resorting to using my sister's was morally wrong.

Thank you for reading and letting me get this off my chest, I could really use the support!
 

dogboy

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I think we all have things in our past that haunt us. I know I do. Some are sexual and some are just treating others badly. Some are embarrassing and some are disturbing. We all start somewhere when we're young and raging hormones and a lack of frontal lobe development all contributes to this. It's what being young is all about. I suppose we can all feel guilty about our past transgressions but in the bigger picture, it's who you are now, now that you're grown and mature, that counts.

I wonder how many boys in the history of mankind, have worn their sister's or some other female member in the family, clothes? And a teenager masturbating because of them? There's nothing new there so you're in very good company. For me when I hit puberty, it was underwear wetting and desperately looking for diapers. That's plenty embarrassing too and most of the members on this site can relate to that.

Somehow we get through all of the clutter from our youthful past and we move on. The wisdom of the universe forgives you so now, all you have to do is forgive yourself. Think of all the real horrible stuff you could have done. I taught in an inner city school and some of my kids did some serious bad stuff, so go easy on yourself, as long as you haven't killed anyone.
 
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Thank you for the kinds words, dogboy. This is the kind of reassurance that I need, because I just recently started opening up about all these dark secrets and the wounds are wide open now. Posts like this will really help to heal those wounds. And nope, I didn't kill anyone, lol.
 

bigbluehusky

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Back in the day I used to wear my mom's underwear. Did the same thing. I felt both some shame and thrill. I didn't know why I did it, didn't know why I liked it but I was hooked. It just felt right and wrong. If mom knew she didn't say a thing, like you I was sure they went in wash before they went back in the drawer.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk
 

Argent

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As human beings we are largely driven by our desires and those pesky teenage hormones sure do drive us hard!

In life all of us do things we look back on and have some “light of day shame” or regret doing, maybe it’s empathy, maybe it’s just our greatest double edged blade called our imagination but the best thing about past events where no one was intentionally hurt is it pretty much only lives in our imagination.

:hug: objectively what you have described Afterburner is something that is part of you and you are fine, I wouldn’t be telling your sister or any of the muggles out there to avoid unnecessary drama, great you come here because we accept and respect you.
 

Fragarach

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You have similar feelings to many people who felt bad about "stealing" a baby diaper from a sibling or cousin...the past is the story of your experience...you would not be who you are without those experiences...you hurt nobody...you have no need to reproach yourself.....today is a gift...that is why its called the present....enjoy it and let the past be what it is.
 

babylock1

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interesting - I wonder if Mom connected the dots with why her panties had a bulge where one was not before or how certain lingerie items were not folded exactly like she did ?
Her little baby boy (young man) didn't quite get the birds and bees education from the old man or even from Mom - experiments necessary to formulate how the boy parts get
together with the girl parts and why there was so much excitement when that happens.
Not everyone had a quality sex education 101 by the book method.
Confession is good for the soul and discussion is important to the well being of handling things in a mature adult fashion that may be lacking in the past.

Relax - make the best of it - learn more to be whole again - after all it was not all your fault - do the customary penance and go in peace my son !
 

AddyShadows

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For me, ironically, my sister liked to dress me up in her clothes all the time (Minus the panties). When I was younger I got curious and had found an old pair of panties in the storage room (Among other clothes like shirts, jeans, bras, and such that fit me) Being like a 10-12 year old boy at the time, of course things happened with the panties, but like I said they were in a storage room back from when we thought we'd be moving then it never happened and most of the clothing had been forgotten about in the boxes and bags they were in. Found my own old clothes too. When I came out as Trans some of the clothes (Not the panties) I wear going out as hand me downs from my sister though I'd never admit to wearing the panties and bras irl. Honestly, i think if you're someone who is curious about your gender and the difference between boys and girls clothes, it's going to happen some way or another.
 

Stickerprincess

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The fact that you are opening up about this is a good sign that you are working through it- even if it still makes you harbor some negative feelings on occasion. I'm sure you are not alone in this situation and know that others have also done sexual things that they would rather keep secret (I think everyone has at some point or another). Remember that hormones are raging during teenage years and they might make us do things we wouldn't do without them in our bodies otherwise. If the hormones weren't the only reason then that's totally fine too as long as those reasons weren't inherently harmful to yourself or anyone else.

Don't be afraid to forgive yourself and understand that any feelings that you have are valid- maybe when you start having negative feelings about this situation again try to think of something you did in the past that you thought was super admirable to combat them or just simply say "that happened but it's not happening now" to let yourself know that you're working past it and evolving.
 

teddytugger

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First, I think this is quite common. I experimented a bit and tried on my mother's stuff, etc. No need to feel guilty about it; assuming your sister didn't know about it, no harm done.
 

PrincessEsther

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During my teenage years, long before I'd transition, I 'borrowed' clothes from my sister and my mom. I thought I was horrible.

But now I have all my own panties and bras and skirts and dresses and leggings. And people look at me funny if I'm not wearing a bra, lol.
 
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Thank you everyone for the support, this really means the world to me! I can't talk about it with any of my peers, because they just wouldn't understand it. It's such a blessing to have such supportive, understanding, and nonjudgemental people on here to help us through these difficult stigmas!
 

pampers47

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I use to do the same thing with my younger sister bra and panties. No need to feel guilty, and others have done this.
 

foxkits

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Hey a lot of cross dressers and person's started by trying stuff let it go no harm was done.
Don't beat yourself up for things you did when you were young.
We all did thing we regret .
Dwell on on the good if you wise you can be very nice to your sister.
 
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