Need Help With switching roles

Status
Not open for further replies.

Binky

Rep for Binkygirl AB Creations
Company Rep
Messages
529
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
  3. Incontinent
OK so I need advice. My daddy and I both have a little side. Mine is more demanding than his. Well lately we have been having issues with our little side letting the other one have little time. or me I am having a hard time getting into the mommy mind set. And I think my meds for seizures have something to do with it. But I still find that I can not into the mommy mind set for him. then I get mad at myself cause I do not want to be selfish and just be the only one who is the little when they need it. How do we find the happy middle. He says if he has to then he will just shut down that side of him. I do not want to have to have him do that. But I am not sure what to do.
And then there are the times when he does decide to be daddy, he tells me no more being big for the day and snuggles me and calms me down. Then five minutes later or after I take a nap he is done. Last time it happened he told me NO potty at all for the day and that I was to be in little mode , Which I do not mind at all. But then he puts me down for a nap and goes and does his thing while I sleep. When I wake up daddy mode has been turned off. HE gets upset that I wake up with a messy diaper or something like that and makes me change myself or use the potty. My little side can not handle the inconsistency. What do I do?
 

TyphaHare

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,002
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Little
  3. Carer
Awh man, I bet it feels sad to wake up like that in little mode, too.
But hey, first things first; tell him how you feel about it. That going for a nap and waking up with him not playing anymore feels bad and your little side can't take it.
Would it be possible to have different kind of playtime? Like for you two being little at the same time, going for a nap together, eating something, playing video games etc..? That could break the cycle? Have some sort of big sibling/little sibling thing?

I am not very experienced with being mommy/daddy/little but I do know about relationships. At least a bit.
Maybe set a fixed day to have little time? Like the other one having every other weekend, taking turns. If it's a more spontaneous thing that might be a bit too hard.
 

Snivy

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,654
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Carer
  3. Private
Hello,

I first would like to say I never even met you before my name is Snivy ^^

Some flames burn out for awhile when a connection dies out but your not being selfish, it's probably a jealous stage. Everyone goes thru that stage because trust me I have done the same thing in my life time all it takes is a little understanding (heh heh little). Some adults can't handle other adults messing because it can be ridiculous sorry I know members that lost a wife because he kept making her change his messy diapers (I would lose if after it was constantly but I'm not a caretaker or anything)

Your connection may be based on your husband's(daddy?) interests and the way he see's things and I would have a deep discussion with him about this sort of behavior your adapting. Sometime's it's best to put your little time on hold for awhile and give it some thinking time, you can still have it but if you don't want a ruined spark or connection it's recommended a break or half-time is in order. Make sure at least he is 50% with this role you two adapt.

If of-course you can't help it and he is having a fit then he isn't the one for you. Some men can be rude and some don't think but it's all about the ways you look at it and if he get's mad he hasn't learned the #1 lesson in life, Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personal) Another way is to show your the more mature one than he is if he acts like this.

~Hope I helped, Snivy
 

Binky

Rep for Binkygirl AB Creations
Company Rep
Messages
529
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
  3. Incontinent
Trust me he is the one for me of that I have NO doubt. It is all me I am a mess right now. Me and him have been friends for years and in a relationship for almost a year. I am having medical issues and I think the meds are just screwing with my head. OUr connection is far eyond that of just the daddy and little thing. I would literally die with out him.
Hello,

I first would like to say I never even met you before my name is Snivy ^^

Some flames burn out for awhile when a connection dies out but your not being selfish, it's probably a jealous stage. Everyone goes thru that stage because trust me I have done the same thing in my life time all it takes is a little understanding (heh heh little). Some adults can't handle other adults messing because it can be ridiculous sorry I know members that lost a wife because he kept making her change his messy diapers (I would lose if after it was constantly but I'm not a caretaker or anything)

Your connection may be based on your husband's(daddy?) interests and the way he see's things and I would have a deep discussion with him about this sort of behavior your adapting. Sometime's it's best to put your little time on hold for awhile and give it some thinking time, you can still have it but if you don't want a ruined spark or connection it's recommended a break or half-time is in order. Make sure at least he is 50% with this role you two adapt.

If of-course you can't help it and he is having a fit then he isn't the one for you. Some men can be rude and some don't think but it's all about the ways you look at it and if he get's mad he hasn't learned the #1 lesson in life, Q-TIP (Quit Taking It Personal) Another way is to show your the more mature one than he is if he acts like this.

~Hope I helped, Snivy
 

Snivy

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,654
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Carer
  3. Private
Trust me he is the one for me of that I have NO doubt. It is all me I am a mess right now. Me and him have been friends for years and in a relationship for almost a year. I am having medical issues and I think the meds are just screwing with my head. OUr connection is far eyond that of just the daddy and little thing. I would literally die with out him.

Ok well as I suggested talk to him about it. There can't be a fight if it's something you can't handle. There's safer and better medicine out there although it's against the rules to offer you any suggestions on what kinds of medicine to take. You can't get yelled at if it's not your fault. Medicine can control a mind and the human itself would not realize it until it is too late. People have died from overdosing on medication because they went psychologically crazy but you I don't think that will happen to you. But when you said this.

binkygirl said:
HE gets upset that I wake up with a messy diaper or something like that and makes me change myself or use the potty. My little side can not handle the inconsistency. What do I do?

The thrill is lost over that? I wouldn't expect someone to get mad over somethin like that IF you can't help it. He might be undergoing some stress about this and I'd recommend maybe seeing a therapist about this. It will end in a bad way if nothing is done about that so honestly he needs to know which is right and wrong if your told not to use a bathroom but go in your diaper anyway then he needs to think that was his fault (Even thou you can use the bathroom because even in little mode if it's too much just use a safety word like "STOP" or something)
 

FaennaJo

Est. Contributor
Messages
87
Role
  1. Little
Long reply!!!

It sounds like you guys just might not be perfectly, automatically compatible in this. (And that's ok! :))

There seems to be some wiggle room! I'd be hesitant to change your meds because of this, at least before trying other things. I know seizure meds are tricky, so it could be a case of "don't fix it if it isn't broken." There might be a much simpler and MUCH better solution for both of you.

I do hear you on the "meant to be together" bit. There's PLENTY of space for, y'know, soulmates, to not have exact matching needs, yet still have a wonderful relationship together. Please don't feel like anything you learn about yourself (or him) in ABDL will instantly mean doom for your relationship! It can't, and that'll just make you scared to learn anything. Try to think of it like this: There is a solution. This is going to be okay between you two, and you will both be happy with it. It's just a matter of finding that point! Be as open as possible with each other, learn as much as you can about yourselves (and what you like/don't like, and are/are not suited for), and just look for the ways that the two halves can fit together.

It takes time to get clarity on these things, so don't feel bad if you don't know where to start or how to explain what you really feel and want. It's OK! Words are just a starting point. :)

So there are several different elements to this situation:
Your needs as a little + His needs as a little
His function as a caretaker + Your function as a caretaker

I think it's important for you two to figure out how important you each find these roles.

You're obviously very attached to being a little, and he seems to be too. But how attached are you to being a mommy? Since you can't do it right now, do you miss it? Does it make you feel happy to imagine? Or is it only important to you because it lets you meet his needs? That can be just fine too - but it's important to know.

And how attached is he to being a daddy? Is this something that truly makes him happy, and that he genuinely wants even when he's not doing it? Or, again, is it mainly about meeting your needs? (Again, that can be perfectly ok, but it's really important to know! because it changes the dynamic and the expectations)

These are important things for you to think and TALK about together - not assume that you already know the answers! If you seriously sit down and discuss these things, you'll probably discover the solutions all by yourselves. (But I'll go ahead and post the rest of this to give you some ideas :tongueout:)

I'm going to shrink these so you can just pop them open to read :)

Think about your individual needs while you are littles.
You seem to VERY much want a caretaker when you're little, so that's a clear need for you.

Does he, too? Or does he just need permission/space to be little himself, without specifically being mommy'd? If he doesn't especially need to feel Taken Care Of while he's little, you two might be able to spend some playtimes with him daddying you, and some playtimes both being little, and that could work out great.

On the other hand, if he strongly desires to have a caretaker while he's little, then I would suggest looking at how strong your drive to be a mommy is. If you really do want that for yourself, then just focus on learning how to turn the "mommy switch" back on despite the med issue. But if you don't have a very strong drive to mommy him, then it might be a better idea for him to meet that need some other way. It's better not to force yourself into stuff that really just isn't your thing.

One possibility? Someone else could be his caretaker. It could be totally platonic, whatever you two are comfortable with; then his little could be happy and you wouldn't need to worry about filling that role at all. This choice isn't for everyone, but I know it does work for some (like me - my papa has a dominant of his own!)

A more "medium" option would be for you two to play as big sib/little sib, babysitter/little, cousins, etc. You could take turns being the "big sibling" who has a more active caretaking role. Or you could try being two littles who play-act at caretaking each other - like you each have a life-size babydoll. It can be fun! These options would let you both be cared for, without the pressure of either one staying in "full caretaker mode" constantly.

On a more immediate level, it definitely sounds like you guys need some better communication.
For example, it sounds like he may not KNOW that when he says he's gonna do something as your caretaker (like daddy you all day), and then doesn't do it, it's very upsetting for you. Some possibilities here:

  • He may not realize that you're still in little mode when you wake up from a nap. I know that when I was regressing really hard, I would fall asleep and then wake up completely big again. He may be the same way and just assumes you are too, and that you don't need anything more from him once you wake up.
  • He might just not be able to stay in daddy mode for that long. Maybe you could agree to have shorter playtimes, and talk about it beforehand? Like him suggesting, "I'm pretty worn out/sad today. Let's have a short one, maybe 2 hours?" Or you, "I'm feeling really needy, could we do the rest of the afternoon together?" That way he has flexibility, you have some forewarning of a playtime's end, and you both can agree on expectations for the sesh.
  • It sounds like he's putting you down for a nap and then going off to do regular adult things, which knocks him out of the headspace emotionally. Maybe you two can figure out something better he can do while you're asleep. He could get padded (if he likes) and snuggle in next to you, for a super cuddly heap-of-littles nap together! Or if there are Daddy things that he wants to do, this would be the IDEAL time to do them. (choosing the next storybook he'll get for you, sorting your stash, planning what to do in the next playtime, even journaling about how it went this time, etc) Then he'll still be all focused and lovey-dovey when you wake up, because (to him) he has been daddying you this whole time!
Remember, you can't do this stuff "wrong!" There's no wrong way to be a little. There's no right way to be a caretaker. It's completely individual, so don't worry if the solution you find seems a bit unorthodox. The only thing that matters is that it makes you both happy!

That's all I've got for now...
I hope it gets you feeling, well, hopeful! :)
 

Snivy

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,654
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Carer
  3. Private
It sounds like you guys just might not be perfectly, automatically compatible in this. (And that's ok! :))

There seems to be some wiggle room! I'd be hesitant to change your meds because of this, at least before trying other things. I know seizure meds are tricky, so it could be a case of "don't fix it if it isn't broken." There might be a much simpler and MUCH better solution for both of you.

I do hear you on the "meant to be together" bit. There's PLENTY of space for, y'know, soulmates, to not have exact matching needs, yet still have a wonderful relationship together. Please don't feel like anything you learn about yourself (or him) in ABDL will instantly mean doom for your relationship! It can't, and that'll just make you scared to learn anything. Try to think of it like this: There is a solution. This is going to be okay between you two, and you will both be happy with it. It's just a matter of finding that point! Be as open as possible with each other, learn as much as you can about yourselves (and what you like/don't like, and are/are not suited for), and just look for the ways that the two halves can fit together.

It takes time to get clarity on these things, so don't feel bad if you don't know where to start or how to explain what you really feel and want. It's OK! Words are just a starting point. :)

So there are several different elements to this situation:
Your needs as a little + His needs as a little
His function as a caretaker + Your function as a caretaker

I think it's important for you two to figure out how important you each find these roles.

You're obviously very attached to being a little, and he seems to be too. But how attached are you to being a mommy? Since you can't do it right now, do you miss it? Does it make you feel happy to imagine? Or is it only important to you because it lets you meet his needs? That can be just fine too - but it's important to know.

And how attached is he to being a daddy? Is this something that truly makes him happy, and that he genuinely wants even when he's not doing it? Or, again, is it mainly about meeting your needs? (Again, that can be perfectly ok, but it's really important to know! because it changes the dynamic and the expectations)

These are important things for you to think and TALK about together - not assume that you already know the answers! If you seriously sit down and discuss these things, you'll probably discover the solutions all by yourselves. (But I'll go ahead and post the rest of this to give you some ideas :tongueout:)

I'm going to shrink these so you can just pop them open to read :)

Think about your individual needs while you are littles.
You seem to VERY much want a caretaker when you're little, so that's a clear need for you.

Does he, too? Or does he just need permission/space to be little himself, without specifically being mommy'd? If he doesn't especially need to feel Taken Care Of while he's little, you two might be able to spend some playtimes with him daddying you, and some playtimes both being little, and that could work out great.

On the other hand, if he strongly desires to have a caretaker while he's little, then I would suggest looking at how strong your drive to be a mommy is. If you really do want that for yourself, then just focus on learning how to turn the "mommy switch" back on despite the med issue. But if you don't have a very strong drive to mommy him, then it might be a better idea for him to meet that need some other way. It's better not to force yourself into stuff that really just isn't your thing.

One possibility? Someone else could be his caretaker. It could be totally platonic, whatever you two are comfortable with; then his little could be happy and you wouldn't need to worry about filling that role at all. This choice isn't for everyone, but I know it does work for some (like me - my papa has a dominant of his own!)

A more "medium" option would be for you two to play as big sib/little sib, babysitter/little, cousins, etc. You could take turns being the "big sibling" who has a more active caretaking role. Or you could try being two littles who play-act at caretaking each other - like you each have a life-size babydoll. It can be fun! These options would let you both be cared for, without the pressure of either one staying in "full caretaker mode" constantly.

On a more immediate level, it definitely sounds like you guys need some better communication.
For example, it sounds like he may not KNOW that when he says he's gonna do something as your caretaker (like daddy you all day), and then doesn't do it, it's very upsetting for you. Some possibilities here:

  • He may not realize that you're still in little mode when you wake up from a nap. I know that when I was regressing really hard, I would fall asleep and then wake up completely big again. He may be the same way and just assumes you are too, and that you don't need anything more from him once you wake up.
  • He might just not be able to stay in daddy mode for that long. Maybe you could agree to have shorter playtimes, and talk about it beforehand? Like him suggesting, "I'm pretty worn out/sad today. Let's have a short one, maybe 2 hours?" Or you, "I'm feeling really needy, could we do the rest of the afternoon together?" That way he has flexibility, you have some forewarning of a playtime's end, and you both can agree on expectations for the sesh.
  • It sounds like he's putting you down for a nap and then going off to do regular adult things, which knocks him out of the headspace emotionally. Maybe you two can figure out something better he can do while you're asleep. He could get padded (if he likes) and snuggle in next to you, for a super cuddly heap-of-littles nap together! Or if there are Daddy things that he wants to do, this would be the IDEAL time to do them. (choosing the next storybook he'll get for you, sorting your stash, planning what to do in the next playtime, even journaling about how it went this time, etc) Then he'll still be all focused and lovey-dovey when you wake up, because (to him) he has been daddying you this whole time!
Remember, you can't do this stuff "wrong!" There's no wrong way to be a little. There's no right way to be a caretaker. It's completely individual, so don't worry if the solution you find seems a bit unorthodox. The only thing that matters is that it makes you both happy!

That's all I've got for now...
I hope it gets you feeling, well, hopeful! :)

Everything you just said was exactly what I just said previously, what do you mean I'm not perfect. It doesn't rely on one individual, we all stick together and plus you mushed up my words and made them sound like they were yours.
 

BlueGrey

Est. Contributor
Messages
582
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
May I suggest that in order to give him some little time without actually coming out of little yourself, you make a doll out of him and play babydoll. You are still little, but he is getting cared for. I know that I have no understanding of medication effect. Just an idea to ponder. Do stay in communication.
 

FaennaJo

Est. Contributor
Messages
87
Role
  1. Little
Everything you just said was exactly what I just said previously, what do you mean I'm not perfect. It doesn't rely on one individual, we all stick together and plus you mushed up my words and made them sound like they were yours.

...what the heck? o_O I have no idea what you're talking about...

I don't think I said anything about you "not being perfect"... because I didn't refer to you at all :tongueout: The first sentence of my post was about the OP and her boyfriend. (About not being perfectly, instantly compatible as abdl's together) I guess I should have made that clearer.

Of course I agree that support is a group effort. That's why I assumed this thread was still open to anyone who wanted to contribute :) I figured I'd share my own personal experience and understanding of the situation the OP is in. I've faced this issue myself in the past and I did not handle it well, so I'm hoping to spare someone else my mistake.

To be honest, I didn't quite understand what you were saying anyway (which happens to me sometimes, don't take it personally) I could hardly decide to steal the credit for your ideas - I wouldn't even have been able to restate them.

So if you see similarities between what I wrote and what you wrote ... maybe we can agree that there are a few universal rules of good relationships, and we both happened to arrive at them independently :)

No hard feelings :)
 

Snivy

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,654
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Carer
  3. Private
...what the heck? o_O I have no idea what you're talking about...

I don't think I said anything about you "not being perfect"... because I didn't refer to you at all :tongueout: The first sentence of my post was about the OP and her boyfriend. (About not being perfectly, instantly compatible as abdl's together) I guess I should have made that clearer.

Of course I agree that support is a group effort. That's why I assumed this thread was still open to anyone who wanted to contribute :) I figured I'd share my own personal experience and understanding of the situation the OP is in. I've faced this issue myself in the past and I did not handle it well, so I'm hoping to spare someone else my mistake.

To be honest, I didn't quite understand what you were saying anyway (which happens to me sometimes, don't take it personally) I could hardly decide to steal the credit for your ideas - I wouldn't even have been able to restate them.

So if you see similarities between what I wrote and what you wrote ... maybe we can agree that there are a few universal rules of good relationships, and we both happened to arrive at them independently :)

No hard feelings :)

Ok and yes anyone was allowed to voice everyone's opinion but when you said this

FaennaJo said:
It sounds like you guys just might not be perfectly, automatically compatible in this. (And that's ok! )

That just turned me up cuz we were all guys atomic me and blue dude and because I was trying to be nice and help. Lack ofcommunications thru members :/
 

FaennaJo

Est. Contributor
Messages
87
Role
  1. Little
Ok and yes anyone was allowed to voice everyone's opinion but when you said this
That just turned me up cuz we were all guys atomic me and blue dude and because I was trying to be nice and help. Lack ofcommunications thru members :/

Yes, I can understand your point. Sorry for the confusion; I nearly always use 'guys' as an informal/non-gendered term :sweatdrop:

Hopefully Binkygirl has gotten some useful ideas in this thread - from anyone and everyone :)
 

Snivy

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,654
Role
  1. Babyfur
  2. Carer
  3. Private
Yes, I can understand your point. Sorry for the confusion; I nearly always use 'guys' as an informal/non-gendered term :sweatdrop:

Hopefully Binkygirl has gotten some useful ideas in this thread - from anyone and everyone :)

I also apologize in advance.
 

Binky

Rep for Binkygirl AB Creations
Company Rep
Messages
529
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
  3. Incontinent
ey you guys :p,
Thank you for all the advice. We had a good talk last night because I finally broke down into tears and cried. And he used the best method to get me calmed down. Snuggles and a binky. But all kidding aside. I am still learning to control my little side. IT takes a lot of work. But after he calmed me down we did have a talk.

As far as the meds. They can not be adjusted at the moment. we just got to the point where I am not having seizures every day so the meds have to stay how they are. One thing the meds do is make my cognitive ability very slow. I have trouble recalling things and trouble focusing. I need help being reminded of the things such as breathing exercises to calm me down. So we are going to work on that. Often times this med is combined with another med to help out. IT just maybe they need to add an anxiety med.

AS far my mommy side. There are times I do LOVE to be mommy. And he does feel the need to be taken care of when he is little. That I do not have a problem with. Just there are times when it is hard to focus enough to put my little aside to be mommy to him.

But we are communicating as much as we can. I tend to bottle things up till I explode but this is a learning process for me. But we are working on it.
I am sure at some point he will see this. So he may chime in. But we do our best to work things out as they come up. This is just a learning process.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top