Need a small amount of light judgement with some wisdom please

Mojo

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Diaper Lover
Let me give you some back round im in my early 20s and had 2 loving parents that were married for almost 40 years i do have sybolings but any way....

My parents marrage went down hill after my mom quit her job 12 or so years ago. From what i can guess she lost her self worth became depressed. She stopped cooking and cleaning. This started the resent ment between my mom and dad. Her spending got out of controle. And my dads way of dealing with it was verbal put downs and jokes witch were very wrong but did not invalve cusing just kind of metaly abusive. So my dad had to work more to 1 get away and 2 pay for all the stuff my mom was buying to my guess fill this hole in her life that was not filled threw marrage so from my perspective growing up these 2 in there relationship did not hold up their side of the bargain / relationship / marital duties/ love one another etc .

I want to say my mom quit her job around the time i was problably in middle school my mom was a pill poper whitch my intuition says she did this to try to feel better all her pills were by prescrption she had a suicidal episode at some point in time and my dad found out and he called the doctor in order to stop them from prescribing her the pills in turn the doctors office that proscribed her the pills and treats mental health and prescription drugs like an asembly line would have her in the syceatric office for maby 5 min or more if that and by the end of it she is out with another prescrption with out a proper monthly exam
So for the doctors office to cover there ass they call up to her job and try to pull a already filled proscription. "She was a pharmacy tech"... so they contorted it and said she some how filled her own prescription witch is a nono and she did not do it then loss prevention from her work got called in herassed her and said she stole and filled her own prescriptions she went back in to the farmacy and grabed the paper stating who filled her prescription mind you she did not quit yet still a imployee then the loss prevention guy told her she just stole pacient records then she quit
So fast foward long story short my mom blamed my dad for losing her job she never forgave him i assume
This was both sides start of resentments and start of the end

So 2017 i think is about the time they really heat up fight and so on my mom would attack my dad and my dad eventually would have to protect himself i had to get in the middle at least one time my mom was attacking my dad

So im not looking for sympathy

So things were getting worse my dog i had since 2003 i had to put him to sleep at old age of 12 years old mean while all this is going on (his name was mojo)

So when my parents would fight my mom would go nuts my dad would leave the house i would have to be her rock and make shure she was safe and would not hurt herself this happened quit a few times many suicide atempts thankfully they were never sucksesful

This destroid me i became a bar fly for about 6 8 months in order to deal with my griefe just get away mean while still taking care of my mom drowning my sorrows and working the same job with my dad

At this point anything with my mom my dad was pritty reserved understand able but was very hard for me

Time moved on they got there own places and my dad moved in with me

But threw the 6 or 7 suicide attempt my mom had and her stress and or bypolar disorder i had to back out after getting my own place just like my sick dog i had it was killing me to see the dog suffer and it was tearing me apart to deal with my moms speratic mood swigs and suicide attempts i just told my self i cant fix her and its not my job to try anymore i love her i just couldnt fix her make her happy she has to do that for herself get herself help

Fast forward
The mental stress from a unfinished 2 year divorce on my dad has robed him mentaly he can not focus well in things and is forgetful short term memory loss fogetfull
My boss took notice he loves my family so i have everything worked out threw me so i can get my dad going at work he can keep his job witch helps support him my mother and pays half the rent cus he lives with me

I guess i have a bad habbit of trying to help fix my mom help fix my dad
There distress sadness makes me feel sad makes me feel obligated to help fix the problem if i can and i have found that it is a fools arend

My dad has since started a relationship with a female she is nice and caring but hard to get along with at times she has moved in and kinda turned my world upside down about 6 8 months ago things have settled but for the year it was just me and my dad we were best friends and did everything togeather give or take most friends i have that are my age i find are worthless and dont give you the time of day but now my dad is my friend but we do almost nothing together now its lonely i have family but no friends it seems now

I dont know i just feel stuck i dont know what i want but my family to be together and happy but that is a fairy tail

I just feel i give and give and peaple just take and do not give back

I have a bad habit of taking on the imposible tasks of fixing my family or being the glue that holds it together
But if i dont do it no one will i love my family
Its like what do i do but only god can answer that question im just wating for a answer
 

Mojo

Est. Contributor
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126
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Diaper Lover
With home live it just seem i have a major change or obstical to deal with every 6 months
 

diaperfooties

🍼
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur, Little
That is a very hard situation to deal with for sure. When it comes to family some times it can be hard to set limits on how much you give. I think you need some time alone to regroup. Now I don't know how long that would be that is something you have to go with the flow on. Might be days or years but you need to take time out to care for yourself.
 

Mojo

Est. Contributor
Messages
126
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Diaper Lover
That is a very hard situation to deal with for sure. When it comes to family some times it can be hard to set limits on how much you give. I think you need some time alone to regroup. Now I don't know how long that would be that is something you have to go with the flow on. Might be days or years but you need to take time out to care for yourself.
Ya
 

Silversnell

Crystal
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I grew up in an alcoholic family. I felt like I needed to be the "glue" so I totally understand that. I felt I had to break up fights and make everything right daily. I did not want my parents to divorce because I loved them both so much. long story short, one of my parents died from the alcohol abuse and the other parent is doing better and actually re married years later. We are all in a better, happier place now but id still do anything to get my parent back. Sometimes when we are living under mom and dads roof we have to live with some side affects of what other housemates are doing. Keep your head up and stay positive. I know that sounds hard to do with what you have been through and what you have seen, but only YOU can control your attitude and how your future days/months/years play out. All the crappy things that have happened and you think are negative, they are really grand learning experiences to help us grow, get stronger, and take the right path for OUR future. Better days are ahead if you want them to be. Have faith my friend and stay positive all the time!
 

PaddedStag

Est. Contributor
Messages
287
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Incontinent
Let me give you some back round im in my early 20s and had 2 loving parents that were married for almost 40 years i do have sybolings but any way....

My parents marrage went down hill after my mom quit her job 12 or so years ago. From what i can guess she lost her self worth became depressed. She stopped cooking and cleaning. This started the resent ment between my mom and dad. Her spending got out of controle. And my dads way of dealing with it was verbal put downs and jokes witch were very wrong but did not invalve cusing just kind of metaly abusive. So my dad had to work more to 1 get away and 2 pay for all the stuff my mom was buying to my guess fill this hole in her life that was not filled threw marrage so from my perspective growing up these 2 in there relationship did not hold up their side of the bargain / relationship / marital duties/ love one another etc .

I want to say my mom quit her job around the time i was problably in middle school my mom was a pill poper whitch my intuition says she did this to try to feel better all her pills were by prescrption she had a suicidal episode at some point in time and my dad found out and he called the doctor in order to stop them from prescribing her the pills in turn the doctors office that proscribed her the pills and treats mental health and prescription drugs like an asembly line would have her in the syceatric office for maby 5 min or more if that and by the end of it she is out with another prescrption with out a proper monthly exam
So for the doctors office to cover there ass they call up to her job and try to pull a already filled proscription. "She was a pharmacy tech"... so they contorted it and said she some how filled her own prescription witch is a nono and she did not do it then loss prevention from her work got called in herassed her and said she stole and filled her own prescriptions she went back in to the farmacy and grabed the paper stating who filled her prescription mind you she did not quit yet still a imployee then the loss prevention guy told her she just stole pacient records then she quit
So fast foward long story short my mom blamed my dad for losing her job she never forgave him i assume
This was both sides start of resentments and start of the end

So 2017 i think is about the time they really heat up fight and so on my mom would attack my dad and my dad eventually would have to protect himself i had to get in the middle at least one time my mom was attacking my dad

So im not looking for sympathy

So things were getting worse my dog i had since 2003 i had to put him to sleep at old age of 12 years old mean while all this is going on (his name was mojo)

So when my parents would fight my mom would go nuts my dad would leave the house i would have to be her rock and make shure she was safe and would not hurt herself this happened quit a few times many suicide atempts thankfully they were never sucksesful

This destroid me i became a bar fly for about 6 8 months in order to deal with my griefe just get away mean while still taking care of my mom drowning my sorrows and working the same job with my dad

At this point anything with my mom my dad was pritty reserved understand able but was very hard for me

Time moved on they got there own places and my dad moved in with me

But threw the 6 or 7 suicide attempt my mom had and her stress and or bypolar disorder i had to back out after getting my own place just like my sick dog i had it was killing me to see the dog suffer and it was tearing me apart to deal with my moms speratic mood swigs and suicide attempts i just told my self i cant fix her and its not my job to try anymore i love her i just couldnt fix her make her happy she has to do that for herself get herself help

Fast forward
The mental stress from a unfinished 2 year divorce on my dad has robed him mentaly he can not focus well in things and is forgetful short term memory loss fogetfull
My boss took notice he loves my family so i have everything worked out threw me so i can get my dad going at work he can keep his job witch helps support him my mother and pays half the rent cus he lives with me

I guess i have a bad habbit of trying to help fix my mom help fix my dad
There distress sadness makes me feel sad makes me feel obligated to help fix the problem if i can and i have found that it is a fools arend

My dad has since started a relationship with a female she is nice and caring but hard to get along with at times she has moved in and kinda turned my world upside down about 6 8 months ago things have settled but for the year it was just me and my dad we were best friends and did everything togeather give or take most friends i have that are my age i find are worthless and dont give you the time of day but now my dad is my friend but we do almost nothing together now its lonely i have family but no friends it seems now

I dont know i just feel stuck i dont know what i want but my family to be together and happy but that is a fairy tail

I just feel i give and give and peaple just take and do not give back

I have a bad habit of taking on the imposible tasks of fixing my family or being the glue that holds it together
But if i dont do it no one will i love my family
Its like what do i do but only god can answer that question im just wating for a answer
You have a big heart and a good soul.
Your 'Family' is taking every advantage of both.
Been there, done that, finally had to 'Divorce' my Mother and her (then) 3rd husband.
Being an enabler for other people's bad behavior/decisions will never, ever, help them.

It's entirely up to you. You can continue helping them live, and they'll continue relying on you. If you can live happily like that, go for it.

If it's depressing you and negatively affecting YOUR quality of life?

They're adults. Send them on THEIR way and wish them well. You are not required to support/help people that aren't willing to help themselves.

Good luck.
 

Mojo

Est. Contributor
Messages
126
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Diaper Lover
Yes at times it is depressing
Right now i am working with my dad since his alamony supports my mother and inturn keeps her stable then the rest of his pay supports him and his housing his half of the rent

He is planning on moving out next spring
With his gf

I just feel eventualy he will lose all his mind i pray that doesnt happen right now he is on a high dose adhd drug

When he is off it you can tell him somthing or he can ask you somthing multiple times
Its like he just doesnt retain the information and no more than a min goes by or 2 and u have to tell him again

I just pray this isnt alzhiemers or dementia
His dad died of alztimers in his early 70s and his mom is on the coherent side sharp but is forgetting dates losing mony and so on.

Its just between my mom (i dont have alot of contact but i still worry and feel bad about it i just dont know where to start rebuilding this relationship we were veryclose and things she did hurt me so bad i kinda put up a wall her many suicid atempts made me tell my self a long time ago dont be suprised when u get thats call "your mother is dead" it just feels so cold) unstable when situations arize my dad memory issuse i dont know how long he will keep his memory mentalfitness to work and his mom grandma losing her mind dementia

Next to bat my boss is 82 in the best health ive ever seen in a man of his age moving 100pd 5gallon buckets around loading them on pallets

Im trieing to save up money in order to keep the buisness afloat if anything happens to him

My boss is such a good man he has provided a job for me my dad and my dads dad i hold him in very high regard and he is family to me no relation tho

As much as i can remember to do so i pray for his good health

I feel stuck somewhat because my dad needs me i need him tony needs me my dad needs his job i need my job my mom needs the income lol its a very different flow chart

This doesnt only benifit the people named but it does help my sister and brother because it keeps my mom stable

I will say in no way shape or form am i tuting my horn or saying look at me i just really need help sorting out the tasks at hand that ive been given in life and i just need gods direction in what and how to properly tak care of theses situations i can only give all the glory to God because he has taken care of me and loved me and helped me make my way in life

I dont want to leave my family i just get so high strung i hit the flight mode
 

Moonshot

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364
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Adult Baby, Little
Hi Mojo,

As others have said, you do need to focus on your own well-being, both physical and mental health. You may even want to consider some counseling. It is difficult to be hard and strong without eventually breaking. A willow bends and an oak splinters was something that came up in counseling.

Having experienced a marriage to someone who used alcohol and a son who used drugs, the stress can really weigh a person down. I did not realize how much until my wife passed away.

My son has also passed away in the last year. I was better prepared for this event since I had started to take better care of my own life. I had learned a hard lesson with my wife that no matter how much you love someone you cannot "fix" them. Both my wife and son lived their lives as they decided. I was not able to change the path they traveled.

I now live my life for myself and understand that love can cloud how you deal with a problem. Sometimes there just is nothing you can do to change a situation. There are times that a rescuer has to abandon a drowning swimmer or both will drown. This does not mean you turn your back on a person you love. But this does mean you may need to distance yourself so that you don't get pulled down with them.
 

Mojo

Est. Contributor
Messages
126
Role
Diaper Lover
You have a big heart and a good soul.
Your 'Family' is taking every advantage of both.
Been there, done that, finally had to 'Divorce' my Mother and her (then) 3rd husband.
Being an enabler for other people's bad behavior/decisions will never, ever, help them.

It's entirely up to you. You can continue helping them live, and they'll continue relying on you. If you can live happily like that, go for it.

If it's depressing you and negatively affecting YOUR quality of life?

They're adults. Send them on THEIR way and wish them well. You are not required to support/help people that aren't willing to help themselves.

Good luck.
Hi Mojo,

As others have said, you do need to focus on your own well-being, both physical and mental health. You may even want to consider some counseling. It is difficult to be hard and strong without eventually breaking. A willow bends and an oak splinters was something that came up in counseling.

Having experienced a marriage to someone who used alcohol and a son who used drugs, the stress can really weigh a person down. I did not realize how much until my wife passed away.

My son has also passed away in the last year. I was better prepared for this event since I had started to take better care of my own life. I had learned a hard lesson with my wife that no matter how much you love someone you cannot "fix" them. Both my wife and son lived their lives as they decided. I was not able to change the path they traveled.

I now live my life for myself and understand that love can cloud how you deal with a problem. Sometimes there just is nothing you can do to change a situation. There are times that a rescuer has to abandon a drowning swimmer or both will drown. This does not mean you turn your back on a person you love. But this does mean you may need to distance yourself so that you don't get pulled down with them.
Thank you both for your advice
 
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