My wife says she's ok with it

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eagle1

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I've kinda been struggling with this lately. My wife says she is ok with me wearing diapers around her, yet, I am still very uncomfortable about doing so. Even though she says she is ok with it, I can't help but feel like she is just saying it to make me feel good, but secretly hates it. Our relationship is great and we have had many talks about this topic. She assures me she is ok with it, but I just can't help but think she isn't and can't seem to get comfotable wearing around her. I still feel like I have to be secretive and sneaky about it.

Anyone have any thoughts on how I can get over this?
 

ozbub

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Ummm, I guess just do it. My partners ok with it also and I've been wearing in front of her about 3yrs now and I still feel weird sometimes. Mostly when I'm diapering up. For some reason once I'm in it my inhibitions disappear though. Truthfully she is still a little uncomfortable with it which kind of sucks, but she's trying. Ain't love grand :)
 

Akastus

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Difficult. On the one hand, people often hide their true feelings, even from the people they love (especially from the people they love), and a woman saying that nothing is wrong when she really means "of course something is wrong, you insensitive dolt!" is a cliché for a reason. However, there is also such a thing as inappropriate guilt. If she has repeatedly said that she's okay with it, then ultimately, you have to take her at her word.

Honest communication is the basis of all lasting relationships. It's one thing to hide your true feelings when you really don't want the other party to know them, but it is not fair for one party to expect the other to accurately ascertain their true feelings on something when their words say the exact opposite.
 

eagle1

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Ummm, I guess just do it. My partners ok with it also and I've been wearing in front of her about 3yrs now and I still feel weird sometimes. Mostly when I'm diapering up. For some reason once I'm in it my inhibitions disappear though. Truthfully she is still a little uncomfortable with it which kind of sucks, but she's trying. Ain't love grand :)

It is. And I think a lot of my problem is that I think of what it would be like to be in her shoes. This is something very odd, and I just think that she looks at me as less of a man because of me wearing, so I ultimately just talk myself out of it.

- - - Updated - - -

Difficult. On the one hand, people often hide their true feelings, even from the people they love (especially from the people they love), and a woman saying that nothing is wrong when she really means "of course something is wrong, you insensitive dolt!" is a cliché for a reason. However, there is also such a thing as inappropriate guilt. If she has repeatedly said that she's okay with it, then ultimately, you have to take her at her word.

Honest communication is the basis of all lasting relationships. It's one thing to hide your true feelings when you really don't want the other party to know them, but it is not fair for one party to expect the other to accurately ascertain their true feelings on something when their words say the exact opposite.

You're absolutely right. And we do communicate well. I think I am just going to have to take her word for it. A lot of it is that I'm in my own head, which ultimately keeps me from wearing in front of her. I need to get out! Lol
 

MattyMax

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Know the feeling. My partner is also good with it (since before we were a couple). But, i am shy padding up in front of him. Usually wait for him to leave the room. Once i got shorts or pants on, my shyness is gone. Wierdly, im not shy anymore putting on my night diaper before bed, because i really need it and he appreciates a dry bed. Also, get pretty embarrassed if he sees a rolled up used diaper, the trash goes out every morning for that reason.
 

couchesstevenboy

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Hi!!! Is really nice to read from people that is going the same as I do. my Wife is sometimes sort of ok with it and sometimes she is not. Definitely not her thing and is still hard for her to figure out why diapers. Though she knows that somehow they make me feel good.
 

eagle1

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Hi!!! Is really nice to read from people that is going the same as I do. my Wife is sometimes sort of ok with it and sometimes she is not. Definitely not her thing and is still hard for her to figure out why diapers. Though she knows that somehow they make me feel good.

Lol, I'm still trying to figure out "why diapers"? The mind is a very interesting thing. But, they make me feel good, and I just need to figure out how to be comfortable around my wife, when she says she's ok with it. It is nice to have other people to talk to about this, that are going through the same things.
 

tg4selfcheckout

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Fear not, friend!

I came out to my current girlfriend as a DL about 7 months in. I was nervous as hell about it. I did it via text while at work, because if I had to say it aloud, I would have never been able to. She was super understanding and curious about it. After a couple great conversations, then wearing under my pants when I was with her, then wearing nothing except a diaper as pajamas when i slept over, and finally diapering myself in front of her, I left 2 diapers at her house and told her she was free to try them out if/when she ever wanted to. Within a week or so, she had bought some of her own and was happy I had introduced her to the pleasure of diapers. So, clearly, she doesn't mind that I'm ABDL. She's very much into it!

That said, I still have had moments when I struggle with whether or not my DL side weirds her out or makes her think differently of me. It will burst in out of the blue when we are alone together, either making love or getting diapered before bedtime, but theyre more of a curiosity than a concern, because I know she's into that part of our relationship.

Those feelings almost totally disappeared when we were only engaging in DL play and casual wearing/wetting, and then came back when I started to engage in age regression and sissy role-play. She was definitely more hesitant/ conflicted about that than the diapers on their own, but in the past month or two, she's really embraced that too, experimenting and growing accustomed to it, both as a 'caretaker' and a fellow 'little'. That said, the self-consciousness is still pretty prominent.

So just know that those feelings happen to a lot of us, even when the situation is pretty much ideal. All I can say is: communicate with her about it, but don't be so worried about trying to read her that you end up turning her off to it by repeatedly forcing her to tell you that she's ok with it. After a while, that can be pretty draining and annoying.

At this point, she's either honestly ok with it (which I think is true), or she's decided that her discomfort is outweighed by her affection and concern for you and she wants you to be happy and comfy despite the way she feels (which i think is very unlikely). Either one of those possibilities is far better than what many partnered/married AB/DLs experience when they come out to their S.O.

So enjoy your padded life with her! Check in with her occasionally and casually, but at this point, take her at her word and ease your DL side into the normalcy of your relationship.

Best wishes!
 

eagle1

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Fear not, friend!

I came out to my current girlfriend as a DL about 7 months in. I was nervous as hell about it. I did it via text while at work, because if I had to say it aloud, I would have never been able to. She was super understanding and curious about it. After a couple great conversations, then wearing under my pants when I was with her, then wearing nothing except a diaper as pajamas when i slept over, and finally diapering myself in front of her, I left 2 diapers at her house and told her she was free to try them out if/when she ever wanted to. Within a week or so, she had bought some of her own and was happy I had introduced her to the pleasure of diapers. So, clearly, she doesn't mind that I'm ABDL. She's very much into it!

That said, I still have had moments when I struggle with whether or not my DL side weirds her out or makes her think differently of me. It will burst in out of the blue when we are alone together, either making love or getting diapered before bedtime, but theyre more of a curiosity than a concern, because I know she's into that part of our relationship.

Those feelings almost totally disappeared when we were only engaging in DL play and casual wearing/wetting, and then came back when I started to engage in age regression and sissy role-play. She was definitely more hesitant/ conflicted about that than the diapers on their own, but in the past month or two, she's really embraced that too, experimenting and growing accustomed to it, both as a 'caretaker' and a fellow 'little'. That said, the self-consciousness is still pretty prominent.

So just know that those feelings happen to a lot of us, even when the situation is pretty much ideal. All I can say is: communicate with her about it, but don't be so worried about trying to read her that you end up turning her off to it by repeatedly forcing her to tell you that she's ok with it. After a while, that can be pretty draining and annoying.

At this point, she's either honestly ok with it (which I think is true), or she's decided that her discomfort is outweighed by her affection and concern for you and she wants you to be happy and comfy despite the way she feels (which i think is very unlikely). Either one of those possibilities is far better than what many partnered/married AB/DLs experience when they come out to their S.O.

So enjoy your padded life with her! Check in with her occasionally and casually, but at this point, take her at her word and ease your DL side into the normalcy of your relationship.

Best wishes!

Thanks for your input. You make a lot of sense. I wish she would be into it at least half as much as your girl is, but ik it's not realistic lol. Anyway, enjoy it.
 

ToddySmurf

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Anyone have any thoughts on how I can get over this?

Wow. We just talked about this very thing on the newest episode of the ABDLcast podcast.

I am in the same boat. My wife insists that it is no big deal at all. And I just can't wrap my head around it. I am working on accepting myself and accepting g that she, indeed, accepts me too.
 

Fascinating

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Sometimes it is hard not to be shy. Last weekend my husband woke up needing to go and instead of getting up he decided to use my padding. Now I think he is really warming up to the idea. He will not wear because he gets rashes very easily but he is awesome at using.
 

ozbub

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Wow. We just talked about this very thing on the newest episode of the ABDLcast podcast.

I am in the same boat. My wife insists that it is no big deal at all. And I just can't wrap my head around it. I am working on accepting myself and accepting g that she, indeed, accepts me too.

haha lol.... I seriously just finished listening to that when I posted last night, just a minute after eagle1...I was gobsmacked too.

Actually, this is a huge topic, and I wonder if it gets enough of an airing. I think we kind of confuse our partners acceptance as understanding our genuine predicament, rather than an acceptance of us as a person....by that I mean, their investment in us as a person outweighs any perceived discomfort with our kink. I think that's more like tolerating a sore back (you know you've got it, so you either get on with it or spend a whole lot of time complaining about it) Of course I'm being overly pessimistic, when my own reality is one of a long slow road to acceptance. There are genuine tender moments of acceptance, but fewer than I might hope for. Then again I've been adapting to my unique situation for a whole lot longer than she has.

What ever the case, having it out in the open with someone you share so much with, is soooo much better than skulking around in the shadows of a relationship.

Coming to terms with being an AB is a tough enough road in itself, introducing a an unsuspecting partner just means going through the whole thing again.
 

couchesstevenboy

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Lol, I'm still trying to figure out "why diapers"? The mind is a very interesting thing. But, they make me feel good, and I just need to figure out how to be comfortable around my wife, when she says she's ok with it. It is nice to have other people to talk to about this, that are going through the same things.

Definitely!!! I'm new here in ADISC. Soo cool to read and find out others going through the same. Is there any special group in the page like " DL that are married"?
 

ornitorrinco

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I am in the same boat. My wife insists that it is no big deal at all. And I just can't wrap my head around it. I am working on accepting myself and accepting g that she, indeed, accepts me too.

Ditto that. In some ways I think she is more accepting of it than I am. In part b/c I think she "deserves" somebody better (i.e. w/o the fettish).


Is there any special group in the page like " DL that are married"?

I like that idea. Not sure if it should be a separate forum/sub forum, or if it should be a group. I would prefer to see it as a sub forum, because I feel like group posts get lost and don't have the prominence that thread posts have.
 

couchesstevenboy

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Yeah, subforum would be good. Though I have no idea how that page works more than reading and commenting on posts :s
 
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