My story/situation, and advice plea

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So I guess I should give an intro (I've seen many a thread about why, and who you are, I'll try to answer both here) and then go on to my predicament.

Ok, I'm 23 and a grad school student currently living in the Boston area (as are a large majority of students due to the like 70 colleges here), I went to school in the southeast to a major state university where college is king. Did the whole college thing, frat et al. Met the girl of my dreams in my senior year, and am currently doing long distance. This was the boring biographical stuff, which will be important later.

Ok, now the important parts. My first salient memory of diapers after potty training (which i only have 1 memory of, showing off my new potty) was when I was around 8, I was at my great uncles house and asked to try on one of my 3 year old cousins diapers, they said yes, but no peeing in them. I just remember being very comfortable when I was wearing them. I then went about 7 years without another thought to diapers, then I saw a show (I think it was real sex on hbo) with a segment on an ab, and it brought back the memories of the diaper at my great uncles house, which caused me to hit the internet. I then experimented with making my own diapers or stealing baby ones, neither of which made me happy, but thanks to dpf I was able to at east read stories to indulge in my fantasy.
I didn't have a traumatic childhood, my parents didnt abuse me, or any of that other stuff. I was under a lot of pressure to succeed though, and in elementary and middle school I was somewhat ostracized (but who doesn't feel that way about middle school?). I see the "little time" in my life as the one time where there was no pressure on my (if you need some psychoanalyst stuff in the story).
Fast forward to 19, I'm a sophomore in college with 1 roommate who left for the summer, so I go hog wild ordering diapers online (college was in a small town where everywhere has students working) and a onesie and baby food and other stuff. About two weeks later I have a guilt attack and purge my collection.
This summer I again buy diapers and underjams and wear them for a couple of weeks, but feel guilty and yet again purge. I now have moved to boston and have yet again ordered diapers (ecure xplus because bambino never has smalls!) and a onezie (which I have promised myself not to purge since i know ill want one again if i do). I will of course have to hide this stuff because i have a roomate I barely know who nos nothing of this part of me.

This actually leads into my next point, NO ONE knows this part of me. This is the first time I've ever told anyone besides myself that I'm an abdl. Literally no one has any idea. Which brings me to my dilemma, I want to tell my girlfriend about my fantasy/fetish. Here's the rub though, I'm pretty sure she'll be repulsed, because when an underjams commercial comes on she almost always comments on how her children won't be wearing those because its gross. I've commented back about how it lets them be a kid (they should control themselves), but she usually wont respond if I say something like "it's better than the alternative". However she has also said I have a long way until I pass her kink limit in the bed rooms (we've done lite spanking and the ilk)
So here's the question, how do I tell her, because I really want to. I'm already assuming I must do it in person because it is a big thing in the relationship, but I also don't want to ruin one of our few weekends together. I also don't want to wait until the end of a trip though because I don't want her to dwell on it until we talk again.
I figure my intro will be something like, 'I want to tell you something I've never told anyone before'.
What do you guys think, and any advice?
 

Grutzvalt

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Well, I'm glad you feel like you can talk to this community about this kind of stuff, even when no one else knows.

To answer your question, you do not want to tell her, unless you are extremely comfortable with her, and you KNOW she won't react.

With my friend, I invited him over to use my internet (...teenagers...you know how this story goes...), so I showed him some diaper websites, and he was like "mkay, what ever...lets get back to the boobies."

So I came out to him about it, and he honestly couldn't care less...he doesn't mention it, and I don't mention his sick fetishes...Always make sure your friend is really asleep if you're going to do that stuff on his computer.
 
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Also my bad on not putting this in the AB board, was not paying attention to where I was.
 

Maverick

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I think you should definitely tell her; in serious relationships, your partner should always know. Judging by what she said about the UnderJams commercials, she probably won't accept the fact that her boyfriend likes to wear diapers and play baby. But don't be discouraged, people tend to surprise you with stuff like this.

I have never told anyone in real life, so I may not offer the best advice, but here goes...

Before "coming out of the closet," you need to be confident, optimistic, and comfortable with your infantilism. You need to be prepared to face rejection, but not expect it. When you feel ready, just sit down with her one day and directly tell her. Don't write it on a piece of paper or show her a website about it. Just tell her what it is and how it makes you feel. If she accepts it, congratulations! If not, well, I suggest looking for a new girlfriend...
 

spacemanBEN

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If your relationship is really serious, there really isn't a way around telling her eventually, and the sooner the better I think. She might be hurt if you tell her when the relationship gets even more serious, because she would probably feel like you didn't trust her. And, if marriage is a possibility, then you definitely want to tell her before you get to this point.

Here's why I would recommend telling her. If she really loves you, she will accept this part of you, no matter how repulsed she is by it initially. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but it is true! If she can't accept this part of you, then the relationship probably wasn't as close as you initially thought.

I agree with Maverick regarding the fact that you will need to be confident with yourself before you tell anyone. Don't expect anyone to be able to accept you if you can't accept yourself. Once you reach this point, you should probably just explain it to her in person. I think that showing a website, like understandinginfantilism.org could be beneficial also in helping explain it.

This won't be easy for you or your girlfriend, but just remember that love can overcome all things. Best of luck to you.
 
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I'll kind of echo what others have said.

You know what they say about true friends? No, not that they'll be the ones in jail with you saying "Man, that was freaking awesome!!"(though those kind don't hurt either). I'm talking about how a true friend will not judge you based on your faults or eccentricities. The same is, and *must be*, true of any long-term relationship. It shouldn't be centered around the physical end of it, but the deeper stuff in order to survive, and this includes both partners being mature enough to accept each others faults. It's like what Jeff Foxworthy said once:

"You don't get married to get sex! Gettin' married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts! If all you want's peanuts there's a lot more cost-efficient ways to get 'em."

If your girlfriend is a *true* friend then she will accept you for who and what you are. If she's not, and thinks less of you for it, you're better off finding someone who'll be accepting of your quirks. Trust me, it's better in the long run.
 

ayanna

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First of all...you MUST be totally honest with her. I've met too many ABDLs who were married and never told their wives about their little 'quirk' and were miserable for 40 years. So, we already know you have to tell her.

How to tell her? Gently. Don't just blurt out "I like wearing diapers and want someone to baby me!" 'cause she's gonna run so far and so fast!

Try things like "Honey, you know how I like childish things...(insert game or other activity that you enjoy, that she knows about)...well...there's a little more to it than that. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm still a kid. It helps me to get away from the pressures of school/work/life! I like to cuddle my teddy (other plushie/blanket) and just remember how nice it was being a child without a care in the world."

If she takes all that well...you can lead GENTLY into the idea of diapers (maybe on the next visit).

Don't bombard her with information, but don't leave her 'hanging' either. Ask her if she has any questions or concerns? Tell her how it makes you feel.

When she asks questions, and she WILL ask questions, be completely honest with her.

Oh 'n when you do get around to telling her that you like to wear diapers...do NOT ask her to participate. I should repeat that last part...DO NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) ask her to participate! If she wants to...great....if not...well too bad, but perhaps she'll indulge you enough to at least not be bothered by it all.

I personally think it's a bit much to thrust on someone in ONE weekend...so I'd spread it out a bit. AND DEFINITELY make sure that she knows that this in no way detracts from your feelings for her. That you will always treat her as the beautiful woman she is and emphasise that you enjoy being an ADULT, too! (just sometimes you'd like to be a lil kid again)

For the record...I was introduced to infantilism by a guy...sooooo it's not that big a stretch to think she'd at least accept this little 'quirky kink' of yours.
 
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I think that Ayanna said it about perfectly.

Let me reiterate one point though, You have to tell her.
 

ballucanb

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I would tell her, if she freaks, see if you can work things out, it is alot better telling her now, than waiting and telling her years from now, and breaking up after all of that time.

I think if she loves you, she will put up with your little kinks, likewise you should put up with hers also, and don't say she dosen't have any, everyone does, some more severe than others but eveyone has them.
 
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I would have to agree with Ayanna on this one, and let me explain. I'm 49 now, and have been into diapers since I was a small child, initially around 5 or 6, and then even more at 11 or 12. I kept it a secret all of my life, even from my wife, until we had been married for 15 years. I tried to bring up the subject a few times, but never got a very warm reception to it, so I didn't press it. When I finally just came out and told her, she was really hurt, first because I guess she thought I didn't trust her, but she also didn't trust me after that. It's been a really rocky road since then, and it almost caused a divorce at one point. I never did it in front of her, ever, and never asked her to participate either. It was simply that she just couldn't forget that I hadn't told her from the start. When I found out about this on the internet, (I had no idea until 3 or 4 years ago that there was any such thing as an AB/DL), I was on for hours and hours, at night and all day. She found out about that, and then the feces really contacted the rotary oscillator! The only thing that really saved my marriage was my health problems. I've now had 3 major back surgeries, and 5 other minor surgeries for other things, and I'm totally incontinent now. I HAVE to wear diapers, and she's very understanding of that. I've been in diapers now 5 years, and been married for 21. But I wish I had told her when we were dating. Because if I had known she would never accept it, I would have found someone that would.
You HAVE to tell her, no way out of it. You will never be happy if you don't. If she doesn't accept it, then move on. This is something that will never go away, I know, I've tried to lose it before as well. I've done the binge/purge thing many, many times, and thrown away thousands of dollars worth of stuff over the years. It's not worth it. TELL HER!!!!
 

IncompleteDude

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I'd say tell her, but fully expect to be finding another girlfriend. It doesn't look good.
 

dogboy

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Isn't this a great site, with fantastic member. I'm always impressed with someone like Maverick who at 15 has the maturity of a 30 year old. I think Ayanna has given all the info you need. I've been an AB/DL for many, many years. In the beginning, I too went through all the gotta do it, do it, do it, and then get rid of everything in a fit of guilt. To a large degree, it's who we are. Then I got married and did not tell my wife. I lived without probably for the first 7 years of our marriage. Then we moved and went to new jobs, where I had Fridays off to clean house, and for many years I had a great time without anyone knowing. Then I changed jobs and worked 6 days a week. To make a long story short, my wife found out by an internet order, and questioned me. She was very understanding, and even helps facilitate when my mother in law comes to visit. But we have a very close relationship. Because she is diabetic, I have saved her life hundreds of times. Now I help her dialyse at home. We are a team made with love.

From what you say, it does not sound like your girl friend would be too accepting. I would go very slow on the first announcement, with "have you ever just wanted to go back to like, oh I don't know, ...when you were very young, and things were so much more simpler...etc... If she says, "Ooo, that's gross", then warning Will Robinson, and back off. Then you have to decide, do I want to live with her and no diapers? Do I want to live a life going behind her back (not recommended)? Or do I want to live a life alone, maybe for a long time, and cuddle up to my diapers? Only you know her, and only you know your own desires.
 
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Thanks guys, I'm just trying to come to grips with how to say it, and I think ayana is probably right on the money with what I should do. Hopefully it goes smoothly...
 

PumaPunku

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Tell her. Tell her now so that if she wants to break up you can pick up and move on more quickly. Find someone else, if that happens, that will be more understanding. Maybe someone in 'the scene' who also likes them? Lots of accepting ladies out there who would find a diapered man adorable.

Repressing this to keep a girlfriend/spouse will only lead to problems.

I had to have this conversation with my girlfriend because I figured if we were going to get married, she'd find out eventually. 10 years later we're still together and occasionally she joins in on the diaper fun.

Being married for 9 years I can tell you that there are reasons to stay single and reasons not to be. If my wife wanted a divorce it would be a rocky few months to get through the process, but in the end - FREEDOM! I favor commitment, but if it doesn't favor me, I can move on. Simple as that. Try not to get too caught up in your identity depending upon another person so much that you compromise your true self.

Lots of potential partners out there even if you're not a handsome person. Just have to believe in yourself enough that the confidence beams from you. If you lose her because of this small part of your life, find someone else and be thankful for the good times you two spent together. Maybe if she likes you enough she can see past this or gain a new understanding of non-vanilla sexuality/sensuality.

Take this advice with a grain of salt and remember all the folks on here that have been through repressing the urges and binge-purge cycles. Lots of those same experiences for a variety of people.
 

ade

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i suppose that telling her would be okay if you want her to be a part of your ab/dl aspect, but i always think that a person should keep a little piece of their self for their self.
 

wetatnight

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I agree that you should tell her
if she can't or won't accept it then she's not the woman for you.
just be honest about why you like diapers and how they amke you feel and tell here that she wouldn't have to change you or anything if she didn't want to be involved in your fetish.
who know's she may come around and think it's cute and may want to play mommy some times.
so, you never know.
but if she accepts it or not tell her.
 
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