My parents are seriously insane...

[adaffme149]

Tonight (last night), I couldn't sleep (again. And much of it is stress inflicted by none other than my mother.) I decided, rather than wasting my night on the internet, I would take initiative to work on getting this hellhole of a room cleaned, and I did. Just because I stayed up all night (which I tend to anyways, at times), and cleaning my room no less (and did successfully clean it, all I have to do now is vaccuum), something every single parent in the world would be thought to appreciate, I got yelled at because "you should be sleeping your day away like usual" (which I also get yelled at for... I got yelled at this morning for not waking up when I set my alarm because we lost power, and my alarm was therefore off, and therefore wasn't there to wake me up, and I wasn't informed that I needed to reset it untill a few hours after I set it for (about 5 hours.)) I really think this is both hypocritical and generally yet another sign of bad parenting. I mean, I know I shouldn't stay up all night, but at least I was being productive. I know sometimes I'll probably have to do that in college (when I'm actually full time), to get projects done, but apparently my parents would rather me sleep the day away. Good work ethic there, huh?

And, aparently somehow, that evil internet kept me up, and must have FORCED me to clean my room, because they went as far as to tell me that I'm grounded from the internet (Oh no. Then I'll just stay up bored in my room, probably either thinking, worrying about death/infinity, programming, or masturbating, all of which are my usual night-time activities when I can't sleep.) They sure got all the solutions, I tell ya.

My counselor reccomended me try something to help me sleep. I told her I refuse to take drugs after what they put me through last time with ADHD "medicine", and so she reccomended me a natural herbal remedy for sleeping problems (and no, I don't mean pot. ) My mom, as usual, failed to even take notice that I said I would try it, and since she didn't want to go to the store on her way home to get whatever it was, she simply denied the fact that I said I would try it (She does that to me all the time, though, like she can just tell me what I did and didn't say, and I would accept it as the truth.) So, here I am with the internet being to blame for every single one of my problems, and not even the slightest morsel of it falls on my parents' shoulders.

I really don't remember what the point of this topic was going to be, I guess it was just to vent. I can't wait untill I get out of this house (which my mom is now trying to stop me form doing, after just a week ago trying to kick me out, and going as far as to almost having me arrested, and having an Order of Protection against me. If it isn't obvious by now, she's pretty much trying to make my life hell, for some reason or another.)

 

[dogboy]

Wow! There's a lot of information here stuck between the lines, like "order of protection". I'm guess that there is a lot of history here, not just one night of staying up late and your alarm not going off. Personally, alarms fail and it's no big deal, or at least it shouldn't be. Clearly your mom was upset because of many past things that have happened?

I would try to keep a low profile for the next week until this blows over. Just try to do the things that will make the parents more or less happy. If there is a charging bull in the room, stay out of its way, so to speak. Concentrate on other things such as school work. Maybe listen to some music that speaks to you and makes you feel better. In this world, bad things happen to all sorts of people, even the good ones. When that happens, we have to find ways to weather the storm. I wish you the best in all of this. Try to find some peace until things settle down, and good luck.

 

[adaffme149]

She's finding a way to arrest me, I know it. I just got threatened to have the cops called on me, because i had "A*Teens/ABBA - Super Trooper" playing too loudly. (Yes, I know, gay song, but I have to do something to release stress, seeming as she Adolf'd my last stress reliever (TBDL), so I started playing that song and sorta dancing to it (And no, I'm not gay. ) I mean, how'd that be for a police report: "Suspect harrassed person in question with ABBA. Believed to be heavily rythmic. Taken into custody singing, '...Super trooper, lights are gonna blind me, but I won't feel blue...' It can be used against him in a court of law." :sad:

I'm honestly scared to breathe right now, she's always after me... And for the history on the OoP, see my other threads, specifically "Help!" and "Do you find this weird/odd? Why/Why not?" I mean, I just cleaned my room, but that wans't good enough for her, because it wasn't on her schedule, in her way, when she said so. Nothing's ever good enough for her... I cleaned my entire room, something I haven't done in over a year, and I was feeling proud for a moment there, then she comes along and yells at me for it, and totally cuts down my self-esteem... That's normal, though. I'm not good enough for her. Hell, apparently high 80's/low-to-mid 90's in high school and a 4.0 college GPA so far aren't good enoguh for her, I got yelled at that I can do better, for that, too. I don't do things how she says, when she says, why she says, I'm not her. I'm not out being a total, for lack of a better word, whore, getting knocked up by a drunken to-be-deadbeat father while on drugs of all sorts (or getting a girl knocked up) at the age of 16, then running off to NY, dropping out of school at 10th grade, and then having kids with another guy, leaving him, and then depending on yet another guy for survival. Boy, that's some high standard she set for me to surpass. No, I'm not that, and it eats away at her. My life somehow affects hers, in such a big way. How I work, how I relax, how I sleep, hell, even how I masturbate (Literally. She for some reason thinks it's such a big deal that diapers turn me on), has to be under her control. And yet she doesn't see why I compare her to Adolf Hitler/communist governments, and she doesn't see why I'm stressed, and she doesn't see why I have low self-esteem, and why I have no real burning desire to go out and have a social life, and why would have thoughts of suicide. I tell you, I honestly don't know where I'd be right now, if it weren't for this site to express how I feel on. Actually, I fear that I can, and it's not pretty. (At least she could tape her Order of Protection to my gravestone, make sure I don't harrass her as a zombie. :laugh Thank you all, for helping me stay strong, ADISC community. :grouphug:

 

[adaffme149]

Wow. She just started recording me. Honestly. Because apparently she can gain something from recording me. She has a video camera runing in my living room. I can't make this up, people. All I know is, something's gotta change. And if I can't get out of here soon, she'll always know where I am. I refuse to live under this totalitarian reign anymore and if she keeps being this unstable and alienating, I'm honestly going to have to do something nobody wants, including me. Maybe then my counselor would take what I tell her seriously. All I know is, the cops come to charge me with a felony, I'm not leaving this house alive. A felony would destroy my life, to the point I'd have no reason to continue. I don't want this, and I know none of you do, either. I don't need any explanation that it's a permanent solution to a temporary solution, because a felony is just as permanent as death. And it's so much worse if you know you didn't do anything to warrant it, and jail would just throw off track and void everything I've worked my whole life for. So, if it does come to that, and I do sincerely hope it doesn't, I apologize in advance to every single person I've let down in doing so, both here and in my local community, and maybe the state will look into the causes of it, and she'd be brought to justice. I'm sorry for bringing all of this drama to ADISC. And remember, I will not hear of any sad funerals. So if it comes to it, be happy.

 

[Jacks]

Your mom is whack. She's gotta be on something. Apparently she wants you in jail than in school. Up to her I guess. I suppose you'll be in jail soon if shit doesn't get corrected.

 

[Chillhouse]

So, you're gonna be a martyr? That doesn't sound like fun. I don't think you can be charged with a felony unless there's proof, and since you didn't do anything, you can't be charged.

Also, call child protection services if its that bad.

 

[adaffme149]

So, you're gonna be a martyr? That doesn't sound like fun. I don't think you can be charged with a felony unless there's proof, and since you didn't do anything, you can't be charged.

Also, call child protection services if its that bad.

She just got me a 175 dollar fine and a year of an Order of Protection without me doing something, didn't she? See, her boyfriend has this old buddy, who 'coincidentally happens to be' the cop that arrested me... And the public defenders are about as useful as having a flamethrower to freeze butter, in the middle of Hawaii, in July. So, bottom line, all she has to do is call the cops (they didn't and don't even bother taking my side of the story, ever since she started calling them to deal with anything and everything. Since I was in 5th/6th grade, she would call them to handle things like me and my brother arguing... There's a good way to handle two quarreling 10 and 11 year olds, call a fully armed officer to come and 'handle the situation'... We got charged with 'criminal mischief' for that. Back then. See how fair our local police department is? Still think they won't charge me for something I didn't do?), and she gets rid of me. (But I can't go live where I'd please, they keep telling me the only way I'm going anywhere is in the back of a cop car.) So, bottom line, I may be royally boned.

 

[link]

Just lay low untell your 18'th birthday. If you can make it tell then you'll be fine. Doing things like playing music and cleaning your room are not going to get you arrested so don't worry about it. Just don't do anything criminal Which shouldn't be too hard... should it?

 

[adaffme149]

My point is, I didn't do anything criminal the first time I got arrested... They snapped together a story that (17 by the way) somehow shoved her 37 year old boyfriend to feed to the police, who didn't even listen to my side of the story. And apparently, the fact that he threw me through their bedroom door when I tried to get the phone to call the cops, that didn't matter. I guess it kinda didn't count, maybe it was a practice run?

 

[TheFoxxehAssassin]

Wow. This is a very drastic situation. I know almost nothing about law, but there are some illegal things going on here. I'm sure videotaping someone is an invasion of privacy, which is probably a crime. Other things could be perjury, but I'm not sure if this applies here. Your mother isn't necessarily lying, but she is definitely taking this way too damn far. Some sort of assault could also apply. It's cases like these that make me want to be a lawyer.

Listen here. Get yourself the best damn lawyer in your city, and legally throw everything you can think of at her. This is so sickening, I seriously almost got sick myself, just thinking about this. (Then again, I was sick to begin with. :sad Anyways, the point is, a jury/judge have to listen to you after your 18th birthday, since you will be an adult. Then, you should be good to go.

You have such an awesome life ahead of you. You've already completed some of college. Your mother is ruining this by being a repeat of Hitler. Don't do anything, and I mean ANYTHING to piss her off at all. As long as you don't physically touch her or scream at her, you can tell her and her boyfriend to fuck off (Not literally!) when she tries to call the police. Please, be very, very careful.

I am praying for you to come out of this okay. Please, don't let her screw your life. If she hits you, or her boyfriend does something to you, videotape it, or audio record it (If at all possible) and call the police. Nobody can hide behind evidence, or the law.

Good luck man, we're all pulling for you! :grouphug: :hugs:

 

[adaffme149]

Thank you, and I would like to get a lawyer, but I really can't afford it at all (With my half-arse check, and them cutting hours at my work, and my mom digging me deeper with court, it's completely out of the question.) Apparently the cops put my name in the radio, in the paper, and it got on the internet too (I'm not linking, for obvious reasons of privacy, sorry...), and so now I have the 'wrong kind of kids' starting to notice I exist, which is really bad, and I've had to explain it all to the teachers and everything, and so basically I've had my reputation trashed over it because before I even had the trial I never got, and before a judge could say I'm to be tried as a minor, meaning it would be sealed and they couldn't report it and such (you think?), the cop took no hesitation in handing out my name and stuff left and right to anyone that would report it... That's another thing my mom likes to do to make life suck for me, try and humiliate me, in any way possible. And the dumbest thing was, they reported it as I had hit him and like i got in a fist fight (when no physical contact occurred from me at all), and apparently the charge is supposedly non-criminal (harrassment in the 2nd degree, a violation in NY). So, yeah, there was definitely something fishy going on, to say the least. I shall hang in there, however. I think I should be okay, just gotta never let her ignorance get to me. Only a few more months.....

 

[Mako]

Wow, it's like looking into my youth :/

I went through the same thing, and unfortunately the police and court systems do not work for children who aren't obviously physically abused. It almost always assumed that the parent is right, and the child is being a bastard. As for what was done with the media, its deeply troubling america doesn't have something in place like canada has to protect the names of minors who are charged with offences, for reasons exactly like your case.

The only thing you can really do is nothing, but I mean in the sense of complete apathy. Don't ignore her, don't give her anything to use against with, just lay low and get out when you can. It's extremely hard, especially with a manipulative parent as sometimes even this will push them to try and get a reaction out of you. It'll be extremely hard, but it's the only thing I can think of to try and keep yourself sane until you can get out.
It's unfortunate my solution is not available for yourself, but don't do anything too rash. Life does get better, and once you can get some stability and control it becomes a lot easier to start piecing things back together.

 

[adaffme149]

I'm sorry you had to share such a fate, and I'm glad you're able to understand what this is like... It's nice to have someone else that's lived through it and past it. Lucky, though, with the living in Canada and all. I personally find it to be much less sucktastic than this country.

 

[Lil Snap]

You might consider keeping your eyes on the, hopefully, near time of your departure from her house. H3g3l said it on the other topics, and it still holds true.

GTFO, Run Away, go to your family that wants to help. DO IT NOW!

Don't get caught up in the day to day BS that she is dumping on you. The only way you can change any of this is by refusing to play her game. Don't respond when she pushes your buttons, don't push her buttons and definitely don't argue. It may consume every fiber of your being to not talk back, but that just adds fuel to her fire.

You are at the point where you need to focus on YOU, and getting yourself into a healthy environment where you can get and use the tools you need to succeed in life.

You are going to have to draw a line at some point and cut your losses (even if that means quitting your job and peer mentoring for a while)

 

[Pojo]

It's time to get the fucking hell out of there. It looks like there is no reasoning with her, so you should GTFO.

 

[Gil]

Going by the thread title, who's parents aren't insane?

 

[daria7483]

Have you contacted a social worker? Spoken to a school guidance counselor? What you are describing is abuse of power by many people, not just your mom. For example, the police should not be releasing your name to the media if you are under 18, particularly not for misdemeanors. Have you gone to court for the offenses you are charged with? You may be entitled to a court-appointed lawyer. For that matter, any judge ought to be able to see that these kinds of charges are ridiculous and a waste of tax dollars. Another resource: if your mom is really using her ties with the police to have you arrested over petty things, you may be able to file a complaint with the chief of police in your area.

 

[dogboy]

I was going to say what Daria said. She always has good advise. Is there another relative you could live with, like a grandparent? This is not unusual in this day and age. My wife and I adopted her nephew and raised him, because he came from a bad home situation. He's now a head principal at a junior high school. You've got to think about what's best for you, just as my nephew did. It took courage for him to leave his home and move 400 miles away, but it can be done successfully.

Can you go to college full time. Your parents are responsible for you and your education. It is something they should provide, and if money is short, you can go on loans and Pell grants. Once on campus, your problem is mostly solved. Believe me, by the time I went to college, I was ready to move out, and I think my mom was ready for me to leave as well, though we had a much better relationship than yours.

Think positively and plan constructively. Don't give you mom and anyone else cause or reason to make your life any more miserable. Be cautious, and keep a very low profile. Play your music softly. By the way, all through college I was very depressed and played a lot of Simon and Garfunkle. We all have our thing and that's o.k. I still go back to S & G when I want to remember those times. So hang in there and don't do anything rash. Concentrate on you and be good to yourself. Good luck.

 

[dprdinky]

You have 4 full months before you finally graduate from HS. Just take it easy! As has been said, Get the help you need, including your therapist! Anyway to avoid spending time at home where you're mom is and her so called boyfriend, the better!

Don't get into you're mom's game, refuse to be hooked into what she is trying to do.

 

[babibear]

Going by the thread title, who's parents aren't insane?

*chuckle*

Actually, my parents were not the slightest bit insane, despite the fact that I must have been a tricky child to deal with. Distant and far off with my classmates, unpopular, often depressed, largely friendless and a poor performer in school. I can't recall a time where they weren't understanding (or at least tried to be). All this considering that they, as teens and young adults were the 'popular' kids. My Mom was a a college beauty queen, my Dad, a popular jock and good performer on the football team. Years ago when 'I came out' they were supportive and their love never changed.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be in the situation that adaffme149 has related, I think I'd just die if I would have had to deal with that day to day. I think if my parents hadn't been supportive as I was growing up I probably would have died.

I wish I had some valid advice to give as I just don't have the experiences of this parental behavior.

If I were to make a 'supposition' and state an opinion and suggestions, adaffme149, I'd suggest biding your time. Use the social tools that your school or state/country provides. Try to locate and collect a circle of friends 'physically nearby' that can de-stress you. If possible, find a way out of the house once you're 18. It'll be very tough, you won't have much money. But I gotta believe that if you can survive with your mother being this way that you certainly could manage the harsh realities of life away from home as well.

I hope that helps and bid you peace.