My mom knows...

[Peesalot]

I've no idea why at age 25 your mother has guardianship over you; and, it isn't at all important. What is important is that if this can be changed in the future, and you wish to quit answering to others, then it's time to play the game. Do whatever it takes to please her. Do whatever it takes to please the doctors. Once you have shown them you can be responsible and take care of yourself, odds are you will then be able to enjoy life without a guardian. If your situation is such that you will always have a guardian, then forget everything I posted.

 

[willnotwill]

My mohter found my stash early on (I was probably 14). She knew of my continued tendencies into adulthood and stated to my wife shtat she still blamed herself for trying to force me into toilet training too early.

 

[Poohbearboy]

I know you are mad at your mom but you really should not talk to her the way you did and especially not threaten her.

 

[siysiy]

If you had even bothered reading the last paragraph, you would know that I was speaking out of fear, and have long since apologized for my choice of words.

As others claims of her overstepping, keep in mind that she has legal guardianship over me.

Anyway...

My mom promised not to tell anyone, so imagine my surprise when I check the sent folder of her email account and find the following sent to my psychologist for over 15 years (most names and locations have been changed for privacy reasons):



I told her to check her email to see what she had sent, and I backed up the messages in case she decided to sweep this under the rug. She ended up being honest about what she did, which is the one good thing about all of this. I'm not going to say how I got access to her account, but it seems like I had the right idea since she obviously can't be trusted...

In the car ride discussed in the original post, she specifically promised that she wouldn't even tell Dr. Psychologist, even though she usually tells him everything about me. She claims that "it was unintentional" and that she "was just so worried" about me that she wasn't really thinking about what she was sharing.

I'm never opening up to her again. I don't care that she has legal guardianship over me. From now on, I'm keeping to myself. She agreed to cancel my future appointments with Dr. Psychologist, since I no longer feel comfortable talking with him. I'm changing all of the passwords that I have shared with her (under threat of having me arrested if I refused). I'm no longer going to abide by the rule of running any purchases by my parents before making them. I think I'll even pressure them to let me off my medication (which they threaten to call the police, when I refuse to take).

I won't be breaking any laws, but all bets are off...

Hi kiddo

I know, right; you are very upset with your mother at this moment because she broke your trust. And telling the DR about the situation.

However, be careful you don’t give her more cause for concern.

I think she would be concerned that you can access her emails; I know that she likes to be able to access yours, and although this is unfair, shutting her off from accessing your emails will give her that cause for concern, it is easy just to set up a new email account.

Talking to jour friend on the phone without using a speakerphone, I totally understand why you are doing this. but this will give her that cause for concern again. I would start on the speakerphone then turn it off after a full moment.

Having ADHD is something that you will have to live with, so having a daily routine is probably something that will help you.

I am not saying what your mother has done is right because it’s not; however, reading what you have posted, she is coming from a place of fear from her experience, and she does want the best for you even though it must seem very conservative to you at times.

Your parents have legal guardianship over you, and for them to have that at your age, and the push for you to go into a group home. There must be a history there,

However, you will have to live with your mum and dad and find a way forward, which I think is important for you.

Instead of trying to shut your parents out, which will add to them being concerned for your safe being, I would suggest that you have what I call a new day contract with them, this set out what you want from them and what they want from you.

A new day contract is a document where you and your parents agree not to bring up past mistakes. And that honesty is the best policy from that day on; this way, everyone knows where they stand and is suspected from them and where everyone’s comfort level.

For example, how comfortable are your parents going to be if you have just a Diaper and T-shirt on around the house? How comfortable are you going to be wearing in front of your parents?

If you will make a new day contract, I would also suggest that you have an independent third party draw something like this up.

I need to put in here that there may be things that your parents want you to do that you are not comfortable with and the other way around. i.e. taking on the phone with the speaker on; that is why having this third-person help both sides come to a comprise that you can live with is important.

Next, I will touch on your mother wanting to get the police; I hope you can understand why this happens, and you have told us that you have apologized.

Hear in the UK; we have the Mental Capacity Act; part of that act is that a person can make what could seem like an unwise choice unless a Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards (DoLS) is in place.

I am not sure what you have in the US, but a quick google search brought up this https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/876b

Knowledge of the law and how it is processed will give you a better understanding of another time when the police are threatened. Just think how it would have been if you said to your mother, “call them then.” Or “yes, let’s get the police.” And call them yourself.

I would not just stop taking your medication; Even though you feel that, they are not doing anything for you. Instead, I would encourage you to ask for a medication review, so you are taken off medication through the doctors. Or are you giving better medication to help with your ADHD?

Just stopping taking medication will give your parents cause for concern and therefore make your situation worse.

I really hope that this is helpful to you and wish you all the best.

Hugs

Siysiy

 

[LittleAnonymousHacker]

As someone posted here:

As I said, some sick people go completely aggro when they are disturbed, and if that happens, they are out of control until they can calm down. They don't know they are doing a bad thing until they can regain their consciousness either by removing the threat, or being reassured that the threat is nonexistent.

This is exactly why the medication for my behavior is useless. If I'm upset enough, I run the risk of acting out no matter how much medication I take. I'm not going cold turkey either. Last night, I skipped 1 of my 4 pills. A month from now, I plan to reduce it to 2 pills, and in 2 months, reduce it to one pill before finally going off of the medication for good.

As for wearing around my parents, that's something I'm just not comfortable with. I know that what I said to my mom was wrong, and I've already apologized. Not to mention that what I said pales in comparison to what she says to me and my dad when she's angry. How many times have others here been called "cocksuckers?" Or "anus sphincters?" Or been told "You're lucky I don't have a gun!"? Or been told that "heads are going to roll?" Or have had your mom say "Look in this mirror!," then proceed to pull down her pants and show off her butt? When she behaves like this, is it really any wonder that I won't miss her if she dies? I'm no saint, but neither is my mom.

My dad doesn't know about what I'm hiding yet, and I don't feel comfortable telling him. I like the idea of a new day contract, and I'm definitely going to discuss it with them. I'll also be looking for a new psychologist.

Here are some other responses that really resonate with me about how trapped and helpless I feel:

while I agree with the generalization, OP is clearly disabled and a dependent. They already know they are fucked up and that has been reinforced all throughout their adolescent life. What isn't clear to OP is a way out.

Being labelled disabled and handicapped is kind of detrimental for someone who is inclined to believe in the state over themselves. It is possible that the mother and father, with the assistance of the state, convinced OP that he can't do anything.

 

[tenderbottoms47]

As someone posted here:

This is exactly why the medication for my behavior is useless. If I'm upset enough, I run the risk of acting out no matter how much medication I take. I'm not going cold turkey either. Last night, I skipped 1 of my 4 pills. A month from now, I plan to reduce it to 2 pills, and in 2 months, reduce it to one pill before finally going off of the medication for good.

As for wearing around my parents, that's something I'm just not comfortable with. I know that what I said to my mom was wrong, and I've already apologized. Not to mention that what I said pales in comparison to what she says to me and my dad when she's angry. How many times have others here been called "cocksuckers?" Or "anus sphincters?" Or been told "You're lucky I don't have a gun!"? Or been told that "heads are going to roll?" Or have had your mom say "Look in this mirror!," then proceed to pull down her pants and show off her butt? When she behaves like this, is it really any wonder that I won't miss her if she dies? I'm no saint, but neither is my mom.

My dad doesn't know about what I'm hiding yet, and I don't feel comfortable telling him. I like the idea of a new day contract, and I'm definitely going to discuss it with them. I'll also be looking for a new psychologist.

Here are some other responses that really resonate with me about how trapped and helpless I feel:

Oh

As for wearing around my parents, that's something I'm just not comfortable with. I know that what I said to my mom was wrong, and I've already apologized. Not to mention that what I said pales in comparison to what she says to me and my dad when she's angry. How many times have others here been called "cocksuckers?" Or "anus sphincters?" Or been told "You're lucky I don't have a gun!"? Or been told that "heads are going to roll?" Or have had your mom say "Look in this mirror!," then proceed to pull down her pants and show off her butt? When she behaves like this, is it really any wonder that I won't miss her if she dies? I'm no saint, but neither is my mom.

Oh Wow!! This sounds like your in a very difficult situation. If I were you, probably best if you get yourself out of that environment ASAP!!! This is not healthy for either you or your parents and can escalate into something much more troublesome. If things get heated between you and your parents best to just walk away and gather yourself before things really go to far. Perhaps you can go stay with a relative for a while if that's possible. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[siysiy]

Oh

Oh Wow!! This sounds like your in a very difficult situation. If I were you, probably best if you get yourself out of that environment ASAP!!! This is not healthy for either you or your parents and can escalate into something much more troublesome. If things get heated between you and your parents best to just walk away and gather yourself before things really go to far. Perhaps you can go stay with a relative for a while if that's possible. I wish you the best of luck!

I would agree if it wasn't for the legal gardonship his mum has over him.

This does make it hard for him to just leave.

The best that can happen in my appion is that he starts to take control. And the new day contract will help with that.

Informing his parents what he is planning in a upfront and completely honest way will help him do this.

One of the hardest thing some can do is to tell there parents where to get off.
It takes a lot of courage to start taking control and doing Adulting.

But this is one of the reasons this website exists so we can support each other through hard times.

 

[iPad]

I can only reiterate what a few others have said and strongly recommend that you don't go down the route of additional confrontation.

I'm glad you apologised for your behaviour after the initial incident, but that still doesn't mean you were right. I would never and have never threatened, let alone "shoved", my Mom in my entire life and you shouldn't have either. As well as apologising to her, you really need to ask yourself why you behaved like that. There is zero excuse for that, period. Your Mom feels guilty and she is clearly (and understandably) worried about you, and yet you seem to think that 'twisting the knife' is the way forward. It absolutely is not.

I hope you can get things resolved though, and sincerely wish you and your Mom can patch things up. But confrontation, aggression and suspicion is not the way forward, from either side. If you are upset with her for speaking to the doctor about you, then you need to talk to her about it calmly and don't just look at it from your point of view and try to appreciate her situation and her concerns too.

Good luck, and best wishes.

 

[nwm]

Yes - as most know by now, I can push things further than others - BUT, it is one thing to be annoyed, even angry - reactions to that is QUITE another.
There is a right way and a wrong way of dealing with it.
Sorry to say - you choose the WRONG way! - I don't know the exact problem - but it does sound more and more like your own actions/reactions is a BIG part of the problem.
Typically no you don't get involved just because of a few questionable/odd decisions - BUT there is a point when it's just too much and just to be a good human (let alone that close) you HAVE to get involved.
My guess is talking to the doctor was simply due to being VERY worried and seeking advice of how to proceed from someone that surely would know more about that sort of thing than she would.
Hate to tell you - but it sure DOES sound like you DO need some sort of help - I really do hope you get it!
That said PLEASE try to, with an open mind - evaluate everything that has happened - look at it from both sides - and best of luck to you...

 

[LittleAnonymousHacker]

My parents are trying to get me placed in a group home, but it's a very slow process to find a good local one. Until then, I'm stuck with them...