Dr Psychologist:
LL, our case manager with Service, Inc., has distributed the state required Psychiatric History and Eval submitted by Dr Psychiatrist to all of the CILA providers to whom we had previously sent LAH's pertinent information.
Did you read Dr Psychiatrist's letter, Dr.? Where the previous H & E done through Day One Pact might be considered bloated, this one is succinct.
LL expressed surprise at the brevity. LL discussed it with her co-worker (perhaps her supervisor?) and questioned if it would be acceptable to the State of IL. After review, they decided it was "okay" and could pass.
I am satisfied. For me, it does contain what I consider to be of paramount importance. Dr Psychiatrist does not agree with Dr Former Psychiatrist's diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder made in June 2019. It is my hope that LAH receiving the diagnosis of ADHD will entice a provider to offer him a placement.
Time is running out here, I am trying to hold fast, but am fully aware that if LAH is not placed before the end of the year, it will probably be too late for me.
Moving on.
Remember when LAH met his new friend, 42 year old BlueMew, at a park bench along the River? I did marvel at the surprising improbability of two compatible, distinctly different people meeting in this way. However, I did not consider that their "meet cute" was a carefully arranged fabrication.
Vastly more perceptive than I am, and not emotionally involved, it would not surprise me if you had your doubts about the whole scenario
Yesterday, LAH finally revealed most of the backstory.
BlueMew had invited LAH to spend several hours at his parent's home in the suburbs. BlueMew is proud of the extensive computer lab he built in the basement and wanted to show it off. LAH had agreed to modify one of BlueMew's many Nintendo devices. BlueMew is a passionate collector of many things. When the arrangements were made several days ago, I had no idea about their other shared interests.
I made sure that LAH was up on time and that his breakfast was ready to be eaten. The night before, Dad helped him gather the few electronics that would be transported to Suburb.
All was well until it was time to get LAH out the door. I had set aside a clean tote bag for his electronics and told him to pack up while I darted into the bedroom to get dressed. Upon my return to the living room, I noticed that LAH was tense, very twitchy, something was amiss.
I was confused because it had been surprisingly calm up to that point. I thought, "What is going on?" Then I noticed that the tote bag I left out for him was empty. Instead, LAH had packed his large gym bag. That is it was packed, as in completely stuffed.
Quickly, I walked over and unzipped the top. reached down and felt the bulk of what was within. Was it a large package of diapers(?), encased by the thin beach towel that is always in the gym bag? On top, he had scattered the few electronics that I knew he planned to take with him.
LAH completely flipped out. It was terrifying. He wrangled the bag away from me and began screaming that we needed to leave NOW! I asked him to explain himself. What is going on here? Tell me what else was in the bag.
This prompted his terrifying barrage of threats to kill me. LAH gave me a couple of strong shoves.
I began to suspect that he may have added some of Dad's electronics to the bag. Or worse. His reaction to me insisting that I just wanted to make sure that he had not taken anything of ours revealed that there was plenty going on with whatever his scheme was.
LAH insisted that what he had in the bag was personal and none of my F***ing business! I said that until I was sure he was not up to something illegal, he was not going to visit his friend. After 10 minutes of this back and forth, his dad came in from working in the yard. He has some Fridays off to use up vac days before they expire.
Desperate to limit his dad's involvement, LAH quietly and forcefully threatened me again. "Shut the hell up! Do you want to die today?"
Still calm, I repeated that he needed to sit down and open the bag. He was adamant that this would not happen.
"LAH, you have threatened to kill me repeatedly. Why? Over what? You shoved me and are behaving erratically, even for you. I have a right to check that you did not steal anything from us which you have done for years. Please calm down, we can look at the contents together, just me and you. Otherwise, I will need to call 911 and get the police involved. You have a long history of stealing from us. The PD knows this. They will want to be involved because you are the only person here who is out of control. We are your legal guardians. That means we have a responsibility to make sure that whatever you are doing is on the up and up. Your aggression is so out of control that I am concerned for you and for me. I think the police should be here."
I called out to his dad in the other room, "Please, prepare to call 911 immediately, if asked." I was prepared to have them send medics and take him to the hospital for evaluation."
Then, LAH pulls out his cell and insists that he has to call BlueMew. I was pleading with LAH not to involve his friend in this mad, avoidable LAH-induced drama. "Do you want to drive away another person you care about? Please do not force this madness on BlueMew!" I did not find out until later that BlueMew had picked up and heard me say that last bit. LAH was beyond hysterical and could barely catch his breath or get his words out.
If not for LAH's love of the speakerphone, which gave me the ability to hear the unfiltered, real time reaction of BlueMew to LAH's extreme distress, I might still be in the dark.
BlueMew's manner never shifted from reassurance and total calm, beginning to end.
Right away that caught my attention. Rather odd, I thought. Wouldn't the first reaction to your friend calling in such a state cause, at the very least, an initial heightened concern?
LAH led with a protracted rant about my invading his privacy because I was suspicious about what was in the gym bag. He went on about my intent to call the police because he was threatening me, etc..
Suddenly, it hit me. BlueMew knows exactly what was in the bag. While LAH had him on the phone, BlueMew repeated versions of..., "It will be okay. Try to calm down. Trust me, it will be fine. Everything is okay."
I encouraged LAH to tell BlueMew that we would try to work it out without police involvement, but I could not ignore what LAH has done to us in the past. LAH told BlueMew he could expect a call in about 15 minutes, if we were able to leave for Suburb.
We sat down next to each other on sofa table benches and talked.
I was able to calm LAH down. As long as Dad was in the house, I knew LAH would reveal nothing more to me. It was vital for me to have him out of the house for a few hours or I was going to be in worse trouble emotionally than I was over the last two weeks.
As soon as we were in the car, LAH told me that he and BlueMew had connected for 2 or 3 months on a web site before that Suburb meeting.. "I got to know and like him online. I was careful and decided that we could meet in a public space."
Hmm. Did he decide or did BlueMew? I did not ask, but do have my suspicions.
LAH said that BlueMew had agreed to "store" some of LAH's personal items in his rooms at his parent's place. While he did not name them, I know that I felt the diapers and the pacifier. Both are now gone from the hiding place.
LAH knows that any agency CILA provider will pick through and examine whatever he brings into the group home. This has been on his mind for some time.
The big question for me is, did LAH ask BlueMew for this favor or did BlueMew put that offer forward? The answer will provide more for me to consider. I chose to hold back on some questions as it is more fruitful with LAH not to appear too eager.
LAH is very interested in what BlueMew has shared about what he was able to do out and about pre-Covid. Oh no, geez.
BlueMew attended conventions of like-minded folk. There were also group dinners in restaurants in Chicago. LAH wants to be able to participate in those functions when they resume again.
I spoke about his long term inability to discern the motives of others, which is one reason why he does require guardianship. It is not about control, but out of concern for his safety. LAH kept referring to himself as an adult who is entitled to his privacy. I said that he is an adult who has deficits in functioning which can be addressed through a structured program of therapy and practical experience in a sheltered environment.
I did not share my newly awakened misgivings about BlueMew. LAH has always fought against anyone prying into his clumsily cloaked life. That mantra about being an adult and the belief that he is capable of handling life without some supervision, that he is entitled to more privacy?all of that started up in earnest about the time he was connecting with BlueMew online. Is LAH repeating what has been said to him over the past 4 months?
Between the ride to Suburb and the return trip in my car 6+ hours later, LAH told me more.
I asked him to promise that he would never post pictures of himself on-line. Never. Please make it a hard and fast rule that you do not allow others to take pictures of you, either. Never.
LAH assured me that he had no intention of doing that, but spoke of others who do post pics but blur out their faces.
Then he revealed what I already suspected. He has several other Twitter accounts set up, specifically to be able to communicate with those who "share my interests".
"I never access them without first using a VPN. I don't want anyone to be able to trace what I do back to this house."
Wow, isn't that comforting? I did not mention that black ops type entities can probably get through whatever VPN service that my son is able to afford.
Part of the appeal of BlueMew, perhaps the main one, is certainly his intense familiarity with all things regarding computer networking. Rerouting. Hiding. Protecting.
On Thursday night, I remarked to Dad, "It will be nice for LAH to have a break with BlueMew tomorrow. It is a good thing that BlueMew is not a serial killer. Of course, if he were I might have LAH go over there anyway." We both laughed, but the dark humor does not tickle me now.
Mom
*My title of Dimmest Bulb in the Whole World has been confirmed.
