My mom kinda knows...should I just tell her or what?

[Bryce]

Well, a few years ago, around 9th or 10th grade my mom found my stash and all and questioned me about it. She asked if I was a child molestor and a perv and all that, which I denied. She told me she wanted me to stop all of it as well. Now, a few years later, which is now, but recently ago, after high school and all she found a piece of paper that had some diaper brands and stories about how I wanted my life to be and questioned me again about it. I again said I was out of it and nothing else was said.

Now, I'm thinking I should of told her and gt it out of the way, but should I or no? If I do, what are some sites I could show her and what about this place? She's not computer savy, so she probably won't know how to even use a forum.

Can I get any advice please. I know I've probably asked this a long time ago, but that was then and now it's different. Having asked me about it for a second time, I wonder if I should just get it out of the way and what would be the best way to do it, if I even should do it.

 

[Elli]

If I was to tell someone, which I have, I would do a couple of things:

First, I wouldn't show them to adisc unless I was ok with them working out my forum name and reading every post and blog I've written.

Second, I would tell them some info, which fits what they already know and what I believe they can handle and tell them that, then allow them to ask any questions.

For example, I told my Mum I sometimes wear nappies to bed and it's my way to handle stress, a fixation with my own childhood, no one elses. These things are all true.

Only when I am certain someone knows I am not unhealthily interested in children, do I allow them some more information, such as that I wear in the day time too, for example.

That's all I can offer right now

Oh, thanks for reminding me Pojo, the reason I told my Mum was because I was with her when I came across a rare opportunity to buy some supplies and I decided to tell her rather than pass up the chance.

 

[Pojo]

You're 20 years old. There is no reason where you should have to tell her. You're an adult, and you can make your own decisions in life. If she doesn't approve, well then that's her problem. You know that you aren't a pedo or anything like that, and if she can't understand, then there's nothing more you can do.

 

[Milla]

I'm going with Pojo on this one. Since you are 20, you can make your own decisions in life. It's not like she can ground you, force you into therapy, etc. You're an adult, which means that you make your own decisions about life.

Though if you simply want to tell her, you should gauge her reaction first. Is she generally accepting? Do you think she would want you to stop? Is she simply ignorant, or is there genuine ill intentions behind her wanting you to stop, if there are any (God that sentence sounded awkward, albeit grammatically correct)?

From the sound of things her reaction may not be the best in the world. However, her asking if you were a child molester may simply point to her not having any knowledge about the lifestyle. I don't personally know your mother, and you know her better than anyone else on the site, so you have the best capacity to make the decision.

If you think she will react positively (By that, simple acceptance qualifies), then by all means, tell her. If you think she will react negatively (By that, trying to send you to therapy, cold shoulder treatment, etc), then abstain from telling her.

Remember, if she does react negatively, you can always simply walk off and never address the issue again. You are an adult, and you do have your rights.

 

[GundamMeister7]

My parents found out a while back when we had only one computer and I fergot to erase the history. they werent happy about it but it is kind of a relief not to hide things all the time anymore.

it sounds like your mom does love you and Pojo and Milla are right you dont have to tell her anything. but, would it help your relationship with your mom. if you explaned it to her a little more and didnt leave any gray areas that she mat suspect as something illegal (like Pedophilia) than it may put her mind at ease a alittle.

again like milla said you know her better than anyone and if you feel that telling someone that you know will make you feel better, it makes me feel better knowing there is someone I can talk to in real life even if it is an ackward conversation, than you should do it. like me you mom knows something ecause you left something out, oops. if your mom loves you than this wont be a problem.

Just be honest as much as possible and hope for the best.

I would tell her if you dont think shell fly off the handle but if the reaction you think will only be mildly negetive than she'll get over it and accept that you are different. my parents accepted me eventually and they still love to be around me. (granted I dont wear in front of them but you arent doing that anyways)

Good luck and God's Peace

 

[Bryce]

The main reason I would tell her is just to get her to stop thinking all of this is me being a perv or something. My dad sort of knows, and I could tell him, but since he doesn't live here anymore, it wouldn't do no use.

 

[Darkfinn]

Dude, you're 20... it's time to move out of the house and have your own life. This "my house, my rules" parental stuff is garbage... especially when you are paying to live there. I don't think what you do with your money or your private time is any of her business.

 

[Bryce]

I can't move out though. I'm only making $10/hr and my check is pretty random. Every two weeks it's from $300 to $800. How am I supposed to budget my cash when I can't even figure out about an average of what I make.

But you're right, I'll be 21 in a few days, maybe I should just up and leave.

 

[Darkfinn]

You should be able to find a bedroom somewhere for what you are paying in "rent" to your mother.

It may be tough... but getting out of the house is really the first step to having your own life.

Look at rent.com... you can typically find people there who are looking for roommates.

 

[PostTenebrasLux]

Bryce-

You can figure an average income, despite some irregularity. It's simple math. If you don't know how to figure averages or keep some records in a spreadsheet, don't worry, it's easy to learn.

I'd say the bigger issue is the amount per hour. I'm not sure what cost of living is like in Raleigh, NC, but I'll bet that it's tough to pay for rent, utilities, food, and perhaps some form of phone / internet on $10 an hour. So despite your age, it could make some economic sense to live with family. (Anyone else you could room with?)

And back on topic, based on what she already knows, I think it could be wise to communicate with her fully and share the truth with her. This is certainly a very private topic, but in this case your realm of privacy has been breached; sounds like she might think you're some sort of 'perv', or something else that you aren't. Best set the record straight. Not fun to talk about, sure, but that line's been crossed. I think it would be helpful for her to understand this about you.

 

[Darkfinn]

You're definately not going to be able to live on your own at $10/hr.

However, if you look around you may be able to room with someone... there are postings all over with people looking to rent bedrooms or share apartments.

 

[Pojo]

Let's stop pressuring him to move out. 20/21 is a perfectly fine age to still be living with your parents, especially in this economy. Now for $10 an hour, you probably won't last long, but if you want to fix that, you're going to have to go to college and get a degree and a better job. If you're complaining about your pay, then it's no one's fault but your own. If you truly want to move out, then you better start saving up. Don't move out if you can barely find anywhere to live. Just keep living where you are now, and save up.

 

[kadillac]

College isn't the answer to everyone's problems, buddy.

 

[Pojo]

College isn't the answer to everyone's problems, buddy.

If you want a better chance at a better job, then yeah, it kind of is.

 

[kadillac]

No, not really.

I could go further into detail and make you look like an ass on why it isn't, but I'd rather not.

 

[Pojo]

No, not really.

I could go further into detail and make you look like an ass on why it isn't, but I'd rather not.

Go for it. I've been made to look like an ass before :3

 

[Bryce]

Let's stop pressuring him to move out. 20/21 is a perfectly fine age to still be living with your parents, especially in this economy. Now for $10 an hour, you probably won't last long, but if you want to fix that, you're going to have to go to college and get a degree and a better job. If you're complaining about your pay, then it's no one's fault but your own. If you truly want to move out, then you better start saving up. Don't move out if you can barely find anywhere to live. Just keep living where you are now, and save up.

This is my first job, so I kinda didn't expect much money per hour, but still, I would think most video editors are getting paid a bit more. I'm approaching the 12 month mark on the job and then I'll ask for a raise or something. But I love my job, except for the pay. I get to work from home, he's provided all equipment, remember all those "Post Your Setups" pictures of mine, most of that is for work. Right now, I'm looking to start my own business as television marketing and training is doing pretty good right now. The last client that my boss scored was asking prices and he gave them his price and the prices of a few competitors, needless to say he'll be getting around $34,000 from that client for a year meeting. Times that by 30+ and you're set. So, I think I'll be going into that and just hire a person to actually present the trainings, as I'm not that good with people lol. But that's a ways off, still in the process of writing a business plan.

College isn't the answer to everyone's problems, buddy.

I tried going to college, right after high school, left and then went back and both times I just dropped out as it's not for me. I've tried going to technical schools where you just learn what you need for the job and community colleges. Ended up both had classes I had to take first that had nthing to do with my majors and all so I just dropped out as I just suck at things unless I've got a real 1000% interest in it.

On another note, I did sign up to take the CompTIA A+ Exam later this year as well as the Network+ Exam. So, at least those will look good on a resume. And I am considering culinary school over information technology.

 

[PrincessAshley]

Someone doesn't have a very high work ethic.
Just tell her. What's the worst that can happen?

-Iscariot

 

[barkd74]

I feel for you man. Times are tough and the photo/video industry there is plenty of work right now it just is not paying well. I have friends and family who work in this industry and I also do it part time myself. (not video but photo.) Just about every company is cutting back on this sort of thing. Just ride it out and continue building your skills. In a couple of years you will have the skills, reputation, and with a better economy, (hopefully if the entire country doesn't go bankrupt,) to demand higher pay for what you do. With that, then you can move out and not have to worry about what she thinks of what you do in your spare time. As far as telling her now, only you know the answer to that.

 

[Darkfinn]

Let's stop pressuring him to move out. 20/21 is a perfectly fine age to still be living with your parents, especially in this economy.

Haha... no.

Sorry Pojo man... I'm gonna have to agree with Kadillac on this one.

If you want to be an independent individual and actually have a life of your own really need to be looking at getting out by age 20. Remember all those "loser" guys on TV who are fat and hairy and live in mom's basement. You don't want to be one of those people.

Find a job... move in with some roommates... learn how to budget money, how to pay bills, and how to live without mommy and daddy looking over your shoulder.

College isn't for everyone... and in today's world you can be successful without it. For many people today a diploma is nothing more than a certificate of debt.