"Diapers, Dentures, & Diabetes, Oh My!"
Well, for me, I still remember wearing cloth diapers when I was a baby and a toddler. My journey to wearing diapers as an adult began in 2014. I thought it would be a good idea to write about my experiences wearing diapers, specifically, what has happened to me since I started wearing them regularly last year (2014), and the emotions I have had since that time.
As a matter of introduction, first, I am an adult male, currently 47 years old. I will be 48 at the end of January, 2016. I live alone in my studio apartment with my cat, Ebony. I work on Sundays as a church organist.
I was adopted when I was two years old, but I no longer have any contact with my adopted family (long story there). I have been, and am still, in regular contact with my birth mom in California, with whom I love most dearly. I have often joked with her that I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard Of Oz, when she uttered the famous line, “lions, tigers, and bears, oh my!” The only difference is that I’m exclaiming, “diapers, dentures, & diabetes, oh my!,” since I wear diapers, I have diabetes, and I will start wearing an upper partial in my mouth soon.
Around Fall of 2014, I began talking with my general physician about some issues I’d been having with my bladder over the year. I had already been diagnosed with diabetes. It is only very recently that my blood sugar is reasonably under control, thanks to Glipizide, a diabetes medication, and two types of insulin. It was very hard for me to admit that I’d been having episodes of incontinence over several years.
In the past, I had been very “pee-shy,” and would go out of my way to avoid having to urinate in public restrooms. Once, when I was a teenager, I was returning home with some friends from a trip. We stopped at a fast-food restaurant to eat on the way home, and I really had to pee a lot. I decided to hold it in until I got home. Unfortunately, I could not hold it all in, and I had a major accident by the time I got home. It was very embarrassing for me.
There was also another time about eight years ago or so during the winter, when I was arriving home at one of my old apartments. It was a cold night, and yet again, I had to pee really bad. I remember fumbling for my keys as I struggled to hold it all in. However, very soon I simply could not hold it any longer. A flood ensued, and I ended up soaking myself completely from the waist down.
My doctor listened intently when I told him of these incidents. He was very empathic and supportive. I struggled at first to do this, but I managed finally to muster up the courage to ask my doctor whether or not adult diapers would help me manage what appeared to be my condition of incontinence. After much time and debate, I have decided that I have what is called “urge incontinence,” since I don’t have total loss of bladder control. Instead, I have times that I can hold it, and other times when the urge to urinate is too great, and I wet myself. He agreed to write a letter of medical necessity to my health insurance, citing my need for absorbent products.
I started wearing pull-ups, and they were an abysmal failure: they leaked like a sieve. So, I quickly transitioned to diapers, but they also leaked. Since that time, I have been through a myriad of bladder control pads, male guards, and booster pads. I have finally come to the realization that the fundamental problem I have been experiencing is that the insurance-provided diapers I have are very cheap, and mostly useless. They don’t have leak guards, or good leg cuffs, and the padding is pretty thin. When I leak, it’s always out the sides near my legs and thighs.
I am now looking into trying out some samples of Dry 24/7’s Confi-Dry diapers, since they came highly recommended by several people in our community here on the website. I am very hopeful and confident that they will finally be the solution that I have been looking for since last year.
On December 9, 2014, I had a rare, major panic attack as a result of anxiety associated from wearing diapers. What also did not help is that I consumed an ice coffee that had a lot of caffeine in it that day as well. I believe that what triggered it was the memories of early childhood abuse that I suffered, especially when I was a toddler and before I was ten years old. I believe that my potty-training was rushed. So, all these factors had a major impact on inducing that panic attack last year.
Fortunately, now I have begun reconciling myself to the fact that I must wear diapers for medical reasons. I have discovered, however, that this does not have to be completely serious. I am also now becoming comfortable accepting myself not only as an incontinent, but as a DL and Little as well.
The more I accept these aspects of my personality, curiously, my little age gets younger as well. I now approximate my little age to be around 2-3 years old at present. This seems most appropriate, since two and three year-olds usually still are wearing diapers at those ages. In addition, surprisingly, I am also exploring a new diaperfur side of myself that I never knew existed.
So , in conclusion then, if I were asked “what’s it like wearing diapers?” I would probably say something like, “embarrassing at first; can cause anxiety, but after a while, it can be a wonderful feeling.” I have to say that without doubt putting on a diaper every day now can be a really great experience, and a joy to look forward to, for me, despite the current problems I have with the cheap diapers I have to wear until I get better ones next year.
I would encourage anyone out there struggling with getting comfortable wearing diapers, or anyone struggling to accept themselves as an AB/DL/Little, etc., to just keep trying, and have the courage to believe that it will get better. Recently, I’ve told one of my nurses, my therapist, my birth mom, and two of my friends, all about being a DL/Little and how I like to wear diapers, and they have been wonderfully supportive.
I do hope that this reply helped someone to accept who they are, and that in the end analysis, that in some small way, I have helped you to understand some of the many experiences I have had as a diaper wearer, DL, and Little. Thank you for reading this, and have a great day!
