My Gender is a Rollercoaster and I Want Off

HappyPixels

Papa Pixels
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Greetings, lovely littles and diapered delinquents. Hope you're all having an awesome day.

My day, like most days, have been filled of me mentally going AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

You see, I was assigned female at birth. I hate having boobs, I hate having periods, I hate that my debit card says Miss, I hate all of it. I'm not a woman and I know this. But what am I? Hell if I know. Am I a guy? Am I non-binary? It's something I've struggled with for over a decade. I'm happy when people see me as either a man or non-binary, both are equally awesome to me. But how do I see myself? I have no idea.

Maybe I'm a mix of both? Male and some other gender that can't really be defined. I know there are folks that view themselves as being both a man and a woman so why can I be like that but, instead of part woman, I'm part enby? But I could also be genderfluid as there are days when I lean more male and days when I lean more enby way.

I should just be happy with saying I use masculine and neutral terms and that I don't care or need to label myself but for some reason I do care and I hate that I care. URGH. Gender sucks. Why couldn't I have been born a snail? Snails don't care about gender. They just go along in life doing their snaily thing.
 
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I feel you. I've been going through something similar.

I've no idea if it will be helpful but here's a little bit of a thought process I had and which led to me feeling on more solid footing.

Of course this hinges on a personal definition to me, so I know it may not be universally valid.

I was pondering the question that is often posed to progressive politicians to provoke culture wars in the guise of reportage.

"What is a woman?"

My answer seems completely obvious to me and difficult to argue against in good faith - a person who sincerely identifies as such.

The equivalent question of a man, which is never asked, gives an equivalent response.

Asked of myself I could not give a binary answer and so, suddenly and for the first time, I realised that my lack of either binary answer is itself confirmation that I am - presently at least - definitively non-binary.

I could try to get into the nitty-gritty of more nuanced labels but that's not for me. I certainly feel much happier in myself for this feeling of clarity that I, at long last, do not need to fit into a box.
 
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Non-binary is a huuuge box with no clear edges or demarcations. You can have one foot in manhood and one foot elsewhere, you can drift closer to one or the other, you can think of yourself as a non-binary man. From what I've heard from trans communities this kind of fluidity and even indecision is super common.

I get you, though. I've found a gender identity I'm happy with, that I feel like describes me, and I do not consider myself non-binary, but sometimes I feel unease when I feel myself straying (even slightly) beyond those boundaries or have questions about the nuances. Finding language to describe the incredible complexity of our spirits is hard!

The best advice I could give you is to just follow what makes you happy. If you lean more one way or the other, follow that feeling without shame. If you feel differently tomorrow, follow that instead. "Genderfluid" might be a good term to describe what's going on, if you feel the need to find a term. Gender identity *should* be a tool meant to maximize your happiness in your own skin, not a prescriptive box we must land in once and never leave again. Best of luck <3
 
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Anemone said:
I feel you. I've been going through something similar.

I've no idea if it will be helpful but here's a little bit of a thought process I had and which led to me feeling on more solid footing.

Of course this hinges on a personal definition to me, so I know it may not be universally valid.

I was pondering the question that is often posed to progressive politicians to provoke culture wars in the guise of reportage.

"What is a woman?"

My answer seems completely obvious to me and difficult to argue against in good faith - a person who sincerely identifies as such.

The equivalent question of a man, which is never asked, gives an equivalent response.

Asked of myself I could not give a binary answer and so, suddenly and for the first time, I realised that my lack of either binary answer is itself confirmation that I am - presently at least - definitively non-binary.

I could try to get into the nitty-gritty of more nuanced labels but that's not for me. I certainly feel much happier in myself for this feeling of clarity that I, at long last, do not need to fit into a box.

What is a woman? What is a man?

It's weird how such a question is both complicated and simple at the same time. I think I'm a man right now? But that could change tomorrow. I think I also need to accept that I don't really fit in a box either. Easier said than done. It's hard, you know? Accepting that you're a part of "the other".
 
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LadyOfTintagel said:
Non-binary is a huuuge box with no clear edges or demarcations. You can have one foot in manhood and one foot elsewhere, you can drift closer to one or the other, you can think of yourself as a non-binary man. From what I've heard from trans communities this kind of fluidity and even indecision is super common.

I get you, though. I've found a gender identity I'm happy with, that I feel like describes me, and I do not consider myself non-binary, but sometimes I feel unease when I feel myself straying (even slightly) beyond those boundaries or have questions about the nuances. Finding language to describe the incredible complexity of our spirits is hard!

The best advice I could give you is to just follow what makes you happy. If you lean more one way or the other, follow that feeling without shame. If you feel differently tomorrow, follow that instead. "Genderfluid" might be a good term to describe what's going on, if you feel the need to find a term. Gender identity *should* be a tool meant to maximize your happiness in your own skin, not a prescriptive box we must land in once and never leave again. Best of luck <3

I think genderfluid is the term that makes me happy. But non-binary man also feels good. Uuuuuurgh. Hopefully I'll figure it out one day. Or I'll learn to accept that I can't find a word that really fits me.
 
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I also want to say thanks for the comments and support! Gender is a weird wibbly wobbly thing and it's nice to know there are others out there that get it.
 
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Gender, like sexuality, is a spectrum that moves around during your life. For some people, it doesn't move much. For others, it's constantly in flux.

Humans are obsessed with sticking things into categories and boxes, because it makes digesting reality easier. It makes social interactions easier. Sometimes It's better to accept things as they are instead of trying to pigeon hole everything. Not everything needs to be STUCK in a box. Not everything needs a label.

Sometimes a description is more accurate than any one word. Sometimes, it just doesn't even matter. We're all a bunch of lost, mostly bald, apes. We're ridiculous. :ROFLMAO:
 
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I think anything I would’ve attempted to say has been said and in much better terms than I could’ve put them in—but at the very least I just wanted to say, no matter how you identify and if that changes or not, you’re always welcomed and supported here!!
I have a very complicated relationship with being AFAB. It has me in a very weird place with my identity that I don’t really talk about on here, especially since I feel so strongly about representation of women in this community. But something great this community has shown me is that there are so many different kinds of people and identities and it’s so touching that we can all share these interests and desires that may seem just as confusing as figuring out a gender identity. Sometimes I find myself caught in a spiral of thought of, “what am I??” similar to the rollercoaster you describe. And it can be really uncomfortable and scary. But I hope coming here gives you a lil comfort, and I wish you all the best with tryin to figure it out—hopefully it comes more as a fun lil journey rather than an uncontrollable roller coaster in the future!
 
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HappyPixels said:
What is a woman? What is a man?

It's weird how such a question is both complicated and simple at the same time. I think I'm a man right now? But that could change tomorrow. I think I also need to accept that I don't really fit in a box either. Easier said than done. It's hard, you know? Accepting that you're a part of "the other".

The reality of gender is that it is a construct, not a reflection of external reality.

I would say that if fluidity feels right then it probably is and there is no shame in changing how you feel over time - identity is a state of mind bot a commitment.

It took me some decades to accept myself so I can certainly empathise with the struggle. I learned to trust my intuition and worry less. Easier said than done I know but hopefully some small comfort too, though I certainly wouldn't have believed me before it "clicked" for me.
 
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