My boyfriend just confided in me about his love for diapers

[Catgirl1234]

Hello! I am new to this website and new to this whole thing in general so I was hoping I could ask a few questions. I didn’t really know where to post this thread so hopefully it’s okay here.
I want to preface this by saying that I do not wish to offend anyone, I just want to understand more.
So last night my boyfriend of 1.5 years told me that he has a thing for diapers. A while ago, I saw a webpage he left open on his phone and it was of a porn video of a girl wearing a diaper. I didn’t confront him about it as I felt it’s his private business, but since then I’ve known that girls wearing diapers sexually aroused. He told me about his interest in diapers last night and I tried to be as supportive as possible. I even let him put a diaper on me before we had sex. After we had sex, we were going to go watch tv and he said he was gonna wear one but I guess I reacted negatively and he decided against it, which made me feel really bad.
He told me that just last week he bought his first pack of diapers because he wanted to see if he would like wearing them and since then he has worn them twice, both times when I was at work. He told me pee’d and pooped in the diaper, and that he finds it comfortable and he likes the freedom. He told me that he hopes that we could both wear them around the house when we’re hanging out together and watching tv/playing video games.
I am completely fine with the diapers playing a role in the bedroom. I understand that everyone is into different thing when it comes to sex, and if it turns him on I’m into it. What I don’t understand is why I am so reluctant to accept him wearing diapers outside of the bedroom. He said he doesn’t want to wear them to work or outside the comforts of our own home, but it still makes me very uncomfortable. I feel very sad that I feel this way because I love him with all of my heart. I just feel like the masculine man I once knew is gone, which I know is bad and unfair to think. I want to tell him that I’m fine with him wearing one as long as I’m not home, but I also don’t want him to resent me and eagerly await for me to leave him alone.
Another thing is that I work as a nursing assistant, so my entire job is changing adult diapers and wiping people’s butts. I don’t find it sexy at all, and the thought of my boyfriend defecating in a diaper when he is capable of going in a toilet is almost humiliating to me. I know that it’s his own thing and I should support him, but I can’t help but feel a little freaked out by it.
I am also nervous about his obsession growing more and more. I don’t want his love for diapers to take over our lives. I don’t want it to occupy the majority of his thoughts.
Can anyone offer me some advice so I can cope better with this? I don’t want him to feel ashamed or scared that I’m judging him. I want to understand why he wants to wear diapers, but I just don’t get it right now.
Thank you all in advance!

 

[cannamommy]

Hey there cat girl,

First of welcome to this amazing community!

What your feeling is so natural and completely normal! Trust I was once where u are at.

From the sounds of it you are way more accepting and open minded than I was.

This will take open and honest communication no doubt however what you have here is a door way into a connection with your boyfriend that can become something beautiful.

I was freaked out had no idea how to react or handle it. His desire for diapers won’t come between you as long as you discuss and are open to being honest about boundaries. I want to talk to you more. But I do have to run. I will post again to your thread. It will be ok

 

[Zenka]

The why is a question almost no one has an answer to, even how fetishes form is a mystery to most scientists but most of it boils down to association. A palvolvian response. There are some who had difficult childhood and remembers diapers as something safe, but those rarely manifest with such strong sexual urges, another factor could just be that it is taboo, and often our mind fixates on a thing we cannot have, especially during the formative years where we obsess over what we cannot have until it becomes linked to our sexual well being. That he considers diapers outside of his sexual experiences can be any number of different things, it could be it was sexual first and then he discovered the comfort first, it could be that he views them as both, like people who enjoy bondage will often live their life with some aspect of it around at all parts of the day.

To be fair the best answer you could get is just asking him. The best i can do is theory and speculation. They seem to be sexual first and taboo second so odds are he will not know what is so special about it, if that is the case the most likely answer would be the one i put forth earlier, it was a taboo early in his life that he obsessed over to the point of becoming a fetish, it's a perfectly normal thing, like children playing cops and robbers who find being tied up or otherwise restrained as the robber obsess about such restraining and eventually lead into bondage.

The worst that will happen if you ask him is that he will not know. In that case, it is most likely a link that formed early in his childhood, maybe he was a bedwetter when he first started masturbating and now masturbation and diapers are linked, maybe he knew someone who was a bedwetter or had an younger sibling who had visible diapers when his sexual urges were growing. It could be any number of reasons why he created a link between diapers and sex. So just ask him.

 

[Bailedacademic]

Hmmm... this all sounds very fast and likely very jarring for you. In fact, it personally seems fast for him. You said he was using them fully? That’s interesting, as it seems folks that do make the full leap often seem to take a while to even consider doing so (especially “messing,” which is something many don’t do at all).
I’m also surprised that you were so quick to wear for him as well, though you had some preface I suppose. Then again, diapers have never been sexual for me (comfort/sense of safety).

Honestly, talk to him and gauge where he is at. I might even be that he thought it was sexual, but has since realized it is more the “little space” adjacent stuff that interests him. That said, it sounds like that is what concerns you. I suppose part of that would just be acknowledging that even the most macho dudes may need time to be vulnerable (former military, can confirm that there were dudes who had established things they did with spouses or close friends to emotionally unpack). This may be the only way he can be vulnerable? He can still be your Mr Masculinity and be vulnerable here and there.

I personally have a lot of troubling lowering my defenses, but do become exhausted after not doing so for long spats of time. Little time is the only way I feel safe enough to do so, though. Something to think about maybe.

I do think your concerns are valid and understandable. I know some folks in this community will often step away from diapers for awhile, while dealing with having their own literal kids get through potty training. I imagine this isn’t far off from your own situation: most folks don’t want to come home from work to do more of what they do at work, especially when that work involves excrement.

I think it is absolutely fair of you to expect him to be able to change out of his own dirty diapers (especially if he continues messing) because of that. Then again that is a conversation y’all need to have together, assuming he even continues “messing.”

I get the vibe that he is trying everything after years of repression, which could mean that a lot of this may not stick long term. That said, beware the binge-purge cycle; if he wants it all gone immediately after going full tilt at it for a bit, question that as post-purge depression or anxiety can hit HARD.

Hope that helps? My perspective may be much different though, as I am non-sexual when it comes to this stuff.

 

[pampers4U]

Cat girl, thanks for keeping an open mind as you try to zero in on things. This is a AB forum and your boyfriend might just be a DL (diaper lover)
I've always had feelings for liking diapers and being little (not a helpless baby) but someone that could wear a diaper and sometimes be cuddled and fussed over like a smaller kid (age 2-4)
When I finally got semi comfortable with myself I shared my feelings with a girlfriend, she wasn't the right one, but she was pretty cool with it all, I just couldn't be little with her, but I could wear a diaper around her sometimes, and there was very little attention payed to it.
I truly wanted to have ab play time, meaning I wanted it to be ok to wear a diaper, play with toys or get cuddles from my other half, I felt this loneliness or void. That relationship didn't last.
Then I met my current girlfriend, when things started to get more serious I confided to her about my ab/dl tendencies. It was met with a little curiosity, I showed her a diaper and some onesies I had, she felt more embarrassed then me, I told her this was part of me and helped me feel comfortable with myself, it was a way to relieve stress.
As the weeks went by she became more and more curious about the whole idea of me wanting to be little sometimes, finally the day came were I put on a diaper and hung out / got a little cuddling.. (none sexual) After that she got a better understanding of where my feelings were coming from, and she's been nothing but supporting since. Now shes the one that cruises the internet and sends pics of what she think is cute, she'll order diapers if supplies are getting low, she'll pick new clothing out (like onesies and pj's) I couldn't have gotten luckier. But there's give and take, this type of life style 24/7 wouldn't be fair for her either, she has needs and desires to, of which I take care of and make sure that she has her man as much as a little at the same time.
I'm not saying to submit to your bf, but like others have said, open the line of communication with him and see what he wants, or where hes coming from. He may just be a dl that has a sexual attraction to light bondage, or he might want more but is embarrassed to ask. Either way you have a choice on whether you want to participate in this or not, if your cool with it then let it be know, if your uneasy about certain things with diaper play then put up "hard limits" like not defecating in a diaper, just remember your not obligated or forced to participate in anything.

 

[neophyte]

I would give him a week or two to let the novelty wear off a little; it will give you a bit of time to process everything; then you can discuss some long term ground rules.

Seeing as he was introduced to wearing diapers very recently there is a good chance he is overwhelmed very excited; I'm new here too and just got my first diaper pack 2 months ago and I felt the same way as he does "I always want to wear these, I need more, this is awesome, I never want to stop". As time passed I settled a bit and the novelty wore off; but 2 months later I am still enjoying them.

Therapists will tell you and your boyfriend.... if diapers are making your BF happy, they are not harming anyone, they are not interfering with work and other day to day things, and your BF doesn't want to stop wearing them then the therapist will see no issue with your BF wearing and use diapers.

Also, how common is this? Go to Google and type "My boyfriend wants to wear" or "my husband wants to w" and you will see that "... wear diapers" is the 2nd or 3rd suggestion because it is a common thing.

 

[britches1]

I have been wearing my diapers for a long time. I can tell you how good it feels to just relax and go in my diaper, but you will never know what it's really like until you do. I suggest you may understand your BF better if you put on a diaper and at least wet in it. Better yet, have a good poo to really get the feeling.

 

[pampers4U]

I have been wearing my diapers for a long time. I can tell you how good it feels to just relax and go in my diaper, but you will never know what it's really like until you do. I suggest you may understand your BF better if you put on a diaper and at least wet in it. Better yet, have a good poo to really get the feeling.

Why force a fetish on someone else, that’s night right either, they should just talk it out and take it from there whether it’s setting up boundaries / ground rules etc..

 

[PapaBear001]

Hi and welcome! First I would like to say that you are awesome for the effort and compasion you show. I have been a DL all my life. I am not surprised you are concerned. This is a lot to take in for you. Relationships are constant give and take; push and pull. Even after 1.5 years you are still adapting. Communication is the key and be honest. You can't ignore your feelings to accommodate his. That will create tension. From what you are saying he seems very excited that you are accepting him with this behavior. He has been keeping this from you and that has caused some tension and anxiety in him. Now that it is out in the open, he just burst! All of the joys and pleasures he has been dreaming about has been realized in your acceptance.

So talk to him and if you think this is happening too fast, you might suggest to him that he slows down a bit so that you can get a better understanding and adapt. Talk to him with a smile. Don't make it too serious. It might take time to balance this situation but I think you will be ok.

 

[britches1]

I would never force anything on anyone. I am just saying that until you feel what he is feeling you just can't know.

 

[BlueGrey]

There are some books available that you might find helpful. Rosalie Bent "There's Still a Baby in my Bed" available on Amazon and others is a good one. It unwraps a lot of the mystery about what is going on in our heads. It is written to the partner who is considering being the caretaker, but even skipping that, it is valuable. Her husband, Michael Bent, also wrote a more analytic look. I don't remember the title, but it will pop up if you are in that area.

 

[Drifter]

The good news is there is a solid scientific explanation for the "why". It's called imprinting, which is the name given for an observable, evolved function in animals (including humans) that is believed to play a major role in mate selection, pair bonding, sexual orientation, and probably gender identity, all of which are susceptible to occasional variations that defy our beliefs about evolution. Outside of the areas where knowledge of imprinting is important, such as animal breeding and reintroduction programs, very few people have heard of it. Psychology has been slowly moving away from the idea that strange desires, like the ones we here and your boyfriend have, are signs of curable mental illness, and moving towards accepting them as imprinted characteristics.

The bad news is that imprinted characteristics tend to be strong and permanent. Your boyfriend will most likely have these desires all his life and will want some kind of outlet to express them. This doesn't mean your relationship has to be dominated by diapers. He has no control over having these desires, but he has control over his behavior. That "masculine man [you] once knew" is still there and needs to step up and show some self control.

You have shown a remarkable willingness to provide an outlet for him and he needs to recognize that and work with you to repair your relationship. This new knowledge was quite a jolt for you and there is no denying it stressed your relationship. You are obviously willing to compromise, but an acceptable compromise won't be easy or quick because it means both of you getting beyond the shame, guilt, anger, frustration, confusion, and fears this situation causes. If you can do this without losing the love you both feel for each other then it is possible to work this out.

Don't be ashamed or feel guilty about setting your limits. You can set limits and still love someone. Some lines cannot be crossed and open, honest talks about them are necessary. His desires are a fact of life he can't change, but, at the same time, you have strong feelings about this, too, that need to be honestly addressed.

 

[britches1]

And PapaBear is so right. Acceptance and tolerance is what it's all about.

 

[CutePrincess]

First I think there is some subconscious thoughts at work here. Given your job and the general norm of bias ("society wants you to "grow up" out of diapers, diapers is a reflection of being taken care of, like you do to a baby or your job)

SO getting over this ingrained thoughts will be very difficult and I am not even sure how people fight this that are not into it, I can only give you a prospective on why I like it. I am very submissive so having one put on me is basically power over me sort of speak. That and I just like the feel of them (comfort so on) So him wanting to diaper you can reflect the "masculine man" you seem to look for.

As for going to the bathroom in them, I am not sure if i can help on your prospective on that outside how I started this post and at least looking at that to consider why. Alsooooooo if he wants to change you well that is kinda dominant play you might like, hard to say given my bias =/

How do you feel about what was said so far either by myself or others?

 

[Sheepies]

Honestly you're doing a great job and are being more accepting than most would. Serious credit for joining this site to try and understand your boyfriend's desires.

It's perfectly ok and normal to feel the way you're feeling. Especially considering your job involves changing and cleaning older folk.

That being said relationships are a two way streak. It's wonderful that you're allowing your boyfriend to indulge but also remember you matter too! If they make you uncomfortable outside of the bedroom, say something. Yeah he may feel a little embarrassed or hurt at first as this is a sensitive topic for most, but I guarantee if he loves you and cares about your well-being then he wants to make sure you're happy too. Holding it all in will just lead to feelings of resentment further down the road.

Also yeah there's a great chance he's going through a kid in a candy store phase right now and will settle down over time when the thrill and novelty wears off. He probably won't stop enjoying diapers, but the super intense wants and cravings to constantly be in them will likely curb or slow down.

 

[Catgirl1234]

Thank you all so much for your replies! Reading them has brought me comfort and has definitely helped me wrap my head around everything.
We talked about it yesterday and I told him how him wearing a diaper around the house makes me feel. He said that he had already thrown the diapers he had in the room away and said not to worry about it because he’s done with it. He said that if I’m not comfortable with it then there is no point, and wearing a diaper knowing how I felt wouldn’t do anything for him. I insisted that he not try to deny this part of himself and told him that I want to wear one during sex because I love how much it turns him on and I told him I would wear one again that night. He kept saying that he doesn’t want to unless I want to wear one for myself and not to make him happy. He wants me to have this fetish too, which I can’t see myself having.
So we had sex that night and I wore a diaper. It seemed like he was super into it but then he took it off me towards the end. After, he said that he doesn’t need them anymore because it’s not what he imagined. He said that he’s done with diapers because he knows that I won’t be into them like he’s into them. I told him that I would try wearing with him around the house, only for small amounts of time. I just don’t want our entire relationships and lives to revolve around wearing a diaper.
He also told me that I wouldn’t be able to regress the way I need to, and I asked him if he wants to regress and he said no, and that it’s not about him wearing one but more about me wearing one. He kept insisting that he doesn’t want to wear one unless I am wearing one too, and only if I really want to wear one.
Is this the binge and purge cycle? He said he’s done with it, but I feel like he will always have desires to wear one even though he denies it.
i want him to be who he is, and I thought about just telling him that I am actually into it, just so he would feel better and accept it, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I kept saying that I’m into it because he’s into which apparently isn’t good enough for him. He is probably still a little embarrassed?

 

[PapaBear001]

It could be a binge and purge. Just roll with it. If it comes back around again, you will know what to do. Maybe in a few weeks or a month or maybe a special occation you can surprise him with a diaper change or something. I am sure it is not over but the special occasion kinky fun might be a good middle ground. Good luck!

 

[PapaBear001]

Maybe you can suggest that he join our group! There are plenty of couples here. Although I am not one of them.

 

[Zenka]

The binge/purge cycle is extremely common within these groups. It's a clash between what you want and what you think you should do. Wearing diapers isn't exactly the first thing that springs into your head when you think about a socially acceptable fetish or a hobby (i have my own rant about socially acceptable which is not for this thread, but whatever). It's also a part of the novelty of it. the hype around it. He starts to fantasize how great it will be and when he finally gets it there is this sense of relief and satisfaction that you finally get to do it, then a sense of regret over having done it and finally shame over liking it so he tries to distance himself away from it because he believes that it goes against society and morally acceptable values.


It seems like a part of why he likes them is that they were linked to what he find sexually attractive. Like people who prefer large breasts or lithe bodies or even a certain ethnic or more controversial, age group. For him what got linked as sexually attracted was wearing diapers, wherever he might have gotten introduced to those (there is also a theory about how our genes shape us more than our inviroment but that is a can of worms for another day).


In the end, do what you think is healthy. This could become real expensive real fast, storebought diapers aren't that expensive but still drag on the wallet a bit, but more premium adult diapers can easily reach 200$ per pack. Not to mention any clothing or furniture items which in themselves are expensive as well.

It seems like a classic Binge/purge, he is too ashamed of liking what he does and doesn't want to associate but more likely than not these feelings will return and most do act on them. it's up to you to either encourage him if you don't mind this continuing or try to find a middleground between it if you are on the fence. My fear is that trying to actively trying to keep him away from it will not end well, not only for your relationship but having anyone you care for openly denounce such a thing is likely to add on to the shame of it.

Do what you feel most comfortable with, what you feel is right