My boyfriend just confided in me about his love for diapers

[pampers4U]

Sounds like he was a daddy / girl dynamic, in that case your not compatible with that.

 

[Zenka]

Sounds like he was a daddy / girl dynamic, in that case your not compatible with that.

I would disagree. Daddy/Girl dynamics rarely are this explicitly sexual, he doesn't show any behaviours of wanting to care for her, just wanting to see her in a diaper, and wear one himself if she is too. It seems much closer to the use of a sex-aid than it is about the roleplay

 

[pampers4U]

I would disagree. Daddy/Girl dynamics rarely are this explicitly sexual, he doesn't show any behaviours of wanting to care for her, just wanting to see her in a diaper, and wear one himself if she is too. It seems much closer to the use of a sex-aid than it is about the roleplay

True, my mistake

 

[neophyte]

I threw $60-$80 worth of diapers in the garbage after my first 10 days, I felt terrible about my wanting to wear diapers. But the feelings/desire came back a week later. I went back into it a bit more calmly and its been 2 months and I am still enjoying it a few days a week.

It is probably super embarrassing for him.

I cannot express how great of a supporting, considerate, and caring wife you are. I have been married 6 years, I am far too fearful of what will happen if I told my wife. He must trust you a lot to be able to open up.

I don't want to get too personal, but has he tried actual ABDL diapers? They are much different (better and more exciting) than plain ones you get from Wal-Mart.

 

[Sheepies]

The binge/purge cycle is extremely common within these groups. It's a clash between what you want and what you think you should do. Wearing diapers isn't exactly the first thing that springs into your head when you think about a socially acceptable fetish or a hobby (i have my own rant about socially acceptable which is not for this thread, but whatever). It's also a part of the novelty of it. the hype around it. He starts to fantasize how great it will be and when he finally gets it there is this sense of relief and satisfaction that you finally get to do it, then a sense of regret over having done it and finally shame over liking it so he tries to distance himself away from it because he believes that it goes against society and morally acceptable values.


It seems like a part of why he likes them is that they were linked to what he find sexually attractive. Like people who prefer large breasts or lithe bodies or even a certain ethnic or more controversial, age group. For him what got linked as sexually attracted was wearing diapers, wherever he might have gotten introduced to those (there is also a theory about how our genes shape us more than our inviroment but that is a can of worms for another day).


In the end, do what you think is healthy. This could become real expensive real fast, storebought diapers aren't that expensive but still drag on the wallet a bit, but more premium adult diapers can easily reach 200$ per pack. Not to mention any clothing or furniture items which in themselves are expensive as well.

It seems like a classic Binge/purge, he is too ashamed of liking what he does and doesn't want to associate but more likely than not these feelings will return and most do act on them. it's up to you to either encourage him if you don't mind this continuing or try to find a middleground between it if you are on the fence. My fear is that trying to actively trying to keep him away from it will not end well, not only for your relationship but having anyone you care for openly denounce such a thing is likely to add on to the shame of it.

Do what you feel most comfortable with, what you feel is right

I honestly would like to know what diaper costs $200 a pack O_O

Did you mean case?

 

[Zenka]

I miiiiight have gotten the two mixed up. English is not my native language so packs and cases often get joined as the same in my mind

 

[Sheepies]

On your reply honestly it's great that he cares about you and the way you feel about the whole situation!

I have a feeling this is a purge however and the urges will return, he might just not want to upset or lose you.

Like others have said, just roll with it and see what happens. Diapers are one of those things that people can be extremely self conscious about due to the social stigma behind it.

 

[Sheepies]

I miiiiight have gotten the two mixed up. English is not my native language so packs and cases often get joined as the same in my mind

Hey no problem man! Multiple languages can be really hard sometimes I totally get you

 

[Zenka]

Your I, E, U and A placements make no sense at all. They all sound like eachother when spoken so it is basically just a guess

 

[Sheepies]

Your I, E, U and A placements make no sense at all. They all sound like eachother when spoken so it is basically just a guess

Oh gosh yes. It's just one of those things you've got to memorize. I've heard that English is really hard to learn for a non-native speaker. Especially when words like colonel (pronounced kernal) exist.

I have similar trouble with remembering what gender words are in Spanish and French. No sense at all. Desks are male and chalkboards are female in Spanish I guess. But in French they're both males.

 

[Ibaby]

My wife is too a is a cna like your self it must have to do with your proffesion. Just be honest tell him wearing is Not my thing. My wife said to me i will meet with you but you have to be understanding with me to so the rules were if i pee pee she will change that messey mess. As time progressed she still wont change a stinky but she will give me a bottel and she will sometimes hold it for me untill i go night night. I truly hope this helps, with me my toddlerism came back when i quite drinking and smoking and chewing tobacco i had no idea from kindergarten to my eithg grade year abdlism would come back my freshman year i smoked reafer still kept a good gpa fast forward i quit drinking drugs smoking chewing then 1 week of my ab\dl,ism hitting me i quit chewing. My wife and i have been married now for 13yrs. But 2yrs ago was when she found out abought my abdlism i hope this helps at least you got to find befor my wife did. She first told me i wish i would have known this befor we got married or i never would have married you and me i had not a clue this quork of mine would com back so it caught us bolth off guard. Now belive it or not we laugh abought the time when she said had i of known we never have married.

 

[PampersboyLondon]

Firstly nice job on being open minded and accepting of his desires and fetish. I know I personally struggled as a teen to accept my fetish and my sexuality. I never thought anyone would accept me for me and I think my parents were also worried.

I’m lucky that I live with my girlfriend who a switch mummy and is heavily into BDSM, but this isn’t about me I know when we first got together we did a lot of abdl stuff and this was like over indulgence during the honeymoon period i guess when you know it’s okay and you can share the joys of it makes it more enjoyable.

I had to play catch up with BDSM part I’d never done anything involved with it and I had watched clips and read about it but wasn’t sure if it was my thing. We’ve been together 2yrs now and I have come full circle I’ve learnt and tried things and know what I enjoy and what makes her tick.

I think he needs to take a mature approach to this as it seems he’s be defeatist as he can’t have it his way. You need to set some ground rules to keep him level headed and work with him to understand what’s his angle on it. I know for me it’s taken a long time to accept myself and then once in a accepted relationship know it’s not all about me.

I’m the DL my GF is more of an LG and therefore finds my sexual attraction to nappies a bit odd but if you get him to explain what he wants then you can try to do things that work in those fantasies.

The other thing to work on is looking as him as the sexy man you want just wearing a nappy, the oldies you work with wear them out of choice and when you change them you don’t do it because you love them it’s just part of the job and it’s a process. With him it’s more intamacy and exchange of power, he lets you in to his most insecure self, where he can’t hide anything.

What would be good is getting him to take sexy photos of him in nappies and regular shots as well, he doesn’t loose that manly imagine in nappies he’s the same guy he just needs to understand that you have needs as well and too fulfill that as well.

It’s hard because your not naturally into it that being said you may change your mind down the line as it become more normalised but at the same time keep your self respect and don’t bend over backwards for him if it’s not ok for you.

 

[tenderbottoms47]

I told my wife about this side of me when we were both 18 and we had been together for about 6 month.. Lucky for me she accepted me for who I was as a person and said it did not matter if I liked wearing diapers or regressing and acting in a childish manner. We always talked things through together and I always went the extra mile to make sure she knew how much I love her, and what she truly means to me as my wife and at times my special mommy. It worked for us now going on 26 years of marriage. And she has even made me stay in a diaper until I messed it so she could clean my bottom up. True love is absolutely the most amazing thing ever!! Hope you to can find a compromise and bring some balance into your relationship.

 

[Catgirl1234]

So he just told me that he wants me to go in a diaper and change me, and he wants me to change him too. I totally get why an ABDL would want to get change and how close that makes them feel to their partner. I would love for us to feel closer to each other, however I am still hesitant about changing him. I don’t want it to completely change the way I look at him. Does anyone have any anecdotes about their partner who isn’t an ABDL who changed them and if they did in fact feel closer. Is it worth it?

 

[Sheepies]

So he just told me that he wants me to go in a diaper and change me, and he wants me to change him too. I totally get why an ABDL would want to get change and how close that makes them feel to their partner. I would love for us to feel closer to each other, however I am still hesitant about changing him. I don’t want it to completely change the way I look at him. Does anyone have any anecdotes about their partner who isn’t an ABDL who changed them and if they did in fact feel closer. Is it worth it?

If you feel uncomfortable that is a perfectly valid and reasonable feeling to have. You don't have to do that now or ever if you don't want to. If this is a boundary you would like to set that is more than okay and I'm sure he would understand and ultimately wants you to be happy and comfortable at the end of the day. Even if you decide it's not something you'd like to do that's ok too! Being too quick with changes can result in an awkward or unpleasant experience. You don't have to decide right now either if you don't want to.

As for the anecdote, my boyfriend and I are not too far off from your story. I'm into ABDL nonsexually for the most part and he's not particularly into it. Yet he still urges me to participate as it makes me happy. I was extremely shy and still am by a good bit. I don't want to push my fetishes on people who aren't into the same thing you know? It took a long time to ease into diapers and I'm still working on it, but he honestly doesn't mind. Cutting out a lot details because I don't want to fill the thread with a wall of text.

Anyway... After a while, we made some friends through FetLife, he learns more about the caregiver role, and decides he'd like to try it with me.

He hasn't changed me while wet yet. Has offered, but I'm still too shy and don't feel ready for that yet. He has however put a clean diaper on me multiple times, and it really is a beautiful bonding experience unlike any other. There's just something about trusting someone enough to put yourself in that vulnerable of a position. Personally, I feel more emotionally fulfilled and happy sharing these moments with my partner than I do with sex. So yes for me personally, it was worth it.

 

[DocBrown]

So he just told me that he wants me to go in a diaper and change me, and he wants me to change him too. I totally get why an ABDL would want to get change and how close that makes them feel to their partner. I would love for us to feel closer to each other, however I am still hesitant about changing him. I don’t want it to completely change the way I look at him. Does anyone have any anecdotes about their partner who isn’t an ABDL who changed them and if they did in fact feel closer. Is it worth it?

It's a guess, but...

Shame is a powerful emotion that floods one's dia.. Uh, brain with chemicals like adrenaline. It's normally linked to the brain's "badstuff" switch but the brain is very adaptive. Like many diaper lovers he surely has a, well I don't want to say love/hate, maybe love/wish-I-didn't-like thing going.

Lots of diaper guys want their SO to take charge of the decision process. That helps erase the bad side of the equation - it's your show, not his so he's freer to enjoy guilt-free.

So, maybe pick a day of the week or month or whatever and he has no say in the matter. Sunday morning, for example is diaper time whether he wants to play or not. He wants to go out with his buddies? "No. I like Diaper Sundays and that's that. Why? Because I say so." (Note how his fetish gives you power. That is NOT bad, it's called power exchange, which is a type of bonding)

Check out the diaper ratings article/thread without his knowledge and secretly buy a pack of what you find cute (or two, one four you and one for him). Most like thick and crinkly so Crinklz is popular.) Set up the first scheduled appointment and surprise him with Your choices. (Strange how DLs are like women sometimes - wanting their SO to read their mind and, well, irrationalities like "if I have to tell you it doesn't count" happen. (That's why men go bald) So get sneaky and play Ms Detective. Find out what would thrill him and then force it on him.

This gets it segregated, which protects your image of him. It gets the choice out of his hands so he's innocent. It, well, I don't really know but you'll have fun finding out.

Keep in touch and folks here are great at providing support.

And remember, take everyone's comments with a grain of salt. We're all different and biased towards our own "stuff".

 

[tinkletiger]

It's a guess, but...

Shame is a powerful emotion that floods one's dia.. Uh, brain with chemicals like adrenaline. It's normally linked to the brain's "badstuff" switch but the brain is very adaptive. Like many diaper lovers he surely has a, well I don't want to say love/hate, maybe love/wish-I-didn't-like thing going.

Lots of diaper guys want their SO to take charge of the decision process. That helps erase the bad side of the equation - it's your show, not his so he's freer to enjoy guilt-free.

So, maybe pick a day of the week or month or whatever and he has no say in the matter. Sunday morning, for example is diaper time whether he wants to play or not. He wants to go out with his buddies? "No. I like Diaper Sundays and that's that. Why? Because I say so." (Note how his fetish gives you power. That is NOT bad, it's called power exchange, which is a type of bonding)

Check out the diaper ratings article/thread without his knowledge and secretly buy a pack of what you find cute (or two, one four you and one for him). Most like thick and crinkly so Crinklz is popular.) Set up the first scheduled appointment and surprise him with Your choices. (Strange how DLs are like women sometimes - wanting their SO to read their mind and, well, irrationalities like "if I have to tell you it doesn't count" happen. (That's why men go bald) So get sneaky and play Ms Detective. Find out what would thrill him and then force it on him.

This gets it segregated, which protects your image of him. It gets the choice out of his hands so he's innocent. It, well, I don't really know but you'll have fun finding out.

Keep in touch and folks here are great at providing support.

And remember, take everyone's comments with a grain of salt. We're all different and biased towards our own "stuff".

Hello DocBrown....that is a very good explanation!

 

[PapaBear001]

Sounds like you hubby is a little conflicted. He would probably fit in well here. DocBrown's idea is interesting and practical. Also remember as he regresses, he would expect you to be dominant. Maybe not aggressive but sturn. In role reversal, it is hard for me to say. There is a lot of dominance and trust in the caregiver role. The ABy role is usually extremely submissive, indulgent and uncontrolled.

 

[CutePrincess]

Sounds like you hubby is a little conflicted. He would probably fit in well here. DocBrown's idea is interesting and practical. Also remember as he regresses, he would expect you to be dominant. Maybe not aggressive but sturn. In role reversal, it is hard for me to say. There is a lot of dominance and trust in the caregiver role. The ABy role is usually extremely submissive, indulgent and uncontrolled.

sounds like he wants to be the "caregiver" with play like that, notice how she talks about him being more insistent on him diapering her.

I do not really think he wants deep abdl play, it just seems like it is more of a sharing trust type of thing more then anything. "I like doing this can you do it with me too"? the this, referring to wearing diapers in this case.

 

[Drifter]

Is this the binge and purge cycle? He said he’s done with it, but I feel like he will always have desires to wear one even though he denies it.
i want him to be who he is, and I thought about just telling him that I am actually into it, just so he would feel better and accept it, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I kept saying that I’m into it because he’s into which apparently isn’t good enough for him. He is probably still a little embarrassed?

I believe you're right, Catgirl, it's highly unlikely he will ever rid himself of these desires.

He's more than just "a little embarrassed". He hasn't accepted this part of himself so he is riding a rollercoaster of emotions going from peaks of ecstasy to depths of utter disgust. This is what triggers binge and purge cycles, but it doesn't end there. He has extremely strong desires to involve you in his fantasies but can't overcome the shame, guilt, and remorse he feels later after he gets you to participate. When he succumbs to disgust with himself he can swear he is over it and purge all his diapers, but at that point he feels immense guilt for having tainted you with his 'perverse' desires. What does he do with you?

Confusing, isn't it? I'm no psychologist but I agree with your concern over pretending to be "actually into it". Dishonesty isn't the answer. You both want to wear diapers, but for different reasons. Because he can't accept himself (yet) he can't accept that your reason for wanting to wear is that it makes you happy to make him happy. Romance is all that is needed to keep a romantic relationship going -- in fairy tales. In real life practical considerations are important, too.

Self acceptance is a difficult and lengthy process for many ABDLs. He obviously needs help with that. It might be good if he could consult with a real psychologist; not to try to purge those desires, but to gain self-acceptance and get practical advice concerning his relationship with you.