Moving home and saying I need diapers

[WarmAndSquishy]

Hello, long time lurker on here first time poster. I’ve had bed time incontinence on and off my whole life, pretty much my whole childhood till I was 13 and then I’d have random episodes into adulthood.

Well I’ve recently had a lot of things change in my life and bed wetting is now an every night thing for me. I managed okayish when living on my own but now that I’m back home I decided I need to tell my mom, cos I figured it’d be more embarrassing for her to figure out I’m wearing diapers on her own and jump to conclusions.

So I told her and now much to my embarrassment she’s offering to wash my cloth diapers and occasionally asking me if I’ve had any leaks. She even spent time online looking for disposables for me.

Part of me should be relieved that she’s so understanding and wants to help, but I’m also completely embarrassed.

Was just wondering if I could get peoples opinions on this? Should I say I can manage this on my own or accept her help and just enjoy stress off my shoulders.

 

[Forced]

Speaking as a parent rather than someone who suffers from IC I believe your Mum is just caring for her Son.
No matter how old your kids get, they will always be boys/girls in us parents eyes.

Your Mum sees it as a medical problem and would like to help you.
If you don’t want this assistance then please sit her down and kindly tell her so, but IMO I see no harm in it…..who doesn’t like their laundry done for them

 

[Saltedcaramel64]

I agree with @Forced
Im also a parent and Im certain your Mom doesnt think anything bad about you. She's just trying to help someone she loves. That being said I get why its embarrassing to you. You are back at the nest and your Mom is diaper shopping for you and cleaning your diapers. It feels like a step backwards. Think of it this way, you have some set backs right now but without the support from your Mom would you have a safe place to live? Right now her support is going to help you get back on your feet and being able to help you is most likely making your Mom feel useful and happy.
Sometimes swallowing pride and accepting help is the best thing you can do. I think you should tell her you are embarrassed but also very grateful for her help. Maybe even a thank you to Mom would go a long way.

 

[Anemone]

If you're embarrassed you should probably make that clear. If help is a hindrance then it's in no one's interest to maintain status quo.

Moving back in is also really hard - that's one thing I never have to worry about at least - and not having a discussion about boundaries as soon as practicable is a recipe for resentment. We all sometimes assume things will be the same after a change, we are wrong and need to acknowledge that in order to avoid crashing into reality.

 

[Bearcatz]

I'd probably be embarrassed if my parents were washing cloth diapers for me, but she obviously wants to help somehow because she's your mom.

Let her buy you some disposables. She'll feel like she's helping and it won't be as weird.

 

[WarmAndSquishy]

I agree with @Forced
Im also a parent and Im certain your Mom doesnt think anything bad about you. She's just trying to help someone she loves. That being said I get why its embarrassing to you. You are back at the nest and your Mom is diaper shopping for you and cleaning your diapers. It feels like a step backwards. Think of it this way, you have some set backs right now but without the support from your Mom would you have a safe place to live? Right now her support is going to help you get back on your feet and being able to help you is most likely making your Mom feel useful and happy.
Sometimes swallowing pride and accepting help is the best thing you can do. I think you should tell her you are embarrassed but also very grateful for her help. Maybe even a thank you to Mom would go a long way.

You’re right, I didn’t think maybe it’s nice for her to take care of someone? She used to be a nurse but she’s retired and all us kids have moved out (expect now I’m back), so she’s all alone in the house usually.

I think swallowing my pride is gonna be the right thing to do, for my own sake of needing help to manage my new IC with my autism, and also just giving my mom something to make her feel helpful again.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[WarmAndSquishy]

If you're embarrassed you should probably make that clear. If help is a hindrance then it's in no one's interest to maintain status quo.

Moving back in is also really hard - that's one thing I never have to worry about at least - and not having a discussion about boundaries as soon as practicable is a recipe for resentment. We all sometimes assume things will be the same after a change, we are wrong and need to acknowledge that in order to avoid crashing into reality.

Yeah I will definitely have to set some boundaries, I did talk to her about my embarrassment and we worked through that a bit. I got disposables today so hopefully I won’t have to worry about policing her when she does my laundry (she does it without my asking lol, she has ocd and gets impatient).

 

[WarmAndSquishy]

I'd probably be embarrassed if my parents were washing cloth diapers for me, but she obviously wants to help somehow because she's your mom.

Let her buy you some disposables. She'll feel like she's helping and it won't be as weird.

Yeah I had gone with her to put it in the wash and had assumed she’d leave it to me to dry. Imagine the look on my face when I’m handed my folded laundry with my huge diaper on top lmao! Luckily the disposables she ordered already got here so that’ll be avoided in the future!

 

[Anemone]

Yeah I will definitely have to set some boundaries, I did talk to her about my embarrassment and we worked through that a bit. I got disposables today so hopefully I won’t have to worry about policing her when she does my laundry (she does it without my asking lol, she has ocd and gets impatient).

That's very encouraging to hear! I'm sure you are each trying to be considerate of the other so a middle path should be forthcoming.

I'm not overly clean and tidy but I'd feel uncomfortable having my own wet nappies unwashed in the house (part of the reason I prefer disposables) so I can only imagine what it is like for her.

 

[charliee]

I think having a chat with her and telling her about your embarrassment was helpful for both of you. On one hand, she wants to be helpful, on the other it must already be hard enough for you to handle your IC. But I think that chatting with her made her understand that you need boundaries, even if you surely appreciate her help. I'm sure things are going to turn out for the best.