Mom keeps stealing my stuff!

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gnd567

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I know my mom kinda/sorta knows something about my ab-ness (even though she doesn't know what ab is.) We have never spoke of it. She has moved my diapers before but never taken them but she not only stole my new bib but also my Nuk 5! I don't know what to do! My depression has gotten worse since I don't have my paci to soothe me. I don't what I'd do if she stole my teddy bear (I can't sleep without him.) Should I confront her on this? I don't have the money for a new paci right now. I need my paci so bad I could cry! Why would she do this to me? Why take my paci and not my ddiapers? Any advice would help.
 

wyatt

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I'm sorry to here about that. I would be really confused to if I was in your situation .
I'd hate to say it but maby its time you tell her the reasons you have this stuff I'm thinking maby she's thinking you have this stuff for other reasons then to comfort yourself. You should be able to have your privacy as long as its in your room and your not hurting anyone. But maby if she wont understand or your not ready to have that talk with her you could get a cheap lock box or fire safe and keep your stuff in there.I keep my stuff in a fileing cabinet so I can lock it up when friends are over.
If you need some one to talk to feel free to pm me. :) I hope you can get your stuff back.
 

ShAd0w10

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Yeah, I think it's time to tell her why you have what you have. You don't have to tell her everything, just say that you're going through some stuff and that these things comfort you. Let her know that there are many others like you so you're not that unusual. I'd also bring up why she keeps snooping and not only going through your stuff, but also stealing them, and that it's upsetting you. That's just not cool. You need to let her know that it's not. If this keeps up there could be some serious trust issues, harbored hatred, and general relationship issues between you two. If she makes a big deal about it, and still doesn't accept you for who you are, you may need to move out.
 

gigglemuffinz

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Are you buying it with your own money? If so, you should bring it up. You are an adult with your own money and have every right to expect her not to throw away your stuff. My mother did the same to me and I got really angry. Total disregard for my things, not just AB. Selling it even if she didn't pay for it.
 

ShAd0w10

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Are you buying it with your own money? If so, you should bring it up. You are an adult with your own money and have every right to expect her not to throw away your stuff. My mother did the same to me and I got really angry. Total disregard for my things, not just AB. Selling it even if she didn't pay for it.

Sorry to hear about that... I would be pretty upset myself. :/ Parents need to know that it may be their house but they at least need to know that they can't just throw away and sell their kid's stuff without their permission, even moreso if they bought it. It's that kind of thing that makes kids grow to distrust and sometimes hate their parents in later years.
 
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acorn

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I know my mom kinda/sorta knows something about my ab-ness (even though she doesn't know what ab is.) We have never spoke of it. She has moved my diapers before but never taken them but she not only stole my new bib but also my Nuk 5! I don't know what to do! My depression has gotten worse since I don't have my paci to soothe me. I don't what I'd do if she stole my teddy bear (I can't sleep without him.) Should I confront her on this? I don't have the money for a new paci right now. I need my paci so bad I could cry! Why would she do this to me? Why take my paci and not my ddiapers? Any advice would help.
An exception to my usual advice....noting your previous posting on here....It might be time to think about talking to your mother. I say this; as she knows something of what you are about, but she may fear all your AB paraphernalia.

My biggest fear in going this road would be that she may react badly to what you might say. One thing that is certain to cause a bad reaction is giving her an information overload. In a vanilla world the perception of a DL is a predatory sexual deviant and an AB is a couple of sandwich's short of a picnic (the elevator does not go to the top floor), you know this has got to be true as it is how we see each other even on here.

In your shoes, I think I would hold off on the conversation just yet and wait till she approached me. I would be curious to know for sure in the meantime if she did away with (bin) said items, or simply hid them. If she placed them elsewhere - she may be amenable to conversation, but if they are gone to the bin I'd tend to read that as a bad omen for her potential reaction to your disclosure.
......you could get a cheap lock box or fire safe and keep your stuff in there......
Among the rest in this thoughtful post, the above stood out.
 

dogboy

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Perhaps you mom thinks you have an incontinence problem, and that she can accept. The pacifier and bib she perceives as something different that you are using to compensate for needing diapers, and she may feel that you don't need baby objects.

Since she has discovered these things, you probably need to have "the talk". When my mom discovered my diapers, she confronted me, and it was devastating. I was completely embarrassed, but in addition to that, she made an appointment for me to see a shrink.

I'm afraid that to explain why you have baby objects, you will have to talk about adult baby syndrome. I would suggest the abridged version, just touching on the major points. I would also talk about your depression, and some other problems you might be experiencing. Getting a little sympathy might help her accept the baby objects. I wish you lots of luck.
 

Tyger

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My mom did this to me, I had some cloth diapers that I had washed and they were drying. My mom knew I was doing my laundry, and she also knew about my little side, but she opened the dryer while i was away, saw my cloth diapers, and put them in a trash bag in the trunk of her car. I had to confront her about it, and it was kind of awkward to bring it up, but i just had to say, "Did you take some of my stuff out of the dryer?" and then work my way up to saying that my cloth diapers were missing, at which point she did admit to taking them, and told me where they were once i stuck up for myself in saying how inappropriate it was for her to take my things and try and invade my privacy just to influence me in what way she wanted.

It was not a pleasant discussion by any means, and honestly, it and many other discussions resulted in my mom and I drifting apart a bit. The thing is, I had to do it, otherwise she would do it more. She learned from my anger and frustration, that she couldn't force me to think the way she did, and I think that helped stop her persistence. I have been able to develop my relationship with her back again, but it will never be the same, I can't trust her anymore after that, and many other incidents.

You might find yourself stuck in the same loss of trust and hurting relationship, but the best thing to do, is let her know you are offended and it hurts you because it ruins your trust when she steals your things. Then you can work on repairing the relationship after she learns that she has been causing problems in it. Otherwise you will only get more and more frustrated with her, and it will drift you further apart.
 

ShAd0w10

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My mom did this to me, I had some cloth diapers that I had washed and they were drying. My mom knew I was doing my laundry, and she also knew about my little side, but she opened the dryer while i was away, saw my cloth diapers, and put them in a trash bag in the trunk of her car. I had to confront her about it, and it was kind of awkward to bring it up, but i just had to say, "Did you take some of my stuff out of the dryer?" and then work my way up to saying that my cloth diapers were missing, at which point she did admit to taking them, and told me where they were once i stuck up for myself in saying how inappropriate it was for her to take my things and try and invade my privacy just to influence me in what way she wanted.

It was not a pleasant discussion by any means, and honestly, it and many other discussions resulted in my mom and I drifting apart a bit. The thing is, I had to do it, otherwise she would do it more. She learned from my anger and frustration, that she couldn't force me to think the way she did, and I think that helped stop her persistence. I have been able to develop my relationship with her back again, but it will never be the same, I can't trust her anymore after that, and many other incidents.

You might find yourself stuck in the same loss of trust and hurting relationship, but the best thing to do, is let her know you are offended and it hurts you because it ruins your trust when she steals your things. Then you can work on repairing the relationship after she learns that she has been causing problems in it. Otherwise you will only get more and more frustrated with her, and it will drift you further apart.

Sorry to hear that, Tyger. At least you brought it up so that it won't happen again. Probably one of the worst things in any relationship with anyone is miscommunication, or rather, the lack of communication. If someone is doing something you don't like, bring it up. It will only cause more problems down the road.
 

gnd567

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Thanks guys. I've been toying around with the idea of coming out about it to my mom because the stress of keeping it a secret is really too much. I don't know how I can get the nerve up to do it though. It really hurts me though. I've been this way since I was 3 and never told anyone because its so private. It makes me feel safe and secure as stupid as that might sound. I'm embarrassed to show those vulnerable feelings and that I like acting like a baby.
 
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dolphin4

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can you get a new paci from the dollar store for now? Also, theres a great book called the dance of anger it is mainly for couples but, it helped me deal with my mom.
 

EPO1

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Frankly speaking: you're 23 - what you own you own, what you do with it you do. And your mom has NO right to confiscate any of your belongings.
Now it doesn't matter if it's a 12" dildo or some diapers or whatever... the object, it's purpose or reason of existance is NONE of her business.
At your age you are absolutely entitled to some privacy, to your own stuff and not to have your stuff searched through and confiscated.

I'd say tell her to give the stuff she took back, if you don't want to talk about it's purpose: your decision... it is your stuff and it was very much out of line for her to take it.
Tell her she needs to respect your space, your privacy etc.

and finally, move out.
 

anned

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Frankly speaking: you're 23.

Get a good lockable steel box.
Construction site storage box - BOST

Make a tray that sets in the top and keep your valuables there with your ab stuff under it.

Leave it open once in a while so she sees what is in the tray and never wonders what is in the locked box.
 

BlueGrey

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I understand the stress. In my experience, if I decide you want to talk with her about it, it is best if you bring it up. That way you have time to get your mind prepped and start it when you are ready (if there an be such a state). It is a scary topic to bring up, but even more scary if you walk in the door and she says she wants to talk about this baby thing. She puts you on the defense rather than offense.
 
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Thanks guys. I've been toying around with the idea of coming out about it to my mom because the stress of keeping it a secret is really too much. I don't know how I can get the nerve up to do it though. It really hurts me though. I've been this way since I was 3 and never told anyone because its so private. It makes me feel safe and secure as stupid as that might sound. I'm embarrassed to show those vulnerable feelings and that I like acting like a baby.

Like anything that's hard to do, I suggest practice. Grab somebody on here and run whatever you want to say past us. Post it even, if you want public commentary and suggestions. Stand in front of a mirror a couple times and say it, like you're practicing a speech. I don't know if your mom is the interrupting type, but if so, you can practice stopping in the middle a couple times and then coming back to it. None of that is the real thing, but if you can get yourself comfortable with what to say, you'll be in a good position to make the conversation happen.
 

Tiddles

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I would move and hide some of her stuff and find out what she thinks about that. Then talk about how your stuff is yours to do with as you please. As others have said, have a lockable box or something similar to keep your stuff in.

Only you know your mum, only you know how to deal with her, keep it simple and do not dig a too bigger hole for your self.
 

gnd567

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Well I'm ordering a new paci and I make sure to hide my teddy everyday because if she saw him I know he'd be gone too. I don't quite know how to bring it up.
 

Trevor

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Well I'm ordering a new paci and I make sure to hide my teddy everyday because if she saw him I know he'd be gone too. I don't quite know how to bring it up.

It doesn't seem like a very sustainable situation. If she knows there's stuff to be found and she disposes of your property you can't very well go around replacing all the things she gets rid of.
 
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Marka

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Frankly speaking: you're 23 - what you own you own, what you do with it you do. And your mom has NO right to confiscate any of your belongings.
Now it doesn't matter if it's a 12" dildo or some diapers or whatever... the object, it's purpose or reason of existence is NONE of her business.
At your age you are absolutely entitled to some privacy, to your own stuff and not to have your stuff searched through and confiscated.

I'd say tell her to give the stuff she took back, if you don't want to talk about it's purpose: your decision... it is your stuff and it was very much out of line for her to take it.
Tell her she needs to respect your space, your privacy etc.

and finally, move out.

I would amend or add one thing... It's within her right to know that it's not illegal, and that whatever she may fear...this involves only you, or other consenting adults period. You can offer that for her assurance and liability...beyond that, you needn't tell her any more, or defend yourself...as stated above...it is legally your legal stuff... her taking, and or destroying of your property, is not legal...no matter who's house you're in...



Well I'm ordering a new paci and I make sure to hide my teddy everyday because if she saw him I know he'd be gone too. I don't quite know how to bring it up.

A truce statement might keep you from having to move out right away (or whatever your concerns with confrontation may involve)... something like "Mom...I don't want to know about your sexual interests, and I'm guessing you'd rather not talk about it with me as well... the same goes for me... it's safe, and it's legal...after that, this is where don't ask, and I won't tell...would be well suited..."

My empathies,
-Marka
 
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