Missing my mom.

LainIsLain

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I lost my mom last year. Thanksgiving and Christmas was pretty rough. My mom also liked Easter.
 

MailCat581

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Sorry for your loss, we all handle it differently and I’m not afraid to say I’m not going to handle it well if I have to see one of my parents pass. That’s a tough hit to take and I wish it on nobody
I wasn't there when my grandfather and grandmother passed away and I wasn't there when my mom passed either. My grandmother passed in 1997 the same day Princess Diana was killed in that car wreck and my grandfather passed away in 2004. My mom's third husband had a massive brain aneurysm and didn't survive it. He passed away in 2006; and my mother passed last year 2020. The only one I was present for was my mom's third husband.
 

MailCat581

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I lost my mom last year. Thanksgiving and Christmas was pretty rough. My mom also liked Easter.
Sorry for your loss as well. They were for me too. My mom's birthday is two days before Easter this year so that'll be a double whammy for me. I'm really not looking forward to Mother's Day and going to church to get a white rose (which symbolizes that the person's mom has passed) instead of a red one (symbolizes the person's mom is still alive).
 

caitianx

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My Mom who passed-away back in 2008 and I have the same Birthday, March 6th.
 

MailCat581

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My Mom who passed-away back in 2008 and I have the same Birthday, March 6th.
My mom's was April 2nd which is two days before Easter. My birthday is also in April (29th). April was my family's big birth month. Mom (2nd), Cousin Benjamin (5th), Grandfather (22nd), Cousin Tim (23rd), and mine (29th).
 

MailCat581

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Sorry for your loss, we all handle it differently and I’m not afraid to say I’m not going to handle it well if I have to see one of my parents pass. That’s a tough hit to take and I wish it on nobody
It is a tough loss for sure. I lost my grandmother in 1997, my grandfather in 2004, my favorite stepdad Lloyd in 2006, and my mom last year 2020. It hasn't been an easy road for me. But every time that I think about them; I just reassure myself that they are not suffering anymore and that helps me pull through. I would say that my mom's passing has probably been the hardest of all for me to handle. Sure, we had our struggles. But in the end; we ended up being very close to each other. I really wish that I could have spent more time with her but COVID brought an end to that where I couldn't visit her as often as I would have liked to. But what helps me most is I try to focus on the times that I did spend with her. Like on Tuesdays; I would go to the Dairy Queen not far from her nursing home and I would buy her a combo meal and take it to the nursing home and have lunch with her. Or even the time that she was making Christmas cards for people that she knew and she knew a lot of people there! After she passed; I found a Valentine's Day card that she had for me but didn't get to give it to me because of the pandemic. This choked me up; But nevertheless I was glad I found it. I still have pictures of her and Lloyd, one of me and her, and one with an Elvis impersonator named Travis who visited the nursing home quite frequently before the pandemic. I also have one of her and another resident. I was told that whenever the staff saw the other resident pushing my mom's wheelchair; they would often say "Here comes double trouble!". They only called them that because this resident and my mother shared the same name. I was looking through some of my mom's old scrapbooks that I found and I was hoping that I could find the one picture that I want to frame and put on my remembrance wall of her and that was the picture of her holding me after I was born. Sadly; I couldn't find that one. But you never know; I may get lucky sometime and come across it.
 

MailCat581

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Friday, April 2nd this year is going to be an emotional rollercoaster for me. For one I will be happy to be able to participate in SIDF that night; however that day will be a different story. I'm having a small group remembrance service for my mom whom passed away last year in October on this day. Why am I having it on this day? Well for one; I feel that it's safe enough to do a small group (mostly coworkers) than a large service due to COVID-19. But also; this day would have been my mom's 64th birthday. It will be an emotional day of highs and lows.
 

LainIsLain

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I'm feel uneasy about gatherings with family. COVID of course but the attention from others is something I still don't want. Especially from my mothers side of the family.

She was 66 and her birthday was in October.

The healing process is fraught with many diverging paths. Sometimes I fear I've lost sight of the path and other times I can see the path is constantly beneath my feet. I sometimes feel that I'm intentionally trying to ignoring what it was like to be in my mothers company. It's only been 10 months and for some reason I believe she wouldn't recognize me anymore. This may sound like denial and It probably is. I continue struggling with whether I truly loved her and if at all she truly loved me. There was such a strange distance between us at times it's hard to describe. Each of us aware of a past that we never spoke about and hoping with time that we would never have to. Even in the last hours I couldn't tell her anything important. Sorry feeling kind of down at the moment.

I have a therapy session coming this week. We will decide how I will be meeting with my father in the next few weeks. It will be the first time I've seen him in person for 3 years.

@MailCat581 I hope your healing. I'm sure you'll be surrounded by people that love you.
 

MailCat581

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One week from this Friday on April 2nd will mark what would have been my mother's 64th birthday. I am having a remembrance service for her on this day. It is going to be a day of emotional highs recalling good times I had with her; but also emotional lows regarding how I could not have spent as much time with her as I would have liked due to the pandemic.
 

quartz200420012

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My mom died in January of 2021 and wasn't a COVID victim. Yeah she was sick but it wasn't one of those things you really saw coming. It's only been 63 days. Three weeks ago I thought I was "handling it" well. I was totally kidding myself. Shit hurts. The more you love someone the more intense the pain.

A family member told me that they didn't understand why I was "depressed" even though they knew my mom died. I totally cut that person off.

It's like a roller coaster that you can never get off of.
 

MailCat581

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My mom died in January of 2021 and wasn't a COVID victim. Yeah she was sick but it wasn't one of those things you really saw coming. It's only been 63 days. Three weeks ago I thought I was "handling it" well. I was totally kidding myself. Shit hurts. The more you love someone the more intense the pain.

A family member told me that they didn't understand why I was "depressed" even though they knew my mom died. I totally cut that person off.

It's like a roller coaster that you can never get off of.
I have moments all the time where I think I'm handling it well and then something will come along that will remind me of my mom and just derail the way that I feel. I definitely understand where you're coming from. People really don't understand what we are feeling right now. They won't until it happens to them. But on the same token; some people are so rock steady in their emotional states that they can't have empathy or sympathy towards someone whom is going through something like this.
 

MailCat581

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Well, Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow; April 2nd, It would have been my mom's 64th birthday. I am having a remembrance service for her tomorrow at the funeral home. I am mixed about how I feel doing the service; let alone doing it on her birthday. I know she deserves a proper service and this was the best that I could do. I know that she is always with me in my heart and mind. The service will be small in number as it will mostly be just coworkers and close friends.
 

Moonshot

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Losing someone you love is always difficult. The pain really does not ever go away completely.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be over it by a certain period of time. Grieving has no time limit.

Also memories keep the ones we lost alive in our hearts.

Hugs
 

MailCat581

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Losing someone you love is always difficult. The pain really does not ever go away completely.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be over it by a certain period of time. Grieving has no time limit.

Also memories keep the ones we lost alive in our hearts.

Hugs
Thanks!
 

MailCat581

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Made it through mom's service. I had one really tough moment before the service. I was sitting at a table with my friend Dave (not an ABDL but knows I wear) and listening to the music softly playing on the music system. All of a sudden; the song "The Rose" by Bette Middler came on. When it came on; It really threw me for a hard time because it was my mom and Lloyd's wedding song! As it started and I recognized it; I said "Oh no! No no no no!" I got up from the table and almost ran to the special room that they have for people whom are severely distraught.

After I calmed down; I apologized to Dave and the rest of our guests for my abrupt reaction. They understood that even half a year later after my mom's passing that I'm still in grieving and that there's no set time for it to pass.
 

MailCat581

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Thinking about asking moderators to move this thread to blogs. I had another moment yesterday when I and my daddy were out at the antique store. Over the intercom; they were playing music from the 50's to 70's and the song "Mustang Sally" came on. This song reminded me of my mom because at her care facility before the pandemic started; there was a person who would come and do a music concert show for the residents and my mom always loved it when he did the song "Mustang Sally". It did upset me slightly hearing the song; but I offset the sadness by grooving and singing along to it while remembering my mom singing and grooving along to it.

Like I mentioned; I think this is becoming more of a blog than a thread. Each day; I'll have something that will remind me of my mom. While I'm still grieving; I think some of the things/situations I'm getting in (e.g. hearing one of her favorite songs) are just gentle reminders that she's still with me in my heart and always will be.
 
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MailCat581

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I wanted to share the poem that is in my mom's service bulletin. It is called "Remember Me".

"Remember Me"

Fill not your hearts with pain and sorrow, but remember me in every tomorrow.
Remember the joy, the laughter, the smiles, I've only gone to rest a little while.

Although my leaving causes pain and grief, my going had eased my hurt, and given me relief.

So dry your eyes and remember me, not as I am now, but as I used to be. Because, I will remember you all, and look on with a smile. Understand in your hearts, I've it gone to rest a little while.

As long as I have the love of each of you, I can live my life in the hearts of all of you.

Written by Joey Beighley
 

MailCat581

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In Two weeks (April 29th); I will be celebrating my 43rd (4.3 AB Little Space) birthday. I really wish my mother could be here to help me celebrate it. It won't be the same without her. But I know that she is with me in spirit and always in my heart and that helps me carry on from day to day!
 
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