Milo's story

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Hi everyone,

it feels like I've been reading here for ages. However, because English is not my first language, I've never dared to write myself yet. But today I would like to try.

I hope you enjoy my introduction to Milo's story. Admittedly, nothing really new or unknown has happened so far, but maybe, with your help, it will. I would be very happy to read your critique, comments and ideas.

Obviously, all characters and places are completely fictional. I have never ever been to the U.S., so all details are just from what I imagine things to be.

What could happen to Milo? Who will he meet? What are special things - characteristics, qualities or actual "things" - about individual characters? What would be a cool activity? What happens at home? What does the scenery look like?

I would be particularly happy, if you could help me with the grammar and vocabulary! Where is the text still "bumpy"? Where are the commas messed up? Where do I use a word completely wrong? What could I write better and how?

It would also be great if you would help me with the design of characters and scenery. How do you imagine certain people? How do they look like? What are their strengths and talents? What are their weaknesses? When you close your eyes, how do the places from the story appear to you? Do they have something special on the floor or on the walls? Are there paintings or many, many books... What does it smell like? What does it sound like? Just feel free, to write anything that comes to mind!

Thanks a lot!
Kiri
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Milo’s Story

Chapter One

A mild breeze wafts through the entrance hall of ‘Happy Playground’ daycare center as the wooden door falls into its lock. A young woman behind the counter smiles invitingly when she sees the two visitors who have just arrived.

Karen: “Good morning. My name is Karen Moss and this is my son, Milo. We moved here last week for my new job and I was wondering, whether we could sign up Milo for your daycare until school starts again in fall.”

The little boy's curious eyes wander through the lobby, but he does not dare to look directly at the woman behind the counter. She stands up and beams even more happily at mother and son.

Heather: “Hello there! Welcome to Helena then! It is always great to have new friends in our small town. And sure thing! We are happy to having Milo join us for the summer! I am Heather, by the way.”

She grabs a clipboard and a pen from the counter. The small boy smiles shily and holds out his hand. In his ironed dark blue polo shirt and with shiny strawberry blond hair, which has obviously just been washed and neatly combed, Milo looks as if he was all set for Sunday school.

Milo: “Hi.”

Heather smiles back and cannot avoid giggling a little while she shakes his hand.

Heather: “Nice to meet you, Sir.”

He blushes.

Heather: “So, first things first. How old are you, Milo?”

Milo: “13, Miss.”

Heather: “Oh?!”

She looks at Milo in amazement.

Karen: “Is there a problem?”

Heather: “Well… we usually just take in kids from age 3 to 11. I would never have guessed you older than 8 or 9, kiddo.”

Karen: “Oh. That is too bad. I know, Milo is a little old for daycare. But he turned 13 just last week. We don't know anybody here yet and I don't want him to be all alone all summer… And then my company recommended this place so enthusiastically to me… I thought… Why not? But… anyway, if he is too old we just have to figure out something else.”

Heather shakes her head and nods in agreement at the same time.

Heather: “No, no. Don’t worry. We can do this. No one should be alone all summer. Not in Helena. Not in Montana. Here at ‘Happy Playground’ we always have room for new friends. And if you don’t mind following the same rules everyone else does and enjoy to play and just have fun with all the other kids, we would love to have you with us for the summer, Milo.”

Karen's relief is almost tangible. All at once the worry lines on her forehead disappear.

Karen: “Oh that would be great. Thank you!”

She fondly pats her son’s back, obviously encouraging him to answer himself.

Milo: “Yes. Thank you, Miss.”

Heather chuckles and smiles all over her face.

Heather: “But before we sign you up, one thing is very, very important, Milo. Please don’t call me Miss. Just Heather.”

Milo’s deep emerald green eyes shine with joy. For the first time he looks directly at her, smiles and nods.

Milo: “Ok. Thank you. Heather.”

Heather: “Great! Since holidays for most schools do not start until Friday, the mornings are still pretty quiet. We have just six kids in for the rest of this week. During the school holidays, however, way more kids will fill up these rooms with life. Why don’t the three of us sit down for a moment, so you can tell me something about yourself and I fill you in on our services, policies and pricing. And once the details are sorted out, Milo could start out having fun with us right away.”

Karen: “Wow. That sounds perfect.”

Milo nods shily before the small group walks over to a couple of comfortable looking armchairs. As soon as they are seated another joyful young woman with a tray full of glasses comes over.

Maya: “Hello there! My name is Maya. Do we have a new buddie to join us for summer? Would you folks like something to drink? We just squeezed a couple of oranges.”

Milo gets back on his feet, looks into Mayas friendly eyes and smiles.

Milo: “Hi. Yes, please. Thank you!”

He takes two glasses of the tray, puts one in front of his mother and looks to Heather as if he wants to ask her if she wants something to drink too. She smiles and nods, so he puts the second glass in front of her. Karen proudly kisses him on his forehead. He takes a third glass for himself, takes a sip and sits back on his armchair again.

Milo: “Wow! This juice tastes great! Thank you, Maya!”

Maya: “Your welcome, sweetie! May I ask your name?”

Milo blushes, gets up on his feet again and holds out his hand to introduce himself.

Milo: “Oh sorry! Sure! I am Milo. Milo Moss from Glendale, Michigan.”

Maya giggles, takes his hand and pulls him into a hug. She pats his back and caresses through his hair, completely ruining any combing efforts that have recently been made. To be able to see again, Milo swipes a few curls behind his ear, but otherwise makes no attempt to repair the damage.

Maya: “My pleasure, Milo-Milo Moss from Glendale, Michigan.”

He blushes even more, grins sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. Maya chuckles and curtsies.

Maya: “Wow, aren’t you a cutie? You even smell like vanilla. I like you. We will have a great time together.”

Heather: “Looks like you are making new friends already, huh? Thanks Maya. Karen, Milo and I just go over the paper work. I guess, Milo will be joining you in an hour or so.”

Maya: “Great. We are outside in the yard. The kids are just setting up the field for a game of good old ‘magic royal unicorn soccer chess’.”

Milo rises an eyebrow.

Milo: “What is ‘magic royal unicorn soccer chess’?”

Heather: “A game, Rebecca and Freya, two of our regular afternoon kids, have invented last week.”

Maya <giggles>: “It is awesome! Incredibly puzzling, but awesome! And definitely fun! You should try! It is completely different from ‘vampire pirates basket hockey’.”

Milo: “Wicked!”

Happy girl <shouts from the outside>: “Maya? You coming? We need the chalk. Blue and pink and green. And don’t forget pink! And do we have a fedora?”

Maya <cheerfully shouts back>: “On my way, Becs!”

She smiles to Karen and gives Milo a little wink.

Maya: “Hah. As if on cue… I have been summoned! We would love to have you join us later, buddy.”

She giggles happily again, walks along the hallway and vanishes behind a corner. While a door is opened and closed again, at least five joyful kids’ voices can be heard in the lobby. Heather looks to Karen and Milo, takes a sip of juice and picks up the clipboard from the coffee table in front of them.

Heather: “So, let’s get started with the unpleasant stuff.”

Karen chuckles and nods.

Karen: “Pricing.”

Heather: “Yep. Sorry. I have to. But you said your employer recommended us? Maybe there are some discounts that we can offer. What company are you with?”

Karen nods again, takes a business card out of her purse and hands it to Heather. The younger woman studies it.

Karen: “Never mind! I know that child care costs money. I am with Oak…”

Heather: “Oak-Tech Analytics! That is great! OTA is one of our biggest sponsors. They cover the entire fee for each little one of their employees. Oh, and it’s Dr. Moss, I see!”

Heather pins the business card to the paper on top of the clipboard.

Karen: “Just Karen, please. I didn’t know that OTA covers this.”

Heather smiles and nods.

Heather: “Yep. They do. They also cover meals, crafting materials and every regular activity. From time to time, they even donate for books and toys and stuff. The parents of half of our kids here work for OTA.”

Karen: “Wow. I haven’t started working there, but now I like them even more, already.”

Heather: “Everyone seems to be happy there! But anyways… Since pricing is out of our way… During the school holidays we usually have around 70 kids and 12 full-time guardians, like Maya and myself, staying with us. Our most important goal is that everyone has a good time with us. So, everyone watches out for everyone else. We do not tolerate bullying or violence.”

She looks at Milo who is listening carefully.

Heather: “But I don’t think you will give us any trouble on this, huh?”

Milo starts to nod but changes to shaking his head no, giggling.

Milo: “No Miss… I mean… No Heather. I don’t like to fight and I am no bully!”

Heather: “Great. I knew it. When holidays begin, we usually make groups of 8-12 kids and two guardians. A group is sort of a team for the summer. Of course, kids from different groups can play together. But the groups help keeping a little structure in the chaos and for the kids it is always good to know, whom to go to first, if there is any problem.”

Milo: “Sure. Like school classes.”

Heather: “Yep. Similar. But we mix up our groups a little bit. So, there won’t be any boys-, girls-, ‘small kids’ or ‘big kids’-only groups. And the older kids are always welcome to help out a little bit with the younger ones. Like solving conflicts, reading stories or helping with the meals…”

Milo: “Got it. I love to read stories. I have never read to others before, though, but I guess I can do that.”

Heather: “Perfect! Also, we will have quite a lot of activities to choose from. For example, last year we had a dancing class doing a play for the parents at the end of the summer. We once had a painting class making pictures for every resident of Helena. For five years now, we also have our very own branch of kids-scouts, doing all kinds of badges all summer long. Sometimes we even set up a little camp and stay together over a weekend, doing night hikes and roast marshmallows over a campfire. Everyone is always welcome to participate in everything.”

Milo: “Wow! That sounds fun! I am a third-year Glendale-Life-Scout! I can help cubs and scouts with earning badges!”

He stands up, straightens his back and rises his chin.

Milo <declares>: “Be prepared!”

Heather: “Hah! Of course! I should have known that! A scout knows how to make a great first impression! How many badges have you earned already?”

Milo: “21 and counting. I am only short of one of the special ones, to be allowed applying for Star-Scout, Ma’am!”

Karen smiles and nods proudly.

Heather: “Excellent! It is an honor to have you, Life-Scout Milo of Glendale! And I already know for a fact that Maya, Becs and Teddy will love you!”

Milos smiles broadly and beams with pride while he cuddles back into his armchair.

Karen <whispers>: “Thank you!”

Heather nods and gives her a wink.

Heather: “So, our ‘daytime program’ starts at 9, but we open at 6. Some parents just bring in their kids on their way to work. We have plenty of space to sleep in a little longer or just to get a calm and good start in the day for everyone. Breakfast, if you are here at the time, is together with everybody else at 8. Our ‘daytime program’ ends at 5, but your mom can pick you up until 7. Lunch is at noon and naptime is between one and half past two.”

Milo raises his hand. Heather chuckles again and immediately stops explaining with an instant smile.

Heather: “Sweetie, this isn’t school, you know. Please feel free to ask anything. Anytime.”

Milo blushes a little but smiles back and clears his throat.

Milo: “Naptime?”

Heather: “Yes. Since we have kids from 3 years on and a day filled with fun and activities, we have naptime. And everyone here will be treated the same, so everyone will be changing into pajamas and quietly lay on a yoga mat. We have more than enough blankets and pillows for those who want them, but we won’t check whether everybody actually goes to sleep. Nevertheless, the curtains will be closed. So, if you don’t like naps, you could just relax and listen to some audiobooks. However, although almost every older kid, like you, asks this every time I tell them, they are usually the most exhausted ones and enjoy naptime the most. You will see.”

Milo: “Pajamas?”

Heather: “Yes! But don’t worry, sweetie. For today, should you guys decide to sign up, you don’t need to change for naptime. But this brings me to another important section of our questionnaire. I imagine there are no daytime potty issues with you, huh, Milo? But what about at night?”

Milos face suddenly becomes beet red. Since he does not answer right away, Heather turns to Karen.

Heather: “This would not be a problem at all. We have quite a few kids with bedwetting issues here. We just need to know in order to take some precautions.”

Heather smiles mildly from Milo to Karen and back again.

Karen: “Well… actually…”

Milo: “Mom!”

Karen: “Oh honey, Heather just told us, that it is no problem.”

She gently pats his back.

Karen: “Actually, Milo does have some nighttime issues, lately. With the moving… all the changes and the new place… I am sure, it will be over in no time. But during the day everything is fine. We had a little daytime accident on our way over from Michigan, but that was due to heavy traffic with no place to stop and just a one-time-thing.”

Heather checks a box on her clipboard, nods and smiles again.

Heather: “Alright! And don’t worry. This really is no big deal! Not at all! How often does it happen and what kind of protection do you use at night?”

Karen: “Well… to be honest… nighttime accidents have happened quite frequently over the last weeks, but we manage with waterproof mattress covers.”

Heather: “Oh… I am afraid, that won’t work here. As you can imagine, washing 20 and more beddings every day, even more, if we count accidents from our early arrivers in the morning, would be close to impossible. That is why everyone with a little trouble at night has to wear protection during naptime. But again, this really isn’t a big deal.”

Milo: “What do you mean? ‘Wear protection’?”

Heather: “Well, just pull-ups or diapers. The choice is yours. Actually, most of our friends with this issue prefer pull-ups, but those tend to leak on older kids. However, if we are asked, we usually just recommend ordinary Pampers. They are up to the task, easy to get and fit almost every kid up to grade 6. And, although I now know that you are a little bit older than our usual summer guests, they would certainly fit you too, Milo.”

Milo chokes on the orange juice. His eyes widen in shock and his jaw drops down.

Milo: “Pampers? Like… baby diapers? Like… actual Pampers?”

Heather rubs his back to help him breathe again, nods and prepares to answer.

Karen: “You really think, my Milo would fit into ordinary Pampers from the supermarket? Really? I had no idea. But how does he put them on? Do all the other kids know how to change into diapers?”

Milo: “Mom?!”

Karen: “Shush, honey. Please let Heather explain.”

Heather looks from mother to son and waits until the young boy calms down a little bit.

Heather: “Sure. Ordinary Pampers Baby-Dry would fit him. Without a doubt. I guess, with his slim frame, he would not even need the largest size. Size 6 should do fine. We had kids with that issue who were even a head taller than him. Even on them Pampers fitted just fine. And no, not all our kids know how to put on their diapers. But if someone has trouble, we help. In fact, I guess we actually change most of the kids who need protection. Although we are rather strict on this rule, protection is only mandatory until you stay dry during naptime for one week.”

Heather makes a small break to let what she just said sink in a little bit.

Heather: “In general, our potty policies are straight forward. If you wet your pants, you wear pull-ups for the rest of the day. If you wet your pants twice in one week, you have to wear pull-ups for the next seven days. If you wear protection of any kind, you are checked regularly and changed, whenever needed. If you wet more than two pull-ups during the day within a week, it is just diapers for a week. While anyone in undies or pull-ups has full potty-privileges, you just use your diapers, when you are wearing them. However, after a weak it is back to pull-ups, again.”

Karen: “That sounds reasonable.”

Milo: “But mom! Baby diapers? Pampers?!”

Heather: “You don’t need to go for diapers right away, Milo. Pampers is just what we would recommend. You decide whether it will be pull-ups or diapers. And don’t worry. Either way, no one will make fun of you. So many kids struggle a bit at nighttime. As I have just told you, even taller kids than you will be wearing protection. And those who haven’t worn any protection before, just like you, almost always tell me, how nice it feels to nap without any worries of wetting and just waking up dry. Most of them are even surprised how comfy Pampers feel.”

Milo: “But…”

Karen: “Oh honey, no more buts, please. If pull-ups leak and Heather recommends them, I really think Pampers are worth a try. I wouldn’t mind avoiding some laundry myself. I had no idea they would still fit you. What’s the harm in it, honey?”

His head becomes even redder and his lips tremble, but Milo knows that it is futile to beg or discuss with his mother once she has made a decision. He sighs, shrugs his shoulders and finally gives up.

Heather: “Great. So, for today it is no problem at all, we have a little stash of all sizes on hand. But you would need to bring in a supply of Pampers for Milo tomorrow.”

Karen smiles, makes a mental note and nods. Heather runs her index finger along the text on her questionnaire.

Heather: “Also you should bring a change of daytime clothes and pajamas, sportswear, a toothbrush and - if needed - cuddly toys, pacifiers and any medicine.”

Milo: “Cuddly toys and pacifiers?!”

Heather chuckles and nods.

Heather: “Of course those are not mandatory. But… we do have little ones who won’t sleep without one or the other.”

Karen: “Honey, you could bring Toothless.”

Milo’s face goes from beet red to death white and back again.

Heather: “Who is Toothless?”

Karen: “It’s a stuffed dragon Milo fell in love with after watching ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ about five years ago. He still cuddles him every night and thinks I don’t know.”

Milo: “Mom!”

Heather: “Cool! I know that one! You should definitely bring him, Milo! And please don’t be embarrassed. Almost everyone brings a plushie. Most of which aren’t half as cool as Toothless. And if it’s of any interest, I own a plushie Pua. You know, the pig…”

Milo: “…from Moana!”

Heather: “Exactly. I see, you like great movies too.”

Milo’s face turns normal. He smiles and nods.

Milo: “But the diapers… I have to wear them only during naptime?”

Heather smiles back and nods.

Heather: “Yes, Sir! We help you change into them just before naptime and, if you are dry when naptime is over, we help you change into your undies again.”

Milo thinks about it for a moment.

Milo: “And if I am not?”

Heather: “If you wet your diaper while napping, this will not be counted as a daytime accident, but you would have to wear protection for the rest of the day with the same rules as if it had been one.”

His eyes widen again.

Karen: “Sounds fair to me. Honey, don’t worry about it too much. In one week, it won’t be a problem anymore. Even if, you’ll probably get used to it in no time.”

Heather: “True! Listen to your mom, sweetie! Moms are always right! How would you guys like a tour once we are done with the final questions on allergies and medical conditions?”

Karen: “Oh, yes please! A tour would be great! And for allergies and other medical conditions: Milo’s blood type is O-positive and he is allergic to penicillin.”

Heather: “… Penicillin… Noted! Perfect! That’s it. All filled out. Let’s explore our place! Follow me, guys!”

After Heather has shown Karen and Milo through the group rooms, the kitchen, the dining room, the dormitories, the toilets and bathrooms and the two-room library, they finally reach the garden.

Heather: “And these are the playgrounds of our realm! Over there, as you can see, the traditional games of royal magic unicorn chess soccer take place!”

Karen <giggles>: “This place is amazing!”

Heather: “Thank you!”

Milo: “Yeah. This place is pretty cool and you are fun, Heather!”

Heather: “Hear ye, hear ye! Gather up, my fellow competitors! I, Heather, Archduchess of silliness and head referee of all fabulous sports, have an announcement to make. With great pleasure I present you the newest member of our ‘Happy Playground’-family: Third-year Life-Scout Milo of Glendale. Owner of 21 badges of merits, tamer of Toothless the dragon and reader of stories to the younglings!”

Milo holds his stomach in laughter.

Milo: “Archduchess of silliness, huh? Fitting!”

Heather shrugs her shoulders and grins.

Heather: “Yep. We do have a queen, though, but I consider myself runner-up. Always working on it. You know.”

Milo: “A queen? Please tell me her name isn’t Elisabeth.”

Heather: “Oh, you already know Liz?”

He coughs while tears of laughter roll out of his eyes.

Milo: “Well, I have never been introduced anywhere even close to this. Thank you, your highness!”

Heather curtsies and grins. He clears his throat, looks into all the happy faces in the yard and waves.

Milo: “Hi everyone!”

The smallest girl from the group walks up to Milo.

Rebecca: “Whoa. Life-Scout? And 21 badges? Already?”

Milo smiles and nods. Without hesitating any longer, the girl hugs him. Being caught completely off-guard, Milo needs a few seconds before he is able to respond in any way. Eventually, he gently pats her on the back.

Rebecca: “So cool! Hi Milo! I am Rebecca, but everyone just calls me Becs! I’ve been with the Cubs for a year now.”

Milo: “My pleasure, Becs!”

She takes a step back, stands as straight as she can and places the index and middle fingers of her right hand on her forehead to salute. He grins and salutes back.

Both <declare in chorus>: “Do your best!”

The little girl beams overjoyed and hugs him again.

Rebecca: “I like you! And you smell like vanilla.”

Maya: “Wow! I knew you are one of the cool kids, buddy! All welcome Milo, third-year Life-Scout of Glendale, Michigan and holder of numerous other titles, I already managed to forget.”

The entire group of kids joyfully hoots: “Welcome Milo!”

Rebecca grabs his hand and gently pulls him to the others. She stops in front of a boy and a girl who are just slightly taller than Milo.

Rebecca: “Let me introduce you to everybody! This are Katy and Michael. They are twins and 11 and they go to a school for snowboarders in Boston. That is so far away.”

Both kids slap their hands to their faces, giggle and shake their heads. Katy fondly pets the younger girl.

Katy: “I told you, it’s just called a boarding school, silly.”

Milo grins.

Milo: “Hi Katy and Michael. Nice to meet you!

Katy: “Hi Milo! Nice to meet you too! I hope we become good friends!”

Michael just smiles and waves.

Rebecca: “Michael isn’t mute. He is just rude and doesn’t like talking.”

Michael sighs, giggles and tenderly rubs his knuckles across her head. She smiles cheekily and sticks her tongue out.

Michael: “Love you too, Becs! Hi Milo! Awesome to have you with us, buddy!”

The three smaller kids, who have not said their hellos yet, line up next to them. They all look like they could be first or second graders.

Rebecca: “And that are Jaimie, Freya and Teddy. Freya’s family is from Norway. That is why she got the coolest of all names!”

Without warning, the other three smaller children hug Milo, as did Rebecca minutes ago.

Jaimie, Freya and Teddy <sing in chorus>: “Hi Milo!”

This time he isn’t surprised anymore and even enjoys the hugging.

Milo: “Hi guys! So, who brings me up to speed with royal magic unicorn chess soccer? What are the rules and may I join in?”

While the kids surround Milo and explain an obviously highly complex game, all at the same time, Karen, Maya and Heather step aside.

Karen: “I don’t know what to say. This place is perfect. And you two have a great connection to kids. I am so grateful that you take in Milo for the summer!”

Heather: “No problem! We are happy to help our new neighbours and Milo is more than welcome! He is such an endearing kid. And a handsome one too. I just have to ask; How can you say no to him on anything when he gives you the puppy-eyes-look?”

Karen: “Oh dear, puppy-eyes are his specialty. But these days he only uses them as a last resort on things he really, really wants. But yes, then it is a tough one to say no. It takes a lot of practice.”

Heather: “So he plays fair, already, huh? Good for us! It is so hard to believe that he is already 13. Girls and boys will be falling for him in no time. My oh my, you are in for trouble.”

Karen: "Yep. I just hope he takes a few more years before he starts dating.

Maya: “He is 13? Really? No way!”

Karen: “Afraid so.”

Maya: “Who would have guessed? Anyway, he seems to be a very cool kid! And he fits right in. The little ones seem to adore him right from the spot! We will have a great time together!”

Heather: “Maya is right. Milo is great. He will make a lot of new friends and he will definitely be a help with the little ones. And don’t worry about the bedwetting! We deal with it all the time!”

Maya: “True! Does he usually wear diapers or pull-ups?”

Karen: “Neither of those, so far. But we want to give Pampers a shot!”

Maya: “Thank god! Bec’s pull-ups have been leaking this morning again. Maybe she finally tries Pampers too, if she sees Milo wearing them.”

Heather: “See? He already is a help with the other kids!”

Karen: “I am relieved, he likes this place. I felt so sorry when he had to leave his school and friends behind. Today is the first time since our moving that I have seen him laugh again.”

Heather: “I can imagine that! You are probably right and that is what makes him struggle at night, lately. However, we will do the best we can, to make him feel at home, here at Helena. And sometimes the best way to achieve this is just to be a kid for a while and enjoy a carefree summer full of fun.”

Maya: “Hear, hear!”

Karen: “Thank you! You guys are great!”

Heather: “It is our pleasure! Really! Well, we have all we need. If you like to, you can leave Milo with us already for today!”

Karen: “Perfect! You are life savers! Then I’ll jump in at my new office for a head start on next week and do the shopping for Milo right afterwards!”

Heather: “Sounds like a plan!”

Karen: “So, you said Pampers Baby-Dry in size 6 and pajamas, right? What about wipes, ointment and powder?

Heather: “Yes. Size 6 will fit just fine. And when it comes to skin care products, we are very well equipped. Most parents just make a small donation for refilling once in a while. However, if you want to try out Pampers on him at night at home, you would not make any mistakes with Johnson & Johnson on wipes, powder, oil and cream.

Karen: “Great! Should I bring pull-ups too, in case he has an accident during naptime? And to be honest, when I think about the last few nights, he might very well wet himself, if he does fall asleep.”

Maya: “You could. But for daytime protection, in case he really does have an accident, I would just go with pampers as well. Some of the older kids that stay with us are already so grown up. And Milo seems to be too.”

Karen nods.

Karen: “Yeah, that's him.”

Maya: “With those kids we observe again and again that some afternoons, days or even weeks in Pampers incredibly help them to forget about all fears and worries and just be kids.”

Karen: “Just Pampers it is.”

Heather: “By the way, the same holds true for the pacifiers. As soon as the older kids start sleeping with them again, most of them really lighten up.”

Maya nods in agreement.

Maya: “Yes, so true!”

Heather: “That is one of the many reasons, why we mix up the groups and treat all kids the same, nevertheless. It doesn't take a week before they all regard themselves as equals. Like this, not only the younger kids learn from the older ones. It works in both directions. So, if they see someone next to them enjoying a pacifier, the barrier to try it for themselves is much lower. It is just the same for ‘boy stuff’ and ‘girl stuff’. The kids just try what they like and don’t like and everybody just has a great time! No one feels embarrassed. No one gets teased.”

Karen: “This is such a wonderful mindset.”

Maya: “Thank you! We follow the Cub Scout motto too. We do our best!”

All three women chuckle.

Maya: “And, since you mentioned the pajamas… I take it, Milo usually just sleeps in shirts and shorts?”

Karen: “Yes, he does.”

Maya: “Fisher’s on main street is the best place to browse for some really cute jammies. If anyone can wear a cute pajama, it is Milo. They also sell gorgeous rain coats and rain boots, swim and sportswear, leotards and other great clothes for children. You should talk to the owner, Mrs. Fisher. She has a lovely taste and gives great advice! And if you mention that Milo is with us, I would not be surprised, if you get a decent discount.”

Karen: “Okay! Thank you for… for everything. I'll be on my way now and be back at 5, at the latest!

Heather: “Don't stress yourself! Drive slowly, don't worry and just call if something comes up. We will be here until at least 7.”
 

Fiammaverde

Est. Contributor
Messages
190
Age
41
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Nice first chapter! That place makes a really good first impression and they seem well equipped to handle any sort of stressful or embarrassing situation.

It’s nice how Heather leaves the choice to Karen on “protection” type, but then pushes for what is best in her view.

The policy of mixing up groups so that “things work both ways” and also bigger kids are helped to just focus on having fun without inhibitions, plus the policies ones on plushies and pacifiers are foreshadowing a very juvenile summer for “little” Milo.

By the way, what’s your mother tongue?
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Nice first chapter! That place makes a really good first impression and they seem well equipped to handle any sort of stressful or embarrassing situation.

It’s nice how Heather leaves the choice to Karen on “protection” type, but then pushes for what is best in her view.

The policy of mixing up groups so that “things work both ways” and also bigger kids are helped to just focus on having fun without inhibitions, plus the policies ones on plushies and pacifiers are foreshadowing a very juvenile summer for “little” Milo.

By the way, what’s your mother tongue?

Thanks for your comment! I am glad that you enjoyed the first chapter!

Yes, the 'Happy Playground' center is certainly prepared for most things to come. And of course, some developments are easy to see and predict. But if you have any ideas for some not so "predictable" ones, please let me know!

My mother tongue is German. I hope that does not affect the reading flow too much.

Any hints on how to improve my vocabulary and writing in general are most welcome too!

Kiri
 

dancerboy

Contributor
Messages
19
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
This is great so far, I can’t wait to see where it goes. I would have to say your English is probably better than most native speakers. Maybe a few tiny things out of place here and there but not really enough to really pick out or be noticeable. Keep it up!
 

Fiammaverde

Est. Contributor
Messages
190
Age
41
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
But if you have any ideas for some not so "predictable" ones, please let me know.

Kiri
Maybe introduce an antagonist / villain?
Your story is all on the positive and the only tension comes from the evolution we are expecting to happen to Milo.
To make it more spicy, try to introduce some more drama!
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Chapter Two

Karen walks over to the group of kids and hugs her son.

Karen: “I am off to the office now, honey! I’ll pick you up again at 5. Be good! I love you!”

Milo blushes and nods.

Milo <mumbles>: “I love you too.”

Karen: “And don’t make a fuss about the Pam…”

His face turns beet red again.

Milo <squeals>: “Mom!”

While the children look at him with compassion, Karen's gaze is that of a strict mother. Milo sighs and nods again.

Milo: “I will be good and I won’t make a fuss.”

She hugs him again and kisses his forehead.

Karen: “Have fun, honey! You too, guys!”

She waves goodbye and leaves.

Maya: “Speaking of Pampers… It’s time for a checkup. Girls, you know the drill!”

All kids giggle whereas Milo’s mouth slowly drops open in shock. Without any hesitation, Rebecca and Katy walk straight to Maya. Both girls stand still, while Maya unbuttons both of their denim shorts and pulls them to their ankles. Milo watches in utter disbelief, how the woman happily inspects the girls’ lower halves, which are now only covered with disposable light pink pull-ups.

Maya: “All dry, Becs. Good job! And Katy… where are the butterflies, cutie? Did you have a little accident? Again?”

Katy nods impishly.

Maya: “Well, you know the rules.”

Teddy <giggles>: “No more potty for Katy.”

Heather: “Hey! No teasing, Theodor!”

The little guy looks shocked and guilty to heather and immediately turns back to Katy.

Teddy: “Sorry! I am sorry, Katy. I didn’t want to tease you!”

Michael walks up to the youngest of the boys and pats him on the shoulder.

Michael <giggles>: “We know you didn’t, buddy. Actually, I don’t even think it’s teasing if it’s just the truth. And, let’s be honest, Katy doesn’t mind the consequences. Not at all.”

Katy grins, nods towards Teddy and sticks her tongue out for her brother.

Katy: “No harm done, Teddy.”

Maya chuckles, pulls Rebecca’s shorts up again and helps Katy to step out of hers.

Maya: “We’ll be back in a minute. Someone’s tushy needs a fresh Pampers.”

Heather pats Milo on his back.

Heather <whispers>: “See? I told you, it’s no biggie!”

When Katy and Maya arrive back in the yard barely 3 minutes later, Katy runs back to the other kids, beaming all the way when joins back into the game. Instead of the light blue denim ones, she now wears crimson red bike shorts over her obviously padded underwear. The game is great fun for all kids! For two whole hours they jump through colorful boxes that Becs and Freya have painted on the floor. Milo can't stop himself from looking at Katy again and again while they are playing. It crinkles with every step she makes, but she doesn't seem to mind the slightest bit. Every now and then someone gets the Fedora or a little crown. The player with the Fedora is the unicorn and is allowed to move freely on the playing field. Meanwhile the crowned one tries to hit one of four wooden boxes, which have been placed on the edges, with a ball. While trying this, the other players must not be hit. And even though he still hasn't quite figured out when and why the headgear is moving, he is very good with the ball and wins two rounds in a row. It is just past 11 when Maya intercepts the ball.

Maya: “Gosh, don’t you need a break? I am getting hungry. Who's on kitchen duty today?”

Katy: “I am on today.”

Milo: “I can help too! I love to cook!”

Maya <chuckles>: “Why does that not surprise me one bit? Great! So, Katy, Milo and I will prepare lunch! Jaime is in charge of placing plates, glasses and cutlery, today. To all others, see you at the table in 45. Hands been washed.”

Maya and the two children go to the kitchen together. After washing their hands, Katy and Milo are allowed to peel onions, carrots and cucumbers, chop bell peppers and grate parmesan. Meanwhile Maya is cooking pasta and a quick Neapolitan sauce. Milo shows Katy how to cut beautiful sticks from carrots and cucumbers. And she loves to be taught by him. Even Maya is impressed when he demonstrates how to remove the skin from the peppers. When they finally start to mix the grated parmesan with the pasta, Milo takes a deep breath.

Milo: “Katy, why don’t you mind wearing the… the…”

Katy <giggles>: “The Pampers? Because the are comfy. I actually love wearing them. I feel safe and … kind of being hugged all the time… And it is quite nice, not having to worry about the potty.”

Milo is flabbergasted. He had not expected such an honest answer.

Maya <giggles>: “And it is way less work to just change Katy’s diaper instead of all her clothes.”

Everyone is already sitting and waiting when today's chefs finally put the parmesan pasta, tomato sauce and vegetable sticks on the table. As if it were routine, Michael and Katy help the younger children to fill their plates. Because he also wants to help, Milo pours apple spritzer into each of the glasses. No one starts eating until everyone’s plate is filled.

Everyone <shouts in chorus>: “Bon appetite!”

When they finally do start, the hungry children literally shovel the food into their mouths. Within minutes all plates are empty and all children are full, pleased and sleepy.

Michael: “Wow, that was tasty. Unbelievable you made this, sis.”

Katy: “Hey meanie!”

Rebecca: “Don’t listen to him, Katy. It was super-double-yummy!”

Michael sticks out his tongue. Katy laughs and finally confesses.

Katy: “Well, actually Milo did most of the work…”

Milo: “No, no. It was a team effort!”

Heather: "Hear, hear! Everyone thank Katy, Milo and Maya for a delicious meal!”

Everyone <shouts in chorus>: “Thank you!”

Heather claps her hands.

Heather: "Well then, let's go! Everyone brings their plates and cutlery into the kitchen. Michael is today’s 'Lord Commander' of the dishwasher. Becs wipes the table clean. Jaime puts the chairs back in place. Freya and Teddy are in charge of naptime drinks. And our chefs Katy and Milo, you just sit back and relax!

Almost as quickly and routinely as they devoured the food, all the kids clean up the room without any argument.

Maya: “Okay guys! All done! Great job!”

Without any of the adults having asked them to do so, the whole group strolls into one of the dormitories on the second floor. Milo follows them.

Maya: “So let’s get ready for naptime.”

Michael: “Geez! Finally!”

In a fraction of a second, Michael frees himself from his mulberry purple t-shirt and apple green cotton shorts. Just wearing pink socks and white briefs, he walks over to a shelf full of labeled boxes. He grabs a large orange box whose sticker says ‘The Roberts Family’. Katy follows him, giggles and neatly folds the boy’s clothes that he just dropped to the floor. He smiles at her, hands her a light blue pajama and a white plush sheep and puts a red pajama and a brown sheep on the chair in front of himself.

Jaime <giggles>: “Michael is such a sleepyhead.”

Michael grins as if he had been caught in a mischief, shrugs his shoulders and yawns. Seconds later he is dressed up as a happy but sleepy Spiderman and hugs his stuffed animal. The other children are not quite as enthusiastic. Without complaining, however, they all start to change into their pajamas as well.

Heather: “Okay than, Milo. Come with me and I’ll help you with the protection.”

Milo blushes again.

Heather: “Oh sweetie… There really is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Maya nods encouragingly to him.

Maya: “How about you, girls? Katy, are you still good? Or do we need to freshen you up? And Becs, since Milo is wearing one and Katy is too, would you like to try Pampers for naptime today? Remember, your pull-ups have been leaking this morning again, darling.”

Katy zips up her one-piece Elsa pajama, shakes her head and smiles.

Katy: “I am all good.”

Rebecca looks at Katy and does not answer right away. The older girl gives her a hug and impishly pats her own crinkly behind. Rebecca giggles and nods.

Rebecca: “Okay.”

Maya breathes relieved.

Heather: “Well then, Becs, creator of fabulous games, and Milo the Meritorious, Life-Scout of Glendale, follow me to the changing tables.”

Rebecca giggles takes Milo’s hand and gently pulls him to follow Heather to the next room. Meanwhile Michael and the others already roll out brightly colored yoga mats on the soft carpet and place pillows and blankets on them. In the next room everything goes in a flash. Without being asked, Rebecca takes off her pajama pants, climbs onto the changing table and lifts her bottom. Within seconds Heather has exchanged the pull-up for a Pampers and the girl is back on her feet.

Heather: “Good girl, Becs! So, now you've seen how it goes. You're next, Milo.”

Because he stands still like rooted to the ground, Rebecca giggles and gives him a push, until he finally gives in. Since he still wears the clothes he has arrived in this morning, Heather quickly unbuttons his khakis and pulls the polo shirt over his head. In one smooth motion she pulls down his khakis and briefs at the same time. She then pulls someone's pink and green striped spare pajama top made of soft nick fabric back over his head. Milo is far too perplexed to resist in any way.

Heather: “Good boy! And now jump up here and then lift your little tushy. Great. Wipe here once and a little powder there. And ta-da. All done.”

The entire process took less than one minute. He jumps to the ground again and looks down on himself.

Heather: “And now it’s time to get under the blankets and close your eyes, sweeties.”

She pushes the two gently back into the dormitory. Rebecca immediately hops up to a pink mat that is in the middle of everyone and snuggles under her blanket. Milo believes for a moment that he is hallucinating when Rebecca puts a pacifier, which was placed on her pillow, in her mouth. But then he looks around and notices that all the other kids also have a pacifier in their mouths.

Katy <giggles and mumbles>: “Wow, your top looks familiar. And your bottom does too.”

Milo blushes.

Katy: “So how does it feel? It isn’t too bad, huh?”

Milo shrugs his shoulders, thinks for a moment and pats his own behind.

Milo: “Kind of funny... and crinkly… and fluffy… and, no, not too bad. Actually, kind of comfy.”

Katy: “Told you!”

Michael <yawns>: “Well then, buddy, cozy up! I have put out the green mat for you. And because of the bottle… Freya and Teddy didn't know if you wanted one too, so they just put one there.”

Milo goes to the mat between Rebecca and Teddy, which is waiting for him. He looks at the bottle in surprise and crawls under his blanket.

Milo: “Thank you! I guess.”

Jaime looks with pity at Milo.

Jaime: “Oh? You don’t have a binky and no cuddly toy?”

Although the little one also has a pacifier in his mouth, he speaks as clearly as an English teacher.

Milo <giggles>: “No. I didn’t bring Toothless. I didn’t know that I’d stay here today, leave alone that there would be naptime.”

Jaime: “Who is Toothless?”

Milo <giggles>: “A mighty dragon!”

Rebecca: “So cool! Bring him tomorrow! But today you don't have to worry either! I have lots of plushies! If you like, you can have Casimir today! He is a Galápagos tortoise. He has super powers and protects you from everything!”

She hands him the tortoise and Milo thankfully accepts it. When he hugs the plush toy, he feels that it is still warm from Rebecca's cuddles.

Michael <mumbles with his eyes already closed>: “And you should try a binky too, buddy. It’s awesome.”

Maya: “Guys, you know the rules. The curtains are closed, so shush! Get a little rest! Heather and I will now too.”

Milo turns on his side, closes his eyes, pulls the blanket up to his ear and pulls Casimir tight to his chest. One breath later he is fast asleep. For him it feels as if barely two seconds have passed when a warm soft hand gently strokes his cheek.

Katy <giggles>: “Milo! Milo, wake up! Open your eyes already! Gosh, you are as much a sleepyhead as Michael.”

Milo: “Oh. I really fell asleep! What time is it?”

Heather: “Time to get up and have fun again, Milo the Meritorious! So how did you sleep?”

Milo: “Like a rock!”

Rebecca <giggles>: “Because Casimir protected you.”

Milo: “True! That could be one reason. He is nice to cuddle with. Thanks for letting me have him, Becs.”

Rebecca: “Any time!”

Heather: “So how are your Pampers, guys?

Katy: “Wet.”

Rebecca <giggles>: “Me too.”

Heather: “How about you, Milo? Did you have an accident?”

Milo lacks the words again.

Milo <stammers>: “I… uhm… I don’t know.”

Heather: “Just let me check!”

Heather giggles and pulls his blanket away.

Heather: “Wow. You definitely had an accident, Milo. But see, everything is nice and dry, nevertheless!”

Milo touches his naptime underwear and realizes how warm and soaked it feels. Without being able to prevent it, his eyes become watery and his lips start to tremble.

Heather: “Oh honey, don't be blue! We knew this could happen. That's why you're wearing them.”

Maya goes down to her knees and gives him a hug.

Maya: “Come on, let's get you cleaned up with the other two quickly. Then you can just keep playing. And don’t have to worry about the potty for today anymore.”

He sniffs and dries his eyes.

Milo: “Do I really have to wear them during the day?”

Maya: “Yep. That are the rules.”

Michael: “Oh, Milo, what's the problem, buddy? Katy is wearing them too.”

Katy: “Come on! It’s comfy, nice and fun. You’ll see.”

She grabs his hand and pulls him to his feet. The warm and wet diaper hangs heavy between his legs.

Milo: “Fine.”

Maya: “Well then, all padded tushies, follow me!”

This time again only seconds fly by until the three are changed into fresh protection. While Maya just hands a clean pull-up to Rebecca, Katy and Milo are wiped, powdered and put into Pampers again.

Maya: “Done. All nice and fresh.”

Katy and Rebecca <giggle>: “Thank you, Maya!”

Milo <mumbles>: “Yeah, thank you, Maya. I guess.”

Maya: “You are welcome, sweeties! Now go and put your clothes back on.”

Together they go back to the dormitory and get dressed again.

Maya <giggles>: “Operation ‘Leak Prevention’ successfully completed. So, what are we going to do with the rest of our day? Any suggestions?”

Rebecca and Freya jump excitedly like two overjoyed bouncy balls.

Rebecca: “Can we paint? Or can we have story time again? Please?”

Maya: “How about we do one thing first and then the other? I heard that Milo is a great reader. And Michael is not bad either. If you ask nicely, maybe the two of them read to us in funny voices.”

Freya: “Yes, yes, yes! Please, please, Michael. Will you? Pretty please?”

Michael <chuckles>: “Alright, alright, you squeaky elf. I surrender. But only if Milo joins in.”

Freya gives Milo some epic puppy-eyes.

Milo <laughs>: “How could I say no to that?”

Freya<squeals>: “Yay!”

Time flys by. For more than an hour the kids paint together. Because they ask him to, Milo draws animals, small figures and other things with a pencil for Teddy, Freya and Rebecca, which the younger ones then only have to color in. When everyone is finally happy with their artwork, Freya runs to the library and brings back a whole stack of Dr. Seuss books. Milo and Michael sigh, but almost right away they start to read to the others. Both boys give their best in emphasizing the different voices. And they compete to always sound even funnier than the other when it's their turn again. Maya, Heather and the other children listen with great delight. It is just before 5 when Karen knocks against the wooden frame of the open door. Milo stops reading and smiles to his mother.

Milo: “Mom!”

Karen: “Hi everyone!”

Maya: “Hi Karen! Welcome back! How was your first day at the office?”

Karen: “Wonderful! Thank you!”

Heather: “My goodness, you have a lot of bags with you. These aren't all Pampers for Milo, are they? So, I guess your visit at Fischer's was pretty successful too, huh? Wait a sec. I'll give you a hand and show you where everything goes. We can set Milo up his box in the dormitory for group "chipmunks", with the others.”

Milo’s eyes widen and he blushes again. Michael giggles, pokes Milo into his side and points to the book.

Michael: “Dude, you’re up!”

Milo rubs his ribs and acts badly wounded. But when Michael looks at him in shock, apologizes wildly and tries to help him, Milo laughs, gives him a buddy-bump on the upper arm and continues reading.

Michael <giggles>: “Oh, you… you sneaky actor. You got me.”

Milo grins. When shortly afterwards the next adult is standing in the door frame, it is Michael and Katy who jump to their feet.

Katy: “Hi mommy!”

Michael: “Yeah, hi mom!”

Maya: “Hi Melissa. Long time no see. How have you been?”

Melissa: “Great! Thank you! How are you? Did my little monsters cause any trouble today?”

Maya: “Same old. Same old. You know… My studies are exhausting, but I am really looking forward to the summer. It might be my last one with the kids… We will see. And of course, Katy and Michael did not cause any trouble. They have already spent more summers here than me. They know the drill...”

She gently pats Katy’s behind. Her soft bike shorts rather underline than hide the fact, that she is in a diaper, right now.

Maya: “But, as you can easily see, Katy had a little accident. And because this was the second one in the last few days… well, you know our policy.

Katy looks guiltily at the floor. Melissa nods and sighs.

Melissa: “Again, cookie? Sometimes I wonder why we went through all the trouble potty training you in the first place… Maybe we should forget about pull-ups for a while and you just use Pampers for the summer...”

Although this is certainly not the reaction Melissa had expected, let alone wanted, Katy's eyes light up. She beams at her mother and gives her a loving hug.

Katy: “Thank you, mommy!”

Melissa sighs but laughs right after and pats her daughter’s crinkly behind.

Melissa: “Oh cookie, will you ever grow up?”

Maya chuckles, caresses Katy’s hair and back, smiles and nods.

Maya: “I guess this would be the best solution too.”

Michael sighs.

Michael: “I've been saying that forever. But do you ever listen to me?”

Rebecca <giggles>: “No. Because you are a little meanie.”

He sticks his tongue out, but she cuddles him to the floor right away.

As more and more parents arrive, Karen and Heather also return to the room and go to Milo.

Karen: “So, honey, how did you like your first day? Did you have fun.”

Milo: “Definitely! These folks are awesome.”

Heather: “Milo was incredible, today. He helped wherever he could and got along with all the kids wonderfully. He is modest and kind and … just a perfect match for us! Thank you for letting us have him for the summer.”

Karen: “I am so glad and so proud of you, honey! And how did naptime go?”

Milo blushes and looks to the ground.

Heather: “Well, he actually had a little accident… But we took precautions and nothing really happened. His Pampers just did their job. But, as the rules say, it’s ‘protection until the end of the day’. So, we just changed him into the new one he is wearing right now. And we would appreciate, if you could live up to our rules at home, too.”

Karen: “Sure thing! As you have seen, I bought quite some supplies, so we are prepared.”

Milo looks in shock to his mother. Tears are welling up in his eyes again.

Milo: “But mom…”

Karen gives him a motherly hug to stop him from whining and complaining. She rubs his back to calm him down.

Karen: “Honey, rules are rules. And are they really that bad?”

He hugs her even closer and shakes his head no. Karen enjoys the hug and giggles.

Karen: “Well, did someone steal your tongue.”

Milo <mumbles against her chest>: “No. They do not feel bad. They are actually comfy. But mom… baby diapers.”

Karen: “Honey, don’t be upset. No one really cares you need them. And now let me have a look.”

Karen gently pushes her son back a little and inspects him. She lifts his polo shirt and taps the edge of his underwear, which reaches to just below his belly button. Then she pats his bottom and giggles as she hears the well-known rustling. When she is about to unbutton his khakis, he jumps back.

Milo: “Mom! Don’t. Please!”

Heather: “Oh buddy, don’t be ashamed.”

Karen: “It's okay. And he's right. I shouldn't overdo it. But from what I could see, the Pampers really fits him perfectly.”

Heather smiles and nods confirming.

Karen: “But Heather is right too, Milo. Don’t be ashamed! For now, this is just the best for you, honey. Soon you will be completely fine again. If you don’t trust her yet, trust me.”

She hugs him again.

Heather: “Yes, sweetie. Listen to your mom. Because…”

Milo <mumbles>: “…moms are always right.”

He let go of his mother, pulls his polo shirt back straight and smiles to Heather.

Milo: “I know, oh honorable Archduchess of Silliness.”

Heather chuckles and caresses through his hair.

Heather: “You are a witty one, Milo of Glendale!”

Heather looks deeply into his emerald-green eyes and taps him gently on his nose before giving him a warm hug herself. As if out of nowhere, Rebecca suddenly stands next to the three. She holds the hand of a man, who, although he has grey hair, does not look older than being in his mid-30s. He looks just as Milo imagines Santa in summer. Around his eyes appear countless laughter lines as he softly smiles at the group.

Rebecca <talks at an incredible speed>: “Look, look, Daddy! This is Milo the Meritorious. He's a new kid and he's so cool! He is Life-Scout and from Glendale in Michigan. And he has 21 badges. Already! Katy and he made lunch for us today. And he won at royal magic unicorn chess soccer. Twice. And at naptime he had no cuddly toy. So I lent him Casimir. And then he painted with us. And he and Michael read with funny voices to us. He is so cool! Can he sleep over at our place? Can he? Please, please, pretty please?”

When Rebecca finally decides that it is time to take a breath, she realizes that it has become completely quiet and all the adults and children look over to them.

Michael <giggles>: “You know, Becs, it's not that people are rude or don't want to talk to you. You just don't give them a chance to say anything. You should really think about breathing more often. Hi, Mr. Wilkens.”

Katy gives her brother a loving but not quite tender pat on the bottom. She looks to all the adults that have already arrived and nods.

Katy: “But Becs is right. Milo is awesome!”

Michael grins.

Michael: “True!”

Milo blushes and scratches the back of his head. Mr. Wilkens chuckles, nods and waves Michael hello. He then picks up his daughter, kisses her cheek and turns to Maya, Karen and Milo again.

Karen: “Milo, honey, meet my boss, Paul Wilkens.”

Milo immediately becomes serious. He stands up straight, clears his throat and extends his hand to greet the friendly-looking man.

Milo: “Hello, Mr. Wilkens. It's nice to meet you, Sir. Thank you very much for giving my mom this job. She says it's a great career opportunity and she is really looking forward to working with OTA.”

The man looks at him in astonishment. His gaze wanders from Milo to Karen and back to the boy. And eventually he breaks out in a cheerful laugh. He puts his daughter back on her feet and shakes Milo's hand.

Paul: “The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Moss, Sir! I have to thank you for letting your mom join us. She has a brilliant mind and she told me you had to give up quite a lot, to move here.”

Milo shrugs his shoulders, looks to his mother and around the room and smiles.

Milo: “It's okay. This town is pretty cool. I've met a lot of nice new people and maybe made some friends already. And after all, I want mom to be happy, too.”

Paul is deeply impressed. He raises an eyebrow and scratches his chin. Karen hugs her son, radiant with pride. The boy resists a little, but finally snuggles back.

Paul: “I see why my little chatterbox and all the others like you, Milo the Meritorious. And, just for the record, you are always welcome at our place.”

Karen: “And who is your friend, here, honey?”

Milo <giggles>: “Mom, meet Rebecca, I mean Becs the Cheerful, creator of fabulous games and hard to interrupt once she starts talking.”

Karen gets down on her knees to look Rebecca directly in the eyes.

Karen: „Nice to meet you, Becs the Cheerful, creator of fabulous games. I am Karen.”

Rebecca immediately hugs her.

Rebecca: “Hi Milo’s Mom!”

Karen pats her back and enjoys the hug.

Karen: “Wow! You know the best way to say hello, huh, sweetie?”
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
This is great so far, I can’t wait to see where it goes. I would have to say your English is probably better than most native speakers. Maybe a few tiny things out of place here and there but not really enough to really pick out or be noticeable. Keep it up!

Thanks a lot! But really, if you notice something 'out of place', tell me, so i can improve my writing!

Very nice start!

Thank you. I hope you enjoy chapter two as well.

Maybe introduce an antagonist / villain?
Your story is all on the positive and the only tension comes from the evolution we are expecting to happen to Milo.
To make it more spicy, try to introduce some more drama!

Great idea. I already have an idea of some rougue in mind, who will join as soon as the summer break begins. And of course, there will be drama, but I want Milo to have some time to settle in.


Do you guys have any ideas for summer classes?

Thanks again!
Kiri
 

LudoErgoSum

Contributor
Messages
2
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Carer
I was going to send this as a private message but couldn't find that option, and then I couldn't put it all in one message so here we go...

First I want to say that I really enjoy your story. It is very well thought out and well spoken. It may not be some completely unique premise but when it comes to forums like this folks really enjoy a new take on a story they've heard before. That said, many folks here have very particular tastes in certain story elements. Especially elements that tie to the fetishes folks have here. Some people will want you to linger over descriptions of diaper changes, other people don't want any mention of it. Some people want every character in a diaper to poop themselves uncontrollably, others have a very strong, visceral reaction to any suggestion of the possibility of poopies. So this means that whatever you do you are guaranteed to be the best author ever as well as the worst. The one thing to keep in mind is there are a lot more people silently approving than silently disapproving, although on here folks seem to have learned well that authors are encouraged more with honeyed words than vinegar so you don't see many nasty posts.

I get the feeling you're looking for more concrete feedback. To honor this I am going to be way more picky than I would be otherwise. Many of the suggestions I am about to make are stylistic rather than grammatic. There is VERY little that is actually wrong with your story, but there are always ways you can improve it. One thing to keep in mind: I am about to suggest many additions you could make but I VERY MUCH recommend against taking them all. Pacing is important in fiction. When you describe things very evocatively and use a lot of descriptive language it slows the pace down. It is important to have some passages where you linger over descriptions and paint a very vivid picture, but art is all about contrast so if you write an entire story that way it eventually gets slow and boring. So you need to vary the pace. When the action speeds up (while it is still important to choose words carefully so there is variety in your vocabulary) you don't want to use two words if one will do.

All that said, I will commence my editorial feedback. I am putting an asterisk (*) at the start of each line of my suggestions. In the end, though, it's your story and so if my feedback helps you I'm happy but if you decide to ignore absolutely everything I suggest I'm completely fine with that. :) Oh, and I'm about to tell you that a lot of the commas you use are unnecessary. Excessive comma use is nearly universal in inexperienced writers. At least those that use commas at all. :)

One interesting stylistic choice is that you wrote this story like a stage play script. The problem with this is that scripts don't often go into the mental state of characters which is a powerful tool in fictional narrative. You can suggest mental state in a play by describing the way the character expresses something but in narrative writing you can just out and out say what someone is thinking. In a script you could use a voice over, but that gets hard to read.

Another encumberance in a script is always having the character's name in front of their dialog. In most conversations the names are redundant and you can just have each line as the dialog goes back and forth. If the dialog gets confusing by doing that you can add who said it before or afterwards. Sometimes even if it is clear who is speaking you can use some words to describe how that character is expressing themselves or what is going through their mind.

The final bit of awkwardness reading scripts is that most of the descriptive text is in the present tense while in most other narratives it is in past tense, but this is something most readers can adjust to after a bit. One important consideration is there is always a narrator even if they don't have any direct dialog. There are several different types of narrators you can use: One is a limited narrator meaning one that doesn't know everything. Another is an omniscient narrator who does know everything (with respect to the story anyway.) The other is what "person" the narrator speaks in: Does the narrator speak in the first person (Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events does this) or does the narrator always speak in the third person. The third part is what tense they use when speaking. Here from what I can tell you have a first person, present tense, omniscient narrator. Whatever you choose it is important to keep it consistent through your entire narrative unless there is a very good reason not to or you throw off your readers.

I also notice you don't use contractions. Most folks in the US do. You could have one character not use contractions as a quirk of their personality, but it would make them seem to speak very formally. For children that would be super rare. Another time folks do not use contractions is when they are being particularly emphatic. Like "DO. NOT. BITE. THE. DOG."...

Milo’s Story

Chapter One

A mild breeze wafts through the entrance hall of ‘Happy Playground’ daycare center as the wooden door falls into its lock. A young woman behind the counter smiles invitingly when she sees the two visitors who have just arrived.

Karen: “Good morning. My name is Karen Moss and this is my son, Milo. We moved here last week for my new job and I was wondering, whether we could sign up Milo for your daycare until school starts again in fall.”

* The comma after "wondering" isn't really necessary and most people would use "if" instead of "whether" and use "the fall" instead of just "fall".

The little boy's curious eyes wander through the lobby, but he does not dare to look directly at the woman behind the counter. She stands up and beams even more happily at mother and son.

* You missed an opportunity here to describe the mother and son. You could describe them in general or their attitude. Are they nervous? Loving?

Heather: “Hello there! Welcome to Helena then! It is always great to have new friends in our small town. And sure thing! We are happy to having Milo join us for the summer! I am Heather, by the way.”

* "And sure thing!" is a bit awkward. You have it here as a sentence of its own but it's really part of the following sentence. It might be better to have "And sure thing, we are happy..." Your tense for "having" is incorrect. It should be "We are happy to have Milo join us..."

She grabs a clipboard and a pen from the counter. The small boy smiles shily and holds out his hand. In his ironed dark blue polo shirt and with shiny strawberry blond hair, which has obviously just been washed and neatly combed, Milo looks as if he was all set for Sunday school.

* "She" is ambiguous, although it's not super important here. We are not completely certain whether Heather or Karen grab the clipboard and pen. The word "shily" is more commonly spelled "shyly". One way to describe a well ironed garment is with the word "crisply" as in "In his crisply ironed dark blue polo shirt". Another thing you might want to consider is "In his ironed dark blue polo shirt and with his shiny strawberry blond hair..." the repetition of "his" gives it an interesting rhythm.

Milo: “Hi.”

* Another missed opportunity for description. For example: "Hi" Milo said hesitantly, still avoiding Heather's gaze.

Heather smiles back and cannot avoid giggling a little while she shakes his hand.

* This is a little confusing. Heather shook Milo's hand but the last we heard she was still behind the counter. You could have her awkwardly reach over the counter to emphasize Milo's short stature or describe how she moves around the counter to give more insight into Heather's character or the way the Narrator feels about her. Also did she shake his hand jokingly? seriously? this might give us more context as well.

Heather: “Nice to meet you, Sir.”

* Something like "Heather smiled kindly down at her charge, dipped her head and said, 'Nice to meet you, Sir.'" is more evocative.

He blushes.

* Milo blushed, slightly embarrassed but more because he wasn't used to being treated so formally by the adults around him. - This starts to hint that Milo is generally treated as if he is younger than he really is.

* For the next three lines of dialog you've already established this is a conversation between Heather and Milo so you don't need their names:


Heather: “So, first things first. How old are you, Milo?”

Milo: “13, Miss.”

Heather: “Oh?!”

She looks at Milo in amazement.

Karen: “Is there a problem?”

* Something like "'Is there a problem?' Karen asked, a note of concern in her voice."

Heather: “Well… we usually just take in kids from age 3 to 11. I would never have guessed you older than 8 or 9, kiddo.”

* You don't need the name here either. Again, context makes it clear who is speaking based on what she said. One thing is an adult who works with kids would be very careful about saying to a child that they look younger than they are. Most children are very motivated to appear older and more independent. If you walked up to the average 13 year old and say "I would never have guessed you older than 8 or 9" they would be GREATLY offended. If you're playing up the humiliation angle, though, you've certainly done that. :)

Karen: “Oh. That is too bad. I know, Milo is a little old for daycare. But he turned 13 just last week. We don't know anybody here yet and I don't want him to be all alone all summer… And then my company recommended this place so enthusiastically to me… I thought… Why not? But… anyway, if he is too old we just have to figure out something else.”

* The name is, again, unnecessary and at this point I believe I have thoroughly killed that horse so I'm not going to mention it again. Also ".. a little old for daycare but he turned 13..." flows a bit better. Also: "...too old we just have to..." would be better as "...too old we'll just have to..." In this case "we'll" is a contraction for "we will". You also could describe Karen's state of mind here a little more. Something like "Karen was really disappointed. She really thought Milo would do well here."

Heather shakes her head and nods in agreement at the same time.

* Shaking your head and nodding your head are very different actions. Doing them at the same time would look very silly. :) I would probably leave this out entirely. I think the sentiment you are trying to express comes across just fine with the next line.

Heather: “No, no. Don’t worry. We can do this. No one should be alone all summer. Not in Helena. Not in Montana. Here at ‘Happy Playground’ we always have room for new friends. And if you don’t mind following the same rules everyone else does and enjoy to play and just have fun with all the other kids, we would love to have you with us for the summer, Milo.”

* This line is great except that "...following the same rules everyone else does and enjoy to play and just have fun..." is awkward. We try to word different connected phrases similarly. It's also a rhythm thing. So something like "...following the same rules as everyone else and enjoy playing and just having fun..." this is the best I can come up with for now but a little thought might be able to improve it more. At least "following", "playing", and "having" are conjugated the same.

Karen's relief is almost tangible. All at once the worry lines on her forehead disappear.

Karen: “Oh that would be great. Thank you!”

She fondly pats her son’s back, obviously encouraging him to answer himself.

* "answer himself" suggests he's providing an answer to a question he asked himself. "answer for himself" I believe is more what you're looking for.

Milo: “Yes. Thank you, Miss.”

Heather chuckles and smiles all over her face.

* "smiles all over her face" is awkward. I'd use "Heather chuckles and a wide smile lights up her face" to keep with your present tense.

Heather: “But before we sign you up, one thing is very, very important, Milo. Please don’t call me Miss. Just Heather.”

Milo’s deep emerald green eyes shine with joy. For the first time he looks directly at her, smiles and nods.

Milo: “Ok. Thank you. Heather.”

Heather: “Great! Since holidays for most schools do not start until Friday, the mornings are still pretty quiet. We have just six kids in for the rest of this week. During the school holidays, however, way more kids will fill up these rooms with life. Why don’t the three of us sit down for a moment, so you can tell me something about yourself and I fill you in on our services, policies and pricing. And once the details are sorted out, Milo could start out having fun with us right away.”

Karen: “Wow. That sounds perfect.”

Milo nods shily before the small group walks over to a couple of comfortable looking armchairs. As soon as they are seated another joyful young woman with a tray full of glasses comes over.

* "...nods shyly before the small group *and* walks over to a couple..."

Maya: “Hello there! My name is Maya. Do we have a new buddie to join us for summer? Would you folks like something to drink? We just squeezed a couple of oranges.”

* "buddie" is fine but more often spelled "buddy"

Milo gets back on his feet, looks into Mayas friendly eyes and smiles.

* "Mayas" would be plural as in "All the Mayas are very friendly". You probably want posessive here which would be "Maya's" :)

Milo: “Hi. Yes, please. Thank you!”

He takes two glasses of the tray, puts one in front of his mother and looks to Heather as if he wants to ask her if she wants something to drink too. She smiles and nods, so he puts the second glass in front of her. Karen proudly kisses him on his forehead. He takes a third glass for himself, takes a sip and sits back on his armchair again.

* I like that Milo thinks of others before himself here.

Milo: “Wow! This juice tastes great! Thank you, Maya!”

Maya: “Your welcome, sweetie! May I ask your name?”

* "Your" is posessive as in "Your hat is on fire". You probably want the contraction of "You are" which is "You're" :)

Milo blushes, gets up on his feet again and holds out his hand to introduce himself.

Milo: “Oh sorry! Sure! I am Milo. Milo Moss from Glendale, Michigan.”

Maya giggles, takes his hand and pulls him into a hug. She pats his back and caresses through his hair, completely ruining any combing efforts that have recently been made. To be able to see again, Milo swipes a few curls behind his ear, but otherwise makes no attempt to repair the damage.

* "caresses through his hair" seems a bit jumbled. "runs her fingers through his hair" or "caresses his hair" would either work. It seems more like she "ruffles his hair," though, which is more aggressive and more likely to cause the damage to his coiffure you describe.

Maya: “My pleasure, Milo-Milo Moss from Glendale, Michigan.”

He blushes even more, grins sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. Maya chuckles and curtsies.

Maya: “Wow, aren’t you a cutie? You even smell like vanilla. I like you. We will have a great time together.”

* After the curtsey it might be interesting for Maya to use the more formal and old fashioned "We shall have a great time together" or even "We shall have a grand time together."

Heather: “Looks like you are making new friends already, huh? Thanks Maya. Karen, Milo and I just go over the paper work. I guess, Milo will be joining you in an hour or so.”

* "and I just go over the paper work." should probably be "and I just need to go over some paper work." plus the "I guess" doesn't really do much just adds more uncertainty to "an hour or so" so I would omit it.

Maya: “Great. We are outside in the yard. The kids are just setting up the field for a game of good old ‘magic royal unicorn soccer chess’.”

* I would capitalize the name of the game to make it seem more formal. "Magic Royal Unicorn Soccer Chess" has a certain ring... :)

Milo rises an eyebrow.

* You want "raises" instead of "rises" here.

Milo: “What is ‘magic royal unicorn soccer chess’?”

Heather: “A game, Rebecca and Freya, two of our regular afternoon kids, have invented last week.”

* The comma after the word "game" is unnecessary.

Maya <giggles>: “It is awesome! Incredibly puzzling, but awesome! And definitely fun! You should try! It is completely different from ‘vampire pirates basket hockey’.”

* I would recommend omitting the comma after "puzzling". Also I would do "awesome and definitely fun!" since "And definitely fun!" doesn't really stand on its own.

Milo: “Wicked!”

* I would give Milo some kind of expression here. Describe what facial expression he has, how he is feeling, or whatever.

Happy girl <shouts from the outside>: “Maya? You coming? We need the chalk. Blue and pink and green. And don’t forget pink! And do we have a fedora?”

Maya <cheerfully shouts back>: “On my way, Becs!”

She smiles to Karen and gives Milo a little wink.

Maya: “Hah. As if on cue… I have been summoned! We would love to have you join us later, buddy.”

She giggles happily again, walks along the hallway and vanishes behind a corner. While a door is opened and closed again, at least five joyful kids’ voices can be heard in the lobby. Heather looks to Karen and Milo, takes a sip of juice and picks up the clipboard from the coffee table in front of them.

* I'm a fan of something called "the Oxford comma." Most people use commas exactly the way you do here in the first sentence. I, however, would write it: "She giggles happily again, walks along the hallway, and vanishes behind a corner." I just like the consistency.

Heather: “So, let’s get started with the unpleasant stuff.”

Karen chuckles and nods.

Karen: “Pricing.”

Heather: “Yep. Sorry. I have to. But you said your employer recommended us? Maybe there are some discounts that we can offer. What company are you with?”

Karen nods again, takes a business card out of her purse and hands it to Heather. The younger woman studies it.

Karen: “Never mind! I know that child care costs money. I am with Oak…”

Heather: “Oak-Tech Analytics! That is great! OTA is one of our biggest sponsors. They cover the entire fee for each little one of their employees. Oh, and it’s Dr. Moss, I see!”

* "each little one of their employees" suggests their employees are little. You could hyphenate so it is "each little-one of their employees" to make it clearer.

Heather pins the business card to the paper on top of the clipboard.

Karen: “Just Karen, please. I didn’t know that OTA covers this.”

Heather smiles and nods.

Heather: “Yep. They do. They also cover meals, crafting materials and every regular activity. From time to time, they even donate for books and toys and stuff. The parents of half of our kids here work for OTA.”

* "books and toys and stuff." would probably be "books, toys, and stuff." (I'm using the Oxford comma here too so you can omit that last one if you decide not to.)

Karen: “Wow. I haven’t started working there, but now I like them even more, already.”

* You don't actually need either of the commas in this line but the second one is actually awkward. "I like them even more already." would be better.

Heather: “Everyone seems to be happy there! But anyways… Since pricing is out of our way… During the school holidays we usually have around 70 kids and 12 full-time guardians, like Maya and myself, staying with us. Our most important goal is that everyone has a good time with us. So, everyone watches out for everyone else. We do not tolerate bullying or violence.”

She looks at Milo who is listening carefully.

Heather: “But I don’t think you will give us any trouble on this, huh?”

Milo starts to nod but changes to shaking his head no, giggling.

* Nice touch here where Milo starts to nod. I like it. :)

Milo: “No Miss… I mean… No Heather. I don’t like to fight and I am no bully!”

* Milo would probably use the contraction "I'm" instead of "I am" unless he's being really emphatic at which point I would add a description to emphasize his emphasis. like: "I am no bully!" he said earnestly. (Alternatives to earnestly could be passionately, sincerely, or many other words I found on thesaurus.com) :) Thesauruses are a great source if you're looking for a word similar but not quite another one. For instance: you use the word "giggle" a lot. If you wanted to mix that up you could look up "giggle" in a thesaurus and find alternatives if you thought you were over-using that word. (Note: I do not think you are over-using it, I just had to come up with something.)

Heather: “Great. I knew it. When holidays begin, we usually make groups of 8-12 kids and two guardians. A group is sort of a team for the summer. Of course, kids from different groups can play together. But the groups help keeping a little structure in the chaos and for the kids it is always good to know, whom to go to first, if there is any problem.”

* I would get rid of all the commas in this line. The only one that really makes sense is the one after "Of course,"

Milo: “Sure. Like school classes.”

Heather: “Yep. Similar. But we mix up our groups a little bit. So, there won’t be any boys-, girls-, ‘small kids’ or ‘big kids’-only groups. And the older kids are always welcome to help out a little bit with the younger ones. Like solving conflicts, reading stories or helping with the meals…”

* The comma after "So," is unnecessary and I would keep the format consistent in the list of "-only" groups. Either use a hyphen after them or don't and either enclose them in single quotes or don't. I personally would only have the last hyphen before the word "-only" and get rid of all the single quotes: "So there won’t be any boys, girls, small kids or big kids-only groups." And kids tend to refer to each other as "little kids" and "big kids". "small kids" isn't as common.

Milo: “Got it. I love to read stories. I have never read to others before, though, but I guess I can do that.”

* "I guess I can do that" sounds a little... reluctant. "I'd like to do that" might be a bit more optimistic.

Heather: “Perfect! Also, we will have quite a lot of activities to choose from. For example, last year we had a dancing class doing a play for the parents at the end of the summer. We once had a painting class making pictures for every resident of Helena. For five years now, we also have our very own branch of kids-scouts, doing all kinds of badges all summer long. Sometimes we even set up a little camp and stay together over a weekend, doing night hikes and roast marshmallows over a campfire. Everyone is always welcome to participate in everything.”

* You might want to use a colon :)) instead of a comma(,) after "For example," so it would be "For example:". Also there are currently over 32 thousand residents of Helena, Montana. That's a LOT of pictures. :) What I would have done is have them make pictures for every resident of a nearby nursing home. And that statement the tenses are a bit muddled. "had a painting class making pictures" would probably be better "had a painting class make pictures"

Milo: “Wow! That sounds fun! I am a third-year Glendale-Life-Scout! I can help cubs and scouts with earning badges!”

He stands up, straightens his back and rises his chin.

Milo <declares>: “Be prepared!”

Heather: “Hah! Of course! I should have known that! A scout knows how to make a great first impression! How many badges have you earned already?”

Milo: “21 and counting. I am only short of one of the special ones, to be allowed applying for Star-Scout, Ma’am!”

* "short of one" should probably be "short one" and the comma after "special ones" is unnecessary.

Karen smiles and nods proudly.

Heather: “Excellent! It is an honor to have you, Life-Scout Milo of Glendale! And I already know for a fact that Maya, Becs and Teddy will love you!”

Milos smiles broadly and beams with pride while he cuddles back into his armchair.

Karen <whispers>: “Thank you!”

Heather nods and gives her a wink.

Heather: “So, our ‘daytime program’ starts at 9, but we open at 6. Some parents just bring in their kids on their way to work. We have plenty of space to sleep in a little longer or just to get a calm and good start in the day for everyone. Breakfast, if you are here at the time, is together with everybody else at 8. Our ‘daytime program’ ends at 5, but your mom can pick you up until 7. Lunch is at noon and naptime is between one and half past two.”

* "get a calm and good start in the day" would probably be better "get a good, calm start to the day" and "at the time" would probably be better "at that time". "pick you up until 7" would probably be stated "pick you up any time before 7"

Milo raises his hand. Heather chuckles again and immediately stops explaining with an instant smile.

Heather: “Sweetie, this isn’t school, you know. Please feel free to ask anything. Anytime.”

* The comma after "school" is unnecessary.

Milo blushes a little but smiles back and clears his throat.

* "smiles back" might be better "returns her smile"

Milo: “Naptime?”

* It might be good to describe Milo's state of mind when he said "Naptime?". Either directly or by describing how he said the word.

Heather: “Yes. Since we have kids from 3 years on and a day filled with fun and activities, we have naptime. And everyone here will be treated the same, so everyone will be changing into pajamas and quietly lay on a yoga mat. We have more than enough blankets and pillows for those who want them, but we won’t check whether everybody actually goes to sleep. Nevertheless, the curtains will be closed. So, if you don’t like naps, you could just relax and listen to some audiobooks. However, although almost every older kid, like you, asks this every time I tell them, they are usually the most exhausted ones and enjoy naptime the most. You will see.”

* The comma after "treated the same" is unnecessary. "Will be changing" is passive voice so "everyone will change into pajamas" would be better. "However, although" is a bit redundant. I'd just use "Although" and "asks this every time I tell them" might be better "asks this when I tell them" as it doesn't repeat the word "every" twice that quickly. Finally: "you'll see" would probably be the more common, and more relaxed way they would put that. "YOU WILL SEE" sounds a little... ominous...

Milo: “Pajamas?”

Heather: “Yes! But don’t worry, sweetie. For today, should you guys decide to sign up, you don’t need to change for naptime. But this brings me to another important section of our questionnaire. I imagine there are no daytime potty issues with you, huh, Milo? But what about at night?”

Milos face suddenly becomes beet red. Since he does not answer right away, Heather turns to Karen.

Heather: “This would not be a problem at all. We have quite a few kids with bedwetting issues here. We just need to know in order to take some precautions.”

* "some precautions" you might want to think of shortening to just "precautions."

Heather smiles mildly from Milo to Karen and back again.

* "mildly" is odd. "kindly" might be better.

Karen: “Well… actually…”

Milo: “Mom!”

Karen: “Oh honey, Heather just told us, that it is no problem.”

She gently pats his back.

* In the prior two lines I would probably change "Oh honey" into a statement of its own with a period or exclamation point and lose the comma after "us" then combine the two lines into one for something like "Oh honey! Heather just told us it is no problem." Karen said as she gently pats his back.

Karen: “Actually, Milo does have some nighttime issues, lately. With the moving… all the changes and the new place… I am sure, it will be over in no time. But during the day everything is fine. We had a little daytime accident on our way over from Michigan, but that was due to heavy traffic with no place to stop and just a one-time-thing.”

* I'd lose the comma after "issues" and the one after "sure".

Heather checks a box on her clipboard, nods and smiles again.

Heather: “Alright! And don’t worry. This really is no big deal! Not at all! How often does it happen and what kind of protection do you use at night?”

Karen: “Well… to be honest… nighttime accidents have happened quite frequently over the last weeks, but we manage with waterproof mattress covers.”

* "over the last weeks" is awkward. I would probably use "over the last few weeks"

Heather: “Oh… I am afraid, that won’t work here. As you can imagine, washing 20 and more beddings every day, even more, if we count accidents from our early arrivers in the morning, would be close to impossible. That is why everyone with a little trouble at night has to wear protection during naptime. But again, this really isn’t a big deal.”

* I'd lose the commas after "even more" and "But again".

Milo: “What do you mean? ‘Wear protection’?”

Heather: “Well, just pull-ups or diapers. The choice is yours. Actually, most of our friends with this issue prefer pull-ups, but those tend to leak on older kids. However, if we are asked, we usually just recommend ordinary Pampers. They are up to the task, easy to get and fit almost every kid up to grade 6. And, although I now know that you are a little bit older than our usual summer guests, they would certainly fit you too, Milo.”

* The comma after "if we are asked" is unnecessary.

Milo chokes on the orange juice. His eyes widen in shock and his jaw drops down.

Milo: “Pampers? Like… baby diapers? Like… actual Pampers?”

* Another little description of Milo's state of mind might be good here.

Heather rubs his back to help him breathe again, nods and prepares to answer.

Karen: “You really think, my Milo would fit into ordinary Pampers from the supermarket? Really? I had no idea. But how does he put them on? Do all the other kids know how to change into diapers?”

* The comma after "think" is unnecessary.

Milo: “Mom?!”
 
Last edited:

LudoErgoSum

Contributor
Messages
2
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Carer
And here's the rest...

Karen: “Shush, honey. Please let Heather explain.”

* The comma after "Shush" is unnecessary.

Heather looks from mother to son and waits until the young boy calms down a little bit.

Heather: “Sure. Ordinary Pampers Baby-Dry would fit him. Without a doubt. I guess, with his slim frame, he would not even need the largest size. Size 6 should do fine. We had kids with that issue who were even a head taller than him. Even on them Pampers fitted just fine. And no, not all our kids know how to put on their diapers. But if someone has trouble, we help. In fact, I guess we actually change most of the kids who need protection. Although we are rather strict on this rule, protection is only mandatory until you stay dry during naptime for one week.”

* Baby-Dry only go up to Size 6. Cruisers and Swaddlers go up to Size 7. Swaddlers would probably be my recommendation for sleeping if you don't want leaks. The cruisers are more for active, running toddlers. "Pampers fitted just fine" should probably be "Pampers fit just fine." The comma after "trouble" is unnecessary." "In fact, I guess we actually change..." is a bit long and too many qualifiers. I'd pull one out. "In fact, I guess we change..." or "In fact, we actually change..." or "I guess we actually change..." Getting rid of the "I guess" makes Heather seem the most certain and authoritative.

Heather makes a small break to let what she just said sink in a little bit.

* "makes a small break" would be better "takes a small break"

Heather: “In general, our potty policies are straight forward. If you wet your pants, you wear pull-ups for the rest of the day. If you wet your pants twice in one week, you have to wear pull-ups for the next seven days. If you wear protection of any kind, you are checked regularly and changed, whenever needed. If you wet more than two pull-ups during the day within a week, it is just diapers for a week. While anyone in undies or pull-ups has full potty-privileges, you just use your diapers, when you are wearing them. However, after a weak it is back to pull-ups, again.”

* "it is just diapers for a week." seems like the kids are wearing nothing but diapers because of the word "just." I'd recommend "you have to wear diapers for a week" instead to keep it consistent with the rest of the rules. The commas after "general", "pants", "week", "kind", "changed", the next "week", "diapers", and "pull-ups" are unnecessary. I'd keep the ones after "potty-privileges" and "However".

Karen: “That sounds reasonable.”

Milo: “But mom! Baby diapers? Pampers?!”

Heather: “You don’t need to go for diapers right away, Milo. Pampers is just what we would recommend. You decide whether it will be pull-ups or diapers. And don’t worry. Either way, no one will make fun of you. So many kids struggle a bit at nighttime. As I have just told you, even taller kids than you will be wearing protection. And those who haven’t worn any protection before, just like you, almost always tell me, how nice it feels to nap without any worries of wetting and just waking up dry. Most of them are even surprised how comfy Pampers feel.”

* "we would recommend" is odd. They DID recommend Pampers so "we recommend" makes more sense. "As I have just told you" you don't need the "have" so "As I just told you" is cleaner. I also noticed she used "taller" and not "older" :) The comma after "always tell me" is unnecessary. "without any worries of wetting and just waking up dry" suggests they worry they will wake up dry rather than worry they will wake up wet. You could lose "and just waking up dry" or end the sentence at "wetting" and change "and just waking up dry" to "They always wake up with a dry bed."

Milo: “But…”

Karen: “Oh honey, no more buts, please. If pull-ups leak and Heather recommends them, I really think Pampers are worth a try. I wouldn’t mind avoiding some laundry myself. I had no idea they would still fit you. What’s the harm in it, honey?”

* I'd change "Oh honey, no more buts, please." to "Oh honey, no more 'but's please." and the comma after "them" is unnecessary.

His head becomes even redder and his lips tremble, but Milo knows that it is futile to beg or discuss with his mother once she has made a decision. He sighs, shrugs his shoulders and finally gives up.

Heather: “Great. So, for today it is no problem at all, we have a little stash of all sizes on hand. But you would need to bring in a supply of Pampers for Milo tomorrow.”

* I'd lose the comma after "So", end the sentence with "at all" and make "We have a little stash..." into its own sentence.

Karen smiles, makes a mental note and nods. Heather runs her index finger along the text on her questionnaire.

Heather: “Also you should bring a change of daytime clothes and pajamas, sportswear, a toothbrush and - if needed - cuddly toys, pacifiers and any medicine.”

* If I ran a daycare I'd have a list to give parents since there is a lot for Karen to remember in this line... :)

Milo: “Cuddly toys and pacifiers?!”

Heather chuckles and nods.

Heather: “Of course those are not mandatory. But… we do have little ones who won’t sleep without one or the other.”

Karen: “Honey, you could bring Toothless.”

Milo’s face goes from beet red to death white and back again.

Heather: “Who is Toothless?”

* You can use the contraction "Who's" in place of "Who is" to make Heather sound more casual and personable.

Karen: “It’s a stuffed dragon Milo fell in love with after watching ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ about five years ago. He still cuddles him every night and thinks I don’t know.”

Milo: “Mom!”

Heather: “Cool! I know that one! You should definitely bring him, Milo! And please don’t be embarrassed. Almost everyone brings a plushie. Most of which aren’t half as cool as Toothless. And if it’s of any interest, I own a plushie Pua. You know, the pig…”

* I'd use "most of them" instead of "most of which."... Actually I'd probably start out with "Mmst of which" and then change it to "most of them" when I edited.

Milo: “…from Moana!”

* I like the interruption. This suggests that Milo is getting more excited.

Heather: “Exactly. I see, you like great movies too.”

Milo’s face turns normal. He smiles and nods.

Milo: “But the diapers… I have to wear them only during naptime?”

* I would use "I only have to wear them during naptime"

Heather smiles back and nods.

Heather: “Yes, Sir! We help you change into them just before naptime and, if you are dry when naptime is over, we help you change into your undies again.”

Milo thinks about it for a moment.

Milo: “And if I am not?”

Heather: “If you wet your diaper while napping, this will not be counted as a daytime accident, but you would have to wear protection for the rest of the day with the same rules as if it had been one.”

* The comma after "napping" is unnecessary.

His eyes widen again.

Karen: “Sounds fair to me. Honey, don’t worry about it too much. In one week, it won’t be a problem anymore. Even if, you’ll probably get used to it in no time.”

* The comma after "week" is unnecessary. Instead of "Even if, you'll probably..." I'd use "Even if it is you'll probably..."

Heather: “True! Listen to your mom, sweetie! Moms are always right! How would you guys like a tour once we are done with the final questions on allergies and medical conditions?”

Karen: “Oh, yes please! A tour would be great! And for allergies and other medical conditions: Milo’s blood type is O-positive and he is allergic to penicillin.”

Heather: “… Penicillin… Noted! Perfect! That’s it. All filled out. Let’s explore our place! Follow me, guys!”

After Heather has shown Karen and Milo through the group rooms, the kitchen, the dining room, the dormitories, the toilets and bathrooms and the two-room library, they finally reach the garden.

* Is there a changing table in the bathroom? There probably would be if they take three year olds especially since they change diapers. Describing the bathroom with changing table might be an interesting way to foreshadow things to come.

Heather: “And these are the playgrounds of our realm! Over there, as you can see, the traditional games of royal magic unicorn chess soccer take place!”

Karen <giggles>: “This place is amazing!”

Heather: “Thank you!”

Milo: “Yeah. This place is pretty cool and you are fun, Heather!”

* Milo would probably use "you're" instead of "you are" here.

Heather: “Hear ye, hear ye! Gather up, my fellow competitors! I, Heather, Archduchess of silliness and head referee of all fabulous sports, have an announcement to make. With great pleasure I present you the newest member of our ‘Happy Playground’-family: Third-year Life-Scout Milo of Glendale. Owner of 21 badges of merits, tamer of Toothless the dragon and reader of stories to the younglings!”

* Love this, but "I present you" could be "I present to you" to primp it up a bit. If Heather overheard Maya she might call him "Milo-Milo Moss from Glendale, Michigan" instead of just "Milo of Glendale". It would be an amusing call-back.

Milo holds his stomach in laughter.

Milo: “Archduchess of silliness, huh? Fitting!”

Heather shrugs her shoulders and grins.

Heather: “Yep. We do have a queen, though, but I consider myself runner-up. Always working on it. You know.”

Milo: “A queen? Please tell me her name isn’t Elisabeth.”

* Interesting... There's no suggestion that Milo would know this Elisabeth person. If we never hear about her again people are going to be disappointed, but I'd bet you know this and have... plans... :)

Heather: “Oh, you already know Liz?”

He coughs while tears of laughter roll out of his eyes.

Milo: “Well, I have never been introduced anywhere even close to this. Thank you, your highness!”

* An archduchess would be "your grace" not "your highness" but we can forgive Milo for his deplorable assault to proper protocol. :) And, you guessed it, the commas are unnecessary. All of them in this line. :)

Heather curtsies and grins. He clears his throat, looks into all the happy faces in the yard and waves.

Milo: “Hi everyone!”

The smallest girl from the group walks up to Milo.

Rebecca: “Whoa. Life-Scout? And 21 badges? Already?”

Milo smiles and nods. Without hesitating any longer, the girl hugs him. Being caught completely off-guard, Milo needs a few seconds before he is able to respond in any way. Eventually, he gently pats her on the back.

* The commas after "longer" and "Eventually" are unnecessary and I'd lose "Being" so it would just be "Caught completely off-guard, Milo..." and would have him eventually gently return her hug since you have a lot of back-patting.

Rebecca: “So cool! Hi Milo! I am Rebecca, but everyone just calls me Becs! I’ve been with the Cubs for a year now.”

Milo: “My pleasure, Becs!”

She takes a step back, stands as straight as she can and places the index and middle fingers of her right hand on her forehead to salute. He grins and salutes back.

Both <declare in chorus>: “Do your best!”

The little girl beams overjoyed and hugs him again.

Rebecca: “I like you! And you smell like vanilla.”

* Nice callback to him smelling like vanilla.

Maya: “Wow! I knew you are one of the cool kids, buddy! All welcome Milo, third-year Life-Scout of Glendale, Michigan and holder of numerous other titles, I already managed to forget.”

* The comma after "titles" is unnecessary.

The entire group of kids joyfully hoots: “Welcome Milo!”

* It's a group of kids so they "joyfully hoot." One kid alone "joyfully hoots." English... Who'da thunk it...

Rebecca grabs his hand and gently pulls him to the others. She stops in front of a boy and a girl who are just slightly taller than Milo.

Rebecca: “Let me introduce you to everybody! This are Katy and Michael. They are twins and 11 and they go to a school for snowboarders in Boston. That is so far away.”

* "This are" should be "These are"

Both kids slap their hands to their faces, giggle and shake their heads. Katy fondly pets the younger girl.

Katy: “I told you, it’s just called a boarding school, silly.”

Milo grins.

Milo: “Hi Katy and Michael. Nice to meet you!

Katy: “Hi Milo! Nice to meet you too! I hope we become good friends!”

Michael just smiles and waves.

Rebecca: “Michael isn’t mute. He is just rude and doesn’t like talking.”

Michael sighs, giggles and tenderly rubs his knuckles across her head. She smiles cheekily and sticks her tongue out.

* Might want to specify that Michael is rubbing his knuckles across Becs' head. I was slightly confused and thought it was Katy at first.

Michael: “Love you too, Becs! Hi Milo! Awesome to have you with us, buddy!”

The three smaller kids, who have not said their hellos yet, line up next to them. They all look like they could be first or second graders.

Rebecca: “And that are Jaimie, Freya and Teddy. Freya’s family is from Norway. That is why she got the coolest of all names!”

* Probably "these are Jaimie" rather than "that are Jaimie". I'd combine the last two sentences to be "...from Norway which is why she..."

Without warning, the other three smaller children hug Milo, as did Rebecca minutes ago.

Jaimie, Freya and Teddy <sing in chorus>: “Hi Milo!”

This time he isn’t surprised anymore and even enjoys the hugging.

Milo: “Hi guys! So, who brings me up to speed with royal magic unicorn chess soccer? What are the rules and may I join in?”

While the kids surround Milo and explain an obviously highly complex game, all at the same time, Karen, Maya and Heather step aside.

* The comma after "game" makes things a bit confusing.

Karen: “I don’t know what to say. This place is perfect. And you two have a great connection to kids. I am so grateful that you take in Milo for the summer!”

* "you take in" should probably be "you're taking in" or "you took in"

Heather: “No problem! We are happy to help our new neighbours and Milo is more than welcome! He is such an endearing kid. And a handsome one too. I just have to ask; How can you say no to him on anything when he gives you the puppy-eyes-look?”

* I'd lose the "on anything" to make it "...no to him when he gives you..."

Karen: “Oh dear, puppy-eyes are his specialty. But these days he only uses them as a last resort on things he really, really wants. But yes, then it is a tough one to say no. It takes a lot of practice.”

* I'd make "Oh dear" a sentence of its own making "Puppy-eyes are his specialty." its own sentence as well. And Karen would probably use "it's" instead of "it is".

Heather: “So he plays fair, already, huh? Good for us! It is so hard to believe that he is already 13. Girls and boys will be falling for him in no time. My oh my, you are in for trouble.”

* The comma after "fair" is unnecessary.

Karen: "Yep. I just hope he takes a few more years before he starts dating.

Maya: “He is 13? Really? No way!”

Karen: “Afraid so.”

Maya: “Who would have guessed? Anyway, he seems to be a very cool kid! And he fits right in. The little ones seem to adore him right from the spot! We will have a great time together!”

* "from the spot" is odd. "from the get-go" or "on the spot" are more commonly used.

Heather: “Maya is right. Milo is great. He will make a lot of new friends and he will definitely be a help with the little ones. And don’t worry about the bedwetting! We deal with it all the time!”

* I'd lose the "he" between "and" and "will" so "He will make a lot of new friends and will definitely..." since it's a little smoother. You could lose the "will" as well but it's good for the rhythm of the phrase.

Maya: “True! Does he usually wear diapers or pull-ups?”

Karen: “Neither of those, so far. But we want to give Pampers a shot!”

* The comma after "those" is unnecessary.

Maya: “Thank god! Bec’s pull-ups have been leaking this morning again. Maybe she finally tries Pampers too, if she sees Milo wearing them.”

* "have been leaking" is probably better just to use "leaked" and "Maybe she'll finally try Pampers too if she sees Milo wearing them." may be an improvement.

Heather: “See? He already is a help with the other kids!”

Karen: “I am relieved, he likes this place. I felt so sorry when he had to leave his school and friends behind. Today is the first time since our moving that I have seen him laugh again.”

* The comma after "relieved is unnecessary" and "since our moving" would be better "since we moved".

Heather: “I can imagine that! You are probably right and that is what makes him struggle at night, lately. However, we will do the best we can, to make him feel at home, here at Helena. And sometimes the best way to achieve this is just to be a kid for a while and enjoy a carefree summer full of fun.”

* "You are probably right about why he struggles at night lately" might be better for you. The commas after "can" and "home" are unnecessary. You could also foreshadow by using "just be little for a while"...

Maya: “Hear, hear!”

Karen: “Thank you! You guys are great!”

Heather: “It is our pleasure! Really! Well, we have all we need. If you like to, you can leave Milo with us already for today!”

* The commas in this line are unnecessary. You probably want "you'd like" instead of "you like" (you'd is short for you would) and I might change "you can leave Milo with us already for today!" to "we'd love to have Milo with us for today!"

Karen: “Perfect! You are life savers! Then I’ll jump in at my new office for a head start on next week and do the shopping for Milo right afterwards!”

* "Then" is unnecessary. I'd use "him" here in place of "Milo" since they referred to Milo at the end of the prior line.

Heather: “Sounds like a plan!”

Karen: “So, you said Pampers Baby-Dry in size 6 and pajamas, right? What about wipes, ointment and powder?

* The comma after "So" is unnecessary.

Heather: “Yes. Size 6 will fit just fine. And when it comes to skin care products, we are very well equipped. Most parents just make a small donation for refilling once in a while. However, if you want to try out Pampers on him at night at home, you would not make any mistakes with Johnson & Johnson on wipes, powder, oil and cream.

* The comma after "home" is unnecessary.

Karen: “Great! Should I bring pull-ups too, in case he has an accident during naptime? And to be honest, when I think about the last few nights, he might very well wet himself, if he does fall asleep.”

* The commas after "too", "nights" and "himself" are unnecessary. And, you missed a comma! First time! :) I'd add a comma after "And" so you get "And, to be honest, when..."

Maya: “You could. But for daytime protection, in case he really does have an accident, I would just go with pampers as well. Some of the older kids that stay with us are already so grown up. And Milo seems to be too.”

* The commas in this line are unnecessary.

Karen nods.

Karen: “Yeah, that's him.”

Maya: “With those kids we observe again and again that some afternoons, days or even weeks in Pampers incredibly help them to forget about all fears and worries and just be kids.”

* I'd lose "with those kids" and change the tense to be just "We've observed again and again..." and add commas after "Pampers" and "incredibly".

Karen: “Just Pampers it is.”

Heather: “By the way, the same holds true for the pacifiers. As soon as the older kids start sleeping with them again, most of them really lighten up.”

* The comma after "again" is unnecessary.

Maya nods in agreement.

Maya: “Yes, so true!”

Heather: “That is one of the many reasons, why we mix up the groups and treat all kids the same, nevertheless. It doesn't take a week before they all regard themselves as equals. Like this, not only the younger kids learn from the older ones. It works in both directions. So, if they see someone next to them enjoying a pacifier, the barrier to try it for themselves is much lower. It is just the same for ‘boy stuff’ and ‘girl stuff’. The kids just try what they like and don’t like and everybody just has a great time! No one feels embarrassed. No one gets teased.”

* The comma after "reasons" is unnecessary. I'd change "...not only the younger..." to "...not only do the younger..." and then combine that sentence with the next so "...learn from the older ones, but it works in the other direction as well." I might lose the comma after the next "So". Also kids aren't trying what they don't like. I'd say "...try everything and find out what they like and don't like and everybody..."

Karen: “This is such a wonderful mindset.”

Maya: “Thank you! We follow the Cub Scout motto too. We do our best!”

All three women chuckle.

Maya: “And, since you mentioned the pajamas… I take it, Milo usually just sleeps in shirts and shorts?”

Karen: “Yes, he does.”

Maya: “Fisher’s on main street is the best place to browse for some really cute jammies. If anyone can wear a cute pajama, it is Milo. They also sell gorgeous rain coats and rain boots, swim and sportswear, leotards and other great clothes for children. You should talk to the owner, Mrs. Fisher. She has a lovely taste and gives great advice! And if you mention that Milo is with us, I would not be surprised, if you get a decent discount.”

* The comma after "surprised" is unnecessary.

Karen: “Okay! Thank you for… for everything. I'll be on my way now and be back at 5, at the latest!

* I'd probably use "...back by 5 at the latest!"

Heather: “Don't stress yourself! Drive slowly, don't worry and just call if something comes up. We will be here until at least 7.”
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
I was going to send this as a private message but couldn't find that option, and then I couldn't put it all in one message so here we go...

First I want to say that I really enjoy your story. It is very well thought out and well spoken. It may not be some completely unique premise but when it comes to forums like this folks really enjoy a new take on a story they've heard before. That said, many folks here have very particular tastes in certain story elements. Especially elements that tie to the fetishes folks have here. Some people will want you to linger over descriptions of diaper changes, other people don't want any mention of it. Some people want every character in a diaper to poop themselves uncontrollably, others have a very strong, visceral reaction to any suggestion of the possibility of poopies. So this means that whatever you do you are guaranteed to be the best author ever as well as the worst. The one thing to keep in mind is there are a lot more people silently approving than silently disapproving, although on here folks seem to have learned well that authors are encouraged more with honeyed words than vinegar so you don't see many nasty posts.

[...]

Wow! Brilliant! Thank you so much for all the work you put in your review! And, for what it's worth, i do not take it as being picky. Not at all. Just the opposite. It really helps me and I'll use lots of your input in the next Chapter! :)

I wrote the story like a skript for a play, because, for me, it is sometimes really difficult to get the "who said this now?" in other stories right.

But you are right. A story written like this could suffer from ... sort of an "emotional distance". However, that is my main problem in writing in general:

I don't know enough ways to describe the actual "manner" a character is talking. Whenever I try, i always end up with "then she says, and she says, and then she says, ..." So it really does become repetitive. But I can't even avoid it when writing like this. For instance, I use 'giggling' and 'chuckling' a lot. But just because I don't have any other words for saying the same. In German I would know close to 1000 words for this... :)

But anyway, you really gave me some input!

THANK YOU! :)
Kiri
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Hah... I just arrived at where you write about me using "giggling" a lot... 😁 A Thesaurus is a great idea! @LudoErgoSum

By the way. Heather does not intent to humiliate Milo by any means. She is just a little "weak on the dimplomatic side" and says straight out what she thinks. She might hence seem a little daft, but I picture her just kind, honest and direct. And silly of course.
 
Last edited:

dancerboy

Contributor
Messages
19
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
I had been thinking the same thing about the dialogue format but I think as a reader I’m used to it now so I don’t know if it’s worth shifting. But whatever you think is best for your story, it seems to be coming along well, liked this latest chapter! (especially what happened with Katy hehe)
 
Last edited:

LilByte

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,039
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
Great story so far, can't wait to see what happens. I would try to give grammar advice, but I see so much bad grammar all the time by others that it makes yours seem near perfect :p

As far as ideas for summer classes. Maybe swimming classes/fun

Art class and make home made lanyard/clip that they can use for pacifier or name cards for play titles. Mobiles they can hang over their beds, colorful nightlights by decorating a nightlight and other babyish items they can make themselves or with help.

By mobile I mean something like this. https://momunleashed.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/DIY-Space-Mobile-222x300.jpg - img from google search.
 

dwayne

Contributor
Messages
250
Role
  1. Other
  2. Private
well i hope all the above does not scare you from doing more to the story i kind of see where this story is going and hope you keep it up can not wait for more myself
 

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
I would like to thank @LudoErgoSum once again! Your comments were great and I tried to consider as many of them as possible.

In particular, I have tried to describe more details and to tune down my use of commas. Also I looked up some idioms and "borrowed" one of your insights. :)

I hope the text is now easier to read and you enjoy the next part.
 
Last edited:

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
Chapter Three

After a little chatting the group gradually dissolves. On their way out, Katy and Michael hug Milo to say goodbye. He is surprised because Michael's hug feels almost as soft and loving as his sister's. Finally Karen says goodbye to her boss and the parents of Teddy and Freya, who are still happily talking. When they see that their newest charge is leaving them for the day, Maya and Heather walk them to the exit.

Maya: “Get home safe, you two. And cutie, I can’t wait to have you with us tomorrow again.”

When Maya ruffles the boys' hair once again lovingly for goodbye, Heather waves with a small stack of paper.

Heather: “Before I forget: We have a preliminary list of summer activities and courses. For some of them we will almost certainly have to limit the number of participants. You might want to go through them together tonight, so that Milo can get a place wherever he feels like participating. For some of the activities the kids will need special clothing and equipment. It is all in there. However, the list is not final yet.”

Karen: “Great. Thank you, Heather.”

Milo: “Yes. Thank you, your highness.”

Milo and Karen wave goodbye to the two women. The light of the evening sun warms their skin as they stroll to Karen's car. Countless leaves of the oak forest that surrounds the day care centers rustle softly in the shallow wind. The indicators of the BMW light up as Karen presses the button of the car key to unlock the doors. They get in.

Karen: “Actually, an archduchess is properly addressed as ‘Your Grace’, honey.”

Milo: “Interesting. But wouldn’t it be awkward to call someone ‘your grace honey’. On the other hand, who am I to question protocol?”

She smirks and taps his nose.

Karen: “Buckle up, smart ass. We have quite a lot of groceries and other stuff to put away.”

Milo: “Other stuff… Speaking of which, could you hurry up? I really, really have to pee.”

Karen inserts the key into the lock and starts the engine before turning to Milo.

Karen: “So? You know the rules?”

Milo: “Really? Do I have to?”

Karen: “Rules are rules, honey.”

Milo: “But mom…”

Karen: “No more complaining and no more buts, honey! The sooner you get it over with, the sooner you get used to it.”

Milo: “Fine… will you hand me the list? I’d rather think about something else.”

She hands him the list before she carefully drives the car from the parking lot onto the forest road.

Karen: “Here you go!”

For a few minutes neither of them says a word. Karen keeps looking over at her son. But he seems to be unusually absorbed in the reading. For a brief moment she thinks she hears a soft hissing sound. All of a sudden, Milo beams at her.

Milo: “Wow. They do a class on ‘First Aid’. That’s a missing special badge, mommy! I want to sign up for that one!”

Karen: “Mommy?”

Milo: “I… I… uhm… I meant mom.”

Karen: “A missing special batch, huh? So I will have my very own ‘Star Scout’ in a few weeks?”

Milo: “Uh-huh!”

Karen: “I’d like that.”

Although her heart took a leap when her little son called her mommy, Karen decided not to push and to leave it for now. She activates the turn signal and drives onto the main road. While Milo looks out of the window and observes the oncoming traffic with curiosity, she resumes the conversation.

Karen: “So honey, tell me about Casimir.”

Milo: “Uhm… Bec’s gave him to me… I didn’t want to be rude, so I took him.”

Karen: “Sure. No way you were actually missing Toothless, huh?”

Milo: “Mom!”

Karen: “Oh honey! When did you start being so embarrassed in front of me? Admit it. You love to cuddle Toothless. And you really enjoyed just being one of the little kids today.”

Milo: “Mom! Stop it!”

Karen: “Okay! But, for the record, I am so proud of everything Maya, Heather and all the kids have said about you today.”

Milo lets his head sink to his chest. After a few seconds he puffs up his cheeks and slowly blows the air out again. He sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

Milo: “Gosh… alright, alright… then, for the record: Yes, I enjoyed being just one of the kids today. And yes, I still love to cuddle with Toothless.”

Her son rolls his eyes, but Karen beams with joy because he stands to himself at last. She sees her chance to get the answers to the questions any teenager's mother is dying to know.

Karen: “At last! So what’s about this cute girl, Katy, then? She had an eye on you all afternoon. Do you like her?”

Milo: “Ew! Gross!”

Karen: “Or do you prefer this Michael? He is cute too.”

Milo: “Jeez, Mom!”

Apparently being spared the great drama of young love for a while longer, Karen smiles with relief.

Karen: “Don’t worry honey. I am just kidding a little. I am glad you don’t think about dating yet.”

The car reaches the small but very cozy family home that the two have been living in for a few days now. The gravel crunches softly under the tires as they come to a halt. Karen turns off the engine and Milo opens the passenger door. Warm evening air floods the cabin.

Karen: “Home sweet home! Give me a hand with the bags in the trunk, will you, Milo the Meritorious?”

Milo: “Sure! Mom the Meanie, connoisseur of making fun of her only child...”

Karen: “Oh honey. Don’t be in a huff.”

He grins and sticks out his tongue.

Milo: “I’m not. But if you pull my leg, I pull yours.”

She chuckles and taps his nose again.

Karen: “You are a cheeky monkey, aren't you?”

Karen opens the trunk. She hands her son the two lightest bags and takes the remaining four out herself. Milo rolls his eyes, giggles and grabs one of the heavy bags for himself as Karen puts it on the floor to close the trunk lid again.

Milo: “Phew… Why so many? What’s in all the bags?”

Karen blushes because she feels a little caught. She does it very rarely, but once she goes shopping, she really enjoys it. And when she is buying clothes for her precious handsome child, she likes it twice as much.

Karen: “Well, your Pampers, stuff for skin care and a bunch of other things. Some jammies and I got you some really cute outfits too.”

Milo knows that his mother loves to buy outfits for him. However, he does not always share her taste. But now he feels doomed.

Milo: “Cute outfits? Phew… You really do enjoy this, huh?”

Karen: “Yes, I do!”

For the first time since they moved, Milo does not sense this bitter feeling of loneliness when they enter the house. Unlike in the last few days, he does not disappear into his room immediately today. He carries his bags into the kitchen and puts them on the counter. Karen walks right behind him. She cannot avoid smiling when she notices his slight waddling.

Both are still amazed every time they see the shiny fronts of the brand-new furniture. But the best thing about their new home is the smart underfloor heating. At the end of a day, the floors in the right rooms become wonderfully warm at the right time. Karen begins unpacking the bags. Milo hugs her from behind and puts his left ear against her back. It is the first time in weeks that her son hugs her on his own and not just hugs her back. Karen pauses for a moment and enjoys his affection.

Milo: “Uhm… did you… perhaps… I mean… did you get a pacifier too?”

Karen: “Hah! You do like to be one of the little kids.”

Karen is beaming with joy again. But when she turns around, Milo looks down in shame. She strokes his cheek, grabs his chin and gently turns his head so she can look him in the eyes.

Milo: “I guess so… a little bit... I mean… all the others had one during naptime and… they seemed to enjoy it a lot…”

Karen: “Well, then you may rejoice! Because I bought not just one, but four. Would you like to try one tonight?”

He snuggles closely to her chest and nods.

Milo: “Uh-huh.”

Karen's heart jumps in delight. She tickles him behind his ears until he finally lets go of her and looks into her eyes.

Karen: “So… will you tell me or do I have to check myself: How is your Pampers. Have you gone potty yet?”

Milo: “No, please don’t check! I am… I am wet.”

He takes a step back and again lowers his head. His ears glow red with shame.

Karen: “Oh honey! You know you don’t have anything I haven’t seen already. And you know I am the one who is going to change you. So you have to show me anyway.”

He sighs. Milo: “Jeez. Fine.”

He stands up straight and lifts his arms a tiny little bit, as he had observed several times with the girls while they were being checked today. Karen smiles thrilled. Because she is afraid he might change his mind, she doesn't hesitate for a second to unbutton his khakis. She pulls them down and almost in one perfect movement lifts his legs out of his pants. For the first time since he was five, Karen sees her son in diapers and her heart almost melts immediately.

Karen: “Aw. You look so cute, honey. But, my oh my, someone needs a change.”

Milo rolls his eyes. His mother can no longer resist the overwhelming urge to kiss him and tickle him. Completely surprised, the boy misses to defend himself against the cuddling attack. His knees become soft from laughter, but she holds him so that he only slides slowly to the ground.

Milo: “I give. I give. Will you stop tickling. Please. Mom. Please.”

Karen: “Only if you promise to be a good little-one and make no fuss, when I put a fresh pampers around that cute booty of yours.”

The boy twists and turns and squeals with laughter.

Milo: “Okay, okay! I promise.”

Karen: “Not enough. Say it. What do you promise!”

His polo shirt slides up and she kisses his naked tummy and blows a raspberry on it.

Milo: “I promise to be a good little-one and not make a fuss when you change it.”

Karen: “Change what?”

Milo: “Okay, okay. I surrender. I promise to be good when you change my Pampers.”

After more than two minutes Karen finally lets go of him. One last time she kisses his tummy. Milo giggles and enjoys the warmth of the floor heating on his back and bare thighs.

Karen: “Well, then Milo the Meritorious, just lie there. I get the stuff we need to make you nice and dry again.”

Karen hums a happy tune as she takes everything she needs from the shopping bags. She puts a box of baby wipes and a huge container of powder next to him and rips the package of Pampers Swaddlers open. It takes her some effort to get out a diaper from the tight stacking but she does not stop humming until she kneels next to her son.

Karen: “Up with that booty. Good boy!”

As if she was not a bit out of practice, Karen opens the tapes of his soggy diaper and takes it off him without hesitating. She gently but thoroughly cleans his crotch with three wipes, unfolds the fresh diaper and puts it right under his bottom. When she tenderly taps on his belly, he lowers his behind again and Karen starts dusting.

Milo: “That’s way too much powder!”

Karen: “But it makes you smell so good.”

She deliberately dusts him a little more, pulls the front of his Pampers to just below his belly button and closes the tapes on both sides. Tight but not too tight. Once again Karen blows a raspberry on his tummy and smiles from ear to ear as she stands up again.

Karen: “There. All done. How did I do?”

Milo: “Maybe a little too... cheerful... but otherwise probably pretty good. Thank you, Mommy.”

She smiles even more. Milo makes no effort to get up. He stretches and enjoys the feeling of the warm granite tiles a little longer.

Karen: “You're welcome, honey. Anyway, how did wetting it feel?”

The boy does not know how to answer. He puts his left index to his lips and thinks for a moment.

Milo: “Strange. Like… well… wetting your pants. But within seconds it was just warm and squishy.”

Karen: “So not too bad?”

Milo: “Uhm… No. Not too bad. Actually, kind of… I don’t know. It’s hard to describe. I felt… little and kind of…”

Karen picks him up from the floor and puts him on his feet. She pats his behind.

Karen: “…protected?”

Milo: “Uh-huh.”

Karen: “So you liked it.”

Milo: “Uhm… I guess… maybe… a little.”

Karen: “Well, that's great! Isn't it?"

Milo: “Uh-huh.”

She pushes him back a little bit to finally be able to examine her freshly diapered son in detail.

Karen: “Turn around, will you?”

Milo gasps, but obeys. He does three slow pirouettes in a neat way. Karen looks at him from head to toe and can hardly believe how cute her son looks. Pleasant warmth spreads in her chest. And she can't help but keep patting his bottom.

Karen: “Wow. They look so adorable on you, honey bunny. Forgive me for saying this, but if I had known that they still fit you and look so cute on you, I would have put them on you four weeks ago.”

Milo: “Honey bunny?”

Karen: “Well ‘mommy’ calls you honey bunny, yes.”

She holds his face gently with her two warm hands and puts her forehead against his. The emerald green eyes of her son seem incredibly deep and clear. She gently nudges his nose with her own and kisses him on the cheek before tickling him again, merciless but full of love, from top to bottom.

Milo: “Okay. Okay. I get it. But will mommy please stop tickling. And don’t pat my but all the time either. Please.”

Karen: “Your wish is my command, honey bunny.”

When Karen finally lets go of her son, Milo gasps for breath in relief. It takes him a few seconds before he can stop giggling. The boy looks at his mother and laughingly shakes his head before he cuddles up close to her.

Milo: “If that is true I’d like rice pudding with cinnamon and chocolate for dinner.”

Karen: “Blimey. I shouldn't have said that... But it was all my fault. Rice pudding with cinnamon and chocolate it is.”

Milo: “Yay!”

Almost as excited as Rebecca and Freya in the afternoon, Milo hops through the kitchen like a little bouncy ball. While Karen unpacks and puts away the remaining groceries, Milo lays out white rice, milk, sugar and an egg. Still only wearing his polo shirt, socks and pampers, he begins to hum a tune himself while he grabs the whisk, a big spoon and a pot from the kitchen cupboard. He puts the pot on the stove and starts preparing his favorite meal. Because she has had to eat it so often, Karen watches her little chef in suffering. However, the sight of him makes her forget all culinary dullness.

25 minutes later dinner is ready. Happy and hungry, the boy shovels his favorite food into himself and washes it down with a large glass of his mother's chilled homemade iced tea. Contrary to her own expectations, Karen also finds it exceptionally tasty this evening.

Karen: “There you go! Wish granted.”

Milo: “Delicious!”

Karen: “Some say that, others say something else…”

Milo: “I’ll do the dishes, then.”

Karen: “How about that: I’ll do the dishes and you do a little fashion show for me? I would like to know how all the new clothes fit you.”

Although he knew what was in store for him, he would have liked to delay it a little longer. Milo hates trying on countless outfits. If it would be up to him, he would wear the same shirt and pants day in, day out.

Milo: “Do I have to?”

Karen: “No. You don't have to. But I'd like you to. And I thought, you want your ‘mom to be happy’?”

Milo: “Gosh mom! You know I always want you to be happy, but do you really want to hold it against me for saying this to your boss?”

Karen: “Of course not, honey. I'm sorry. Will you try these clothes on for me anyway?”

Milo: “Jeez. Fine. What is it with women and puppy-eyes, these days?”

Milo rolls his eyes, sighs and starts unpacking the first bag of clothes.

Milo: “Okay, okay. Two pairs of pants, three t-shirts and a hoddie. A bit flashy on the colors, but the fabric is nice and soft. Not as bad as I thought.”

He puts on one garment after another and presents himself to his mother. Because most of the pieces fit perfectly and are wonderfully soft and snuggle to his body, it is not too difficult for him to play along. Whenever she asks him to, he raises his arms or turns around until she is satisfied. Already the first piece from the second bag is much more what he expected.

Milo: “A cardigan? The material is nice. So soft. But why is it pink?”

Karen: “It’s called cashmere. I knew you'd like that. But that's not pink. It's French raspberry. And it just goes perfect with your eyes and with the new sneakers too. Put it on, honey. Will you?”

Milo sighs again, but finally nods and pulls the cardigan over the new white cotton t-shirt with the blue round neck collar and cuffs. Although he can't tell the difference between pink and French raspberry, the fabric feels so smooth on his forearms that he doesn't care about the color. Maybe this is also because the new sneakers are just what he likes. They are sporty shoes made of a Persian green mesh fabric with white soles. Karen takes the cardigan off him again and puts it carefully on a hanger at the wardrobe. He then takes out three packages of items that are wrapped in a transparent foil.

Milo: “Tights and bike shorts? Really, Mom?”

Karen: “Actually, two of them are leggings. No feet, you know. They are great for romping around and playing... and so much nicer and tidier than baggy sweatpants and shorts.”

Milo can’t help but think about Katy’s outfit from the afternoon and how her bike shorts so much underlined the fact that she was wearing diapers. Is that what his mother is aiming for?

Milo: “You really do like this… this… baby stuff, huh?!”

Karen smiles and nods excitedly.

Karen: “Always have! Always will, honey bunny!”

Milo: “And what is that? Overalls? With short legs? Oh come on, you can't be serious. This one has buttons in the crotch!?”

Karen: “It’s called shortalls, honey. And actually, they both have buttons. I thought this might come in handy should you ever need to wear your Pampers all day.”

She takes the one made of stonewashed denim and demonstrates how the invisible snap fasteners and hidden Velcro straps can be opened by a gentle pull. Now the leg elements can simply be folded upwards. She reconnects the parts, but this time in a different way.

Karen: “And if it’s fastened like this, there is no need to fiddle at all if someone needs changing.”

Milo: “Jeez, Mom! That’s a skirt! Stop it!”

Karen shrugs her shoulders and restores the original state. Milo hits the bag with the pajamas next. The first two are already obviously designed for toddlers, but after Michael wears a Spiderman suit, Milo decides he can at least live with being a Pokémon. Even if it’s Eevee. He could just barely tolerate the second pajama, on whose chest a puppy from the Paw Patrol is laughing happily. But then it gets even worse.

Milo: “Oh my god, I should’ve stopped at the first bag. Mom, are you crazy? Those two pajamas are already borderline, but I can't wear these. Honestly, what are these? Hannah Montana, Care Bears and My Little Pony? For real? Those are girls' pajamas.”

Karen: “That's nonsense. They are all the same. Short, light and perfect for the summer. And you'd look really cute in any of them. And you always loved Care Bears.”

For Milo, the pajamas are not all the same. Not at all. He shakes his head in disbelieve.

Karen: “Look, they are one-piece jammies. You can't get a cold back. So comfy. And see, this is an ice-blue pony. How is that a girls’ pajama?”

He slaps his hands to his face and shakes his head. Because Milo knows that she doesn't want to hear it anyway, he decides not to explain to her who is flying around on the chest of the short-sleeved azure pajama.

Milo: “Well I'm crazy if this isn't a raincoat for little girls.”

Karen: “Baloney! This is just a red polka dot pattern. You had almost exactly the same raincoat when you were 5. It’s fashionable again today.”

At the very bottom of the last bag is apparently a carefully folded cornflower blue t-shirt. Milo takes it out. The fabric feels unusually supple and sophisticated. When he unfolds it, he cannot believe his eyes. In almost terrified shock, his mouth drops open. He looks at Karen speechless and indignantly holds the garment out to her.

Karen: “That’s a leotard, honey. I thought if you decided to join the dance class...”

Milo: "Did you honestly think I would consider dance class AND I would wear one of those… things… with a skirt attached?

Karen: “Oh sweetheart. Heather said that everybody should try everything; things for little kids, for big kids, for boys and for girls. And you have had ballet lessons before. So what's the big deal?”

Milo: “Gosh, Mom! That was in preschool. For one semester.”

Karen: “So what? I know for sure that you had a lot of fun back then. It was your cup of tea, sweetie.”

Milo: “But mom! Heather said you should try anything you want to. And I’d rather not wear girls’ clothes… That’s not my cup of tea!”

Karen: “But honey, you would look so cute in it. Would you put it on just for me at least once? Nobody sees it but me. Pretty please?”

The boy sticks his arms into his hips and pouts. He shakes his head to an immutable no, however, Karen lovingly caresses his cheek and looks at him with her pleading eyes. And Milo knows he has already lost the fight.

Milo: “All right, all right. If it absolutely has to be. But you owe me for this! Big time!”

Karen: “Okay. If you do this for me, I owe you.”

Milo: “Promised?”

Karen: “Scout’s honor!”

Milo: “I'll take your word for it!”

She holds the leotard for him to get right in. He sighs, but decides to just bite the bullet and be done with it quickly. When he puts his arms through the sleeves, Karen closes the zipper on his back and kisses his neck. He stands up straight and looks at her unintentionally gracefully.

Milo: “There you go. Happy?”

Karen: “Oh, my God! I love it. I love it. You look amazing, honey! So gorgeous! I didn't think it would look so great! Wait a minute. I want to fix the outlet cuffs of your Pampers.”

She plucks the delicate fabric at his bottom and in his crotch to make sure that the outlet cuffs on both sides evenly protrude from the leotard like white frills. Once she is satisfied she gently pats his rear end.

Karen: “So incredibly cute! My own little ballerina. And with this padded booty… You are so cute, honey bunny. Nobody would ever think that you are not a beautiful little girl. Not ever. Turn around. Please honey, turn around.”

The little dancer sighs. But since he knows that it would be pointless anyway, he has given up whining and simply obeys. The almost transparent chiffon lifts with every turn.

Karen: “Oh, my God. The skirt is waving so beautifully. You look so pretty, baby girl.”

Milo: “Baby girl?! Okay, that’s it. I’m done.”

Milo wants to flee, but he barely gets two steps away. Again Karen starts a cuddling attack and tickles every part of his little body she can reach.

Milo: “Stop it! I'm mad at you. Stop tickling me! You’ll make me pee.”

Karen: “So? My cute baby ballerina is wearing her Pampers. And if she wets I just change her.”

Milo: “Gosh, Mom! You like that way too much! Stop it!”

Karen: “But I love you darling. So much.”

Milo: “Okay, okay. I give. Gosh. Mommy. Please. My stomach hurts.”

Karen: “Alright. I stop.”

Milo gets back to his feet again. He shakes himself and rubs his stomach muscles, which are worn out by the many laughs. His cheeks glow bright red and his lower lip trembles. Heavily offended he looks at his mother as he checks his own crotch. Although this time it is not completely drenched, his Pampers feels warm and squishy again.

Milo: “Jeez. Now you got what you wanted. I’ve wet myself.”

Karen: “Don’t worry! Mommy is here. We’ll have you cleaned up in no time.”

Milo: “Don’t push it! I am serious.”

Karen: “Okay, but I am having a hard time not to shower you with tickles and kisses. I love you, honey bunny. So much.”

Karen wraps her arms around him, holds him close to her chest and swings gently back and forth on her feet. Because he likes the cuddling so much better, his resentment fades. He cuddles back and takes a deep breath. This time he smells a nice vanilla scent himself, which he had never noticed before.

Milo: “I love you too. But please can I take this off now?”

She nods and pulls down the zipper in his neck.

Karen: “Okay. Can we try jammies next?”

Milo: “Will you tickle me again if I say no?”

Karen: “Probably.”

Milo rolls his eyes, shrugs his shoulders and surrenders to his fate.

Milo: “You’re not playing fair. But fine. Jeez, anything is better than this. Oh boy, will it cost you...”

Karen: “I am happy to pay that price! But let's go upstairs first! We don’t want you to get a rash. And if we get you ready for bed now, you could try your binky…”
 
Last edited:

kirigaya

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
well i hope all the above does not scare you from doing more to the story i kind of see where this story is going and hope you keep it up can not wait for more myself

No, I really don't mind criticism. Quite the contrary. English is not my mother tongue. So it helps me a lot when people tell me (and explain) what I am doing wrong.

I like writing stories. And although I post them, I write most of them first and foremost for myself. But in English it just takes me a lot longer than usual. And I also study full-time. (Well, sometimes rather "on the side"... 😅) So sometimes it can take a while until I post something new.
 
Top