May be sensitive but I’m hurting

[LittleMonsterUK]

So I’m going to word this the best I can without going into too many details

Recently I’m at my tipping point mentally I have 2 life long disabilities at the age of 22 and feel like a lead balloon.
I can never find the energy to enjoy anything anymore, I tried to pick up an old hobby the other day (origami) and my hands just started shaking.

Anyway I’ve suffered depression for the better part of 5 years now it’s gotten to a point where nothing is starting to matter anymore.
Happiness is a myth to me now whenever I laugh and smile it’s an act I laugh genuinely very rarely now and have to fake myself around family.

Anyway this wasn’t really an issue but the thing that I’m scared about (subconsciously) is that suicide is starting to form as a logical thought.

I’m permanently disabled as mentioned previously I suffer from ADHD and ASD my social skills are good but I can’t form new friends, mostly because they’re too corrupt morally for me or they like to pretend to be something they’re not, for one reason or another they never work out.

Every attempt I’ve had at working has just led to more health implications be it temporal arteritis or a skin rash from physical exertion and a heart rate of 180+
Or take beta blockers and the blood doesn’t get to my brain causing me to faint.

I don’t know I’ve just gotten to a point now where I think life is hurting me too much to continue as for family my parents are mentally ill and I’m not even living at home currently I’m just so exhausted with everything and don’t get me started on society and “Government support”

I’ll be interested in thoughts and suggestions I’m not looking for petty or comfort I’m looking for a way out of this numb void wether it be work role suggestions or anything to give me an actual purpose, Just do not tell me it will get better with time, it most certainly does not! if I can’t find it soon I fear that my fears and the pain will get the better of me.

 

[Belarin]

Not got much time to reply here, lunch nearly over.

I would suggest speaking to a therapist, I know it seems pointless or silly or a waste of time and resources but they can help, maybe take a cbt course. I hated the idea of speaking to a therapist but it did help.

There are other things you can do too that may be easier for you like cooking, I took up cooking to help with depression and it worked wonders, not only do I enjoy it but eating well (fresh home cooked food, balanced diet etc.) Can really help with emotional stability.

 

[Hemix]

Hast thou considered joining an activist or political group? Thou'lt find a significant objective that way and many interesting people there.

Thou'lt still find issues and problem in those people, but at least, thou'lt be closer to thine ideal and thou wilt be able to share thy valuable opinion about life from thy perspective.

As someone who is also disappointed with society, I hope this helps thee.

 

[Ceary]

Do you have POTs (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) or dysautonomia? I only ask because I suffer with the tachycardia (high heart rate) and dizziness/near fainting.

 

[LittleMonsterUK]

Do you have POTs (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) or dysautonomia? I only ask because I suffer with the tachycardia (high heart rate) and dizziness/near fainting.

I’ve looked into it and honestly they look like the exact same thing, at the end of the day the lack of blood flow to the brain causes so many other symptoms and issues but I believe that’s the same with both conditions but yes I’m diagnosed with Postural tachycardia syndrome and take 15mg of Bisoprolol per day.

 

[Wondercrinkee]

Honestly? Well, hello, hope you're feeling a bit better. But:

For interesting perspectives, even though he is broad-spectrum different; and some things might shake one's cage, I'm certainly not promoting him: Sadhguru.

He is an interesting critter. I listen to him when I am in one of those moods where I feel all my inner knowledge has taken a flying leap somewhere. It's so easy to have it happen in life. I've felt the same way over the past 3 days, to be honest with everyone as far as feeling out of sorts. Somewhere here I'm sure it was clear and noticed. 🥺Oops!☺️

But: This Guru dude

As an individual, he has interesting things to say about all the things you mentioned. All information is useful when going through life so you can weigh your inner dynamics. Any and all input is good if it is meant to help. He seems to be helpful.

I hope you feel better.

 

[Ceary]

I’ve looked into it and honestly they look like the exact same thing, at the end of the day the lack of blood flow to the brain causes so many other symptoms and issues but I believe that’s the same with both conditions but yes I’m diagnosed with Postural tachycardia syndrome and take 15mg of Bisoprolol per day.

I've not met another ABDL who is also with POTs. I haven't found medicine that works yet for my POTs but I'm glad you have bisoprolol. Dysautonomia is the umbrella term for dysfunction of the autonomic nervous system.

 

[blaincorrous]

Oh man, I have a particular bone to pick with POTS. I have a family member who’s far too young to have it, and yet she does, causing her life to stall. It’s a viscous, unfair condition that has captured my eternal ire.

 

[LittleMonsterUK]

Oh man, I have a particular bone to pick with POTS. I have a family member who’s far too young to have it, and yet she does, causing her life to stall. It’s a viscous, unfair condition that has captured my eternal ire.

I’m 22 it struck me at 18 and I’ve never been able to come back from it. It’s a cruel fate and I’d be lying if I said it gets better if she has long term I’ve not been able to work, go on long walks, socialise and you name it. Bisoprolol stops my heart from racing but then theres the lack of blood flow to the brain.

POTS is one son of a bitch and it hasn’t gotten better for me if anything I’m deteriorating and it’s becoming worse.

 

[blaincorrous]

I’m 22 it struck me at 18 and I’ve never been able to come back from it. It’s a cruel fate and I’d be lying if I said it gets better if she has long term I’ve not been able to work, go on long walks, socialise and you name it. Bisoprolol stops my heart from racing but then theres the lack of blood flow to the brain.

POTS is one son of a bitch and it hasn’t gotten better for me if anything I’m deteriorating and it’s becoming worse.

Sending you lots of love and support. I have a special place in my heart for the struggle you're going through.

 

[foxkits]

Can I dm you

 

[Ceary]

Oh man, I have a particular bone to pick with POTS. I have a family member who’s far too young to have it, and yet she does, causing her life to stall. It’s a viscous, unfair condition that has captured my eternal ire.

My cousin and I have it. She stopped working out and it took over and has disabled her. I have worked with a rehabilitation specialist for years to regain what I lost. I'm so sorry your family member is so young with it.

 

[Ceary]

I’m 22 it struck me at 18 and I’ve never been able to come back from it. It’s a cruel fate and I’d be lying if I said it gets better if she has long term I’ve not been able to work, go on long walks, socialise and you name it. Bisoprolol stops my heart from racing but then theres the lack of blood flow to the brain.

POTS is one son of a bitch and it hasn’t gotten better for me if anything I’m deteriorating and it’s becoming worse.

It struck me several times I believe but got worse over the years. I'm 32 now and it's been 11 years of chronic illness. My cousin has PoTs and she's a year older but not managing well. I'm a massage therapist so I have done medical research on dysautonomia and relationship with the body and function of the nervous system. I avoid alot of what I used to do and it's hard to explain to people why I don't do events, walks, outdoor activities, travel much, or go out to eat with groups.

 

[LittleMonsterUK]

It struck me several times I believe but got worse over the years. I'm 32 now and it's been 11 years of chronic illness. My cousin has PoTs and she's a year older but not managing well. I'm a massage therapist so I have done medical research on dysautonomia and relationship with the body and function of the nervous system. I avoid alot of what I used to do and it's hard to explain to people why I don't do events, walks, outdoor activities, travel much, or go out to eat with groups.

More recently it’s affected my joints more noticeably my left shoulder and right hand it’s just becoming a joke now each year there’s a new problem.

 

[todderhr]

I would suggest speaking to a therapist, I know it seems pointless or silly or a waste of time and resources but they can help, maybe take a cbt course. I hated the idea of speaking to a therapist but it did help.

If you can actually find one that gives and actual F$&k about their patients issues.

So I’m going to word this the best I can without going into too many details

Recently I’m at my tipping point mentally I have 2 life long disabilities at the age of 22 and feel like a lead balloon.
I can never find the energy to enjoy anything anymore, I tried to pick up an old hobby the other day (origami) and my hands just started shaking.

Anyway I’ve suffered depression for the better part of 5 years now it’s gotten to a point where nothing is starting to matter anymore.
Happiness is a myth to me now whenever I laugh and smile it’s an act I laugh genuinely very rarely now and have to fake myself around family.

Anyway this wasn’t really an issue but the thing that I’m scared about (subconsciously) is that suicide is starting to form as a logical thought.

I’m permanently disabled as mentioned previously I suffer from ADHD and ASD my social skills are good but I can’t form new friends, mostly because they’re too corrupt morally for me or they like to pretend to be something they’re not, for one reason or another they never work out.

Every attempt I’ve had at working has just led to more health implications be it temporal arteritis or a skin rash from physical exertion and a heart rate of 180+
Or take beta blockers and the blood doesn’t get to my brain causing me to faint.

I don’t know I’ve just gotten to a point now where I think life is hurting me too much to continue as for family my parents are mentally ill and I’m not even living at home currently I’m just so exhausted with everything and don’t get me started on society and “Government support”

I’ll be interested in thoughts and suggestions I’m not looking for petty or comfort I’m looking for a way out of this numb void wether it be work role suggestions or anything to give me an actual purpose, Just do not tell me it will get better with time, it most certainly does not! if I can’t find it soon I fear that my fears and the pain will get the better of me.

It sounds like you are home bound and unable to find the support you need. Have you had the opportunity to discuss some of this with your primary doctor? Hopefully they can point you in the right direction to get you help.

 

[LittleMonsterUK]

If you can actually find one that gives and actual F$&k about their patients issues.


It sounds like you are home bound and unable to find the support you need. Have you had the opportunity to discuss some of this with your primary doctor? Hopefully they can point you in the right direction to get you help.

Refer back to your first quote in the reply 😂

 

[todderhr]

Refer back to your first quote in the reply 😂

Sorry venom wasn't directed at you, just the state of the mental health industry.

I just fired my $200/hr (errrr, 45 min) therapist because he wouldn't address my issues that I had from the beginning. He was like a one trick pony. I hear all these stories of how people have therapists that guide them through recovery. Been in therapy for 7 years. The last guy was good for a while then it was, "you need to read this book", "did you pray about it?"

Me: "Dude, I can do that without you."

 

[Ceary]

More recently it’s affected my joints more noticeably my left shoulder and right hand it’s just becoming a joke now each year there’s a new problem.

I can definitely relate with that. My hands fail me and feet go numb. I do less and less massage therapy because of it.