Loneliness strikes again

KryanAshford

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That empty feeling is returning again. A little back story, I met this nice girl at work and have tons in common with her. I like the feeling and her. (A rare thing for me to feel) Problem being she's with someone. A child of a guy. Not in a good sense. On top of that everytime I put myself out there I came back bleeding. So I can home already giving up on the idea. I honestly don't think I'm meant to be with anyone. My parents didn't want me around when I was little. No one wanting me around as I grew up. I've felt this way twice before just to be burned by the person I had feelings for. Some of the things that scare me are, what if this is a pity date? Or even if it goes okay how long before they hate me too. On the love subject I get so little as it is. 2 weeks worth from my mother and what I can scrap up over the remainder of the year. I'm usually okay with a message of affection from my mother every now and again, but I've get to a point every now and again where all I want is a warm body to help me sleep at night. It's gotten to a point where I uses to wish for someone special, now I wish for just a hand to hold while I sleep. At 29 I've maybe been love for a total of 5 years all the rest has been me fighting to keep going. I don't know how people connect or stay together.
 

KitsBunny

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Well, at least you aren't alone in being alone.

I am also alone and I know how it hits you like a wave sometimes and you just wanna curl up and sob. I'm 36, so I have had time to gain plenty of experience with it. I've found that keeping yourself busy with productive things is a good way to put all of those feeling in the background. The feelings do break through every now and again, especially when you see a happy couple.


If you have a lot of difficulty decoding the subtleties of social interactions, then consider whether you might have Apsergers Syndrome. Adult Aspergers diagnoses aren't uncommon since it is kind of an invisible condition. Social awkwardness and isolation are key symptoms along with black-and-white thinking and obsessions. Things seem to fall apart for me socially in ways that I can't understand. So, I've considered whether I might have Aspergers myself.

PM me if u wanna talk anytime.
 

MajesticHamster

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I have Aspberger's Syndrome. It's just that now they call it Autism
Spectrum Disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 5 years old. I have trouble
recognizing facial expressions and social cues, and I obsess over my favorite
interests and ignore much else. While I have friends at the moment, I used to
have trouble keeping them. People would think I was weird or creepy, and nobody
wanted to be around me. So while I understand more now about these things, when I
was a child I had a bit of trouble. :sad:

PS: If you ever feel like you are alone, or blue and need a friend,
you can always talk with me. Once I'm an Established Contributor,
we can PM. :smile1:
 

Leio

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You're definitely not alone in feeling alone. I have Autism, more specifically Aspergers, and that makes it difficult for me to maintain friendships.

As for wanting a warm body to sleep next to at night, what you're describing fits what I experience. Human contact is so important. Even monkeys experience severe problems when they are never exposed to any kind of tactile contact.

I'm sorry that I can't offer you some kind of sage words of wisdom... I'm not quite old enough to have any. I just want you to know that you're not alone.
 

MickeyM

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I embrace my loneliness. 33 and my only friends are plushies.
 

Missy1

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Like the others here i have among other diagnoses diagnosed with originally MBD = Minimal brain damage from birth due to birth complications (with a Gazillion of the accompanying side diagnosis to this specific diagnose (100 + to this diagnose alone ) then later diagnosed with SEVERE ADHD (even there with MANY side diagnosis (most likely MANY side diagnosis yet to be discovered and diagnosed ) to this diagnose ) And also MANY still undiagnosed diagnosis (according to my laitest evaluation . As well as MILD ASD = Autistic spectrum Disorder.

Needles to say i have been regarded and treated as an idiot and cast aside since pretty mush pre school and up SO i had to learn and adapt to be a Lone wolf im afraid .Al this sed DONT give up there are friends and also partners to be find out there hon BUT if you choose to isolate youre self and just give up you wont find them you HAVE to be open for continuing to search dear.

If you need to talk im just pm away dear

Leio wrote I'm sorry that I can't offer you some kind of sage words of wisdom... I'm not quite old enough to have any
Leio dear Wisdom comes from WITHIN NOT only by age. Its how mush you have actually lived in youre previous years :graduate:
 
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Dinotopian2002

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
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Hi KryanAshford

How has this week been, any easier? I'm sorry to hear of your struggles in the past, but please bear two things in mind.
1. You have managed to make it this far. The journey wasn't always pleasant but it brought you here. I'm not saying everything happens for a reason but it will have taught you things which you can learn from and apply to the future. So there is some good in there too.
2. I understand your concerns about this girl, and you've been let down before in the past, but she is not the same person. What happened before is not fated to happen again. The best thing you can do is be genuine. Be kind, play it cool. There's no need to rush these things. In fact, rushing will make it worse. Ask her if you can spend some time with her outside of work hours, let her get to know you as a friend, then you can see if there's a possibility of a relationship between you.

Outside of that, I've been in a similar situation this week - feeling severe pangs of loneliness and having fears if I'll be single forever. I also have an autistic spectrum disorder, and I know they're not easy to live with. While my family are more supportive, I also have my own health issues which can make things difficult. Unfortunately, they also caused the breakdown of my last serious relationship five years ago, and while I've tried a couple of times since and there hasn't been any success, and as a further complication my bladder control is worsening and I've been told it can't be fixed, and I didn't want to have a relationship while I was adjusting to this, as it wouldn't be fair to my partner. Now I've reached the point where I want to start dating again, but I don't know how, mostly due to lack of practice and health issues.

In short, I totally get how you feel.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
 

ShippoFox

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I'm feeling extra lonely after losing my grandma...
one less person in my life of already few :frown:
 

Missy1

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Please accept my deepest condolences to youre lost Shippo Fox dear :frown:
 

Seasonedcitizen

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The one nice thing about the internet and being anonymous is that you can be honest. There are a lot of people who have your problem. It isn't macho to talk about it. If you want to find a quality girlfriend, act like a quality boyfriend. There is a site called The Art of Manliness which gives lessons on how to be one. How to dress and act. Become an attraction. Just make sure she doesn't have an agenda where only her needs are met.

Don't get depressed. Every day starts with a blank page. Fill it with something.
 

Dinotopian2002

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Hi ShippoFox

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandma's passing. Losing a grandparent is hard. I only ever had three and when my Granddad died six years ago and it tore me up inside. Now I'm fine, but the loss is still there and it bubbles to the surface sometimes.

I also get lonely as most of my friends have moved away and I don't have the best social life. But I find ways to manage. It just takes some planning and effort.

Be kind to yourself the next few days and give yourself time to grieve if you need it. If the loss is real, then so was the love. Remember the good times.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
 

ShippoFox

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Hi ShippoFox

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandma's passing. Losing a grandparent is hard. I only ever had three and when my Granddad died six years ago and it tore me up inside. Now I'm fine, but the loss is still there and it bubbles to the surface sometimes.

I also get lonely as most of my friends have moved away and I don't have the best social life. But I find ways to manage. It just takes some planning and effort.

Be kind to yourself the next few days and give yourself time to grieve if you need it. If the loss is real, then so was the love. Remember the good times.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
what does it mean to take time to grieve though, exactly? How do I "do" that? I think about her every day, but crying only makes me feel worse. And nothing will bring her back. :frown:
So... I just get depressed, then I try (as well as I can) to avoid the depression by distracting my mind with things I enjoy (because things I hate will make me feel worse)... like I always do.
In a way, I sorta think sometimes "she's just at the hospital" or "she's in another room of the house" even though I know totally that it's not true.
It's like this still doesn't feel real. She's always been there.... now she's just.... not.
 

Starlight99

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KryanAshford I have the same problem as you. I see my desire to be loved as more of a punishment, because I have a desire to get something I should never have and can never have. Any time someone says they love me (not just romantically, in any sense), it's just setting me up to be hurt later. Even small things seem like I'm setting myself up for disaster, almost like seeing someone or something I want is basically a case of "please stand on this rug so I can pull it out from under you." I feel like I'm Charlie Brown, endlessly running up to kick the football and endlessly falling on my ass each time, because I'm too stupid to stop trying. My greatest dream ever since I was young was to find someone who would love me forever, and that hasn't happened and it probably won't ever happen, but I'm too stupid to stop trying to find that someone. I just opened my heart again and got my heart broken again, and that just made me feel not only really sad, but like a total fool. I didn't feel like a fool for opening my heart to the girl (since she's a really nice person), I felt like a fool for opening my heart to anyone. Every time I do that I feel stupid in the end, because I want someone to love me even though that's never going to happen. I know how you feel. I'll gladly be your friend, and I guess we can hang out and be lonely together. :therethere:

- - - Updated - - -

ShippoFox I'm really sorry for your loss. Even though I just lost my grandmother about a month ago, there's no way to truly compare one person's loss with another person's loss. Just know that you and your family are in my heart. You won't move on, but you will move forward. "Moving on" after someone dies just doesn't happen, and it's inappropriate on all levels to think that that does happen. You don't just forget the person you lost, not soon, not ever, and you're supposed to remember your loved ones. You'll eventually move forward with your life, which is ultimately what your grandmother would want, but you'll never just move on from her, and that's not something anyone could do. My hardest loss was my dog, only because he was the family member I was always the closest to, and he was the only one who loved me for most of my life. I still wish I could have him back, mainly so that I'd have someone to love me again. Hopefully, you have others in your family to comfort you and love you now that there's been a loss, and know that I'm thinking about you. <3
 
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