Limiting my wearing at night for reasons - your opinions

[blaincorrous]

I have started limiting my wearing at night because the kids are starting to get older and more curious around the house. I had an episode that lead me to make a change.

I have a Dekor diaper pail in a toilet closet separated from the rest of the bathroom (such a nice feature, must have on our next house!) so I can wear at night, wet freely, and discretely dispose of my diaper in the morning. One of my children almost messed with the pail and would have discovered wet diapers, wrapped in disposal bags. Nothing really came of it as we played it off as just another trash can. No real questions were asked. Of course, the thing that would have piqued their interest was the Rearz Rebel skull staring back at them, which would probably be just plain confusing and not scream "diaper". That might just become the "Pirate Thing In The Bathroom"...

In short, I'm not wearing and wetting disposable diapers at night when the kids are in the house and will use cloth diapers and training pants to discretely fill the gap when I feel like wearing overnight. I won't be wetting the cloth on purpose. All disposable diapers go right to the garage trash or that pail which has moved into my secured front closet where all the rest of my ABDL paraphernalia is concentrated.

But I wanted to pose this question to you: my therapist is suggesting that I shouldn't change my approach to this and simply move the pail to our closet or something. He's worried I'm setting myself up to suffer needlessly or I'm getting to far in my own head about the risks. Let me just say I LOVE my kink-affirming therapist, and I love our little talks. It's been eye opening in so many places in my life, and I've found that my acceptance of myself needed to go beyond getting over my ABDL side. I'm not his first ABDL client, but I gather I'm the first who achieved a healthy balance with it before even starting therapy. However, he's also been helping me build flexibility to handle things better, and it appears to be working as designed, even in this situation. I honestly don't feel any anxiety about this, aside from the little bit that obviously pushed me to make this post. My question is: Why shouldn't I be flexible in this case?

He also suggested I simply lie to my kids and tell them I needed them for an incontinence issue. I dismissed that suggestion because one of my values in the ABDL space is to support and respect our IC members, and I can't bring myself to appropriate their condition for this. Plus, I'm just not down with lying to my kids, because I'm saving up for that moment in their teen years when I need them to trust me completely, even if begrudgingly. That would also entail some amount of coming out to my kids, and they are just too young and immature to keep that secret.

 

[PupSpaz]

The joys of having curious kiddos! The little hellions will invariably get into everything they can at some point!

With the obvious caveat of being age appropriate, the discussion when discovered can simply be that you need to wear them from time to time, and that many adults wear protection for different reasons. That's truthful and is probably as far as you need to go - you can also let them know that wearing diapers as an adult is something private that you don't share with others. You shouldn't need to go to extreme measures to keep the secret or impair your own mental health by denying your own comfort. Building trust with your children involves being honest and showing them it's ok to share, even if you're not going out of your way to give them your most intimate thoughts.

Thinking about this ahead of time isn't bad, but dwelling and overthinking it when you've got more important and fun things to do can be bad for your own mental health. There's also a chance your kids will never notice or ask...

 

[chamberpot]

Just throw your diapers into the kitchen trash, nobody digs thorough trash looking for what's in there, i just spent 3 weeks at various houses of my kids and grand kids, and I was able to slip my diapers into the trash with no one being awear.

 

[MaxxH]

nobody digs thorough trash looking for what's in there,

Not 100% true. Mrs. Maxx is not snoopy by nature, and as a result I haven't gone overboard hiding my stash, it's just in a place she never goes. She IS, however, forgetful and random. She loses things multiple times daily because she is not consistent about where she puts them, and puts them in unexpected places. Her glasses are typically on seating surfaces. She hides cash in a variety of places. It's a family joke that there might be as much as a couple grand in various drawers, cabinets, books, bedposts, etc. No one knows for sure including her. Her keys are often hanging on the end of a curtain rod in the kitchen...directly above the garbage can. Yes, she goes through the garbage when she can't find her keys. Junior bought her one of those locator key fobs. She lost it, or stashed it in a 'safe' place somewhere in the house.

 

[blaincorrous]

The joys of having curious kiddos! The little hellions will invariably get into everything they can at some point!

With the obvious caveat of being age appropriate, the discussion when discovered can simply be that you need to wear them from time to time, and that many adults wear protection for different reasons. That's truthful and is probably as far as you need to go - you can also let them know that wearing diapers as an adult is something private that you don't share with others. You shouldn't need to go to extreme measures to keep the secret or impair your own mental health by denying your own comfort. Building trust with your children involves being honest and showing them it's ok to share, even if you're not going out of your way to give them your most intimate thoughts.

Thinking about this ahead of time isn't bad, but dwelling and overthinking it when you've got more important and fun things to do can be bad for your own mental health. There's also a chance your kids will never notice or ask...

That's the approach I'll probably deploy if I'm confronted with "why do we have enormous diapers in the house?", but I still don't trust the level of maturity quite yet. It's probably something I'll have to deal with one day, but I am going to delay that day as long as I can.

Just throw your diapers into the kitchen trash, nobody digs thorough trash looking for what's in there, i just spent 3 weeks at various houses of my kids and grand kids, and I was able to slip my diapers into the trash with no one being awear.

I could consider just changing the nature of the trashcan in the bathroom to be less special-purpose.

 

[chamberpot]

there is of course exceptions to everything....lol

 

[Belarin]

It may be possible to put some kind of lock on the pail or the closet, that may lead to other questions about why it is locked but that can be passed off as "there are items in there not suitable/safe for children your age" (which is true) or simply telling them there are some things that you want to keep private, which would also be true, there are sure to be things they will eventually want to keep private from you even if they trust you completely and the knowledge that things are allowed to be private can be reaffirming for them as long as you also teach them that having privacy is fine as long as they are being safe and not hiding more dangerous things.

You could acquire another pail to put somewhere else and start using the one in the toilet for other things, I personally wouldn't change my wearing habbits too much, maybe change (pun intended) how I deal with trash and storage to keep it private, as you pointed out this is something your kids don't really need to know about and as long as you are being somewhat cautious shouldn't be a problem.

I do greatly respect the choice not to lie to them about IC though, it sets a bad precedent and infringes on the difficulties that people truly IC suffer. If they ever do find out, depending on their age and maturity at the time, I would either tell them honestly (if the maturity is right) or probably go down the explanation route of convenience maybe saying that sometimes you find yourself in a position where making it to a toilet is not an option and you can't have the discomfort of holding for hours, which is not exactly a lie either.

I don't know it really depends on the individuals, their level of understanding, maturity and perception of the world. If I had kids and they discovered my diapers I would rather them know I was honest and trusted them and learn the lesson not to judge people by what they wear and to respect peoples privacy.

It is a tricky situation to manage but from what I know of you from the posts you make here I am sure you will make a well thought out, well judged, informed and positive decision.

 

[blaincorrous]

It may be possible to put some kind of lock on the pail or the closet, that may lead to other questions about why it is locked but that can be passed off as "there are items in there not suitable/safe for children your age" (which is true) or simply telling them there are some things that you want to keep private, which would also be true, there are sure to be things they will eventually want to keep private from you even if they trust you completely and the knowledge that things are allowed to be private can be reaffirming for them as long as you also teach them that having privacy is fine as long as they are being safe and not hiding more dangerous things.

You could acquire another pail to put somewhere else and start using the one in the toilet for other things, I personally wouldn't change my wearing habbits too much, maybe change (pun intended) how I deal with trash and storage to keep it private, as you pointed out this is something your kids don't really need to know about and as long as you are being somewhat cautious shouldn't be a problem.

I do greatly respect the choice not to lie to them about IC though, it sets a bad precedent and infringes on the difficulties that people truly IC suffer. If they ever do find out, depending on their age and maturity at the time, I would either tell them honestly (if the maturity is right) or probably go down the explanation route of convenience maybe saying that sometimes you find yourself in a position where making it to a toilet is not an option and you can't have the discomfort of holding for hours, which is not exactly a lie either.

I don't know it really depends on the individuals, their level of understanding, maturity and perception of the world. If I had kids and they discovered my diapers I would rather them know I was honest and trusted them and learn the lesson not to judge people by what they wear and to respect peoples privacy.

It is a tricky situation to manage but from what I know of you from the posts you make here I am sure you will make a well thought out, well judged, informed and positive decision.

Thank you for the kind words, especially your affirmations, which my therapist would probably personally thank you for reinforcing. And for being intentional with your puns. You’d be surprised how foundational intentional puns are to my non-linear psychology, not just my sense of humor. 😁

I’m thinking the kids don’t fiddle around in the bathroom proper most of the time. If they need to be in there, they just use the toilet closet. The irony is that I could probably put the pail outside the closet in the bathroom or the nearby closet, and they would simply walk past it.

I think I’ll propose this with my wife and see if we can come to an agreement. Until then, I’ve been happily wearing cloth to bed and it’s been quite comfortable, but I do miss going to bed well hydrated and waking up wet. I must look more bloated, because my wife has noticed I’m slimming down a little.

 

[Subtlerustle]

I usually put my diaper up on my shelf in my closet behind some clothes. Then, when the coast is clear, put it in the kitchen trash and straight out to the garage bin. I could put it in the bathroom garbage but the risk of one of my sons seeing it isn’t worth the convenience.

 

[Wondercrinkee]

I don't know the age of the kids, but they get very snoopy starting at 4&1/2. They also don't know when to know they shouldn't answer questions when asked by others/strangers/family friends, etc. Just saying. They are super dangerous at 8 and up. By the time my kid was 10, I was questioned. Busted. No way out but to try to explain. Utter failure. Yup. Utter failure.

I spoke constantly before that to them about communication, was very honest, etc., but weird things happen when they integrate into the world, talk with other people, learn different things and start to question EVERYTHING and go through EVERYTHING. I say lock up a footlocker until you are certain you can handle it. I wish I did. Lol. I mean, I hid my stash in my car, my non-driving car. But my evidence was sooo busted anyway. Dismal failure.

Regardless of hypothetical balanced political social soundness, it's best to be careful and not line yourself up for what happened to me. They talk to EVERYONE, too. I'd have used a physical affliction or excuse any day back then other than what I said, which wasn't riding. The kids know before they ask. They are little lawyers in training because of our parenting, etc.

 

[Zeke]

Our kids were an inquisitive lot. Any time they sense something is off limits, or being hidden, it becomes an overwhelming temptation to them. As far as therapists go I’ve never had one as I’ve been blessed with good friends that have always been brutally honest with me, and as I’ve always tried to be with them.

 

[dogboy]

I think that with a lot of careful thinking and planning, you can find a way to wear diapers. It's all about timing, when they're around and when they're not. I wore for years and my kids never found out but I had Fridays off when they were in school.

 

[K00paTr00pa]

If you have a cat I would do this: place your used diapers in a opaque bag and place those inside another bag with dirty kitty litter on top. I used this trick back when I lived with my parents.

 

[happy89]

It helps that our master bedroom and bathroom are on a different level of the house than the kids' rooms, so they really never are in our bedroom or bathroom. Even so, the clean diaper stash is hidden in lockable storage tubs in the back of the closet, and my husband double-bags and takes the bathroom trash out to the bins first thing in the morning. It'd be awful if the kids found out and we've thought about also using a locking bin for disposal (until taking the trash out) just to be extra safe.

 

[todderhr]

Let me just say I LOVE my kink-affirming therapist

I love your therapist, too!

I haven't had a kink-affirming therapist, actually all of mine have been faith-based therapists and not one of them ever batted an eye about being ABDL. It was only a problem if it was something I wanted to get rid of.

 

[Lyric]

My wife and I decided to tell our daughter that I wear diapers and plastic pants so it would not be a surprise to her. She was around 8 when we told her. Over time she wanted to know why and we told her honestly that it was something I never grew out of and couldn't change. Now she's off to college and I don't think anyone is the worse for it that we told her.

 

[blaincorrous]

I love your therapist, too!

I haven't had a kink-affirming therapist, actually all of mine have been faith-based therapists and not one of them ever batted an eye about being ABDL. It was only a problem if it was something I wanted to get rid of.

I mean, I’d have a bone to pick with anything faith-based, but I’m glad good, evidence-based therapists exist in that stripe as well.

 

[todderhr]

I mean, I’d have a bone to pick with anything faith-based, but I’m glad good, evidence-based therapists exist in that stripe as well.

Yeah, I understand what you mean. I’m not straight or cis gender; but trying to hold the family together. as you can imagine.

 

[BunnyFofo]

But I wanted to pose this question to you: my therapist is suggesting that I shouldn't change my approach to this and simply move the pail to our closet or something. He's worried I'm setting myself up to suffer needlessly or I'm getting to far in my own head about the risks. Let me just say I LOVE my kink-affirming therapist, and I love our little talks. It's been eye opening in so many places in my life, and I've found that my acceptance of myself needed to go beyond getting over my ABDL side. I'm not his first ABDL client, but I gather I'm the first who achieved a healthy balance with it before even starting therapy. However, he's also been helping me build flexibility to handle things better, and it appears to be working as designed, even in this situation. I honestly don't feel any anxiety about this, aside from the little bit that obviously pushed me to make this post. My question is: Why shouldn't I be flexible in this case?

In my opinion your therapist is correct about everything.
It's best to take reasonable precautions against getting found out, but you shouldn't let that interfere with your enjoyment.
It's good that you're trying to be discrete and keep it private away from your kids.
Worst case scenario they find out, which is no big deal in my opinion.

I also don't think you should be so against telling your kids a little fib about incontinence if you're caught.
Your reasons for not wanting that are fine, it's just that I don't think there's a good way to explain this to someone that doesn't already understand it, never mind a young kid.
It's very easy to understand the desire for privacy wearing diapers for incontinence, even to a little kid that doesn't otherwise understand the concept of discretion.

 

[blaincorrous]

My wife and I came around to simply adjusting the security around my stuff. The main issue is how the toilet closet had things to fiddle with in close proximity. So, moving the pail into our closet seems to be our answer. I’m back to wearing at night and everything seems to be going smoothly now.