- Diaper Lover, Little, Incontinent
You're definitely under this *hands you umbrella*I know there's some debate over whether asexuals fall under the LGBT umbrella, but I personally identify as queer, as an aromantic asexual. I'm still trying to figure out my gender identity. I think I may be agender, because I like the things I like with no real pattern as to whether they're considered male or female. I was a tomboy growing up and hated dresses. My autism means that I'm super sensitive to most clothes, and hate "fancy" clothing because it feels weird. Literally my idea of fancy is a top that's not a t-shirt, and pants that are more complicated to put on than by undoing a button or zipper, or by stretching elastic. I've always had exactly zero interest in fashion, I'm biologically female but never wear makeup and don't even know how to put it on, and my dolls and plushies sit next to my action figures and dinosaur replicas in my bedroom.
I've always been curious about pronouns, how a word as small as "he" or "she" can create so many presuppositions before you've even met somebody. I've never been called "he" before, but honestly I don't know that I'd care too much if I were. I've been asking my friends and family for as long as I can remember, "what does it mean to feel male/female?" Nobody could ever really give me a clear answer, I guess because their masculinity or femininity are so hardwired that they can't explore it from an objective perspective, like asking a fish to describe water. I think I'm agender rather than genderfluid because I feel an absence of gender, rather than a fluctuation between the two. I would like to get rid of my breasts because I find them annoying and in the way, but I don't want a penis because I imagine an organ dangling between one's legs must be equally irritating. I'd like to go back to being prebubescent, when everything was flat, hairless and streamlined, and my body just felt simpler and tidier. I'm not "male" or "female", I'm just me.
Gender is a tricky thing to figure out. It's this wobbly bobbly thing that's hard to hold and then when you have it you're like "what do I do with this?" I know I took a while with mine, and pronouns! It took weeks of feeling ITCHY when someone called me before I landed on mine, and I literally had to research before I could put a finger on my gender. I'm AFAB, but don't feel female most of the time, but I don't feel male either — it was a mix somewhere in the middle. When I figured it out it felt like something clicked.
In the process I also found out that I was on the spectrum, which surprised… only me, because apparently all my friends kinda guessed!