Leo's diapered beginning

littlekyro

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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur, Diaperfur, Little
it was early in the morning and Leo just turned 6 he was a bit small for his age being the height of a small 5 year old rather then a 6 year old. Leo didn’t mind he was eager to play with his toys being the day after his 6th birthday. Leo had his plush puppy culched in his arm which he called “flops” and he jumped out of the bed. Leo was a chronic bed wetter he always wet the bed every night without fail. Leo was diapered every night after a bath and so as usual he was diapered. Leo was clad in just his pyjama top and a diaper ‘c’mon flops’ said Leo to his plusy.

Leo climbed out of his toddler bed and he darted to the door and as quiet as a mouse he snuck to the playroom. Leo had the whole house practically to himself. He was an only child though his parents wanted another child. Leo sat down with one arm clutching Flops and his diaper crinkled slightly. The bedwetting chart on Leo’s door had nothing but Xs on them each X represented a morning he failed to wake up dry. Leo started playing with some Lego’s Duplo blocks since his parents didn’t think he was ready for proper Lego yet ‘lets build a tower’ squeeked Leo as he jumped to his feet.

Leo didn’t realise it at the time but his mother was awake and watching. She had been concerned for a while since Leo had been needing to use his potty more often then he used to and he had a few near-accident level incidences and he already had an increasing number of accidents during the day which wasn’t limited to wetting but he had some soiling accidents as well only rarly making it ‘Flops lets make the biggest tower’ giggled Leo as he put the blocks together.

Leo’s mother passed off the accidents off as jitters and so Leo kept playing and his stomach groweled ‘lets wake mommy so we can breakie’ said Leo.

Leo’s mother smiled and cleared her throat to let her presents be known and Leo ran to his mother ‘mommy you’re woked up’ said Leo giving his mother a cuddle.

Leo’s mother smiled at her son and led him out of the playroom to the dining room. Leo ran down the stairs to the room and he ran to the table. Leo waited for his mother to put the boster on the chair and when she did he was lifted on. The plate had waffles on it and Leo started to eat enjoying them though a lot of the syrup ended up on his face, hands and pyjama shirt. Leo had a sippy cup of juice and let out a burp ‘Leo lets get you cleaned up’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo climbed from his chair and nodded cheerfully ‘ok mommy’ said Leo.

Leo was led from the kitchen to the bathroom and Leo saw his father at the desk reading the paper and sipping a coffee with a plate that had the remains of some waffles. Leo’s mother started a bath and she then smiled putting bubble bath liquid into the tub. Leo got a little excited and his mother undid the tapes on his diaper and it fell to the floor and she took the shirt off him. Leo jumped into the water and he sat down and played. Leo giggled at putting the suds on his face making it look like a beard ‘look mommy look. I look like daddy’ said Leo.

Leo and his mother both giggled at this and the bath though had to come to an end. Leo got out dried off and his mother then got out new undies and a pare of pants and a Tomas the tank engine shirt. Leo giggled at the idea of playing but just before he left the room Leo noticed the urge to pee but he couldn’t hold it and his bladder let go and a wetpatch spread across his pants ‘mommy i weed myself’ said Leo.

Leo’s mother came over and she saw ‘thats the 3rd day in a row’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo blushed and shook his head and Leo’s father came in ‘Leo is it still happening? Ok Serra we should talk’ said Leo’s father.

Leo’s mother and father sat down together and talked it over and they came back with Leo’s mother taking out a diaper. Leo was taken to his room and his mother cleaned off the old change table from when he was still diapered, Leo potty-trained 10 months ago and his mother kept him still. Leo’s mother took his underwear and pants and slid the diaper under his bottom and opened it out pulling the front up between his legs and holding it down against his abdomen as the left and right tape were opened and the attached wing parts pulled around him so the tapes stuck down on the landing strip. Leo was then given a new pare of pants which his mother put on him. ‘thanks mommy’ said leo as he was lifted down.

There was the obvious diaper bulge in Leo’s crutch and bottom and he cuddled flops. Leo and Flops were insepreable the plush puppy was made by his grandmother who was now dead and it was his favourite toy. Leo even insisted that he would take it to first grade. Leo ran back to the playroom and the doorbell rang. Leo ran to the window and saw it was his friend, Jake. Leo reached up and opened the door ‘mommy Jake’s here’ said Leo.

Leo’s mother came out and Jake giggled and ran in ‘oh hey jake’ said Leo’s mother.

Jake was Leo’s best friend and next door neighbour. Leo cheered and took Jake by the arm and led him to the playroom. The two boys knew each other since they were born, their parents were best friends and the 2 boys shared a birthday. Leo showed Jake the toys he got and even a Nintendo switch and some games. Leo played with some toy cars with flops clutched in his arm and he pushed a toy hot wheels car around ‘Jake you like it. Mommy got me this one’ said Leo proudly.

Jake giggled and he showed one that he brought ‘this one is from my big brother’ said Jake.

Leo was in awe over the toy car. And he and Jake giggled making car sounds as they pushed the toy cars around the floor. Leo noticed his new school bag and he giggled ‘mommy says we start school next week’ said Leo.

Jake nodded and he was a bit nervous but a little excited at the same time ‘uh-huh my big brother says he mades lots and lots of friends there and that he says they’re his bestest friends’ said said Jake.

Jake’s older brother was 10 and they both giggled at the idea of having loads of friends. Leo jumped to his feet and ran to the toy chest and he crouched down to dig through it. Jake saw the back of Leo’s pants draw down and his diaper poked out from the waistband. Once Leo got the toy he wanted he stood up and Jake saw the bulge Jake snuck up and pulled leo’s pants down revealing the diaper underneath ‘why you wearing a diaper again’ said Jake.

Leo’s mother was watching and his mother came in and helped him tug up his pants ‘er... thats because leo lost his potty-training’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo blushed again and his mother pulled up his pants for him. Jake knew unlike most kids their age leo didn’t know how to dress himself but this was something new and was the only friend who knew leo potty-trained only just a month after his 5th birthday ‘it’s ok leo’ said Jake who decided to show off his pull-up. Jake wasn’t potty-trained and wore pull-ups away from home. Leo giggled and cuddled Jake.

The two boys giggled and the urge to poop hit Leo. The urge was so sudden and so intence he knew he wouldn’t make it and he stood up and it started coming out. Leo stood there and filled his diaper and Jake giggled ‘leo did you poop?’ asked Jake.

Leo nodded and he blushed yet again. Jake giggled ‘ok cause i’m bout to stink too’ said Jake who voided himself into his pull-up.

Both boys giggled and Leo’s mother was rubbing the corners of her eyes ‘ok boys come here’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo and Jake ran over and leo giggled ‘boys lets get you both changed’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo was first and he was led to the change table and he held up his plush puppy playing with it as his mother untapped the diaper and had to clean him up. She however was thankfull she and her husband decided to diaper leo from now on until he re-potty-trains. Leo’s mother finished changing her son and moved on to Jake who didn’t bring any spare pull-ups over so he was changed into one of Leo’s diapers ‘all done’ said Leo’s mother.

Both boys sat down pondering over what they were going to do so Leo ran out and he bolted to the loungeroom and sat down. Leo had forgotten his mother didn’t put his pants back on and he turned the TV. As he flicked through the channels looking for the kids channel leo came to a channel where a baby products commercial came on. It was a babybottle and pacifier commercial though Leo was transfixed by it and was staring at the TV. Leo’s mother walked over ‘Leo do you want those?’ asked Leo’s mother.

Leo blushed and he looked down and his mother smiled and walked around the couch to Leo and she picked him up off the couch giving him a cuddle. Leo’s mother smiled and looked at Jake ‘we should go shoping for school stuff but first’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo’s mother took the phone and she dialled a number ‘hey its me. do you mind if i take Jake with me to go shoping i’m getting some stuff for Leo for school. Right ok’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo’s mother smiled and she led Leo to the car along with Jake. Both boys got in the back and Leo got in his boster seat and got comfortable and Jake was put in a spare boster. The car started and it pulled out and they started making their way down the road. It was there both boys realised they didn’t have pants on and their diapers were in full display.

After a 15 mins the car pulled over at the large shoping mall. Leo and Jake got out of the car and Leo’s mother held both boy’s hands ‘ok lets go’ said Leo’s mother.

The two boys went inside the mall and they looked around. There was so many stores under one roof. Leo’s mother took the two boys to the first stop babymart. Leo’s mother took a trolly and lifted the 2 boys into it. Babymart was a single store in the mall that was run by a local ABDL couple and sold excluivly baby stuff for kids over the age of 3. Leo’s mother had been coming to babymart since leo was 4. Leo’s mother examined the shelves where the diapers were kept and she examined the brands. Leo stood up in the trolly and his diaper was on full display as he watched his mother the juice Leo had with breakfast was now ready for its return trip. Leo started getting the pee urges and like earler that morning he found he couldn’t hold it no matter how hard he tried and he started peeing in his diaper.

Out of embarrassment Leo chose not to tell his mother he peed himself again and he sat down. Leo’s mother hummed quietly as she got some other things off the shelves which included baby wipes, 2 packets of diapers which were bigger which were weight sized to 16Kg-25Kg. The new diapers were a bit thicker and they walked to the next isle which was clothing and Leo saw something short legged rompers with the snaps on the crutch and he stared at them. Leo’s mother saw Leo staring at them and she smiled ‘do you like these?’ asked leo’s mother.

Leo nodded and he blushed ‘u-uh-huh’ said Leo blushing.

Leo’s mother took the rompers and flicked through the sizes and found some that was his size ‘Leo pick out some stuff you wanna wear to school when you start first grade’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo held up the romper ‘i wanna wear these to school’ said Leo.

Leo’s mother smiled and ruffled her son’s brown dark brown hair and his mother got a few extra items from a nearby shelf and even examined a pacifier and a baby bottle. Leo’s mother grabed a few more items and she distracted Leo and Jake with a picture book and while they weren’t watching she took 5 baby bottles sized for 5-8 year olds and a some pacifiers also sized for kids between 5-8 years. Everything was placed in the trolley and they walked to the checkout. Leo’s mother payed for everything and she took them back to the car.

At the car Leo’s mother glanced back at Leo and she noticed Leo needed a diaper change and Jake also needed one. Both boys tough could wait until they got home ‘lets get home’ said leo’s mother.
Leo’s mother started the car and the two boys were enjoying some picture books ‘boys i notice you both need a change so when we get back home you both are getting our diapers changed’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo blushed the whole drive home and the two boys’ whent inside. Leo’s mother brought in the stuff she brought. A change mat was laid on the floor and Leo and Jake laid down and their diapers were promptly changed ‘there you boys go’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo giggled and he and Jake sat down on the couch and his mother smiled ‘Leo i have something for you’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo turned to his mother and she handed Leo a newly opened pacifier. Once the pacifier was in his hands Leo’s eyes widened and he then quickly put the nipple in his mouth and started sucking on it. Leo clutched Flops in his arms and sucked on the pacifier and Leo’s mother gave him a kiss on the forehead. The moment was broken when the phone rang in the pocket of Leo’s mother’s jacket.

Leo’s mother took the phone out and answered it and she let out a sigh ‘oh I’m on my way’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo’s mother worked as a wet-nurse in the hospital, her job was breastfeeding newborn babies for new parents and so she took her keys and left ‘Leo your daddy will look after you’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo blushed and he nodded and Leo’s father came out and he gave Leo a cuddle rubbing his goatee on Leo’s cheek ‘daddy that feels funny’ said Leo.

Leo’s father laughed and he sat down ‘how about we watch cartoons i’m sure mommy won’t mind’ said Leo’s father.

Leo gave a grin behind the new pacifier and agreed and his father turned on the TV and dialled the Nick Jr Channel. Leo watched the little kids shows and Jake sat with him watching also ‘fankoo daddy’ said Leo with his pacifier in his mouth.

After a few shows Leo’s father checked his watch and he smiled ‘boys it’s nearing lunchtime’ said Leo’s father.

Leo nodded and he felt his stomach growl ‘uh-huh. Tummy is making hungry noises’ said Leo.

Leo’s father owned a restaurant and he was a good cook so he went into the kitchen and started making Lunch which was chocolate past sandwiches and some chocolate yogurt. The food was brought out and Leo and Jake started eating ‘you boys eat it all’ said Leo’s father.

The lunch was eaten pretty quickly and Leo and Jake yawned and kept wtching TV though they ended up both falling asleep pretty quickly. Even when asleep Leo had a tight grip on Flops though no one minded that it whent everywhere Leo went ‘you boys sleep tight’ said Leo’s father as he pulled a blanket over the 2 napping boys.

Leo’s father looked around and there was hardly anything in the house as Leo’s family and Jake’s family were moving latter that afternoon. While Leo and Jake napped Leo’s father started packing the rest of the house trying to be careful not to wake the boys. Leo’s family and Jake’s family were moving closer to the school. Leo’s father turned the TV off and took it out side then cleaned out Leo’s bedroom and playroom as Leo and Jake napped. Leo’s father returned and gently picked Leo and Jake off the couch and he took them to the car and placed them in boster seats and took the last of the furniture out.

Leo’s father got in the car and the furniture was placed in the back of a van. Leo’s father smiled and sent a text to Leo’s mother. After looking back at the two boys Leo’s father saw leo had dropped Flops on the floor and so he reached back and put the plush puppy back in Leo’s arms and smiled at the fact Leo still had the pacifier in his mouth. Leo’s father turned and started the car and they pulled out of the driveway and left down the street.

After a bit of time Leo woke up and he rubbed his eyes and he could feel that he was peeing himself and he loved the feeling of being diapered. Leo rubbed his eye and squeezed Flops in his arms. The car pulled over at a new house and Leo was quite excited about it ‘welcome to our new home’ said Leo’s father.

Jake woke up and he rubbed his eye and yawned and they got out and Leo’s father smiled as he let them out of the car. The house had half of the furniture set up and the two boys got out. Both Leo and Jake looked around and Leo’s father smiled and he saw that leo’s shirt was covered in drool since he wasn’t used to the pacifier just yet. Leo’s father helped Leo into a new shirt but he didn’t put pants on him ‘there we go Leo’ said Leo’s father.

Leo’s new shirt was a tad big on him and hung half way to his knees and covered the diaper up. Leo and Jake ran off to look around and play. The new house was huge and the yard was also massive. There was a long driveway and a fully private fence and an electronic gate. Leo heard talking and the voices of other kids and he went to investigate and he saw a bunch of kids in the yard. Leo blushed and forgot about the pacifier in his mouth and he ran over ‘hi i’m Weo and dis is Fwops’ said Leo.
one of the boys smiled and he stood up ‘hi i’m Luke’ said one boy
‘I’m Toby’ said the other boy.

Leo smiled behind the pacifier and he crouched down to join them with playing toys and the other two boys saw Leo’s diaper ‘why you wearing a diaper’ asked one of the boys.

Leo froze and he blushed and Jake giggled ‘oh Leo isn’t potty-trained’ said Jake.

Leo blushed ‘i was potty-trained but I’m not again’ said Leo.

Leo blushed a darker shade of red and he didn’t know what to do and Luke gave him a cuddle ‘we don’t mind’ said Luke.

Leo smiled behind his pacifier and he explained to the other kids how he potty-trained just after his 5th birthday but ended up back in diapers and they accepted him quite easily and they played with some toys ‘so where you live?’ asked Leo.
Toby pointed to the far end of the mega sized house ‘we live there’ said Toby.

Leo got up and he pondered how many rooms there were though he didn’t know how to count past 10 and Toby giggled ‘there’s lots and lots of rooms’ said Toby.

Leo blushed again and he tried to count the windows ‘1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10... 30... 15... 100... Q... 99... F... 78’ said Leo.

Toby and Luke giggled at the fact Leo couldn’t count past 10. Leo was behind other kids his age because of the fact his father was always at the restaurant and his mother was always working at the hospital and he had never been to a day-care kindergarten or preschool. All he ever had was his old nanny who didn’t do much educational games with him ‘your diapers are wet’ said Toby who put his hands on Leo and Jake’s diapers.

Leo’s father came over and he smiled ‘aww did my little diaper boy make new friends’ cooed Leo’s father.

Leo blushed and he was picked up off the ground and Leo blushed ‘uh-huh. Der names are Toby and Wuke’ said Leo grinning behind the pacifier. Leo’s father gently took the pacifier from Leo’s mouth and put him he checked Leo’s diaper ‘Leo you’re a little wet but your diaper will hold until i get the new diapers out of the car’ said Leo’s father.

Leo nodded ‘ok daddy’ said Leo.

Leo was placed back down on the ground and he looked down and he remembered to introduce one other member of the family, his plush puppy ‘oh this is Flops’ said Leo holding out his plush puppy.

The other 2 boys came over and smiled ‘hi Flops’ said Toby and Luke together.

Leo giggled and made one of the plush puppy’s front legs move as if it was waving. This made all four boys giggle. Toby and Luke were also 6 years old and they found it funny. It then dawned on Leo. He had made 2 new friends and they all played together and finally Leo’s father came out. He smiled as Leo played and he was silent. Leo eventually stoped and pooped in his diaper again and thats when his father came over ‘ok Leo lets get you changed’ said Leo’s father.

Leo lay down on the grass it was nice and soft under him and Leo’s father opened the new pack of diapers and changed him. Leo got up and he found the new diapers to fit better though they were thicker and had more of a bulk between his legs. Leo waddled a little the diaper had his legs apart a little and he giggled and went back to playing though the cold and snow wasn’t really a bother to him from the physical exercise.

About a couple hours later Leo’s mother pulled up and so Leo ran over to her as she got out ‘mommy!’ shouted Leo.

Leo’s mother picked Leo up in her arms and she cuddled him tightly. During the hug Leo peed himself again and his mother smiled and Jake’s parents also arrived. The house was massive, a mansion and Leo’s parents were sharing it with 2 other families. Leo giggled and he had no idea the living arrangement was permanent.

Leo and his friends now had a chance to explore but it expired quickly because of the dreaded bath time. Leo was carried inside. Leo pouted and his mother started running a bath ‘I don’t wanna’ said Leo.

Leo’s mother smiled ‘Leo you have to your diaper is soaked’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo’s diaper was swiftly untapped and his shirt was removed and his mother put him in the tub and she started washing him. Leo pouted even more at this since Jake, Toby and Luke saw Leo still got washed by his mother.

Leo was finished being washed and he was lifted out. A good towelling off was right after and he was dried and as fast as that happened he was put in a new diaper. Leo’s mother put a new blue sleeved white shirt on him and blue pyjama pants and he was led out for dinner. Leo pouted as he had dinner not wanting to eat his veggies as usual. As usual Leo’s mother resorted to mashing the veggies and spoon feeding them to him as he attempted and failed to resist.

After dinner Leo was permitted to play in the newly set up playroom and he spent an hour playing. No more than after an hour Leo came out rubbing his right eye which was a very pail emerald colour. Leo let out a yawn and his mother came over ‘bed time’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo nodded and he kept rubbing his eye and Flops was hanging from Leo’s other hand ‘ok mamma’ said Leo sleepily
.
Leo’s mother knelt down picking Leo up and she gently carried him to his new room and placed him in his toddler bed and tucked him in. Leo sniffled a bit being pantless in the cold weather didn’t agree with him. it was just a 24 hour feaver he’d be right in a day. Leo’s mother smiled and she made sure he was nice and warm and looked outside and it was snowing. There was one more thing. Leo’s mother gently put the new pacifier in Leo’s mouth and he fell asleep sucking on it. Leo clutched in his arms ‘sleep tight’ said Leo’s mother.

Leo’s mother silently left the room turning off the light and closed the door so it was ajar and left. Leo tightly cuddled Flops as he slept.
 

DprEffect

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Great story so far. Looking forward to reading more. :)
 

PaddedDeist

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I was an English major with a writing minor until my funding ran out. So please take this as a piece of constructive criticism.

You need to work on the mechanics of writing. Get the basics of grammar and punctuation down. This will improve the readability of your stories and you may be happier with the results.

Read some well-written literature. It's hard to recommend something since I don't know what genres you enjoy. Heinlein, Asimov, and Ellison are some old-school sci-fi writers I really enjoy. Even Baum's Oz books are well-written. J.K. Rowling is another who writes well. Writers should be readers since it helps you pick up a lot of the rhythm and construction.

You put in the work and you'll be happy with the results. Though you may start to hate all of your earlier writing.
 
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Topex

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I completely agree with PaddedDeist. I like the plot and the characters, but there are a number of lapses in grammar and flow that make the story less enjoyable. I also thought the mentioning of the store being run by an ABDL couple made things a little weird and awkward as well as the fact that they went to the mall without any pants just a little weird and forced based on how natural the rest of the story was. I felt like descriptions of the characters could've been better as well as we never really got any good introduction to the other boys and there was never any real significant imagery in the story as to what the boys looked like, descriptions of the setting, etc.

You mentioned in two other threads that you're thinking of writing ABDL and diaperfur novels--I'd highly recommend getting the basics down of short stories and just storytelling in general first
 

PaddedDeist

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Biggest thing is don't get discouraged. Start working on writing and you'll get better. Any artist's early works will be subpar but practicing and learning more about their chosen art is what turns an amateur into a pro. TBH, this forum isn't too bad for getting some good feedback.

It may be spendy--though older editions are cheaper--but the Simon & Schuster Handbook for Writers by Troyka and Hesse is a fantastic reference. It's not made to be read cover to cover--it is more of an encyclopedia of grammar. You can look up and see all the proper uses of almost any punctuation mark you can think of. It also contains many other helpful sections on writing in general. The big changes between editions is the constantly evolving citation rules for things such as MLA or APA. But updated info on citation formats are easily accessible on the Internet.

Strunk & White's The Elements of Style is an old classic, and helpful for when you are learning the "right way" to write. But once you know the rules, as a artist you can then learn to break them in ways that convey your style and message. It's a thin book, usually pretty cheap, but is still a valid book to have in your writing reference library. The next book even makes several references to this book.

I'll give you one last book that is not only a great resource, it is also a good read cover to cover--unlike the preceding two books. That is Stephen King's On Writing, a treatise on writing, technique and contains some solid advice. He has a lot of good things to say and you also get the added pleasure of reading his account of when he almost died after getting run over. That event happened when he was in the middle of writing this book.
 
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littlekyro

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i
I was an English major with a writing minor until my funding ran out. So please take this as a piece of constructive criticism.

You need to work on the mechanics of writing. Get the basics of grammar and punctuation down. This will improve the readability of your stories and you may be happier with the results.

Read some well-written literature. It's hard to recommend something since I don't know what genres you enjoy. Heinlein, Asimov, and Ellison are some old-school sci-fi writers I really enjoy. Even Baum's Oz books are well-written. J.K. Rowling is another who writes well. Writers should be readers since it helps you pick up a lot of the rhythm and construction.

You put in the work and you'll be happy with the results. Though you may start to hate all of your earlier writing.
i'm self taught and i'm always improving
 

littlekyro

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Messages
242
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur, Diaperfur, Little
I completely agree with PaddedDeist. I like the plot and the characters, but there are a number of lapses in grammar and flow that make the story less enjoyable. I also thought the mentioning of the store being run by an ABDL couple made things a little weird and awkward as well as the fact that they went to the mall without any pants just a little weird and forced based on how natural the rest of the story was. I felt like descriptions of the characters could've been better as well as we never really got any good introduction to the other boys and there was never any real significant imagery in the story as to what the boys looked like, descriptions of the setting, etc.

You mentioned in two other threads that you're thinking of writing ABDL and diaperfur novels--I'd highly recommend getting the basics down of short stories and just storytelling in general first
i'm self taught and always improving
 

Topex

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i'm self taught and always improving
What are you using to teach yourself? That's a pretty shallow statement and doesn't mean much unless you have anything to back it up. And you shouldn't need to teach yourself to proofread your work and check for basic grammar, punctuation, etc. That should be in the story writer starter pack
 
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littlekyro

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What are you using to teach yourself? That's a pretty shallow statement and doesn't mean much unless you have anything to back it up. And you shouldn't need to teach yourself to proofread your work and check for basic grammar, punctuation, etc. That should be in the story writer starter pack
micro soft word 2019, though not everyone is perfect in fact I came a long way from my start
 

Topex

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micro soft word 2019, though not everyone is perfect in fact I came a long way from my start
You don't need to be perfect to proofread or even drop it into a grammar checker. One mistake is understandable, but still shouldn't happen, but there are countless careless grammatical errors in your story.
Also I didn't mean what are you using to write, I meant exactly what I said: What are you using to teach yourself, i.e. what resources on storytelling, etc.?
 

littlekyro

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You don't need to be perfect to proofread or even drop it into a grammar checker. One mistake is understandable, but still shouldn't happen, but there are countless careless grammatical errors in your story.
Also I didn't mean what are you using to write, I meant exactly what I said: What are you using to teach yourself, i.e. what resources on storytelling, etc.?
I spell check when I can
 

littlekyro

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What do you mean "when you can". Also I never said anything about spell check. I was talking only about grammar
I mean if I have time after finishing writing, sometimes I finish and its late so I can't immediately check the spelling, so I check when I have the time meaning when I can
 

Topex

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I mean if I have time after finishing writing, sometimes I finish and its late so I can't immediately check the spelling, so I check when I have the time meaning when I can
It doesn't matter when you check it as long as you do before you release it as a finished product. You're way too short-sighted. Story writing isn't a one-day thing.
And as I mentioned which you didn't acknowledge or expand upon--I was only really ever talking about grammar.
You also never gave an answer as to how you're teaching yourself
 

littlekyro

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It doesn't matter when you check it as long as you do before you release it as a finished product. You're way too short-sighted. Story writing isn't a one-day thing.
And as I mentioned which you didn't acknowledge or expand upon--I was only really ever talking about grammar.
You also never gave an answer as to how you're teaching yourself
well that's the thing for me I don't have a specific time duration for me to write, and for my grammar I am teaching myself through the good ol time tested method, practice and trial and error
 
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Topex

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Little
well that's the thing for me I don't have a specific time duration for me to write, and for my grammar I am teaching myself through the good ol time tested method, practice and trial and error
That's not an effective method of learning how to write, particularly if you're teaching yourself grammar by trial and error, that just...doesn't work, or even make sense. You said you wanted to write a novel. This is absolutely not the right way to get there or even to develop any writing skills at all
 
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littlekyro

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That's not an effective method of learning how to write, particularly if you're teaching yourself grammar by trial and error, that just...doesn't work, or even make sense. You said you wanted to write a novel. This is absolutely not the right way to get there or even to develop any writing skills at all
the thing is that is actually a proven method if you practice you get better at something, and some of the best writers in the world are self taught so there is something to it and my grammar has improved by strides since I started practicing, even noticeable by myself when I compare it from when I started to now
 

BoundCoder

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Not really my type of story and I'll admit I didn't read all the way through, but from the chunk I did read I have to agree with PaddedDeist.

The grammer and just basic writing is a big issue with this story. It sounds petty, but when you are reading anything of length it makes a huge difference. It's like having an uncomfortable pair of shoes. Sure you can throw them on and take out the trash, but you wouldn't want to go out for a 2 hour hike.

The bigger problem to me though is that this just doesn't flow smoothly. It reads like a bunch of clinical statements. Leo did this. Leo likes this. Leo did that. Leo's mother did this. This is just not pleasant to read. A common prescription is to wait a bit after writing something, then try reading it aloud to yourself. If it feels clunky and ackward to say, it's going to be clunky and ackward for someone else to read.

This story could also really use some "Show, don't tell". This is a commonly accepted technique in writing, the gist of which is that simply describing a scene or a feeling or an idea is boring and doesn't really connect a reader to the story. Don't just tell us that Leo's mother is concerned. Tell us by having her do something that a concerned mother would do. This comes back to the earlier point of this just reading as a bunch of statements rather than really feeling like a story.

Many famous authors have said that reading a lot, writing a lot, and seeking out critisism are key to good writing.

The first two are no-brainers. You get better at writing by learning from others, and by practicing.

The third one I think is one to really focus on however. I point this out because you seem really dismissive to the feedback of others. If you are going to learn "by trial an error" , the only way to identify those errors is when people tell you they don't like it. Even beyond this, external criticism is gold because you are the writer have limited ability to perceive your own work as the reader. You've got whatever the backstory is in your head, and know what the point of your story was meant to be. The only way to find out if you've conveyed that to someone else is to get them to read it and tell you what they got out of it.

The other seemingly universal advice is to not get discouraged and just keep at it. In Steven King's memoir he talks at great length about having stacks of rejected submissions from various publications and from his earliest writing being barely readable. As long as you are actively trying to improve and not just doing the same thing over and over again (see above about listening to criticism), its not wasted effort.

(EDIT: additional..)
I (as I would assume others) didn't spend the time to type up this post just to put you down. If I wanted to do that I would have just said "this sucks". Far less effort and same effect. If people take the time to actually provide real feedback, its definitely worth listening. That's not to say you have to agree with everything a reader says. Some people are just not going to like your chosen style and that's fine. You shouldn't just dismiss all criticism wholesale though. Not only will people become less willing to provide feedback if they don't think you are going to listen to it, but if the criticism is representative of the majority of your audience and they don't see any improvement, people will just stop reading your stuff altogether.
 
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