Kid asking for a nappy and getting one

[Dune1001]

This whole thread has got me thinking about my connections to this.

My friend then told me that their daughter often asks them to put a nappy on her when she needs to poo, and they’ve had a lot of trouble getting her to poo on the toilet

I guess I can speak from this perspective as I was one of these children. I went through a period where I was "toilet trained", could hold it in and would use the toilet for pee, but adamantly refused to poop anywhere but my nappy. A system came into place where when I needed to go I'd let my mother know, and would be put into a nappy. I was like this until sometime into being 4 years old or so, but it was sorted before I started Primary School (UK) so I was saved any embarrassment in that sense.

I can try and look back and work out what was going on. I think part of it was just simply, I liked pooping in my nappy and didn't want to let it go. There was also some control element as mentioned by @Paxe, I think I was possibly trying to assert a level of command in an area I was able to. There was also some clear personal control elements going on. I remember sometimes when I was put in a nappy I'd poop in it straight away, other times I'd wear it for a bit and wait until I felt ready to let it out, which would sometimes be a deliberately drawn out long process even if I was desperate. Towards the end of it I remember I started to develop a habit of wanting to be alone while as I pooped myself and shortly after I just clicked with it and never looked back. Well, in some senses, haha

I guess it could be seen as poor parenting in some ways. However it did allow me to develop in my own time and I wasn't one of those children who ended up starting school in nappies, which I know can sometimes happen due to genuine conditions or developmental issues but based on stories I've heard both in real life and online, I think an unfortunate number of cases its just disinterested bad parenting. I can't say my parents were ever like that and although I was late in that sense, I got there in the end and before the point where it might cause embarrassment or logistical problems.

Then again, I guess this was the earliest incarnation of my weird fixation on bodily functions and holding it in, so maybe its all rooted here? Who knows. Bit of a ramble but I felt compelled to reply as I've never actually properly considered it or seen others observe it.

 

[SydDLBoi]

My parents continued to put me in diapers whenever we were travelling or going somewhere where accessing a toilet might be difficult (country fairs, watching sports, etc.) were hard to find. Even though I was capable of staying dry during the day almost always, they were concerned about me wetting pants and causing embarrassment to me and them. They always said that wearing a diaper meant that I wouldn't have to panic if I needed a toilet but couldn't get to one. And wearing a diaper and having to use it was much better than wetting my pants and being embarrassed.
Having heard this for as long as I could remember, I absolutely believed it, so much so that if we left the house at short notice and I wasn't wearing a diaper, I'd get really stressed and usually end up crying. This happened when dad would get us in the car and say we were meeting family friends at a park for just an hour or two, but this usually meant we'd be there all day. As I got older I started instigating things by reminding my parents that they'd have to diaper me before we left to go on holidays, or asking if I could wear a diaper while at the zoo, etc.
Once I was in a diaper, my parents made less effort to find toilets or make time for me to use them. I almost always wet in my diaper too, especially if it was more convenient than leaving our seats to walk to the toilets during a match at a big stadium. I was never punished for having a wet diaper on these occasions. They always carried a spare diaper or two and although they would change me if I needed it, usually we'd get home before I needed changing.

 

[GermanDL]

Well as far as i know children in America really don't need to go to regular schools.
But at the same time there are Adults that teach Children in america that we are all
children of Adam and Eve, and that Noah was 400 Years old and some other stories from the Bible
as true facts of our history.

Well i prefer the regular schools where children learn how the real world is ^^
btw, money that the state gives comes always out of the pocket of mommy and daddy
its called taxes.

But we getting away from the point of this thread.
Well if you think its a good idea to give a kid Diapers when it does not need them anymore,
that is your thing, but be aware that this can have bad consequences for the child.
Not that it would destroy there evolution or something.
But you really change the mindset.

First of all, the kid might think, there is no reason to get dry if it can just always have a diaper.
U might get some fetish onto the child and this things should everyone develop by themselves
And just imagine if the Child starts to be a loner, because it has fear others will find out that
it still wears diapers, or the other kids find out and brand it as an outcast. U know how children are.

 

[Deleted member 5614]

Training a child at the normal time is important for their own self-respect and wellbeing, even if it involves denying them the nappies that they enjoy wearing and using. These days I can imagine that more families find a happy medium, instead of children being punished or shamed about not training quickly enough or for having accidents, as seems to have been prevalent in the past. That often seems to be because the parents want to celebrate the 'milestone' of potty training for their own satisfaction, rather than the child's benefit.

I was out of nappies somewhere between 18 and 20 months, but knowing what I know now, it would have been fantastic to have been completely up to speed with using the toilet at school like all my friends, yet still allowed to wear a nappy for special occasions. I would totally have got the idea; be a polite, hygienic, proficient toilet user most of the time, to earn the occasional privilege of having the comfort / safety / convenience of a nappy when it would really be a help. Could that ever become generally acceptable? I don't think so, but it's an interesting concept to knock around, not least because it doesn't detract from the current norm of expected skills development.

 

[SpAzpieSweeTot]

Well as far as i know children in America really don't need to go to regular schools.
But at the same time there are Adults that teach Children in america that we are all
children of Adam and Eve, and that Noah was 400 Years old and some other stories from the Bible
as true facts of our history.

Well i prefer the regular schools where children learn how the real world is ^^
btw, money that the state gives comes always out of the pocket of mommy and daddy
its called taxes.

But we getting away from the point of this thread.
Well if you think its a good idea to give a kid Diapers when it does not need them anymore,
that is your thing, but be aware that this can have bad consequences for the child.
Not that it would destroy there evolution or something.
But you really change the mindset.

First of all, the kid might think, there is no reason to get dry if it can just always have a diaper.
U might get some fetish onto the child and this things should everyone develop by themselves
And just imagine if the Child starts to be a loner, because it has fear others will find out that
it still wears diapers, or the other kids find out and brand it as an outcast. U know how children are.

My entire point in talking about homeschooling was, potty learning has not jack diddly to do with intelligence, and everything to do with when kids become government property. Homeschool teachers know the bathrooms are clean. We also don't have way too many kids to look after, so our kids needing a toilet doesn't anger us. They can listen to their bodies, knowing their work will be there when they come back, and we won't get all upset.

Not every homeschooling family is part of one of the 3 monotheistic religions that believe we came from those 2. Not everyone who is part of one of those 3, teaches based on it. As long as kids aren't being abused, I don't care. Not every kid is mine. It's kind of hard to push religion, when everyone in my family has a different one. My kids, owning themselves, will be allowed to choose a religion, or not. There are lots of secular science curricula, and lots of ways to teach secular science without a curriculum.

Yes, dear, we're all tax livestock, no matter what government we were born into. Moo, moo, bah, bah, I guess. Tell me how a child that isn't mine, should automatically be my problem. If I want to help put someone else's kids through school, I should be allowed, not stolen from.

https://www.exploreistaxationtheft.com/

No one said anything about a kid always having diapers. We were talking about a common thing among small kids, that we know how to resolve, and we know where it comes from, and you went to fetish pushy and creepy, all on your own, which is kinda laughable, if it wasn't so scary and creepy. Before you talk about me changing my mindset, maybe check to see what it really is. I might even use Elimination Communication with my infant. You don't know that my mindset is. You assume yourself to.

Staying dry? The child in question needed a diaper to poop. Do you know why? Have you ever even thought about why?

I know why. In a lot of Asian countries, they use squat, also known as, "natural position," toilets.

Now, in the west, we use sit toilets. The poor girl could empty her bowels more comfortably, on time, and completely, in a diaper. She was probably also constipated. People don't realize, that going from standing, or squatting to have a BM, to sitting, is a different skill, or that a squat potty offers better positioning, for more comfortable and complete BMs.

There are squatting platforms that go over sit toilets. There are squat potties.

If you don't want to buy one of those options, use, "the magic diaper."

Start by letting the child use a diaper in the bathroom. When they are comfortable, put the lid down, sit them on top, and let them go in their diaper. When they are comfortable, put the lid up, sit them on the seat, let them use their diaper. When they are comfortable, cut a hole in the back of the diaper, so that poop magically goes in the potty. Last step? No diaper. Got that technique from a pediatrician. You got your options from where? Oh, fear. I see.

Come on, man. Really? You're just being daft. Dr. Steven Hodges, pediatric urologist, does advocate later training, and there's a reason for it. Children are smart! What a concept! He says any child can, when ready, but they have to understand, "Better out, than damaged muscles."

He sees kids in his office that hold it from leaving home in the morning, to coming home after school. You think that's healthy? Every bladder and bowel damaging habit i learned, I learned in school. Didn't change my CP, or the way my brain talked to those, and other muscles. Did it? No, but it damn sure made things worse.

He also advocates, if the school starts making crazy demands of a child's body, that, even if the Child can, they shouldn't, meet, sending them to preschool in pull-ups. Here's the truth, an average healthy bladder can only hold about an ounce, to an ounce and a half, per year of age, before topping out at about 16 ounces. There's only so much holding a four year old can do, and if one teacher is taking a whole class potty at a specific time, then to hell with listening to your body. A clean bathroom? Ha! What teacher says, goes. Too bad teacher has a higher risk of bladder cancer from holding all day.

Kids are so smart, that they know if they hold it, they can play, or do what the teacher asks, longer. What they don't know, and apparently neither do you, is, that there's a such thing as too long. They're kids. What's your excuse? They don't know that holding pee to long can cause hydronephrosis. They don't know that when urine stays in the bladder too long, it starts growing bacteria, that can lead to urinary tract infection, if it doesn't travel further up into the kidney, and cause infection there. They don't know how to do a truly good job wiping, because kids' motor skills aren't there yet, no matter who gets fed up with wiping asses, so, trained kids have more UTIs. They don't know that holding poo can constipate them to the point their bowels push on their bladders, making them wet, or that most bedwetting is caused by constipation.

Do I need to go into the studies that have shown correlation between really early training, at least when done traditionally, with punishment and reward, and severe elimination disorders?

Read, "It's No Accident."

Roaches are, "its." Children are not, "its."

 

[ChocChip]

Training a child at the normal time is important for their own self-respect and wellbeing, even if it involves denying them the nappies that they enjoy wearing and using. These days I can imagine that more families find a happy medium, instead of children being punished or shamed about not training quickly enough or for having accidents, as seems to have been prevalent in the past. That often seems to be because the parents want to celebrate the 'milestone' of potty training for their own satisfaction, rather than the child's benefit.

I was out of nappies somewhere between 18 and 20 months, but knowing what I know now, it would have been fantastic to have been completely up to speed with using the toilet at school like all my friends, yet still allowed to wear a nappy for special occasions. I would totally have got the idea; be a polite, hygienic, proficient toilet user most of the time, to earn the occasional privilege of having the comfort / safety / convenience of a nappy when it would really be a help. Could that ever become generally acceptable? I don't think so, but it's an interesting concept to knock around, not least because it doesn't detract from the current norm of expected skills development.

Getting to the word “months” changed my understanding of the above

There’s certainly plenty of scenarios in adulthood where it would make people’s lives easier to wear a nappy, and not just those who would regard themselves as significantly incontinent. There’s situations where it is accepted (space travel, deep sea diving etc.) so it’s just a case of reducing the stigma in less extreme environments. The pandemic may contribute to that, given people’s increased aversion to public facilities.

 

[CookieMonstah]

It happens to children a lot. Nowadays I think with parents being busier and the fact that they're disposable and just easy to deal with compared to many years ago, parents allow it. Many children find it easy doing a wee on the potty/toilet but poo is something else.

 

[CookieMonstah]

That's not lucky, that's bad parenthood in my eyes.

How?

 

[GermanDL]

How?

simply because the parents job is to help the child developing.
When they allow the child to poop in a diaper even if the child does not need that anymore just to
avoid a "fight" with the child, they are clearly not ready for parenting.

And being busy is no excuse. If you have made Children they are the #1 focus point of your life or you
should not have children. Thats how i see it.

Its not a sign of disrespect or not loving the child if they deny him/her some things like diapers.
Its there damn job.
Parents should not do whats the most easy thing for them, but what is the best thing for the child.

Giving the child a diaper for pooping when it does not need them anymore can do real harm.
It can slow down its development. they can help develop a diaper fetish.
They might bring there child in a position where the child on some point have real trouble with
its society.

I don't say our fetish is something bad, i just say for a lot people that have it its very difficult to live with it.
And i don't think its a good idea doing anything that might trigger this or other "not normal" behavior in a child.
Later on Adults can deal with it, well most can.

But at the end thats only my opinion and it does not need to be the right one.

 

[KaleidoscopeKitty]

Giving the child a diaper for pooping when it does not need them anymore can do real harm.
It can slow down its development. they can help develop a diaper fetish.
They might bring there child in a position where the child on some point have real trouble with
its society.

Actually the opposite is true; toilet withholding is a reasonably common phase that children go through. Professional advice is not to refuse the child a nappy to poo in because this can just lead to the child holding it in and becoming constipated. Childhood constipation is very common and often leads to other issues such as daytime or nocturnal incontinence. Problems with constipation can be far harder to rectify than a child not wanting to use the potty.

That’s not to say the parents shouldn’t be working on the issue, but it’s definitely not as simple as just saying no. And of course even if parents are working on the problem that might not be evident at a social event where the parents might reasonably decide that for one day it’s okay to just use the quickest and easiest solution.

Source: https://www.eric.org.uk/pdf-children-who-will-only-poo-in-a-nappy (Eric is the No.1 children’s bowel & bladder charity in the UK and their advice tends to be backed up by research and advocated by medical professionals)

 

[GermanDL]

Well anyone can raise there kids how they see fit.
If that means for some letting the kid have diapers till 6 years or older
and letting the kid watch TV all day long its there decision.

(Eric is the No.1 children’s bowel & bladder charity in the UK and their advice tends to be backed up by research and advocated by medical professionals)

says who?

 

[KaleidoscopeKitty]

says who?

Well in terms of who says they’re the No. 1 charity I suppose it’s hard to answer that definitively, although they do say that on the website; if you work in the UK in the field of children’s health (which I do) then they are very well known. The NHS continence team frequently refer both parents and professionals to their website (Eg: https://www.hct.nhs.uk/children-and-families/leaflets/eric-guides/ is an example of a UK NHS trust linking to Eric’s website)

My Mum was a children’s urology nurse and I know she received professional training from ERIC in the area of children’s continence. You can see some of the training they offer health professionals here: https://www.eric.org.uk/Pages/Events/Category/training-course

In terms of their advice being backed up by research and health hyou can see on their website links to current research they are undertaking in the areas of children’s continence: https://www.eric.org.uk/pages/category/research

Their website also links to their professional advisory committee which you will see consists of a number of health professionals including nurses, paediatricians, a consultant and a psychologist: https://www.eric.org.uk/Pages/FAQs/Category/pac

Hope that helps!

 

[CookieMonstah]

simply because the parents job is to help the child developing.
When they allow the child to poop in a diaper even if the child does not need that anymore just to
avoid a "fight" with the child, they are clearly not ready for parenting.

And being busy is no excuse. If you have made Children they are the #1 focus point of your life or you
should not have children. Thats how i see it.

Its not a sign of disrespect or not loving the child if they deny him/her some things like diapers.
Its there damn job.
Parents should not do whats the most easy thing for them, but what is the best thing for the child.

Giving the child a diaper for pooping when it does not need them anymore can do real harm.
It can slow down its development. they can help develop a diaper fetish.
They might bring there child in a position where the child on some point have real trouble with
its society.

I don't say our fetish is something bad, i just say for a lot people that have it its very difficult to live with it.
And i don't think its a good idea doing anything that might trigger this or other "not normal" behavior in a child.
Later on Adults can deal with it, well most can.

But at the end thats only my opinion and it does not need to be the right one.

Like many others have said, including actual factual evidence, children often go through this phase of withholding and it can cause infections, constipation and other serious health issues. It's nothing to do with the fact the child wants one because they like it. You're not considering a child's feelings and that right there is a reason for you to not have children.

On another not, I mean busy with work, like parents are working over 40+ hours a week to make ends meet nowadays. Some have to work in the day while the other works at night. Some have to work 2 jobs. Some don't have others to rely on.

 

[GermanDL]

Well, maybe i got that on the wrong side of things.

 

[SpAzpieSweeTot]

Well anyone can raise there kids how they see fit.
If that means for some letting the kid have diapers till 6 years or older
and letting the kid watch TV all day long its there decision.


says who?

You keep saying, rather incorrectly, that the child in question didn't need diapers anymore. She did. The alternative would have been constipation bad enough to require an abdominal xray and enemas. I suppose you'd rather have that? What does this normal developmental issue, that if you treat it as you would, will give your child a medical issue that requires pretty invasive treatment, have to do with television? It doesn't have anything to do with ice cream, or cake, or candy, or staying up late, or any kind of permissivness, either.

I know. How dare we be smart, or have a heart enough to prevent constipation, and respect where our kids are, developmentally, and not cause them medical problems! Aren't we terrible? That was sarcasm. ABDL isn't a communicable disease. It's not a disease at all, but, if you want to give it to your kids, freak out about potty learning, don't actually know anything about it, power yourself on fear of transmission, and don't respect that some kids experience a delay in pooping in the potty, that, in absence of other issues, like ASD, and others, will go away on its own.

https://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/...-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/

https://www.bedwettingandaccidents.com/constipation-quiz

 

[CherryMiku]

Geez, I started a whole entire conversation about schools, not my intention.

 

[SpAzpieSweeTot]

Geez, I started a whole entire conversation about schools, not my intention.

Sorry, dude. I tried to bring it back. It wasn't that I was departing from the point. I just thought of if from an angle most don't. The girl you saw at that friend's house is going through something pretty common, and she'll probably grow out of it, assuming she is neurotypical.

She won't become us. That's not what causes us. Freaking out about potty learning, doing it too early, harshly, or disrespectfully, causes us, in my opinion.

 

[SpAzpieSweeTot]

Says who?

The science Kaleidescape Kitty, myself, and others put forward for you. Did you read it? Aaaaasgain, exactly no one, exactly zero people, were talking about letting our children perpetually have diapers.

I did say Homeschool teachers knew when the bathrooms were cleaned, and that our children needing a toilet generally doesn't anger us, and how they can listen to their bodies, rather than only allowed to go when lead like dogs.

The only reason I bought up school was because I learned every single bowel and bladder damaging habit i have from there. I have CP, which can cause IC, anyway, but, in an effort to be typical, I learned things that made my legitimate IC, worse. So, if potty training at all costs before some arbitrary age is what you want, go ahead, but you're ing up, and we've given you science, saying so.

 

[comfynappybum]

You've been on this site nearly a month, any chance of you posting an intro'?
-
GISW

Oh sure, I can do that. Where do I do that and what do I write?

 

[GoodniteLover219]

Quite possibly given some of the stuff that triggered us, I must concede!

I can stand with that statement.

I myself wore Goodnites to bed every night till the age of eleven or twelve and being taken off them, I felt like a turtle without his shell.

So, even though it was buried deep, deep, deep within me I did became a DL and in my mind wanted to ware them again.

I would even get jealous of my youngest cousin every time I saw her- wearing Pull-Ups in front of me while I tried to avoid watching.

Come to think of it, I also recalled a moment where she insisted on wearing a Pull-Up to go. It's indeed a bizarre experience to me; though I'm sure it was because she was too lazy to go to the bathroom.