Just told my Boyfriend... Now what?

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BlankTater

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Hello!

I recently told my boyfriend that I am an AB/DL, he was ok with it, and told me to be me, but now he acts like he doesn't want to talk about it, and I'm not sure he's actually ok with it...

When I told him, I asked if he still loved me, he told me "We've been dating for four years, of course I still love you", and I encouraged him to ask any questions that he had, but he never did.

Whenever I'm with him, he pretty much only communicates in dad jokes, so he is putting in a little effort, I guess. But has still not asked me any questions, and every time I act babyish around him, it feels like he is trying to pretend that I never told him, and that I'm acting normal.

Today I took a picture of me with my paci and surrounded by my large collection of stuffed animals, and was going to send it to him, but I ended up deleting it instead. I'm afraid I might scare him away...

What do I do?:sad:
 

BabyJacob98

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Have you shown him some sites about abdl? like understanding infantilism or such? Maybe it would be a good idea to show it to him. Or start this topic in bed?
 

kik91

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Hey, I know this may seem big and intimidating. I know for experience it is. But see in this light: This could be the actual proof that he loves you the way you are. He has to accept you if he truly cares. Now, that doesn't mean it won't take time for it to sink in to his head. Just take it slow, give it some space but eventually bring up how he feels about it. He needs to let it out too, and you need to hear his thoughts. Hope it all goes well!
 

Schwanensee

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Maybe he just doesn't know what questions to ask? I agree with BabyJakob, it might help him to actually have some information. It could always be that he doesn't want to offend you by asking anything...
Maybe even point him towards this site? i feel like there's a huge diversity of opinions and information on here, and the anonymity could help too. Of course, I'd understand if you'd rather have him come to you for questions, but I also feel like this kind of thing doesn't really get easier in person.
 

paddeddownthere

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I am in a very similar situation. I told mine a year into dating. He reacted negatively at first, for a few hours really. Then came around and said he fully accepts it and isn’t going to make a huge deal of it. He even tried wearing once even though he made it clear that just because he’s accepting doesn’t mean he wants to participate. I originally tried to soften the blow by telling him I really only wear to bed. I was never honest about my true desires up front and I regret that. Now we talk about it occasionally and I do wear to bed sometimes but I’ve never worn around him during the day. My advice is to be completely up front with him, but also be flexible knowing that for him it is unlikely that you’re going to be able to wear as much as you want. You need to find a middle ground that you both agree on and is acceptable to both.
 
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Maxx

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Maybe he needs some time to digest the thought, especially if he had no idea such a thing existed when you sprung it on him.
 

Poofybutt

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Your boyfriends behaviour doesn't sound too adverse, it's actually quite understandable. Try looking at things from your boyfriend's perspective, he probably never even heard of ABDL until you told him you were one. Now that he knows, he clearly accepts this because he loves you, I mean he didn't up and leave when you told him, but how can he truly understand and engage with you if all you've done so far is tell him "Hey, I'm an ABDL"?

From the sounds of things, it doesn't seem as though he's fully educated on this, and as such he is having a hard time digesting things and coming to terms with the reality at hand. If you haven't been too vocal thus far, that's understandable, talking to others about this can be awkward and difficult the first time around, but it is nonetheless essential.

I will chime in and suggest as BabyJacob did, that you first try sending him literature and websites outlining what ABDL and infantilism is, that might inform him further. I will also suggest that you try finding the time to sit down and talk with him about what being an ABDL means to you, maybe when you talk with him you can outline your interests, let him know how important it is to you that he not only accept this, but that he understand it and maybe even engage in this as well. It also wouldn't hurt to ask him if he has any additional questions and concerns, after all, it sounds like he doesn't quite know what to make of this at present. Bottom line, conversation is the path to compromise and understanding, if you're feeling ignored and you want him to be more proactive with regards to your AB side, you might have to initiate conversation.

I had two girlfriends before meeting my current Mommy and neither of them were aware of what ABDL was before I told them. My 2nd girlfriend acted the same way as your current boyfriend, she seldom acknowledged my AB side and because I wasn't having my baby side openly acknowledged by her, I took that as a sign of our relationship becoming awkward or starting to head nowhere. The truth, however, was not that she wasn't accepting or willing to try new things, she just didn't have a frame of reference for how to behave around an AB boyfriend, she never had one before. We worked through this, I would talk to her about what being an AB means to me, I went over how important it was for her to be understanding and we would even outline what things we would do together when I was feeling little. I also made sure to address her questions, she had a ton of them, she just found it difficult to bring them up on her own. Eventually, this same girlfriend after a year of dating began to take on a more active Mommy role from time to time and we found that we could both talk more openly about this whether I was in baby-mode or a big boy.

I don't think your situation is negative at all, he clearly accepts this as a part of you, that's a great thing, the problem seems to be that you are both having trouble coming to terms with how things are now. You seem unsure about how to talk to him and have your needs met and he seems unsure about how to properly react towards and acknowledge his AB partner. If you want things to become less awkward and you want the assurance that he is fully understanding, you need to talk about this side of yourself more frequently and educate him more, try to address his questions as well, I'm sure he has some. Only after doing this will you two reach a position of mutual understanding.

Best of luck :)
 

stanfordgirl

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Hello!

I recently told my boyfriend that I am an AB/DL, he was ok with it, and told me to be me, but now he acts like he doesn't want to talk about it, and I'm not sure he's actually ok with it...

When I told him, I asked if he still loved me, he told me "We've been dating for four years, of course I still love you", and I encouraged him to ask any questions that he had, but he never did.

Whenever I'm with him, he pretty much only communicates in dad jokes, so he is putting in a little effort, I guess. But has still not asked me any questions, and every time I act babyish around him, it feels like he is trying to pretend that I never told him, and that I'm acting normal.

Today I took a picture of me with my paci and surrounded by my large collection of stuffed animals, and was going to send it to him, but I ended up deleting it instead. I'm afraid I might scare him away...

What do I do?:sad:

In situations like this my advice is to leave it alone and let him process it secure in the knowledge that when he does have any questions that he will ask them. Guys need man cave time with stuff like that then when they are ready they ask lots of questions. If he doesn’t and if he fails (somehow) to mention it at all for a couple weeks I would just start wearing them around and to bed with him like it’s the most normal
Thing in the world
 

BlankTater

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Thank you for all the advice, I will try to implement some of it into the situation.

Also, many people were saying that I told him out of nowhere, so I think that I should clarify how this went down, keeping in mind this took place over about 4 hours.

About three days ago, we were texting, and I pointed out that I was 18, and he was going to be 18 in about a month, so we should find a way to show each other what we were 'in to'. He sent me a link to the bdsm test, which he said should get most of the awkward stuff out first. So we took it, and sent each other our results. He looked at mine and said it was adorable that I was 212% Little (Being 82% Boy/Girl, 79% Submissive, and 51% Ageplayer were my first three things). We talked a bit more, and he said, "Hey, I have a question for you, but it's really awkward." So I panicked, I thought he was going to spring the question 'Do you like diapers', as he knew what a little was, I assumed he knew what an AB/DL was. I don't really remember what he asked, as I was freaking out. All I remember was replying, "Oh, I thought you were going to ask something else...", he asked me what it was, and I told him it was embarrassing. He asked what it was, so I told him not to judge me, I told him not to hate me, and told him he had to keep this a secret. He asked what the secret was. I asked, "Well, um, you know what a little is, so I assume you know what an AB/DL is...?", to which he replied, "no, what is it?", I told him it was very awkward, and he should google it and read about it. After about 10 minutes, he finally replied with, "Oh", and then swiftly said, "but you aren't actually into that, are you? You just thought I would ask about it?", and I asked if it would be bad if I was. He told me that he didn't know, and even though it was 'out there', it didn't extend beyond his limits. I told him that I was crying, and thanked him for still loving me. He told me that he, of course, still loved me, we had been dating for 4 years.

That's pretty much what happened, so, I hope this also grants insight, and maybe you have advice that would work even better now that you have the full story.

Thank you!
 
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Sheepies

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Personally, I would say don't push it too much. It might take a while to digest, being so far into your relationship, but also don't worry too much either. If he loves you, he'll accept you no matter what. It might be a bit awkward, but it might also seem more awkward than it really is if this is a personal issue and you may be prone to looking too deeply into things.
We all want to be accepted for who we are, and sometimes we get nervous when someone's reaction isn't what you were expecting. Doesn't mean there's always a bad reason behind it and it's very human to be worried about such things. It's obvious this person's opinion means a lot to you, and if the love is real, everything will be ok in time <3

Best wishes
 

foxkits

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You have to understand that us ab/dl's aren't out there.
Plus it's how he grew up diapers are for baby's you don't want to be a baby do .
We got this a lot growing up .

But what they don't understand is we get confort from being little it makes us happy.
Your dealing with the same thing all of us do telling our girl friend or boy friend.
Just go slow don't push .
Let it go for a while .

We can tend to go overboard once our partners know about our diapers.
The big thing is not to put it in there face .
Just be you a while so he knows you are still his boy friend he loves.
Very very slowly over time bring out your little self it mite take a few years .

Don't go full blown Ab on him it can scare him .
Going back to how he grew up and how much his parents told him you don't want to be a baby.
You want to be a big boy don't you.
Communication is key but let him come to you when he is ready let things settle for a while ok.
We are glad to support you if you get frustrated.
Diapers are our thing but not every one's thing.
Keep it low-key for now ok.
From one little to another hugs.
 
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Maxx

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Clarification is good, but clearly is/was a big surprise to him. Stanfordgirl's 'man cave time required' I think sums it up.
 

BlankTater

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Once again, thank you for all the advice.

I took the advice of some of you and made sure to be clear with him that it was ok to ask any questions, and not to act like this is something I don't want to talk about, I would love to, and that if he wasn't ready to talk about it, that that was ok too.

He told me that he wasn't entirely ready to talk about it, and he is still trying to fully grasp that I had been keeping this secret from him for four years, he said that he wasn't mad at me for keeping the secret, he understood, he told me he would ask questions when he was ready to.

Thank you for helping me with this, I'm sure as most of you probably know, this is the hardest part of being an AB/DL, and I'm glad it's been going so well for me.

Have a nice day, or a nice night, depending on where you live!
 

Slomo

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Hello!

I recently told my boyfriend that I am an AB/DL, he was ok with it, and told me to be me, but now he acts like he doesn't want to talk about it, and I'm not sure he's actually ok with it...

When I told him, I asked if he still loved me, he told me "We've been dating for four years, of course I still love you", and I encouraged him to ask any questions that he had, but he never did.

Whenever I'm with him, he pretty much only communicates in dad jokes, so he is putting in a little effort, I guess. But has still not asked me any questions, and every time I act babyish around him, it feels like he is trying to pretend that I never told him, and that I'm acting normal.

Today I took a picture of me with my paci and surrounded by my large collection of stuffed animals, and was going to send it to him, but I ended up deleting it instead. I'm afraid I might scare him away...

What do I do?:sad:

Exactly how much did you tell him when you said you were abdl? If you didn't explain it well enough he might not have been able to reconcile it internally.

If that's the case, he may have just said he was ok with it, while actually thinking your desire might go away or can be changed later on.

You should definitely follow up with him about your abdl needs.
 

BlankTater

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Today I took a picture of me with my paci and surrounded by my large collection of stuffed animals, and was going to send it to him, but I ended up deleting it instead.

I did it...

I re-created the photo, sent it to my boyfriend, and he said it was so adorable his heart skipped a beat... :eek:

I love this guy. I'm so happy I found him... :D
 

Schwanensee

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I did it...

I re-created the photo, sent it to my boyfriend, and he said it was so adorable his heart skipped a beat... :eek:

I love this guy. I'm so happy I found him... :D

That's great! Seems like you're definitely going to be fine^^
 

NothingToSeeHere1

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Well, the reasoning for him thinking you're acting normal is probably because you are. If ABDL crept into your demeanor, that's just what he knows you as. The best thing to do in this situation would be to tell him you would like to start trying ABDL things out with him. That goes twice if he's sexually adventurous.

Do that, and he might try it. being really cryptic and distant about these things will only make it feel worse. If he says no, then fine. keep living with him, or break up(a bit callous, but hey). If he says yes, then hurray! You and him now get to be a daddy and daughter. Unless he finds he doesn't like it. Just do it. You'll probably most definitely be fine.
 
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Ghost of Bubu

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After the initial conversation with my wife about me being ABDL. Things went on like normal. Although I tried to engage her in conversation about it. It seemed like a rut sometimes. Instead over the course of time I started looking up and viewing various abdl items in her presence. Over time she started asking question about why I liked certain things which then opened the door for other things.

From my perspective your looking for that acceptance from him. Sometimes that acceptance comes in other forms other than verbal communication. Try simply wearing a diaper to bed.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
 

BlankTater

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I spent the night at my boyfriend's house last night and it was the BEST NIGHT EVER!
I do, however, regret telling him I'm ticklish...
I forgot my paci at my house, but he was ok with me sucking my thumb when we went to bed, and he's also great at cuddling.
I also called him daddy about 3 times, but I don't think he was paying attention...
But overall, it was great, and he pretty much couldn't stop saying how adorable I was.
 

lonnie

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My advice is from my own experience, take it slow, let him adsorb all that you have told him, and if he loves you as much as he says he does than he will still love you, however he may not be a willing participant, he may just be willing to go along with it.
I say this as my first wife decided she did not want me around any longer after I told her of my fondness of wearing diapers, I never wore a diaper around her and only showed her what a adult diaper looked like when she asked if I had any in the house.
My second wife on the other hand has told me she could care less if I wanted to wear diapers, but she did ask if I actually used them, I said yes cause at that time I only wet the diaper I wore, but I only wore a diaper maybe once or twice a month. My wife said as long as I took care of disposing of the used diaper.
 
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