Just found out

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CURIOUSWIFE77

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I just found out my husband has a diaper fetish and likes different aspects of adult baby play. I knew for a week before I was brave enough to talk to him about it. We have been married 7 years and I knew this was something he had been hiding for the 10 years we have been a couple which breaks my heart. We talked for 3 hours and I think we both feel a ton of relief. Our sex life has been lacking for years and I'm starting to think this is going to strengthen our relationship more than hurt it. It took me a while to process all of this, but I'm coming to the conclusion that I would like to try some of these new things in the bedroom. He was brave enough to tell me that he likes me to be the dominant and him submissive and he likes things spontaneous, not acted out. Can anyone give me some tips on how to andwhat to do that is "soft" and pleasing to a Dl/AB. I want to go very slowly at first for both our sakes. I guess I'm willing to explore this, just don't know how t start.... especially trying to play the dominant.
 
As much as he wants to be spontaneous, it is unfair to you both to try something so emotionally charged for him and new to you on a wing and a prayer.

It may seem awkward and mechanical but you two must discuss details for your comfort and so that he doesn't end the experience silently longing for something he wished you would have done. The end result of which is him being disappointed and unfulfilled. I know this from personal experiance, and many of us have traveled the same emotional road fraught with pitfalls.

One manner of dealing with this is encouraging him to share fantasies, dreams, or what specifically turns him on. Then without feeling like he has given you a script you can take elements and proceed at your own pace and within your comfort level.

I hope this helps, should you need further or more specific advice please do not hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,
Khaymen
 
Thank you for the advice! I will talk more about it with him. This is so new to me any advice is so appreciated.
 
I was in your husband's position with my wife until very recently and I don't have much advice to offer but if he was anything like myself then he will feel relieved to finally be open about it with you. I struggled for years both with admitting to myself and telling my wife. I had (in hindsight) wildly irrational fears of my wife suddenly changing her opinion of me if I told her. Now that she knows and we both talk about it I feel a lot better about myself and our relationship (and love life) has only gotten stronger. I hope that is the case with you and your husband and as someone going through a similar situation I would love to hear anything you find out or thoughts that anyone else has to share on the subject.
 
I wish I had told my wife much sooner into our marriage. Anyway, you might look into some diaper stories where the wife dominates her husband, and for whatever reason in the story, decides to force him to wear diapers, and systematically regresses him. I have a silly story on the site entitled, "The Un-training of Stanley Kaminsky. Anyway, it can be a lot of fun, but take everything at your own comfort level.

There's also an e-book you can buy through Kindle by Natalie Bent, "There's a Baby In My Bed" which has a lot of good suggestions. I found the first half of the book to be more relevant than the second as that was more directed to sissies and cross dressers.
 
Thanks for all the advice!!
 
You need to be honest about what you feel and have him be honest about his needs. The way to work through this is to come to an understanding of both of your expectations in the relationship and make sure you can work through this new aspect.
 
Khaymen said:
As much as he wants to be spontaneous, it is unfair to you both to try something so emotionally charged for him and new to you on a wing and a prayer.

It may seem awkward and mechanical but you two must discuss details for your comfort and so that he doesn't end the experience silently longing for something he wished you would have done. The end result of which is him being disappointed and unfulfilled. I know this from personal experiance, and many of us have traveled the same emotional road fraught with pitfalls.

One manner of dealing with this is encouraging him to share fantasies, dreams, or what specifically turns him on. Then without feeling like he has given you a script you can take elements and proceed at your own pace and within your comfort level.

I hope this helps, should you need further or more specific advice please do not hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,
Khaymen
Click to expand...

I think this is very good advice.

I was never lucky enough to have had a wife that accepted my little side. I tried to talk to my wife about this side of me when she ask why it was important to me. In the end she turned and said she was done with diapers and her husband had to be a man...so that side had to be locked away, for many years.

I would hope you two will talk about both of your needs. I also hope you can both work out a solution that will make you both happy.
 
The only thing I can think to add is this; You're going to share your life together. Take it slow, you both have a lot to get used to.

You're an amazing woman for wanting to understand and support. Looking at this as an opportunity means you're very awesome. My ex-husband never really got it (not that I can blame him). Your husband is exceptionally lucky! <3
 
And it never hurts to get him a plushy...i would love to get one :think:
 
Konners said:
And it never hurts to get him a plushy...i would love to get one :think:
Click to expand...

THIS, It would be a fantastic and caring start to get him a special plushy that the two of you can use to break the ice a little.
 
First, let me congratulate you on having an open mind toward the issue.

I have absolutely no caregiver experience, but I'm a lifelong AB ... minus the participating spouse. My wife told me well before we were married that she could see no room in our marriage for my infantilism, which has essentially left me to my own devices. As you already know, the desire doesn't just 'go away' with time or lack of attention. If anything, it gets worse. So women like you are my paradigm of hope, and I'm glad you've chosen to seek advice and help on this forum. Many of us have years of thoughts and experiences to offer.

Being a 'dominant' caregiver would, I imagine, have some unique charms, but I think most ABs are seeking a loving and caring 'parental' figure who essentially makes the decisions for them. That doesn't come easy to any adult; we're highly conditioned to seek agreement from others for any path of action. In this particular case, however, being 'dominant' means making the decisions for your 'baby' rather than seeking his agreement first.

In previous relationships, I discovered that an easy way to start is to be diapered for bedtime. For many of us, being diapered (if done slowly and with love and affection) actually contributes to a scenario in which lovemaking almost inevitably follows. If you've never undressed and diapered your husband before, he'll likely be embarrassed. Part of the 'dominant' role may require you to be firm about being sure he's dressed for bed. Vaseline, baby oil or Baby Magic are all handy things in these situations!

Second, the 'dommy mommy' role isn't for everyone. My wife is as dominant as they come, but she has absolutely no 'play' about her, which means getting her to act the part is impossible. The alternative is making a rather abrupt transition at bedtime from mother to lover. A single positive experience - one 'small step' to begin with - can pave the way for years of enjoyable interludes. What you need to remember is that you're playing a part or a role. I think there's a significant difference between the 'dominant' your husband is asking you to be and the take-charge 'mommy' he needs.
 
Here's my two cents...

Being ABDL is ususally kept hidden deep inside and even after being exposed or talking about it, you have not heard the whole story of his fears, wants, or desires.
If he wants you to be more dominant, then that means he wants you to take the lead.
That means that you should find the right time (for you and him), when you have time to play a bit.

As his mommy, I am sure that he would love to have you diaper him after work or at the start of a weekend. Then check his diaper after a couple hours and change it if it is wet. Keep him in diapers then entire weekend and change them when necessary.
If he doesn't get a chore done (laundry, dishes, yardwork, whatever) this is a good time to tell him he has been a naughty boy and he might get a spanking!
You could try giving him a bottle or a binky. He might like to try an adult sized onesie, or even some other AB clothes like shortalls or jammies (footed PJs)
You could try feeding him one night for dinner. You have your usual healthy dinner, feed him a mix of yogurt and sliced bananas; make sure he wears a bib and to get some spillage on his chin!
Breastfeeding is always a winner! Followed by a burping and a diaper change, then down for bed.

Stay away from public humiliation unless that is agreed upon first.

Have fun!

See link for more info from another site: http://www.bedwettingabdl.com/ManualforMommiesandDaddiesofAdultBabies.html
 
I'd just like to make a couple of comments.

First, don't be disappointed that he kept it from you for so many years. An AB's worst fear is to get discovered and have their lives destroyed. It happens more often than not. By keeping this to himself, he was protecting his marriage his family and you. You're wonderful for having such an open mind but he's still scared to death.

Second, the only one who can tell you what would make him happy is him. This fetish is extremely varied and although you can broadly describe the variations, everybody is different. COMMUNICATION is critical.

Third, I like the spontaneous thing too and it's simple if he's AB/DL. Anything you would do with a baby you can do with him. Just be MATERNAL. Do random diaper checks. Bottle feed him. Wake him up by touching a pacifier to his lips to see if he'll take it. Talk to him like he was an infant. For example, 'Does my little boy need a diaper change.' (Don't expect an answer). The possibilities are endless but well known by any mother. Authenticity is important.

Fourth, dominant/submissive (d/s) is a very broad spectrum. It could mean that he just wants you to do all the work. For example, If he seems cranky some night, diaper him and put him to bed early.

Fifth, YES, go slowly. Don't jump into any elaborate scenes. Keep it simple.

Adult 'parent/child' relationships can be extraordinarily intimate and fulfilling and can be fun and rewarding for both partners. Just have fun with him.
 
I second the suggestion of the book "There's a Baby in my Bed". I recommend you read it together with a highlighter and note the passages that strike a chord in his mind. You can both learn a lot about what makes him tick.
I find that little boys would like to be helpful to their adult. So don't hesitate to ask him like a child to take out the trash, set the table, whatever.
But don't forget to have adult time. We don't want you to get the feeling that he is no longer there for you.
You are a wonderful wife for just considering his feelings. A hundred guys here wish they had someone just like you.
 
Khaymen said:
As much as he wants to be spontaneous, it is unfair to you both to try something so emotionally charged for him and new to you on a wing and a prayer.

It may seem awkward and mechanical but you two must discuss details for your comfort and so that he doesn't end the experience silently longing for something he wished you would have done. The end result of which is him being disappointed and unfulfilled. I know this from personal experiance, and many of us have traveled the same emotional road fraught with pitfalls.

One manner of dealing with this is encouraging him to share fantasies, dreams, or what specifically turns him on. Then without feeling like he has given you a script you can take elements and proceed at your own pace and within your comfort level.

I hope this helps, should you need further or more specific advice please do not hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,
Khaymen
Click to expand...

Your advice is spot on! Well done, honestly
 
Dom and sub roles do have a very big field of roles.

The specific roles involving diapers isn't very narrow either. They also have branches that spread from diapers, or diapers are a part of another tree.

It could be all diaper related but he may want a nurturing only Dom such as a mother and a baby, a mix of that with some humiliation. The humiliation could go as far as you two as a couple, want.

In my desired experience of dom/sub roles would be for me to be forced to wear and use diapers at all times but not publicly exposed to do odd things in public that would offend others. Another branch of mine would be use of a chastity cage (device designed to control erections and prevent orgasms) in the Dom's role, she would hold they key and tease, deny, and repeat to cause sexual distress, to have the sub serve the Dom role to earn more teasing and denying and you can force him to give you pleasure without any benefit to him. Another branch would be forced to be a baby and forced to do and have babyish things. Restraints to restrict movement to be helpless and depend on Dom and to have no choice but to use diapers and be restricted of doing simple things like walking or feeding myself.

When it comes to your husband, he may only want the nurturing side of a mommy type of Dom. Diapering, feeding, cuddling, and so on. He may want more, but it's something for you two to discuss.

Maybe you have something in mind that you'd like to add. You may indeed like some of the kinkier things that may be too graphic to post here.

One place to start would to get him a pack of diapers that he'd love
(www.abuniverse.com)
Without his knowledge and when the time is right, get him to the room, tell him to strip (or do it yourself) you can put a diaper on yourself beforehand if you feel that would be OK. Pull out a diaper and diaper him.

Just remember this is all up to you, you also deserve to be comfortable to get involved as much as you want or don't want to be. This IS a relationship and you also have the right to set up ground rules. Relationships are a partnership and should always be a list of compromises, unless he asks for his opinion to not matter, Then it's fair game ;)
 
Ageplay is like the cute and fluffy side of bdsm. There's an interesting duality. At times it is incredibly sexual. It is a total surrender of control. Having a diaper changed by a lover is incredibly intimate. It is more naked than being naked. I've had sex with almost an embarrasingly high number of women (tho in my 20s, it was something I would have thought was awesome). In my adult life, I've only had four people change my diaper. There's a lot of trust involved. My absolute favorite time to be diapered is when I don't want it. Being diapered after sex or after a post shower blowjob, when the last thing I'm interested in is any thing sexual is delicious to me. The other end of that duality is when it's not sexual at all. Sometimes coloring, watching cartoons, etc.. allows me to check out of grown up head space. Know your husband and getting to know when he "needs" this is something you'll get attuned to. I love getting the text that I should be diapered when she gets home. Coming out of the bathroom after a shower and seeing a diaper on the bed. Him coming home from work and taking him immediately to be undressed and diapered.
Being an AB is like the counterbalance of my personality. I am an alpha male. I naturally tend toward leadership roles. I am many people's "rock". I love the life I get to live, but sometimes I enjoy not being alpha male. Being an AB allows me to set it all aside for a little while. Unless I'm smiling and laughing I can have an intimidating physical presence. I'm a big guy. I am likely one of the least likely people you'd think that would be into this, but I like being the small spoon sometimes in bed. It's sometimes the smallest things.
I want to say congrats to you. If your husband opened up to you about this, he really trust you. This is an emotional and sexual trust fall. The fact you are willing to explore this with him is awesome. This is an opportunity to take intimacy to incredible levels.
 
Thank you all again for the good advice. All is well.
 
I asked my wife at the time what was the kinkiest thing she was into. Where did she go in her head to push her over the top? Then she asked me about myself, then i told her about this.
Make sure you are getting your kinks tended too also .
 
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