Just a few thoughts about my relationship to diapers

Status
Not open for further replies.

charliee

Contributor
Messages
13
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
I'm kind of a new user, since I registered a year ago or so but I've never posted a lot since. I'm a 22 years old girl from Italy, with a passion for diapers.
But I could even say my relationship to them is a little more complicated than that. I've always liked diapers: I remember wanting to wear them even when I was 10 years old. I once took one of my cousin's and tried to put it on, incredibly it fit me! :D

But things have become a little more complicated with time. There was a period, when I was in high school, when I used a pacifier. I remember bringing it everywhere with me and keeping it in my school bag.
Two or three years ago I started buying myself diapers: I've always worn Tena up to now, even if it's not easy to find very absorbent diapers in supermarkets (in Italy, where I live, only Tena Pants Plus or Discreet are available in the stores). I also remember the first time I entered a pharmacy to ask for a package of Tena Pants Maxi (my absolute favourite diapers): the pharmacist did not understand what I said straight away, and I was so embarrassed that I wanted to just run away without even saying "good bye".
It was easier the second or third time, and with time it also became exciting ordering diapers on the phone or directly in the pharmacy.

Every time I walk in a supermarket I'm tempted to buy diapers and try to resist (also because they cost a lot!). Then there are periods when I don't wear a diaper in months and then.. BAM! All of a sudden I look for my diapers and if I don't have one to wear I feel like I'm going crazy and the day after I'm at the pharmacy again...
This "swing of desire" made me take a bus today to a supermarket to buy a new package of diapers (Tena Pants Super, this time) and some bed underpads in case I leaked. And I'm in Germany for a stage.. I felt like my craving for diapers was stronger than anything else: my laziness, the shame of buying them in public. When I got home I wore one immediately and the need to wet it felt like the most important thing to do...

Does anyone else experiment the same feelings and things? There are periods where I think that my interest for diapers is over, but in the end it always comes back.

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to share a few thoughts about this crazy and complicated relationship I have to my diapers! I hope I didn't annoy or bore anyone. ;-)
 

Puffs

Est. Contributor
Messages
209
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Babyfur
  3. Diaperfur
I'm kind of a new user, since I registered a year ago or so but I've never posted a lot since. I'm a 22 years old girl from Italy, with a passion for diapers.
But I could even say my relationship to them is a little more complicated than that. I've always liked diapers: I remember wanting to wear them even when I was 10 years old. I once took one of my cousin's and tried to put it on, incredibly it fit me! :D

But things have become a little more complicated with time. There was a period, when I was in high school, when I used a pacifier. I remember bringing it everywhere with me and keeping it in my school bag.
Two or three years ago I started buying myself diapers: I've always worn Tena up to now, even if it's not easy to find very absorbent diapers in supermarkets (in Italy, where I live, only Tena Pants Plus or Discreet are available in the stores). I also remember the first time I entered a pharmacy to ask for a package of Tena Pants Maxi (my absolute favourite diapers): the pharmacist did not understand what I said straight away, and I was so embarrassed that I wanted to just run away without even saying "good bye".
It was easier the second or third time, and with time it also became exciting ordering diapers on the phone or directly in the pharmacy.

Every time I walk in a supermarket I'm tempted to buy diapers and try to resist (also because they cost a lot!). Then there are periods when I don't wear a diaper in months and then.. BAM! All of a sudden I look for my diapers and if I don't have one to wear I feel like I'm going crazy and the day after I'm at the pharmacy again...
This "swing of desire" made me take a bus today to a supermarket to buy a new package of diapers (Tena Pants Super, this time) and some bed underpads in case I leaked. And I'm in Germany for a stage.. I felt like my craving for diapers was stronger than anything else: my laziness, the shame of buying them in public. When I got home I wore one immediately and the need to wet it felt like the most important thing to do...

Does anyone else experiment the same feelings and things? There are periods where I think that my interest for diapers is over, but in the end it always comes back.

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to share a few thoughts about this crazy and complicated relationship I have to my diapers! I hope I didn't annoy or bore anyone. ;-)

i actually had alot of the same when i was around 9-10 i was at a friends house and i saw there was some diapers there and i just suddenly felt the need to try it on and yeah after that i have been wanting diapers and sometimes its so i dont really wanna and sometimes i just gotta stay padded at all time xD
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
3,413
Role
  1. Private
It's normal for ABDLs to go through cycles like this. At the extreme end are the binge and purge cycles where you indulge your desires to the max for a while and then, feeling shameful over this, you swear it off "forever". It sounds like you are going through milder cycles which, IMO, would be healthier. Enjoy your diapers when the mood strikes. Enjoy the times you can fully engage in all the other things in your life when you don't feel a pressing need to wear diapers. It's what we call balance.

You won't annoy or bore anyone here with your thoughts on the subject. We have the same issues you do and are happy to discuss them.
 

SissyDLE

Est. Contributor
Messages
490
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Sissy
  3. Little
Charliee,

As has been said, this appears to be a milder form of the binge/purge cycle which an awful lot of people go through. In many ways, it is similar to the person who absolutely has to have some chocolate cake, goes to the supermarket, buys a big cake, eats half of it, feels guilty and throws the rest of the cake away.

I am no different, I have indulged in wearing diapers and enjoyed myself while doing so. On the other hand, some way down the line I feel incredibly guilty and whole packets have landed up in the bin while I swore never to do this again. But the problem with this is that this is part of our personality. These desires do not go away.

The real problem with that is that it takes us a long time to come to terms with this being part of who we are. The key to being happy as well as being a DL, AB, Little, DF, BF, etc is to find balance. I now have quite a large stash of diapers however I wear when I want to and when I do not, they are put away securely ready for when the desire strikes again. That was quite hard to achieve the first time, Resisting the urge to throw things away took some courage. I was only able to do that once I was more comfortable with who I actually am. And I only achieved that once I have realised that being a DL harms no one. What we get up to is entirely harmless although hardly mainstream and acceptable to society.

So, now, I have some sort of balance and a stash that I can access when I feel the urge. I also have the support of the wonderful people on this site.

With regards to yourself, this is entirely normal. You need to find your own way to find a balance and to accept who you are. Once you have done that this will not worry you to the same extent.

DLE
 

charliee

Contributor
Messages
13
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Hi everyone!

I wanted to say thanks for your answers. I'm not worried or angry with myself for this fetish and desires I have. They have been with for such a long time that I know they are a part of me. On the other hand it's always difficult to accept them, or, even better, coming to the terms with the fact that they are not just a "phase". They are only in the sense that once in a while I'll feel the need to put a diaper on and to wet it. I don't really feel guilty when I wear, that's a moment where I try not to think of anything, I just want to relax and think of the pleasant heat between my legs. But I also feel surprised when this need is so strong that it brings me to a supermarket to buy only that. When it goes so out of control, to say so.

I could even say that my relationship to diapers is a bit complex since I wore them many time when going out with friends or even with my family present, but a little scrappy part of me just doesn't want to give up and keeps saying "what in hell are you doing??" :)
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
3,413
Role
  1. Private
I'm nearly three times your age but I still haven't completely accepted this aspect of myself. In my younger days I assumed it was a phase that would disappear when I became an adult. Long ago I came to terms with the fact that it isn't just a phase, and that the causes of these intense desires were beyond my control, but the difficulty comes in trying to twist my moral values to make this behavior acceptable when most of the world views it as wrong. Unless I am misreading you it appears you have the same concerns.

I don't intentionally wear diapers when I'm going to be with family or friends. You do, but when you do the little voice in your head asks "what in hell are you doing??" Implicit in this, for both of us, is the idea that this behavior is wrong. This little moral dilemma isn't so easy for us to settle. I'm still working on it.
 
Last edited:

blackwaltz

Est. Contributor
Messages
89
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
hello charliee....its actually refreshing and feels great to read your story as a male been a diaper lover i cant explain how cool it is to see im not different from you a female and were just expressing the same feelings .....as a child i never had access to diapers but i can vaguely remember having an odd habit of putting on multiple pairs of underwear as i loved the warm cramped feeling...needless to say i now understand this like you i find my self sometimes stopping and feeling silly or ashamed but i don't see why. i love how secure and cosy it feels and when we wet....well who can say no to the warm rushing waves of lovelyness ...ha ha thats how i'd explain it
i sometimes have to rush to the 24/7 asda or somewhere to purchase my fave diaper ever drynites....god these puppies are comfy
i wish you all the best and feel free to say hi or ask me anything you want ...were online so i have no problems sharing my personal experiences and thoughts
regards
 

adasterix

Est. Contributor
Messages
283
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
I don't intentionally wear diapers when I'm going to be with family or friends. You do, but when you do the little voice in your head asks "what in hell are you doing??" Implicit in this, for both of us, is the idea that this behavior is wrong. This little moral dilemma isn't so easy for us to settle. I'm still working on it.

The little voice isn't necessarily saying it is wrong, it may be saying it is risky. Even though buying diapers is not usually risky in any real sense, I suspect that almost all of us have had that hyper-alertness until we got used to it. Wearing in public and wearing around family (that don't know you wear) all start with that same surge of feeling.

For some of us, that surge of feeling is good; for me it's what led me to try diapers, although once I did other feelings took over almost right away. The downside is that some situations and behaviors are genuinely riskier than others, and I have a tendancy to escalate the risk in order to get the same rush. (No, it is not like being addicted---habituation is not addiction.)

The trick is to accurately assess what the cost of being exposed is. Then do what you can be comfortable with and don't do what you can't. And don't be rude.
 

charliee

Contributor
Messages
13
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Hi everyone again!
Adaserix, what do you mean by don't be rude? Do you refer to my "what in hell" or to a way of wearing diapers that could be embarrassing for someone?
 

rioc040

Est. Contributor
Messages
49
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Hello Charliee,

Like yourself, I have had an interest in diapers since I was young; It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I discovered what the AB/DL community. I also use diapers in stages and keep a stash for when the urge strikes. You shouldn't feel guilty though. Just like with any other hobby, we want to relax and have some fun. Be happy with who you are, embrace it and enjoy life to the fullest.
 

charliee

Contributor
Messages
13
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Hi rioc040 and thank you for your reply. It's nice to see that I'm not alone and that there are other people who feel the same or similar things.
I keep telling myself that I have accepted this side of me; on the other hand I must admit that there's a part of this urge to put on a diaper, wet it etc., that makes me feel... bizarre, strange.
Some time ago my mother found one of my diapers. I still hadn't managed to throw it away, so I think it was even a bigger shock for her. She doesn't accept it and I don't want to discuss the subjects nor to give explanations to her. I just told her it's a private thing, and that I don't want her to ask me further questions. This is really embarrassing, but it has also made clear that the urge to wear diapers is not just a phase, but... a real urge.
 

Barnboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
387
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
There is nothing to be embarrassed by wearing. Many people need to wear due to a medical issue. Others wear because it feels great or gives some feeling of comfort or happiness. For whatever the reason, one should never feel negative about it. As many on this site have said, there is no harm to anyone. It's really your acceptance (or not) that can create the barrier with feelings of guilt or remorse. We as a society are brought up thinking that certain things or ways of acting or dressing have to be put into an exact formula. I see today's general population voicing their individuality, or conformity, depending on how you view it with piercings, tattoos or other body art that just a few years ago would have been a big no no. Back in the 60's it was long hair and the hippie movement. In the 80's Yuppies and driving a certain car was the "in" thing. We evolve as a society and with it acceptable behavior is in constant change. I hope this site and other outlets for expressing a true desire, that is hurting no one, can be socially accepted. I believe, with time, it will (see how companies like Depends have made an impact on TV, further creating acceptance, in an aging population where adult diapers can give renewed freedom to people who were otherwise house or bedridden).
As for you mother, a quick and acceptable answer could have been you felt embarrassed with a recent accident and felt wearing for now would help with a possible medical issue. I am sure she would understand and possible urge you to see a doctor, but the incident would pass and allow you to move on, knowing in your case, you may need to be more careful with family around in the future. With time and comfort, you may be in a better place inside of you to be more open without worrying about others comments. For me, my wife knows I wear on occasion (maybe I hide it sometimes too) and she may not fully understand my desire for it, but I don't allow it to get in the way of our family or personal life. It has to coexist. My young son has no idea and I would never feel comfortable with him knowing. So I need to be careful as he gets around and is getting more observant everyday. It's part of the compromise one makes, but in the end, you need to find the comfort with yourself. Know that this desire is inside and likely a part of who you are, for whatever reason, and no one can take that away from you.
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
3,413
Role
  1. Private
The little voice isn't necessarily saying it is wrong, it may be saying it is risky. Even though buying diapers is not usually risky in any real sense, I suspect that almost all of us have had that hyper-alertness until we got used to it. Wearing in public and wearing around family (that don't know you wear) all start with that same surge of feeling.

For some of us, that surge of feeling is good; for me it's what led me to try diapers, although once I did other feelings took over almost right away. The downside is that some situations and behaviors are genuinely riskier than others, and I have a tendancy to escalate the risk in order to get the same rush. (No, it is not like being addicted---habituation is not addiction.)

The trick is to accurately assess what the cost of being exposed is. Then do what you can be comfortable with and don't do what you can't. And don't be rude.
I agree with everything you say here but the risk we are talking about is the risk of being discovered doing something that nearly everyone thinks is just plain wrong. We, most of us here anyway, don't see it as wrong but we are a very tiny minority. The rest of the world pretty much sees our activities as wrong. That nagging little voice is reminding us of this and is raising the possibility we are wrong and the rest of the world is right.
 

blackwaltz

Est. Contributor
Messages
89
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Hi rioc040 and thank you for your reply. It's nice to see that I'm not alone and that there are other people who feel the same or similar things.
I keep telling myself that I have accepted this side of me; on the other hand I must admit that there's a part of this urge to put on a diaper, wet it etc., that makes me feel... bizarre, strange.
Some time ago my mother found one of my diapers. I still hadn't managed to throw it away, so I think it was even a bigger shock for her. She doesn't accept it and I don't want to discuss the subjects nor to give explanations to her. I just told her it's a private thing, and that I don't want her to ask me further questions. This is really embarrassing, but it has also made clear that the urge to wear diapers is not just a phase, but... a real urge.


my mum once found one of mine back when i still live with her i used to put them in a sealable box under my bed until i could sneak them out of the house safely needless to say she found it and had a nosey not good :/ she actually slated me for it i never explained it to her and its not been spoken of since....horrid....anyway disposal is the key so make it smaller cleaner and easy to sneak into the bin even possible to stuff into an empty baked beans can or something in the bin that will hide it all you have to do is get rid of the pulp inside so remove used ones in the toilet and follow the tip on my pic that i drew using paint......yes:D good isn't it :p he he
wishing you all the best xxx
disposal.jpg

- - - Updated - - -

was meant to say hold here...not hold her :/ ha ha
 

Barnboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
387
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Blackwaltz, are you suggesting disposing of the SAP and pulp of a disposable diaper into the toilet? I would strongly recommend against that as you are looking for major plumbing issues down the road. Even worse if you have a septic system. Those materials are never meant for any plumbing system, plus it takes a very long time for it to decompose should you have a private septic.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top