I've been thinking of coming out to my parents.

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Stormtrooper

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  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Diaperfur
Before anyone asks why, I'll explain right now:

1. It's something I feel I need to get out of the way before I move away soon.
2. I feel like I need to tell them the truth.
3. I've grown tired of hiding in the proverbial closet all my life, and...
4. I'd like to do my diaper wearing (discreetly) sometime without shocking them if they happen to get a glimpse of me wearing a diaper or if they open up a package addressed to me only to find diapers.

Now, with that out of the way, I need advice. My parents are conservative Christians and I am, too. In fact, my dad happens to pastor the church I attend and my mom is the secretary there. If I come out to them, all I want from them is for them to understand and accept my diaper fetish and to not judge me if they see me with them.

So, how do I come out as DL without them thinking I'm some sort of pervert (because I know I'm not)? Any tips or advice? Yes, I am serious about coming out, but I'm willing to risk it.
 
The first two items on your list don't really explain why you would decide to do this, particularly when with the situation you describe isn't likely to lead to a positive outcome. I can understand the urge to tell but I don't think it's usually a very good idea and what you describe makes it sound like even less of a good idea. As is often explained here, there's a difference between privacy and secrecy and this is the typical case where it arises. Choosing not to share something that doesn't serve any significant purpose isn't a lie, and it isn't hiding, it's simply maintaining your own privacy. I hope you will give further consideration as to what possible benefit this would have for both you and your parents before proceeding. At the very least, move out first, and live your life on your own a bit. Take stock of that new situation and you may well see that telling is not as important as you believe it to be right now. You can always tell. You can't undo it.
 
Well, when you prefix Christian with the word conservative I get a little worried. In my experience, conservative Christians are not normally too enthusiastic about things that fall outside the realm of 'normality.' Out of interest, do you have problems rationalizing your diaper wearing with your religious beliefs? No need to answer that if you don't want to but I do know other very religious people have struggled with this matter. Anyway, clearly wearing diapers could certainly be considered abnormal to a conservative of any type. If you think that you absolutely must tell your parents, why not first consider their views on other topics such as homosexuality and gay marriage? Perhaps tell them you have a gay friend and see how they react. If they are very opposed to these things then I think your best bet is to not tell them. I wanted to tell my mom once but decided not to after feedback I received on this board. Now she is gone so there's no chance anymore. But you go to your dad's service each week so you probably already know the answer to this question. By the way, the reason I wanted to tell my mom was to see if she had any insight as to why I turned out the way I did. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. We are who we are and we do what we do! If there is a God he would love us diapers and all!
 
Well, when you prefix Christian with the word conservative I get a little worried. In my experience, conservative Christians are not normally too enthusiastic about things that fall outside the realm of 'normality.' Out of interest, do you have problems rationalizing your diaper wearing with your religious beliefs? No need to answer that if you don't want to but I do know other very religious people have struggled with this matter. Anyway, clearly wearing diapers could certainly be considered abnormal to a conservative of any type. If you think that you absolutely must tell your parents, why not first consider their views on other topics such as homosexuality and gay marriage? Perhaps tell them you have a gay friend and see how they react. If they are very opposed to these things then I think your best bet is to not tell them. I wanted to tell my mom once but decided not to after feedback I received on this board. Now she is gone so there's no chance anymore. But you go to your dad's service each week so you probably already know the answer to this question. By the way, the reason I wanted to tell my mom was to see if she had any insight as to why I turned out the way I did. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. We are who we are and we do what we do! If there is a God he would love us diapers and all!

Wow long time no see glad to see you on .
 
Before anyone asks why, I'll explain right now:


Alright I will give you advice but I am going to need to ask you a lot of questions in order to understand the details and be able to give you advice that is effective.


1. It's something I feel I need to get out of the way before I move away soon.


I don't make assumptions so I am going to ask you the following question. Are you wanting to do this because you want to be honest with both yourself as well as your parents in a way that is constructive and healthy for you?

2. I feel like I need to tell them the truth.


I take it you are tired of having to lie to your parents correct? Or is this something else entirely? Or is it because you are tired of having to lie to your parents and something else on top of that? If there is something else please enlighten me as I do not want to assume anything at this point.



3. I've grown tired of hiding in the proverbial closet all my life, and...


You are free to choose anything you want to do. But you are not free from the consequences. Are you prepared to deal with the consequences? Don't get me totally wrong but it may or may not be worth it for you to do this but that is dependent on your specific circumstances that no one here can fully understand. Maybe it is worth it but I suggest you take a good hard look at what can go wrong if you do this.


4. I'd like to do my diaper wearing (discreetly) sometime without shocking them if they happen to get a glimpse of me wearing a diaper or if they open up a package addressed to me only to find diapers.


That may not be possible actually. But I could be wrong as well because I don't know your parents that well either. Once again though this is your choice and I will respect either one you make.


Now, with that out of the way, I need advice. My parents are conservative Christians and I am, too. In fact, my dad happens to pastor the church I attend and my mom is the secretary there. If I come out to them, all I want from them is for them to understand and accept my diaper fetish and to not judge me if they see me with them.

So, how do I come out as DL without them thinking I'm some sort of pervert (because I know I'm not)? Any tips or advice? Yes, I am serious about coming out, but I'm willing to risk it.


Well here are some links that will help you as well as give advice on whether you should go through with this or not.http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/coming-out.html


This link will give you advice on how not to come out provided you seriously do so. http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/how-not-to-come-out.html


If you do decide to come out make sure you show your parents these links as well as it will help calm them down possibly if you get a bad reaction from them. http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/abdl-phobia-and-misconceptions-about-abdls.html
http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/abdls-on-tv-and-stereotyping.html

These links might calm them down a lot as it was intended for either ABDL teens or just parents of children that have grown old enough to be legally a adult. http://aboutabdl.weebly.com/information-for-parents-of-abdl-childrenteens.html

With this advice I would highly recommend that you think really hard about what you can gain as opposed to what you could lose. Provided that you do come out to your parents I highly recommend that you at least read the links above and make sure you tell them this after you move. I would recommend that you tell them (if at all) literally after you have moved the last box into your new home. Your still under their roof until that happens. If your parents try to tell you that this is a sin ask them where is it written in the bible that says wearing diapers is a sin? Do not get confrontational and make sure you tell them that this is a part of who and what you are. It's not going to stop and it's not going to go away. Then emphasize that this is not going to go away no matter how much you want it to go away. Show your parents exactly how dangerous it can be to try to make you stop even assuming you want to stop. If they really care about you (which they probably do) then I don't think they are going to that argumentative about how to handle this.Give them time to come around if that is needed but always remember to not be confrontational if that day comes.Other then that I can only give advice based upon the answers to my question or any additional information you give me through either a PM or openly on this thread.
 
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Well, you're lucky in that you've had some really good responders get on here, starting with Trevor, though all the responses have been well thought out. It think you've gotten good advise. What we can't determine, is how your parents might react because we don't know them. What we do know are all the cliches regarding conservative Christians, and maybe they don't apply to your parents. I do think that it might be a good idea to consider their stance on other alternative lifestyles, as dyperpants suggested. If they're negative toward those individuals, it doesn't bode well for someone who wants to wear diapers.

Like others have said, it would be best to sleep on this for awhile. If you still want to tell, before you do that, you might give us a better understanding of your parents. We might be better able to advise you, having that information.
 
To be totally honest, is it really yourself that you're struggling with. Perhaps you are feeling that having your parents 'blessing' will help you to accept yourself. Of course I don't actually know your situation, but this is a revelation that could potentially destroy your relationship with your parents.

It is possible to maintain your privacy and keep a healthy relationship with your parents. Yes, having the freedom of mind to not be worrying about surprises would be good, but whoa...is that worth the risk. Actually, if your parents would lovingly embrace your DL/DF side now, then they would also accept you, should they accidentally discover it. The opposite could be awful. Even if they do accept the truth, there's no guarantee they'll condone it.

Many things are held in secret or in confidence for good reason....even those we most love, don't necessarily need to know everything about us.

I have a fantastic relationship with my folks, but I could never tell them about my little side...yes they would struggle with it, and yes I believe they would still love me, but I know it would hurt them so why would I tell them.

My partner on the other hand, well I reached a point where she had to know...it was only fair, and well I knew that she could cope...mind you it hasn't all been easy, but we're doing ok.

Please listen to everyone's sound advice. Think it through really carefully, and make absolutely sure that it's necessary before spilling the beans. This is not something you can un-do.

Good luck :)
 
Besides knowing more about your parents, this would help my answer: What religion are you? Some religions seem to be a little more accepting than others.
 
Welp. That is quite a bit of input. Thanks, guys. Now, let's see if I can respond to most, if not all of it.

Trevor: They are going to eventually find out about me being a DL, and I'd rather that be because I came out and not because they found me with diapers or me looking at this site or whatnot. In other words, I want to be honest with myself and them. But I do agree: maybe I should wait a little longer before I come out.

dprpants: Ok, to clarify, that's not exactly what I meant by 'conservative'. We're not the kind of geezer church that thinks electric guitars are satanic or whatnot, but we do believe that homosexuality is a sin. HOWEVER, we'd never shut them out or even give them unfair treatment just because they're gay. Maybe I have a better chance? Also, it actually took me several years to come to terms with both my Christianity and my ABDLism, and I've resolved (in my opinion) that they are compatible, as long as the latter takes a backseat to the former. I get this feeling that my being DL is a Chekhov's Gun of sorts, actually.

accepted: I answered your first question, I think. As for your second, I wasn't lying to them per se, but they have sometimes caught me stealing and using diapers when I was little until my preteens, so they might know already if something's up. The consequences: I very highly doubt they would disown me, but I think the worst that can happen is if they send me to a shrink. I'd probably be prepared to deal with him. I am a very respected member of the family, though, so I sincerely think that the consequences may be minimal, but probably not. I don't know for sure. Thanks for the links, btw. I'd probably need that later.

ozbub: Frankly, I do need the support of people I actually know as opposed to someone on the internet. And I think the only ones who can give that support are my parents. Since I live in a fairly small town, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that I'm the only ABDL member living there. But, like I said earlier, I'm probably going to tie up loose ends first before coming out. Still, though, I want to come out as smoothly and calmly as possible for the best possible outcome. Wish me luck. (Oh, wait...)

zipperless: I'm a Pentecostal Christian, associated with the Assemblies of God. We believe stuff like the doctrine of the Trinity, that the Bible's the absolute Word of God, the baptism in water and of the Holy Spirit, etc. Does that help?

Again, thanks for your input. I do hope to successfully get this off my chest someday.
 
coming out to anyone is hard. i came out to my mum today, and she was pretty cool about it. kind of weirded out, but accepting.
i'd say go for it, especially if you feel it's the best and healthiest thing for you to do.
i hope your parents take it well and don't judge you (there's no reason to, but you know how people can be).
good luck!
 
Wow long time no see glad to see you on .
Well, it's really nice to know somebody actually missed me!! Yeah, I kind of go in bursts on here, separated by a few weeks. Don't know why it's been so long this time, other than having a lot of crap to do in the boring old real world!
 
I look at coming out about being ABDL as something of a spectrum. There are safe places to discuss it (like here) where you can get support and advice. There are somewhat safe people to confide in, such as very close friends that you trust or friends who are themselves of an alternate sexuality. And then then are some potentially very dangerous people to come out to, which can include parents, conservative friends, or other family members that you don't trust.

At the same time, there's a range of pressures that you can be under. Some people have families and friends that are relatively easygoing and it's easy for them to establish a rhythm in their life that balances spending some time with ABDL interests and time studying, working, or socializing. Others, for a variety of reasons, feel a lot of pressure from their family and friends and have a need to confide about being ABDL because keeping the secret in combination with the pressure from their social group is emotionally harmful.

For what it's worth, I did tell my parents. But I waited until I was older, living independently and far away when I told them. And it was still quite rough and surprisingly hostile considering I have very liberal parents who I know would have had no trouble with me being gay.

If you nevertheless feel you must tell, keep a few things in mind.
1. There is a chance they totally freak out and you've misread them. Don't make assumptions. Be sure it's what you want to do, even if they do freak out.
2. Your 4th point isn't terribly likely. Even if you tell them and it goes okay, they probably won't want you wearing diapers around them. You should respect their wishes if that's the case.
3. Be prepared for nothing to change. One possibility is that you tell them, have it out for a day or two, and then they try to pretend that they never heard anything and treat you as if the ABDL part of you doesn't exist.
4. Be prepared to lose your stuff. One possible initial reaction, especially since you haven't moved yet, is that they'll throw away all your ABDL stuff. Even if you work it out later, that could be expensive to replace, or just frustrating and annoying for a while.
 
The sad thing is your parents will feel they failed at parenting what did they do wrong.
They wont look at you the same.
But your choice.
 
I am against "coming out" to anyone. As much as we would like to believe different, wanting to wear diapers is seen as abnormal. The immediate responses would be perversion or mental illness. You will never be able to convince everyone who could ever find out otherwise.

Personally, I tried once to explain it to my father several years ago and failed miserably. Thanks to my age at the time, I was able to mend that situation by convincing him it was just a passing thought.

That said, if you feel that you must tell them, do a little preparation first. Get your thoughts in order and put it in writing what you feel and want.

- Why do you want to wear diapers/act like a baby?
- When do you do it or would like to do it?
- How will it affect your life, or more importantly how will it not affect it?
- What do you expect from others?
- Is it sexual, or how is it not?
- How do you expect to handle others finding out? (Your excuse)

I did basically the same thing about a month or so ago when I was finally able to come to terms with what I want. It will certainly help you to explain it.

Now approach your parents with a little tact. In your case, stress that this is not an issue with them or with god, but with yourself. Admit to them that you know it is "abnormal" and that you may need help. Be honest and tell them everything you have told us, that you wanted them to know and did not want to lie and hide it. Try to avoid talking about having worn before or any sneaking you may have done, but do not lie if asked directly.

Finally, prepare for the worst. This discussion may be the last you and your parents have for a long time. Despite how you think they would or should react, parents have a habit of going overboard when their children are involved. I would say the best case scenario is that they quietly accept it, but want no part in it. Wanting you to see a therapist would be a close second.
 
Based on my own experience of talking it over with my parents, and talking with other ageplayers in my community I will say this. If you start this conversation, be prepared to own it and be ready direct the outcome of the conversation. Have all the information you're going to need for their questions right away. You know how your parents react to other stuff and your overall relationship with them, we don't - so if fairly reasonable daily things get them going, this would probably go worse. Or if having heart to heart discussions typically go well in your family, perhaps this would go well also. Is something like telling them you're DL compatible with the relationship your parents have with you? Is your relationship with them different from the one they have with you?

Think carefully what you stand to gain, and what you could lose. Will this enhance your relationship with your parents? Or will you wish you could close Pandora's box? Consider your parent's perspective, would they really want to know something like this about you? Or would they prefer to remain willfully ignorant? Would they appreciate the guts and the gesture of trust or will they focus on the freaky?

I used wiki and bittergrey's site when I told my folks after calling for a 24-hour cease fire where I would not answer any of their questions until we all calmed down. I left a note in the kitchen telling them to read up on the pages I left open on a computer, and to talk to me in the morning. The cease fire was crucial to smoothing out the lousy start I had. After that I got a hug and an 'I love you' and my ageplaying and paraphernalia have been matter of fact and not discussed since. It has over time helped and hurt my relationship with my parents as an undercurrent. I typically don't dress up or wear around the house out of respect for what my parents would or wouldn't want to see. It is after all, unreasonable to pull them into what is my fetish.

Edit to add: I'm not against telling people and have told several. However with my parents - not telling them was severely detrimental to my mental and physical health at the time. My choice was essentially between telling or eventual residential psychiatric care for panic attacks and depression. I don't recommend being open about it, unless asked, in situations that don't directly impact your health. My quiet but honest policy now includes 'Are you sure you know what you're asking to know?'
 
It's important to accept yourself and though this may be scary and embarrassing to think that they may find out, there is also a chance that they will not. If this is a sexual kink for you, I'd stray from informing your parents. You wouldn't want to know what kinds of things brought you into this world, would you?

Just my two cents.
 
StormTroper,

I think many of us have been in your shoes at some point of our diaper adventures. Just wishing to share it with those nearest are dearest to ourselves in a hope of allowing more regular wearing (purchasing, storing...) without the fear of discovery. We seek to be able to live our normal lives, with the addition of the wonderful AB/DL pleasures.

Yes, I see that several people apparently have success when telling parents. However, I think that in the majority of cases it will not exactly have a positive affect on all parties involved. Yes, caring wonderful parents might say: "aww, thanks for sharing with us, don't worry about it, do what you need to do..." But I would be shocked if they ended that conversation and then just returned to their life without more consideration. I think, as others have mentioned, they will spend time wondering if they have a part to play in why you are like this. They might worry about what it will mean for you with regards to future relationships etc.

Now I must admit, I think my tennis racquets are probably more religious that I am, so I can't predict how your parents might react due to their beliefs.. But regardless, I just really recommend that you keep it to yourself. Heck, you are even moving out shortly... Loads more privacy...

Stay safe, stay happy.
A.
 
I would not do it. Period. Think of it this way, you are doing it to clear your conscience because you have lied to them. On the other hand, what are the implications? Will you cause them distress and heart ache? If so, clearing your conscience of what is essentially a "white lie" could be considered self-centered and not in your parent's best interests.
 
How would you feel if your parents told you about the details of their sex life, or if they told you what toys they like to use in the bedroom? Might you prefer that they kept this information to themselves?
 
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