I've accepted everything and I'm coming out a different closet.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Messages
368
Role
  1. Adult Baby
I've always asserted the idea on here that I am not a sissy. I wear girly clothes and love girly things when regressing, but that was because I felt entirely more infantile.

I guess the reason why I felt more infantile, was because I felt more normal. I felt right. I felt like that's who I was. And the funny thing is, is that it wasn't because I was regressing. It's because I wanted to be a girl.

I'm not sure what the demographics are for transsexual infantalists, but I'm one of them. This wasn't a random decision - I've been battling this for a long, long time. As of a month ago, I accepted that I wasn't happy with being a guy. I understood why I identify with women. I feel happy when I can be a woman. Ironically, it was during Canadian thanksgiving while cooking a turkey dinner for 10 people. I couldn't eat anything. I was having anxiety attacks. I broke down in front of my friends.

I wont get into the details or history; I've now accepted myself as transsexual (male to female) after so long of ignoring it and countering it with trying to be manly. This was similar, actually, to when I figured out I was a TB back in the day.

I've begun my transition to female, and I'm so excited. This is the first time in my life I genuinely felt like I had a future and that I liked myself.

I didn't want to do a blog entry, because a lot of blogs go unnoticed, and I figured that this is a reasonable bit of information that should be used to further educate people in the demographics of AB/TB/DL people. Heaven knows how often us *Bs go unnoticed with zero support, very little information or explanations. We have a quite few *Bs, but yet our group is non-existant. I've accepted myself as an AB for 8 friggin years, and it surprises me that the only thing that people understand about us is from what they saw on CSI.

So, I suppose this calls for an AMA (ask a man anything (or woman) ). Please, fire questions at me. Let's learn a little more about the involvement in the *B/DL world.
 

SubstanceD

Est. Contributor
Messages
44
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Happy for you! I can't imagine how difficult and confusing that must have been to go through. Except I do remember finally admitting to myself I was gay, and how much better I felt, so I suppose it's sort of like that. Like a voice at the back of your mind that you know is there, and you keep telling yourself it isn't there, and then eventually you admit it's there and you listen to it.

At any rate, congratulations. I assume the next big hurdle for you will be telling your family, so good luck in advance for that one.
 
Messages
368
Role
  1. Adult Baby
Like a voice at the back of your mind that you know is there, and you keep telling yourself it isn't there, and then eventually you admit it's there and you listen to it.

Pretty spot-on. The hardest part is acceptance. Once you can identify the problem and accept it, the solution is easy to figure out.

I've started HRT, so I'm on the way to being myself. I'm slowly telling people I trust about this and what I'm doing. They've all been fantastic (as in, they want to grab my boobs :laugh: ). I have told more people (like, 6 total) about being trans than about being an AB. Again, I'm reminded of always playing the lg role in ageplay. I assumed that it was the role that made me feel more infantile, but it turned out to be the role I universally wanted. Being an AB probably delayed me understanding this, but it made it easier to deal with. I came out as trans to a friend about a month and half ago, so I've had lots of time to reflect on this.

Thanks for the luck. I will have to talk to family, which is huge. How I do it is another problem...
 

bjm904

Banned
Messages
82
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
How confused you must be. It is very good you accept it though.
Family is going to be the hardest part. They will accept it in the end, of course.
 

fifigal

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,145
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Sissy
  3. Little
You have my best wishes, Jimini. This will be a long and hard road at first, but much easier than living your life as something you know that you are not. Good luck, good journey.
 
Messages
368
Role
  1. Adult Baby
How confused you must be. It is very good you accept it though.
Family is going to be the hardest part. They will accept it in the end, of course.

It was quite confusing. I broke down and nearly cried when telling my best friend. As for them accepting it in the end.. Well, let's just say I'm prepared to lose my family.

You have my best wishes, Jimini. This will be a long and hard road at first, but much easier than living your life as something you know that you are not. Good luck, good journey.

Thanks, hon. :smile1: I expect nothing more than discrimination, relentless bullying, and hardships. If I'm happy with who I am, then come at me, bro! Thanks again.
 

Goofy

Est. Contributor
Messages
523
Role
  1. Sissy
Im sure you'll be very happy, you have the best of wishes from me, good luck.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
21,197
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Sometimes circumstances create rifts in our families, including separation. It shouldn't of course, but all families are different. It was very difficult for me when my mom discovered my diapers and gay porn. Honestly, what do you say? I'm sorry isn't appropriate, just, this is who I am, take it or leave it.

It was worse in the late 60's because everyone, and especially psychiatrists, thought that homosexuality was caused by past experiences, and thus, psychotherapy could make you straight. I'm not sure what they thought about gender reassignment, but I know they did it back then. I think they were at least smart enough to know that sometimes nature just wasn't complete enough in how it assigned sexual traits. Anyway, everyone is a unique person, with a unique combination of traits, whether they are sexual assignments, personality traits, out going or shy. How sad that parents or anyone can't accept our differences and embrace us with love.

As you may have seen on this site, I too went home during college, had dinner with my parents and some company which they had invited for dinner, and I suddenly started crying. Everything that I was, and everything that I had done for four years in college came suddenly crashing down, as if, all at once. That's when my mom searched my room. In the end, we are who we are, this great mixture of a million traits. Sometimes it works and sometimes it causes problems. If you can find a solution which makes you happy, then that's what you should do. All I can do is wish you the very best, and hope that you will always be happy.
 

StikkyPaws

Est. Contributor
Messages
226
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Diaperfur
Good luck on your journey to be becoming who you should/want to be, I hope you come out the other side a better happier person. Also what is HRT?
 

Trevor

Est. Contributor
Messages
9,212
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
That's some news! It can't have been an easy conclusion to reach or perhaps just to accept. I wish you the best in working this one out and I hope your family and friends will be properly supportive :)
 
Messages
8
Role
  1. Sissy
Congratulations! I went through (the thought process) what you did in reverse. Knew I was transgender, then discovered how much I enjoy diapers. There is a large demographic for transgendered AB/DL's, so you're definately not alone.

Acceptance is the happy part. Really good news :)
 

CrazySmoker

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,861
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Carer
It was quite confusing. I broke down and nearly cried when telling my best friend. As for them accepting it in the end.. Well, let's just say I'm prepared to lose my family.

I've lost it and I have to ta say that is one of the worst things, which I done in my life, the consequences of this are terrible. When I was 16 or 17, my mother found my AB (or if you want - TB) scrap. From this time she humillated me., started moving (prefernce for my sister) and provocated depresion. It turn me to alcohol&drugs and depresion was bigger. Finally it didn't work and after 17 I was addicted to heroin. For some reasons, I left it relatively fast, but it was very, very hard to reach. Now I'm about 13 years liberated and is one of the most potential things, which maintains me alive right now.

A few years later after the military service I found a job as a train pilot and started to enjoy my life - I reached me object. But I had something with my boss secretary. And when new boss came, so he fucked me out (he's acolholic and assholed old stalin's line comunist, who envy erection of youngs.) In a few weeks after this someone stold my new car, it was recently paid, about 26000€ (2005.) All of this was trigger of new depre. But my mother wasn't able to help me and she continued with my humilation and continued developing inconfidencial and conflictive ambience. My sister and her BF were into drugs (so the same.) I ended alone, homeless (yes, my mother fucked me out) and without cash, job, car and real friends (where are them ? I asked) and my depre was raising into horrorous size. In the end I desired to wake up my ass from that dirty city and emigrated to Spain, where I started my new life. Why I emigrated, is right now off-topic, resumed it was for other reasons, than only leave my family, just it was done when my mother fucked me out. Later she sold me to the cops. From that time we're incomunicated and I'm not think to forgive anything.

So to all, who's thinking about lose family: It hurts and a lot. Advice to think, if the costs of this act are acceptable (and now it's not about € or $ or whatever you're used to call it.)
 

solviturambulando

Moderated
Messages
20
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Awesome! One of my best friends, a transwoman, just gave me an elated call today. She came out to her Dad, and her Dad was totally supportive. I was the first person she ever came out to, like 7 years ago, and we've become really good friends. Looks like it's a good week for the girls!

Congratulations again. If you ever need someone to chat to, let me know. I'm gay, and us queers have to stick together. It's amazing, sometimes, how family will react. My parents wanted to kill me when I came out as gay to them, but my friend's parents were really supportive, and told her how proud they were of her for being true to herself. So, you never now how family will react. There's no rush to tell them, though.

I'm happy for you, and I know you'll grow into a much happier person now!
 

PrincenRoo

Est. Contributor
Messages
122
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
  3. Carer
Are you going to change your name? If so, have you picked out a new name, yet?

I have an aunt who was Derrick and is now Danica. Those in my branch of the family were very pleasantly surprised with how well most of the other branches took it. There were really only a couple people who were having a difficult time understanding. Sometimes people can surprise you, so don't lose hope for your family! :)

And sometimes, people who at first do not react well eventually come around. For instance, the president of our school's GSA two years ago, came out (as gay, so it's a bit different, though I feel the message still applies) to his parents last year, and well... It was a good thing he was moving out to college anyway. But just this year, he was spotted with both his parents at a pro-LGBT acceptance event, and all of them were having a good time. He was finally accepted, even though it took a little while.

Congratulations on entering this new stage of your life, and I hope this all continues to go well for you.
 
Messages
368
Role
  1. Adult Baby
Advice to think, if the costs of this act are acceptable (and now it's not about € or $ or whatever you're used to call it.)

You are so correct on that. It's so tough to balance out the options of keeping it a secret and telling them, despite what may happen. I have never told family about being an AB; that's for in the bedroom, and even though it's not a sexual thing, it's nothing that needs to be shared with them. However, what I see when it comes to being transsexual, is that I will change, and I will change completely. I will be totally alien to them. I know I need to tell them instead of ignoring that because they raised me and gave up everything for me. They are my parents. That said, I can't not transition. I need this, as any trans person does. Life simply isn't worth living if you aren't what you feel. It's tough to understand. If they don't like it, then fine. I'll find my own place in this world without their support. But I'll always love them.

Awesome! One of my best friends, a transwoman, just gave me an elated call today. She came out to her Dad, and her Dad was totally supportive. I was the first person she ever came out to, like 7 years ago, and we've become really good friends. Looks like it's a good week for the girls!

That makes me so happy for her! It's an incredible step, and she's lucky to have you as a friend to help her out and support her! Thanks for being so awesome :smile1:

Are you going to change your name? If so, have you picked out a new name, yet?

I will, yes. For some strange reason, Adyson sounded great (haha, don't laugh :laugh: ) . Your family sounds really strong.


Thanks everyone, for the great support here. This means a great deal to me. :smile1:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top