Is this The Dream or a nightmare?

PetPuppyAlex

on social media hiatus
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Mornin!

I come to you today with a curiosity. I'm very happy in my relationship and my partner is amazing. She absolutely adores my little/AB side. She keeps diapers stocked in the house, she's always buying me presents, surprising me with little stuff like pacis and onesies. Ever since she collared me early this year, I have been essentially a 24/7 diapered puppy (little) at home. I am padded and collared* 24/7 with very little exception, we have a growing list of rules -- all around, my Mommy loves her role as much as I love mine.

Pre-COVID, I was pretty obviously unwell but had a bustling social life. I feel better now and am entering therapy again and getting on the proper management system. Being Little all the time has made me feel more centered and relaxed. Mommy makes a very comfortable income to support us both with me working just part-time from home or gigging (pro musician by trade). That has allowed me to find myself and be me, and I am very thankful for it.

I'm just a bit worried. I have a tendency to isolate and being padded 24/7 + the universal COVID social anxiety has cranked that up to 11. On the one hand, I feel this newfound sense of self that had precious time to solidify during COVID lockdown. On the other hand, now I feel like I am trying to make a new hand fit an old glove, socially. It is making it hard to want to bother going out. It's getting harder and harder to rip myself out of little space and strap on my Adult Mask. So much so that I feel increasingly little in increasingly public spaces. The old Social Mask I was so well-acquainted with feels absolutely foreign. I feel like I've completely reinvented myself and I'm having difficulty translating. My friends honestly feel more like acquaintances nowadays.

I'm of two minds:
1. I'm leaving in less than a year for Vermont. I'm gonna be gone. Like, "hermit in the woods with my Mommy" gone. The money is already saved, we're just working for one more year to be able to square away an income property when we get up there. We have the whole homestead dream, and Mommy very much wants me to take care of the homestead rather than working and has been quite adamant about it. We both make our money. I'm more of a hustler/entrepreneur, and she's more a work-a-day type. This is my life dream. Income property. Homestead commerce. Spending my days working on our property and taking care of our children.

2. My friends built me up. They saved my butt so many times. They are the village here, at home. I walk into any bar on the north side of this state, even after being absent for 16 months, and I'm getting bear hugs and kisses and "Oh my god I've missed you!!!!!!!"s and honestly I missed feeling like part of the village. They don't know the real me, like the deep down real me. 90% of them don't know about the diapers and 99.9% of them don't know about my relationship dynamic. But they love whoever they think they know. And maybe they do know me. Maybe my music gets through and they see the real me even if they don't have "little/AB" or diapers as a frame of reference. Maybe I put a mask on that I don't need anymore.

Either way, I'm just reaching out because I want to know what y'all think. Have any of you been a considerably well-known person who either began or became padded/little 24/7? Have you gone from being an extremely social person to asocial? Was it COVID or diapers? Or was it both?
If being alone with my Mommy in the woods and being a housepet on the homestead and doing my gigs on the side is my happy place, should I be looking for anything to fix?
I think it's silly to say I don't need friends, but I kind of feel like that, honestly. Perhaps I just desire to shrink my public footprint. I love my friends, I just am eager to move somewhere where I'm a relative nobody and can start my music career and my life carte blanche as who I am. Thoughts?
 

Saltedcaramel64

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It sounds like you are at a crossroads. You are worried about being isolated and missing out on the adventure of life and loving the social company of interesting people.
On one hand you have a great life going where you can indulge in your habits. Down in Alices rabbit hole of magic and wonder. On the other you fear being lost in the rabbit hole and missing out on surface life.
Its just diapers. You can hide them well. You can do what you set out to do on the surface. Find balance. Its not easy. Be easy on yourself and pop out in the world from time to time. And enjoy your kink and lady.
 

Seasonedcitizen

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Whatever you want in life is just beyond your fears. Don’t let your dreams die in the field of indecision near the forest of “what if”. You have plans that most of us would like to have.
 

ryansauder

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I often osolate between fantasizing about a full time d/s Abdl dynamic such as you have (and sounds like you have a great lady btw.) and the rest of my life and interests. Typically when I think a full time dynamic would be what I want is when I have not gotten my little time from my part time mommy/girlfriend in a while. Once I have this need met by getting some little time with her I find my desire for the full time d/s Abdl dynamic goes away and I feel more like my big self and my other interests and big time with my partner seems more appealing to me…

I find it interesting that you are basically living the Abdl or kink dream on paper and are now yearning for other areas of life and your interests… likely what was previously messaged but balance comes into play I believe…
 
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