Is this lifestyle about "taking back" experiences for some of us?

SherriLil

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Another day, another diaper... I once again find myself sitting in my office in a diaper and a golf shirt, solving the world's problems. I ended up spending an unusual amount of time running around the house last night, thusly-clad. Elder daughter remains away at school, and younger daughter went to bed early, because she was tired, leaving my wife and I with the house to ourselves by about 9:00 PM. As is my usual practice, off came the afternoon's diaper, on went the evening diaper (Bambino Skooldoodle), I pulled on a sweatshirt, and settled in to do some month-end stuff on my laptop while on our bed, while my wife watched a show and knitted.

Then, she asked me to go look at some books she'd unearthed while organizing boxes and a bookshelf in the living room, so I got up and went down with her... normally, I don't wander the house in just a diaper, but, I didn't think we'd be down there long. Then, we ended up chatting and organizing, putting books on shelves and designating some of them for donation, some to be given to a particular person, and some keepers. We were down there for a couple of hours, and it was totally "normal", her in her pajamas, and me in min... which in my case amounted to a hoodie, a diaper, and slippers. Then, we headed up to bed, watched part of a show, and turned out the lights. Oh, I did have to pull pants on and take the dog out - maybe someday I'll be in a position to do that in just a diaper, too. But not likely in November, unless we live in Florida by then.

I thought once again about how my doing "this" is "taking back" some of the experiences I had as a kid, that I wished I could have enjoyed, but that were weighted with anxiety and shame. A memory sprang to mind at one point of a moment that evidently stays with me: when we were all, as a family, making breakfast in the morning, probably on a weekend, and music was playing, and my brother, sister and I were unusually cooperative as we went about it, even cleaning as we went - I remember feeling like we had a good assembly line going, and were playing like we were running a restaurant, with her cooking, me cleaning, and my brother running things to the table, and I felt really good, really happy... and then my step-dad, as we were about to sit down to the table that we'd proudly prepared, ordered me to "get out of that diaper", and I had to run off, red-faced, and when I came back, the mood, at least for me, had been broken.

Last night, the mood was not broken, and I did not "get out of that diaper!"
 
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Belarin

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I imagine there is some element of that for a lot of us, especially those who have the freedom and privacy to do so. It's just another happy aspect of the life we chose.
 
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sbmccue

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I was a rather serious kid, and I never learned how to play. For my SO and myself, a big part of my AB activity is centered around helping me learn what I never knew as a child ... the simple pleasure of playing games, playing with toys, playing in the bath and while I'm being changed.

My SO taught elementary school, and likes to think she's an expert at helping me learn to be a kid again. I'm enjoying her effort so far!
 
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SpAzpieSweeTot

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Rewrite, too, maybe.
 
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Stargazer93

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For me its pretty much about re-creating what should have been there in the first place. There was no relationship at all what so ever with my mother at any point in my life, including infancy when I needed her the most. And I look it like things build on each other where a loving/supportive infancy leads to a possible loving/supportive childhood and then adolescence and hopefully a happy, and well adjusted adult.

Which is not me, lol. My earliest memory was looking for diapers and knowing all that I wanted was a mother that wasn't there. And I've been trying to re-create that for 30+ years. And sadly, its a hole that never feels filled.
 
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SmolBearSof

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Most of the things I do while little are definitely about giving myself what I didn’t get in childhood.

I was potty trained (more like forced out of diapers) before I was a year old so I’ve always longed for that specific source of comfort. I also was expected to “grow up” very quickly and wasn’t allowed to play or spend time with other kids my age outside of school. So I missed out on a lot of important experiences, socialization, and confidence building.

I think this is the very reason I have been so compelled to be a little/AB throughout my life. There was always just this void of the things I never got to experience. Now that I’ve accepted myself as a little, I spend a lot of time indulging in those simple comforts and allowing myself to feel worthy of love. It won’t ever make up for what I missed out on but it certainly helps me heal from all of the trauma I’ve accumulated.
 
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feetintrouble

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In my case: not so much about diapers, but I do agree that lots of my favourite little activities are things I didn't do much of in my actual childhood. I have a childish love of water slides: as an actual child, I couldn't swim, so I never did water slides. I never played sport as a child because I couldn't catch a ball; now I do a lot, with a childlike enjoyment. Like @sbmccue, I feel that I was a rather serious child, and I didn't express as much childhood silliness as I might have done (and I used to berate my brother for being "silly" all the time).

As a real child, I hated being teased by anybody, and would always cry and run away. I don't even like it much as an adult, but the one time I do like it is when I'm in little mode. I don't think I had much imagination as a child; when reading stories, I felt too grounded in reality to feel the emotions of being scared by monsters and the like. But I've discovered that my imagination runs wild if I don't see the real world; so my caregiver takes on the role of an older sister and tells me scary stories: the tickle monster, the child catcher or the strict babysitter might come and get me and give me a painful spanking, and I'm really scared because I'm blindfolded and can't see a thing. I love being scared in this "safe" way, but not any other way.
 
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enigmatic

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Absolutely. Your story with your step-dad really resonated with me. One morning as a 5 year old, I had a babysitter who told me I didn't need to wear my pull-up. She wasn't as forceful as your step-dad but she coaxed me out of it and I didn't like it.

For me it's about taking power back. I was forced out of diapers before I was emotionally ready. Now, I'm taking back that power I lost by wearing a diaper and having a mommy accept me for that.
 
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googlyeyes467

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I think this can be true for a lot of people and for myself partially so. As a child I was severely anxious because of abusive parents. Being able to relax in a diaper with a stuffed animal as an adult feels freeing.

However, I don't think this is the case dor everyone. Some people just love the feel or aesthetic.
 
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