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Is it ok to date her, Whats the window???

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Siege89

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Well I know you can't give the perfect answer to this. But My friend Jake and Lisa just started dating. Shortly after she moved back home. Now me and Jake both know Lisa from when we worked at BK. Now the tricky part is we both like her. Just Jake told me he liked her first. SO being a friend I never said anything. I know that over time you loss/gain people and such.

Well Lisa is going to break up with Jake, they only dated for like 2 weeks but its jsut not working out as great as they thought. An well I always liked Lisa, But latly me and her have been hanging out. An I find I like her allot, I mean ALLOT. We both have a ton of things in common, An we both have allot of fun together. But we also talk about allot of thing together as well. This seems to be where we are the strongest. Are minds are on the same track it seems, We are always on the same page :)

I hate to start dating her and hurt my friendship with Jake. But at the same time I don't wanna loss out on something that could be wonderful. She even knows I'm a AB\DL and understand what it does for me.

Maybe I shouldn't worry bout it, Idk even know if she does like me in that way. We hang out allot and such, But maybe she would rather just be friends.... Should I even tell her, and see what she says. After I let them break up and give it time and such.
 
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Chillhouse

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Two week relationship? Dude, there is no window. that girls fair game. i doubt mike is gonna care, and if he does, just tell him to be a man about it. they had their chance. they tested the waters. it didn't work out.

i could understand backing off if she was married to mike, but this is a very simple relationship we're talking about.
 

Fire2box

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You said it wasn't working out for either of them right? If that's the case then I don't see why he would have a problem with it.
 

Acecool

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Sorry, after 2 weeks... its pretty serious... Just kidding..

I would go for it, they obviously arent meant for eachother, and you two have a lot of fun together, maybe she is breaking up with him in hopes that you will ask her out?
 

PostTenebrasLux

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Just make sure not to 'go for it' before she's broken up with him. And if he's upset when she breaks up with him, you'd be a good friend not to start dating her when he's down. Sure, they've only 'dated' for two weeks, but maybe he'll feel pretty rejected for a bit. It's something to consider.

I used to be friends with this one guy. He's married to my ex-girlfriend. He 'went for it' before she dumped me--or you could say she cheated on me. Takes two, I suppose. I'm not sure why, but it seems like it wouldn't have hurt so bad if two people in my life (one a friend, the other a girlfriend) hadn't back-stabbed me.
 

d4l

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I'm torn on this issue.

I don't think you should because it's your friend's ex.

On the other hand if you to really like each other then you could find a lifetime of happiness.

Perhap you should talk to your friend and see what his feelings are?
 

Siege89

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Hmmmm. Well I guess I'll have to see what happens over the next few days between the 2 of them first.
 

fuctifano

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Two week relationship? Dude, there is no window. that girls fair game. i doubt mike is gonna care, and if he does, just tell him to be a man about it. they had their chance. they tested the waters. it didn't work out.

i could understand backing off if she was married to mike, but this is a very simple relationship we're talking about.
What he said.
 

Skeeter

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It sounds to me like Alex wants to be with you, but is unsure if you're interested. I think she's hesitant to break up with Mike because, if you're not interested in her she's out a boyfriend. It's OK to tell her you're interested in her but, like the others said, don't start dating her until she breaks up with your friend.

Mike should be fine in the long run.
 

dogboy

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I think you have to wait until she breaks up with Mike. Then, you can continue to casually be friends for several weeks. After that period of time you go and speak to Mike and ask if it's OK with him that you date his ex.

There's another side to all of this. You don't know if Alex wants to date you seriously or just be friends, and that is something you will also have to find out. You don't want to lose Mike as a friend over someone who may not be interested in you in terms of a serious relationship. This means that you are going to have to invest some time and patience into this relationship. All good things come to he who waits, and plans well ahead! And the fact that she accepts you as an AB/DL means two things. Either she will be really into this and you, for that matter, or she only sees you as a friend, and therefor would not be dealing with the whole diaper thing in a dating situation.
 

Siege89

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Well I havn't talked to her today. But should I tell her that I do like her none the less, even if she hasn't broken up with Jake. I dont want her to jump from 1 guy to the next. But let her know how I feel :\

Well as far as I know. She didn't break up with Jake. THe nigh tshe was going to do it, She sent me a text at like 3 AM saying OMG. I texted back when I got off work, but she was sleeping. Then today she texted hey, But I was already at work.... So idk whats going on yet
 
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r0bino

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It's sounds like she doesn't really want to break up with her boyfriend if she isn't sure she will get a "replacement" shortly after that. This is not a very nice thing to do, and it can probably tell you alot about her personality. If she can't break up with your friend even though she doesn't like him anymore, that's bad. If she "flirts" with you knowing that you are his best friend and wanting to start something before/shortly after breaking up with your friend, that's even worse.

I'm not experienced with relationships like that, but personally I'd probably talk to my friend what has happened in the last few days/weeks (leaving out the fact that you possibly kinda like her). This might mean that you can't see her anymore, but even if this were to happen it's better than "betraying" your friend, and generally making you look bad (I wouldn't want to date a girl who has no problem just "switching" boyfriends as much as I wouldn't want to date a guy who has a slightly-more-intimate relationship with the girlfriend of his friend before they break up). If you are his friend, he has a right to know this stuff IMO.
 

goodnitesgirl

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Its a tricky situation since its your friends EX. I would wait till at least they are broken up then discuss it with your friend before you make any moves. Your friend may be cool with it if it was noting serious but dating a friends EX can also risk damaging a friendship
 

Acecool

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The way I see it.. There is no point forcing a relationship that is going nowhere.. if they are not meant for eachother, then talk to the girl...
 

Sila

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I've kinda been put in a similar situation before. I started to crush on a friend, who was friends with my best friend. I told him about my crush, found out he didn't have feelings for me as well - oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained. A few weeks later he ended up telling our friend that he was really in love with her but was too shy to say it before then, and they ended up dating. Sure i was a bit upset at first , and occasionally I get jealous watching them two, but I got over it.

For you though, I suggest doing a combo of what others have said. Give it a week or more before moving in on her after they break up. During the week, talk to your friend about her. Ask how she was during the relationship so you can get an actual idea of whether you'd really want to date her or not- she could be a great friend but a really bad person to be in a relationship with, you never know. Also ask him about the idea of you dating her, if he'd be okay with it, why/why not, etc. If he's your friend you dont want to hurt him by turning around and dating his ex, even if it didn't last long. You can let her know you're interested in her, but dont make it very obvious until they actually break up, and give it a couple days too. Be there for them both and see how they both take it- like someone else said it isn't a good sign if she can easily go from boyfriend to boyfriend with no real grieving time in between. Yeah it only lasted a short time, but there should be a small period in between personally.

as it is, good luck :3
 
M

Maxx

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Wow. Another thought: Why would you think that she'll last more than 2 weeks with you? Then you're SOL with both of them...

Perhaps there is more potential mileage in the three of you just remaining friends and leaving the dating relationship out of it.
 

Siege89

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Well the drama unfolds alot now, Lisa is sick right now she has a brain infection. An the other night she had to go to the hospital cause she was having pain in her leg, and couldn't walk. They gave her morphin"sp". Well she spent the night at Jake house, An woke up not wearing any thing..... Now He says they had sex, She dosn't remeber cause the brain infection is getting worse and causing blackouts, She in the hosptial now. An she says if it wasn't for the drugs and the brain infection she wouldn't have had sex. An she told jake that she wasn't thinking right that night, and the pain killers where really messing her up.


I say bottom line it was rape, She says it wasn't. An I'm already kind of pissed at mike, over blowing me off for a while. While I keep bending over backwards to try an be a good friend to him.
 

g6s

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WOW dude, back the fuck outta there. Go find some other chick before you ruin Jake's life and your friendship with Lisa.


She's in the hospital man, with a damn brain infection! she doesn't need two people that she cares about fighting over her. Why aren't you at the hospital with flowers right now? don't accuse rape when you don't know jack about it. the rape word ends lives.
 
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