Is Ab/Dl an lifestyle or fetish or somthing else.

JackandJill

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Here I wanted to explore if AB or DL is it lifestyle or a fetish.

I think this can get very complicated and I think the first thing is for us to Define what a fetish is. Every time I hear that word I feel that refers to the sexual part. But we definitely cannot justify everything that we have been turned on about as a fetish. I bring up the example some of thats
transgendered if they choose to wear the other sex's clothes because that's who they are that is not a fetish its more less of them being who they are.

If you look at someone that's being dominated and been forced to wear the other sex's clothes we definitely can Define that as a fetish.

So for me it would be more of a lifestyle.
 

PCBaby

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Technically speaking infantilism (AB) and Diaper Love are both classed as paraphilic fetishes and invariably as sexual fetishes, Although the latest thinking in psychiatry is that infantilism probably isn't necessarily sexual DL's are still classed as sexual fetishes. However I know that like Ausberger's there is a massive spectrum within the ab/dl world ranging from totally non sexual to totally sexual (Ie cannot perform sexually without nappies being involved). I'm not sure being FORCED (Block Caps mine) to wear clothes of the opposite gender is a fetish, whereas voluntarily wearing the clothes of the opposite gender would be.
 
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HelloKittyBoi

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I won't answer that question without my lawyer. 😂
Well tbh the whole definition of fetish has to be rewritten. Especially the whole "can't get it up without" part.

Now regarding transgender, it's an issue that has become very hard to talk about because of activists and extremists on both sides. Let's just say that people are becoming very confused and miss out on obvious signs of SMI (Serious Mental Illness), such as great dellusions and hallucinations because its not politically correct nor allowed to say the truth about it. My point is, for the sake of the calm and well being of this conversation it's better to avoid the subject altogether. Source: me being an ex trans.

Regarding abdl, I decided to ignore anything that doesnt come from personnal experience because we live in an era filled with lies and people will repeat lies from "figures of authority", and the best way to bypass the conditionning is to admit everything is false unless proven true.

And my personnal experience says its purely sexual. I think some people may get confused because definitions of fetish are messed up and sexuality isnt about getting hard/wet 100% of the time. There are also times of relaxation and silent joy (oxytocin).

So is it a fetish? Well with the current definition, (can't get excited without), the answer is a flat "no". Now is it a lifestyle? It can become one and likely has grown to toxic levels if it happens.
My take on it is, it is sexual, and it should always remain controlled to not take too much room.

Now there may be people who disagree and say "you're full of it, it's not sexual for me" and tbh I'm not going to fight them because I can't seriously call them liars without proof. All I know for sure is what I feel personally and its sexual 🤷‍♂️
 

CutePrincess

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I think there is a false equivalence bringing up transgender here, can you clarify that point?

For the topic question, it depends on the person. It can be a fetish, ABDL can be more lifestyle, can be both. I mean there was a few videos and a topic made on this not too long ago:
So I am a little confused why even have this as a thread when we are talking about the very same thing recently.
 

Electrically

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I agree with PC. I don’t really think of my AB side as a fetish but my DL side yes. I guess sometimes I feel both but I can definitely say I sometimes I get into one over the other ( I usually like my AB side) but I definitely think it’s complicated and really not easy to explain to someone that isn’t aware of it.
 

neophyte

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I often advocate that Diaper Lover does umbrella two categories. Kink and Lifestyle.


I shake my head at the word "paraphilic" and "infant" when I examine my desire and want to wear diapers.

I wake up, shower, put on a diaper, get dressed, go to work and go about my business while flipping bird to the busy and unappealing mens washroom. At the end of my shift I remove my wet diaper, pull up my underwear and head home. I'll wear a Goodnite to bed sometimes. For me it's a just a lifestyle and nothing more. If my wife did wear diapers I would incorporate them into foreplay, the same way I do with her bra and undies.

Here at ADISC and in the DL community we have members who do use diapers for sexy time! It can be a lot of fun and I encourage everyone to try pleasuring themselves and using their diaper if they have the slightest desire to experiment.


Then you have Diaper Lovers who publicly speak on behalf of the community and represent the Diaper Lover community. I've found some times these people are often Adult Babies rather than Diaper Lovers, and spend the ten minutes talking about 18+ sexy time with their diaper and have videos of themselves messing their diaper and then masturbating into it. Please note that I am not discouraging this behavior or un-accepting, I just don't fit in with that category but due to the lack of classifying or sub categories we all tend to fall under one umbrella "Diaper Lover".
 

PCBaby

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Kitty, firstly how can you be an ex-trans? And having Gender Dysphoria is certainly not a Serious Mental Illness, as for all ab/dl's being sexual is just plain wrong. As the bible says "take the beam from your own eye, before you take the splinter from mine". You seem to have a perverse image of the whole thing.

My fiancee is also my mummy. When my fiancee changes me it can be very sexual, but when I'm in little mode there isn't a hint of sex around.
 

PCBaby

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I shake my head at the word "paraphilic" and "infant" when I examine my desire and want to wear diapers.

This is the current psychiatric labeling and not mine. I have to wear 24/7 and don't get the choice.
 

neophyte

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I shake my head at the word "paraphilic" and "infant" when I examine my desire and want to wear diapers.

This is the current psychiatric labeling and not mine. I have to wear 24/7 and don't get the choice.
Sorry I didn't mean or intend to direct that towards your post prior to mine. I had coincidentally been thinking about this term yesterday and it was still a bit fresh in my mind.

I do read through the IC threads but rarely comment as I am still educating myself in that area, I wouldn't have anything intelligent or useful to contribute. With that said I do often forget about how it must feel to have bladder/bowel incontinence; and how one could have mixed emotions when they find that they have enhanced the whole IC lifestyle by embracing ABDL and babyish diapers.

I personally only wear "babyish" printed diapers (Tykables/Rearz) so I need to take a step back and examine my still fresh quote I shake my head at the word "paraphilic" and "infant" when I examine my desire and want to wear diapers.
 

bobbilly

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I think for me I have BIID. I want incontinence so bad. I want to be disabled. Yes I think nappies have become sexual for me but I have had an intense interest in wanting to be seen as mentally disabled and have double incontinence before it become sexual. I like the thought of being helpless.. I was abandoned by my mother at 9 and there was severe neglect before that age living with her. I think me wanting to be looked after and cared for comes under attachment theory. I don't think the fetish side is that great for me, although it is there.
 
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irnub

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To answer the question in the OP while ignoring all the the confusing sidetracks: it's a spectrum. Also, "fetish" and "lifestyle" aren't mutually exclusive.

For a DL that wears once in a while, it's a fetish. Wearing 24/7, or near 24/7, it becomes a lifestyle.

For an AB who does little time every so often, it's a fetish. Having a playroom with adult-sized kid furniture, childish clothing, etc. and engaging with it every minute you're not at work, it's a lifestyle.

This works with other fetishes as well, e.g. BDSM where you just engage in a bit of dom/sub stuff during sexy times with your partner is a kink. You can turn it into a lifestyle by acting that way constantly.

Personally I associates lifestyle with taking things a little too far, but it's not really for me to judge since other people know their own limits better than I do.
 

PCBaby

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I think for me I have BIID. I want incontinence so bad. I want to be disabled. Yes I think nappies have become sexual for me but I have had an intense interest in wanting to be seen as mentally disabled and have double incontinence before it become sexual. I like the thought of being helpless.. I was abandoned by my mother at 9 and there was severe neglect before that age living with her. I think me wanting to be looked after and cared for comes under attachment theory. I don't think the fetish side is that great for me, although it is there.
you don't want to be incontinent either bladder or bowel, it changes your life completely, not just day to day but it alters your self image, leads to depression and anxiety, intimacy is very difficult, you have to find places to wash and change, where you can dispose of used nappies. Until you know someone who is IC and see what they have to go through then you have no idea of the effect it has. I've been coping with it for the best part of 64 years apart from the respite between 18 and 27 and I still hate having to see myself in a nappy instead of regular underwear. every morning I swing my legs out of bed and look down and hope and pray that just for once I will be dry. it never happens.
 

Slomo

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Here I wanted to explore if AB or DL is it lifestyle or a fetish.

I think this can get very complicated and I think the first thing is for us to Define what a fetish is. Every time I hear that word I feel that refers to the sexual part. But we definitely cannot justify everything that we have been turned on about as a fetish. I bring up the example some of thats
transgendered if they choose to wear the other sex's clothes because that's who they are that is not a fetish its more less of them being who they are.

If you look at someone that's being dominated and been forced to wear the other sex's clothes we definitely can Define that as a fetish.

So for me it would be more of a lifestyle.
It's different for everyone. It's important to noever use your own definitions or understanding though, as that just breeds confusion and disagreement. Luckily the word fetish has been well defined for us by every dictionary out there. Once you understand and know how to use each dictionary then you see they all agree what the word means (some go by word history oldest first, others go by commonly accepted first, so don't get them confused).

Once you've got that part straight, then you'll see it's like the square-rectangle analogy. All fetishes are sexual in nature, and diapers can be sexual. However, not all diaper wearers have a fetish. It varies from person to person, but the underlying seperation is wether diapers INCLUDE sexuality as part of being DL, or if they are BASED on it as a fetish.
 

Drifter

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I think the most realistic take on the word "fetish" is to understand it as a social rather than scientific distinction. A fetish is a socially unacceptable, or at least socially questionable, strong emotional attraction to some object or body part. We won't agree on a specific, scientific definition of the word, but who really cares? Our concerns deal with the potential social reactions if and when our desires are exposed.
 

Slomo

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I think the most realistic take on the word "fetish" is to understand it as a social rather than scientific distinction. A fetish is a socially unacceptable, or at least socially questionable, strong emotional attraction to some object or body part. We won't agree on a specific, scientific definition of the word, but who really cares? Our concerns deal with the potential social reactions if and when our desires are exposed.
That's just it though. Societies raction towards our being ABDL absolutely and unfortunately do hinge on everyone's understanding of what ABDL truly is and how much of a sexual choice it is or not.

Look at gay rights for example. Back in the 80's society though being gay was a choice, and we (I and all othe LGBTQ's) were demonized for it. Now as we approach the 20's most of society has come to realize it isn't a choice at all, but a compulsory part of each individual. And society is able to mostly accept us all now. Not in support of openly gay acts or displays, but accepting this is who we are.

While by no means the same, being ABDL and how we are treated/viewed by society is absolutely on a similar path. And with the exact same set of circumstances none the less. Anytime someone comes on here and says they have a diaper fetish because they are compelled to be a DL, they are not only incorrect in that statement but they further propagate the misunderstanding and general disapproval we get from society. And that ultimately affects me just as much as everyone else. So yeah, I care, and so should everyone else.
 

Drifter

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Look at gay rights for example.
...
While by no means the same, being ABDL and how we are treated/viewed by society is absolutely on a similar path.
I agree, except that I see them as being the same as to cause, which is by the same, observable, natural mechanism. This is based on my trying to stay abreast of social, psychological, and evolutionary research for 50 years.

It will be a struggle to get people to understand there is solid, scientific research supporting the theory that these things are very deeply held emotions and are not merely beliefs, delusions, or choices. And even if the public can be convinced this is true there will still be a strong negative reaction to anyone engaging in these behaviors.

Ironically, this strong negative reaction most likely originated, in part anyway, from the same natural phenomenon that imprinted these desires in people in the first place. Social brainwashing simply fans the flames of people's naturally occurring feelings of repugnance.
 
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Cottontail

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I'll side with the "it's different for everybody" crowd. For me, ABDL is certainly less than a lifestyle. I think of it more like a diversion or hobby, though with the sexual aspect, it's obviously in a unique position.

Even some of those who wear diapers 24/7 might reasonably shy away from the "lifestyle" label, as for some, it's conceivable that diapers have reached a level of mundaneness on par with ordinary underwear. Or else the diaper thing is its own little isolated quick rather than a common thread uniting a number of behaviors, preferences, and other things. I tend to regard a "lifestyle" as more of a theme than a single thing, but maybe that's wrong.

Public perception is surely another matter, as it seems to me that most who step forward and submit to public scrutiny are somewhat extreme examples of lifestylers, or that's all that the talk shows are interested in. Probably a combination of both. So the public sees people who spend a larger than average portion of their time in little mode and lack common inhibitions about displaying this side of themselves. And often there are other complexities, like differences of sexuality or gender identity, or something that's highlighted for shock value, like dependence on Social Security. I have zero beefs with these particular ABDLs, to be clear, I'm just saying that the average person would be forgiven for thinking that the average ABDL is an intersection of multiple unlikely traits, and is therefore less relatable. (Emphasis is always placed on differences rather than commonalities.) For this reason, while I wouldn't go so far as to say these ABDLs are disingenuous in their efforts to represent, I do find their efforts somewhat misguided and counterproductive.
 

PCBaby

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Cottontail said " it's conceivable that diapers have reached a level of mundaneness on par with ordinary underwear." Whilst I don't like wearing nappies, it's a case of having to so to me, yes, they are my normal underwear.
 

Slomo

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I agree, except that I see them as being the same as to cause, which is by the same, observable, natural mechanism. This is based on my trying to stay abreast of social, psychological, and evolutionary research for 50 years.

It will be a struggle to get people to understand there is solid, scientific research supporting the theory that these things are very deeply held emotions and are not merely beliefs, delusions, or choices. And even if the public can be convinced this is true there will still be a strong negative reaction to anyone engaging in these behaviors.

Ironically, this strong negative reaction most likely originated, in part anyway, from the same natural phenomenon that imprinted these desires in people in the first place. Social brainwashing simply fans the flames of people's naturally occurring feelings of repugnance.
Oh trust me I know. And forget trying to get society to understand, I've only focused on us here (and similar sites), first and foremost. And yeah I've experienced that strong negative reaction you mentioned. To the point where I've been outright perm banned because of it. Not because what I point out is factually backed and makes a lot of sense, but because others just couldn't accept it. But those seeds of truth were planted by me decades ago, and I've been able to watch that realization and acceptance grow amongst our community. It's been quite rewarding to watch, even if our community has a lot more "growing" to do (yeah, bad pun intended).
 

PCBaby

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But even as someone who is medically incontinent I have been discriminated against in hospital by nurses. I had to go in for surgery and was given a spinal anaesthetic so was basically paralyzed from the waist down until it wore off. at some point i must have wet my nappy as it was changed whilst I was in recovery. Went back on to the ward and the nurse on the ward said they didn't do changes, took my nappy off and put me on a paper conti-sheet. The result? I flooded the bed, it then took 2 nurses to wash me and change the bed, then the older of the two nurses asked why I didn't wear protection so I pointed out her younger colleague said they didn't do changes. She was not amused, went and got a nappy from the ward supplies and put it on me. That was bad enough, i was in a fully occupied 4 bed male side ward and it was obvious to everyone else in their that I had wet my bed. When the nurses had finished and pulled back the screens all I wanted to do was hide under the covers.
 
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