Introducing Your Partner to ABDL: Caregiver POV

MrMae

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I’ve read countless posts over the course of me giving part of the ABDL community about littles introducing their partners to ABDL. However, I don’t think I’ve ever read about a caregiver introducing it. You read about adult babies being nervous to act “little” in front of their partners and diaper lovers worried their partner won’t find diapers sexy, yet I haven’t read about the other side of the community.

As a caregiver, I am nervous to bring this kink up with partners because I think it’s harder for them to be open to the idea than if I were a little. I’m like, “Hey, I want to put you in a diaper, pop a pacifier in your mouth, and have you call me mommy.” I feel like that is a lot harder to explain than a little who wants to be cared for.

Has anyone experienced telling a partner about ABDL from a CG perspective? I’m curious to know how to go about it effectively and if others share this concern.
 
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Welcome and be welcomed to ADISC a great place as near everyone here wears diaper (or in your case, puts their someone in a diapers). The great part is that there are couples here that are caregiver - diaper wearers and with a little effort on your part you should find them. Or, with great luck, they will stop by your Thread and comment!
Enjoy!!
 
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MrMae said:
I’ve read countless posts over the course of me giving part of the ABDL community about littles introducing their partners to ABDL. However, I don’t think I’ve ever read about a caregiver introducing it. You read about adult babies being nervous to act “little” in front of their partners and diaper lovers worried their partner won’t find diapers sexy, yet I haven’t read about the other side of the community.

As a caregiver, I am nervous to bring this kink up with partners because I think it’s harder for them to be open to the idea than if I were a little. I’m like, “Hey, I want to put you in a diaper, pop a pacifier in your mouth, and have you call me mommy.” I feel like that is a lot harder to explain than a little who wants to be cared for.

Has anyone experienced telling a partner about ABDL from a CG perspective? I’m curious to know how to go about it effectively and if others share this concern.

I actually like this post because it is true that there is never a CG perspective. I could agree that being in this kink/lifestyle comes with its own nerves especially when you want to act on it, but no one knows. I guess out of fear I just never said anything about it to anyone or my vanilla friends. I kept a lot of this to myself until I joined diaperspace and met my little on there.

I did however mention it to one of my friends who grew pretty quiet and wasn't sure what to say. She pretty much just nervously laughed it off when I told her I wanted to put someone in a diaper. I also told her that this little cute boy I was talking to, I actually met on a diaper site. It was a little awkward, but she just asked some questions and we never really spoke of it again.

I think both sides have their own challenges.
 
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My husband's and my story doesn't follow one specific pattern but I'm going to ask him if he'd be interested in writing anything to share on this, since in one sense he introduced this dynamic to our relationship this way, admitting he had a thing for women wearing/wetting diapers and being a CG handling changes, checks, etc. and nervously asked if I would be willing to allow that.

(It wasn't purely out of the blue though because I brought the subject up first because I wanted to wear intermittently for practical reasons, as I did at times when younger as well, but I expected it to be something he wouldn't want anything to do with and I'd more or less keep invisible from him. So for him to basically ask if he could take charge of all of it was a big step on his part, a big consideration on my part, but something I don't regret at all now! I doubt he'd have ever asked me if I hadn't said something first, though, so this might not fully fit the pattern or model you're asking about.)
 
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happy89 said:
My husband's and my story doesn't follow one specific pattern but I'm going to ask him if he'd be interested in writing anything to share on this, since in one sense he introduced this dynamic to our relationship this way, admitting he had a thing for women wearing/wetting diapers and being a CG handling changes, checks, etc. and nervously asked if I would be willing to allow that.

(It wasn't purely out of the blue though because I brought the subject up first because I wanted to wear intermittently for practical reasons, as I did at times when younger as well, but I expected it to be something he wouldn't want anything to do with and I'd more or less keep invisible from him. So for him to basically ask if he could take charge of all of it was a big step on his part, a big consideration on my part, but something I don't regret at all now! I doubt he'd have ever asked me if I hadn't said something first, though, so this might not fully fit the pattern or model you're asking about.)

I hope he does decide to make an account; I would love to hear his side. I am sure there was a lot of back and fourth before he finally decided to ask you even though you had brought it up before. You still could have said no but, said yes!

I am excited that it worked out in both of your favor. It would also be nice to talk to more caregivers on here and share experiences or advice between one another.

How did you both meet if you don’t mind me asking?
 
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Mallowmarsh said:
I hope he does decide to make an account; I would love to hear his side. I am sure there was a lot of back and fourth before he finally decided to ask you even though you had brought it up before. You still could have said no but, said yes!

I am excited that it worked out in both of your favor. It would also be nice to talk to more caregivers on here and share experiences or advice between one another.

How did you both meet if you don’t mind me asking?
He's at work but just sent me this with permission to post (still no plans to open an account). Couple comments afterward.

"I'd had a diaper and caregiver kink for a long time and was embarrassed when I brought it up when we were dating, and had the impression it wasn't something we'd be doing. That was fine because I was always embarrassed and conflicted about it and hoped to just outgrow it. I never expected it to ever be anything more than fantasy. Though there were times it was difficult and I wanted to bring it up again. There was a time you pretty much served up the perfect opportunity when we were engaged* but I chickened out. Think in hindsight I was just afraid you'd run away. A few lesser opportunities opened up over the next several years but overall diaper/CG stuff started to blur more into my past. I was not discontent in any way with what we had and wished I hadn't let my imagination run away earlier including before we met.

But in the weeks before the conversation we had that started what we do now, it is interesting that it had really made a comeback in my mind and I was going nuts.** I was hoping you'd say something - but how? - or else I was going to need to. I wasn't sure I could pack it all down again. Was basically praying you'd bring it up at this point as cheesy as that sounds. If not for all that, ordinarily I'd have played it off to avoid any embarrassment since safe and steady beats the alternatives. So when you did, I took it as a sign that I HAD to tell all, kind of a "this is my one shot" and I really couldn't believe it was happening."

Asked him to elaborate what that was like since that is really what you were going for @Mallowmarsh --

"Well, it was scary, if that's okay to say. Several years and kids together already and we'd never really shared this particular vulnerable secret other than me saying this or that in passing and neither of us following up or delving deeper. You definitely had all the power there as far as you could say yes, but you could say no, and you also could say no as well as be pretty disgusted and I'd have a lot to apologize for or worse, like making therapy appointments or something like that. Once I opened my mouth I was taking a huge chance. But all the signs were there and I guess that gave me confidence to talk. But even after agreeing I felt pretty torn up inside. Like a crossing the Rubicon moment. It was actually really hard and it took me months to really feel like what we started doing was okay or right even though it was pretty close to a lifelong dream."

Couple things to add as far as the references. The first * was for the time I dropped a hint that I might wear a pad or diaper for a road trip we were going on and while to me it was normal, if not a bit vulnerable, he really reacted funny (I understand now, but was kind of mad at him then for it which didn't help at all). And the second ** was that in the context where I really felt I needed to start wearing again, of course he'd noticed I was in the bathroom all the time so I guess of course his mind was starting to wander like "what if she just padded up" and was picturing and thinking about that very situation. And third in posting this and discussing it back and forth by text today I think we're both actually feeling a bit just how badly it could have gone. I want to say, "Kids, this is why you need to talk, TALK, TALK, before you commit!"

Also you asked how we met. Completely unrelated to anything sexual or kink related. Just friendly in general and honestly a cute, very vanilla sort of way. Both of us had a flash or spark of interest but it took over a year to grow really serious.

Finally, I asked him if he had any closing thoughts on how it is from a caregiver's perspective especially if the CG is the one to "confess" first as to wanting to have their partner in diapers, using them, changing them, etc.:

"The vulnerability it takes is huge. So it seems like the 'power' role and yeah it is, but to be a good caregiver in the dynamic you have to really be tender and vulnerable too and put a lot of yourself out there, else you're in more of a dom/sub relationship, not cg/l. There's a lot of mutual vulnerability going on, and while on one hand the caregiver has to have 'thick skin' to really take care of someone well, the one being cared for has an enormous amount of power. Especially if the one being cared for feels hurt or violated in any way, that'd be a huge failing on the part of the caregiver. Have to communicate so well. I definitely have days even now where I wonder how I managed the courage to tell you what I wanted to do. I don't know where that came from half the time, but am glad I did. But really, if the conversation goes well then the caregiver has someone to take care of in a special way and if they both enjoy it and communicate well it's of course magical. If it doesn't go well... I don't even know. It seems like the door would be wide open for you to have not really trusted me or my motives in anything if you had been turned off by what I said about myself and what I wanted to do."
 
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I should also add to that for me there was definitely a shift to get used to in going from seeing diapers etc. as something purely utilitarian, which I had on/off again for quite a bit of my life, to something fun, frisky, sexy, intimate. Took some time to transition from being "just another ordinary everyday object" to "wow, see what I can do with just wearing and using this". That's where it's probably different in my case than for a lot of people where their partner is the ABDL/caregiver but wants to put them in diapers; in my case I already had experience so it wasn't a case of "haven't worn in thirty years and suddenly need to get used to them again."
 
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My guess - and it's purely that - is that there are a number of rather maternal women who would actually enjoy 'babying' a guy. In comparison, I imagine there are relatively few men who would find 'babying' women enjoyable. Happy89 seems to have her cake and be able to eat it too, which is a nice situation.

I've been a practicing AB for nearly 40 years, and I've had many CGs. While I've never had a prospective CG approach me, a good friend (also an AB) had this happen to him years ago. A woman on his team at work had something of a crush on him, somehow deduced that he was an infantilist, and offered to 'baby' him. My friend arranged for this lady to meet with my wife and I and 'practice' on another adult before she babysat him, and she was excellent ... a mature, maternal woman who absolutely loved providing the care. She'd done a limited amount of adult nursing, had children of her own, and nothing I did really bothered her or upset her. She spent an entire Saturday with me and I loved the experience.

The problem women face in situations like these goes far beyond not knowing how the male will react. Most have no idea that AB diapers exist, that AB clothing is widely available, and cannot 'see' themselves caring for an adult as they would a baby. The lady I mentioned had used cloth diapers with her children and took to changing my adult prefold diapers like a duck to water. This was a decade or so before babyish disposable diapers were available. I had a complete nursery, and she became familiar with my adult-sized crib, highchair and changing table. She was adept at helping me build my K'nex roller coaster, which I remember as the highlight of the day.

As Happy89's husband notes, the vulnerability experienced by the individual being baby is indeed 'huge.' Unless the prospective CG has researched the notion of babysitting an adult, however, their potential embarrassment probably outweighs everything else.
 
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happy89 said:
He's at work but just sent me this with permission to post (still no plans to open an account). Couple comments afterward.



Asked him to elaborate what that was like since that is really what you were going for @Mallowmarsh --



Couple things to add as far as the references. The first * was for the time I dropped a hint that I might wear a pad or diaper for a road trip we were going on and while to me it was normal, if not a bit vulnerable, he really reacted funny (I understand now, but was kind of mad at him then for it which didn't help at all). And the second ** was that in the context where I really felt I needed to start wearing again, of course he'd noticed I was in the bathroom all the time so I guess of course his mind was starting to wander like "what if she just padded up" and was picturing and thinking about that very situation. And third in posting this and discussing it back and forth by text today I think we're both actually feeling a bit just how badly it could have gone. I want to say, "Kids, this is why you need to talk, TALK, TALK, before you commit!"

Also you asked how we met. Completely unrelated to anything sexual or kink related. Just friendly in general and honestly a cute, very vanilla sort of way. Both of us had a flash or spark of interest but it took over a year to grow really serious.

Finally, I asked him if he had any closing thoughts on how it is from a caregiver's perspective especially if the CG is the one to "confess" first as to wanting to have their partner in diapers, using them, changing them, etc.:
Thank you for sharing you amazing journey. It is refreshing to hear the other side of things because I agree that there is a sense of vulnerability that happens in both ABDLs and CGs. When you were talking about how you had this fantasy and just pushed it away in hopes it would fade out; I used to do the same thing at a young age because I did think something was wrong with me. Why should I feel this way?

I think it is romantically adorable how you both fell in love through a vanilla relationship by being friends and grew from there. The foundation is built much more strongly I believe because of more common interests. Also a sigh of relief knowing you are not the only one out there with fears of wanting to do something that may seem strange to others.

I am happy for both of you that things didn't go badly and instead blossomed into something more for you both. Communication is always key in any relationship with or without kinks or fantasy’s of any kind. That's okay if he does not want to open an account and you two share the one you have already made. You both are very lucky and thank you again for sharing your story. I think other CG's should read it and know they are not alone when wanting to talk about what they want from their partner. Just the same way ABDL's would like to tell their partner, it is all about communication and giving a little to get a little in any relationship. And if you are so lucky to have something you wanted come out of a relationship take it slow because chances are you both are so excited and nervous at the same time that this is actually happening.

Talk, Talk, Talk, like you said is the best way! So happy you joined.
 
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happy89 said:
He's at work but just sent me this with permission to post (still no plans to open an account). Couple comments afterward.



Asked him to elaborate what that was like since that is really what you were going for @Mallowmarsh --



Couple things to add as far as the references. The first * was for the time I dropped a hint that I might wear a pad or diaper for a road trip we were going on and while to me it was normal, if not a bit vulnerable, he really reacted funny (I understand now, but was kind of mad at him then for it which didn't help at all). And the second ** was that in the context where I really felt I needed to start wearing again, of course he'd noticed I was in the bathroom all the time so I guess of course his mind was starting to wander like "what if she just padded up" and was picturing and thinking about that very situation. And third in posting this and discussing it back and forth by text today I think we're both actually feeling a bit just how badly it could have gone. I want to say, "Kids, this is why you need to talk, TALK, TALK, before you commit!"

Also you asked how we met. Completely unrelated to anything sexual or kink related. Just friendly in general and honestly a cute, very vanilla sort of way. Both of us had a flash or spark of interest but it took over a year to grow really serious.

Finally, I asked him if he had any closing thoughts on how it is from a caregiver's perspective especially if the CG is the one to "confess" first as to wanting to have their partner in diapers, using them, changing them, etc.:
Thank you so much for sharing! It was great to hear about a CG’s experience telling their partner about the kink. I loved how you touched on the dynamic and trust of the relationship too! So many people think the caregiver has most of the “power” but they only have power if given it by the little. The trust you must have with one another is like no other when it involves a d/s relationship and ABDL is no different.
 
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This thread provides an interesting perspective. My wife diapers me so I'm very happy and fortunate for that. Truthfully, I could act as a switch. If she wanted me to be diapered, I would happily do it. I know she doesn't, which is fine. I prefer to be more on the receiving end anyway.

Anyway, what is interesting about this thread is that it never dawned on me how difficult it is for someone for someone, who is exclusively a CG, to find a little. I guess in a way it's easier for someone to change someone as opposed to introducing the idea that I want you in a diaper and I want to clean you up after you make a mess in it.

Years ago I met a woman who is still exclusively a CG. She seems to still have a presence on diaperspace. I would look at places like that online. What's hard online is you have to sift through a lot of people who you probably don't want to have anything to do with dating wise. I would also look outside this space. It's hard since you are introducing someone to this fetish/kink but you never know what someone will do for you who loves you.
 
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MrMae said:
I’ve read countless posts over the course of me giving part of the ABDL community about littles introducing their partners to ABDL. However, I don’t think I’ve ever read about a caregiver introducing it. You read about adult babies being nervous to act “little” in front of their partners and diaper lovers worried their partner won’t find diapers sexy, yet I haven’t read about the other side of the community.

As a caregiver, I am nervous to bring this kink up with partners because I think it’s harder for them to be open to the idea than if I were a little. I’m like, “Hey, I want to put you in a diaper, pop a pacifier in your mouth, and have you call me mommy.” I feel like that is a lot harder to explain than a little who wants to be cared for.

Has anyone experienced telling a partner about ABDL from a CG perspective? I’m curious to know how to go about it effectively and if others share this concern.
I haven't read all the replies thoroughly but I wanted to chime in because I find your post very intriguing. I started off as a DL and that progressed to liking AB style clothes and other AB peripheral. However, I would love to be a CG to my wife. She knows about my kink but I would love to play a daddy role.

I wish you all the best and I hope things work out for you.
 
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Whether you introduce in either direction, I can see a few dynamics that effect each one.

When it comes to the changing of any diaper, I can see that a non-ABDL person might be more comfortable having someone else deal with their waste, rather than a non-ABDL having to deal with our waste. It’s usually easier to be the recipient of care rather than the caregiver, if I’m limiting my considerations to diaper changes. Personal impressions of dignity of wetting or messing yourself places further aside, there’s little to no effort needed to lay down and let someone else deal with the details, aside from maybe bearing the smell or your impression of the imposition on the other person. Not to say that encouraging a non-ABDL person to comfortably use their diaper in the first place isn’t it’s own challenge. It’s still pretty squicky to the average person, but I’d say on average, if someone was on hand to do all the clean up for them, you’d prefer to be cleaned up rather than doing the cleaning. (They’d prefer to use the toilet, let’s be honest here.)

I like wearing diapers myself, but I get a special thrill out of taking care of my partner. I can reduce it to feeling good to be needed and taking pride in taking care of everything. I LOVE taking care of my partner in every way possible.

I don’t have a strong AB side, so I guess I don’t have a strong drive to get a CG for me. I’ve never even asked my partner to change me because I’ve never felt that need. I like being an adult who happens to be a DL and managing my own diapers.
 
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A suggestion here from someone who gradually introduced my wife to the sissy and then baby side of me without any big shock. Though of course, it is a bit different the other way around.

You could start by asking him to shave his genitals (or let you do it - more fun that way). Once done, look approvingly at the result, tell him how pleased you are, hold his cock in the palm of your hand, say how sweet it is, and how it looks smaller "just like a baby boy's now." Stroke it, and ask whether baby boy would like a rub. Of course, he'll say yes, so give him the slowest, best hand job you can, occasionally (not too often) making comments like "ooh, baby's getting harder", "ooh, does baby like this", and when you finish, ask him if baby liked it. When he says yes, say, "Oh we'll have to do it again tomorrow won't we" (he'll almost certainly say yes please!) and leave it at that.

Reward him for the next week with amazing HJ/BJs, each time asking beforehand if baby wants it. Start to introduce mummy "does baby want his rub from mummy now" and if at any time he pushes back, you can say "oh dear", and nothing happens, so he gets to associate pleasure with him being a baby and you the mummy. Start calling his member something more babyish - mine is a winky (or winklet to emphasise it's tiny).

Once he's conditioned to being called a baby, you need to gently take the next step. It's a good idea to do this first by suggesting it as he is building up to a climax. So for example you might say "Ooh baby's very noisy, I think we're going to have to put a pacifier in you, don't you". Again, if he says no, end the session (kindly but firmly) with him unsatisfied, and without having shown it to him. Next time say it again, and he'll probably remember that saying no isn't a good idea, and say yes. Get him to say "yes please Mummy", and then you have the go ahead and can pop it in him.

Tell him you love him being your baby boy, and it gives you a lot of pleasure. Let him suckle you whilst you stroke his hair. Introduce spoon feeding of porridge (or similar) whilst he is cradled in your arms. Call your sessions "milkings". Make him know that there is no shame in being your baby and he is doing it for you. Eventually tell him that baby needs something pretty to wear in bed, and buy him a relatively plain baby outfit - nothing too ornate at first. I particularly like this style, which was the first one I introduced to my wife. (It comes with frilly panties and a bonnet, although again, all of that might be too much at once.)

So think of it as a journey over several months - too quick and you might scare him off. Make him associate being a baby with his own pleasure, and gently but firmly reward him when he goes along with you, but doesn't get satisfaction if he pushes back. It may take you several months to get to the stage of diapers, and other things, such as having a separate "nursery" (at first occasionally I'd suggest), but eventually you should have completely conditioned him and get him to enjoy the experience of being loved by a mummy. Good luck, and let us know how you get on however you choose to approach the subject.
 

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