Intimacy and Incontinence

jasonm03

Est. Contributor
Messages
253
Role
Incontinent
The other day while talking with my wife I thought she didn’t find me desirable anymore I was projecting my feelings of inadequacy and feelings disgusting (body image) because I’m diapered 24/7 due to my incontinence. I knew she loved me she had changed my diaper one time and drove me to the ER at the VA and stood by my side when diagnosed with IBD. She tells me all the time she loves me and shows it. Being diapered doesn’t bother me out in public but with my wife it does. Is it weird that I still feel this way? Opening up about my fears with her has helped but I still feel undesirable and undeserving of her intimacy along with feeling disgusting. Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction at times
 

ltaluv

Est. Contributor
Messages
283
Role
Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Your feelings are very understandable, and something that many of us here struggle with. Incontinence is something that is seen as dirty, disgusting, and in indication of or self control, none of which is true. Knowing that doesn't always make it easy to have these feeling toward ourselves, or to project them on our spouses and loved ones.

Your suppose is likely more concerned about watching you suffer through these feelings than she is about your incontinence.

I know I'm embarrassed to be seen in a diaper by my wife, but that's really my hang up, not hers. She doesn't care about my diapers, only about whether my medical problems are causing me pain or making me sick.
 

Dinotopian2002

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Est. Contributor
Messages
180
Role
Diaper Lover, Incontinent
This is one of the reasons why I don’t date, although it’s not the only one. My family and my close friends know about my control issues and they’re fine with it, but I still find it embarrassing, even though I’ve been this way for eleven years. I thought I would be more confident in my love life by now, but I feel even less so now.

Breathe Deep, Seek Peace
Dinotopian2002
 

DanielW

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,171
Role
Little, Incontinent, Other, Private
Diapers and related continence issues really aren't as big an issue as most people think. I've been on both sides, being incontinent myself, and dating people with CP and spinal cord injury. Sh*t happens, and things might get a little wet - but if you love someone, you learn to deal with it.
 

MonkeyFrog

Contributor
Messages
31
Role
, Carer, Other
I've always been into S&M, but was introduced to the ABDL side of things by an ex who had similar issues (not 24/7, but incontinence when stressed, ill, after drinking alcohol or other things). He hid it from me for ages, but it didn't bother me in the slightest. We just incorporated it into our already very kinky sex lives. I would guess a lot of other women would react the same way. I certainly wouldn't avoid dating because of it.
 

Rufusc24

Est. Contributor
Messages
65
Role
Diaper Lover, Incontinent
I have lingering stress incontinence from prostate surgery. Sometimes if I just hug my wife and get a little bit turned on I will leak.
I will also leak with any kind of intimacy in bed.
 

daddyconnor

Est. Contributor
Messages
286
Role
Carer
I think your feelings are normal. Don't let the demons of fear, uncertainty and doubt interfere with your relationship. Sounds like she really loves you. I understand wanting better health to not create a burden. However, sometimes the greatest blessing we have is being presented with an opportunity to show our life partners that there are no limits to our love... that belief is replaced by knowing. You don't have to take "knowing" on faith. It simply exists.
 

Catfish

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Diapers and related continence issues really aren't as big an issue as most people think. I've been on both sides, being incontinent myself, and dating people with CP and spinal cord injury. Sh*t happens, and things might get a little wet - but if you love someone, you learn to deal with it.
Yes,u are,right u,get,up and put some dry stuff on the bead wash up and go back to sleep I wet my self and have mest,I got,a,broke back
 

wheelz4legz

Est. Contributor
Messages
30
Role
Incontinent
Diapers and related continence issues really aren't as big an issue as most people think. I've been on both sides, being incontinent myself, and dating people with CP and spinal cord injury. Sh*t happens, and things might get a little wet - but if you love someone, you learn to deal with it.
Yes you are right, it can be embarrassing and you often feel totally degraded, but if the person you are with cares and loves you they can see past your condition and understand. I'm paralysed from waist down so know only too well about accidents/leaks and ed
 

dwayne

Contributor
Messages
180
Role
Other, Private
being incon and in a chair i never dated or anything and may not ever cause of my needs
 

DanielW

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,171
Role
Little, Incontinent, Other, Private
being incon and in a chair i never dated or anything and may not ever cause of my needs
I Know its hard, but don't let it stop you from at leat trying. Chairs and IC issues aren't really the huge drawback to dating you (we) think. Dating isn't as easy, certainly but there are people out there who won't find it to be as big a deal as you might think.
 

wheelz4legz

Est. Contributor
Messages
30
Role
Incontinent
Never say never!! there are people out there who understand, and if they don't they are not worth knowing
 

Topex

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,163
Role
Little
Never say never!! there are people out there who understand, and if they don't they are not worth knowing
A think that's a pretty bold statement. Just because someone doesn't understand doesn't mean they can't grow to understand it in the future, and it may be hard for them to accept something which doesn't fit with whatever may they had always dreamt of in their dream partner, so just because there's some conflict there doesn't mean it can't be overcome
 

DanielW

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,171
Role
Little, Incontinent, Other, Private
I'd agreed to the sentiment of never saying never, but only because as soon as a person does say "never", it becomes self-fullfilling.
 

Evahasgone2

Est. Contributor
Messages
428
Age
55
Role
Diaper Lover
Love conquers all sweetie. I never thought I would meet someone, and I did. My gf is into diapers just like I am and a little wet sex won't kill anyone. Just be patient and be yourself.. You never know love could be staring you in the face and you don't see it. That happened to me.
 

Catfish

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Love conquers all sweetie. I never thought I would meet someone, and I did. My gf is into diapers just like I am and a little wet sex won't kill anyone. Just be patient and be yourself.. You never kno
 

Catfish

Contributor
Messages
10
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Hope u are right I would love t9 find some one to have a diaper on like me as I do some day I hope,
 

PaddedStag

Est. Contributor
Messages
287
Role
Incontinent
As a Widower, I know my late wife would not have changed her opinion or love for me, due to the now-required use of diapers. In fact, she was a nurse in her working years, so this wouldn't be either a surprise or have any shock value.

I would hope that any couple would rely on their love and mutual respect should one become ill.

Even if wearing diapers was simply a fetish, who is it hurting, really? I can see if the DL uses the products, and maybe expects their partner to clean-up after, causing problems. That would really be a case-by-case basis and I certainly wouldn't want to try pushing the boundaries with it.
 

Zorbid

Est. Contributor
Messages
69
Role
Diaper Lover, Incontinent
I'm 34. Been wearing all my life. I've had many girlfriends and partners. Some were in to diapers. Others were obviously not. With my last gf the first six months sex was almost non existent when I was wearing. Only happened when I was fresh out of a shower. Then one day she's waking me up with a hand job. After awhile people become more comfortable and realize it's not a big deal, it's just underwear.
 

toyboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
52
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Incontinent
I have been lucky enough to be married to a very good and understanding women ho never complains about my incontinence and nappies. I'm lucky enough not to leak when erect but unlucky enough to have difficulty getting and then maintaining an erection no matter how turned on I am .That is much harder for her to accept.
 
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