If you went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine...

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Dawes

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I'm so sorry that your time was wasted.

(If you don't like cuss-words, go to another pansy thread.)

Horrible things happen in peoples' lives, and in mine, I've been fortunate, but today, something awful truly did happen -- I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

When the movie was said and done, I would have rathered my family die in a horrible car accident than watch that movie. I would have wanted a thousand innocent children to die of undiagnosed diseases than watch that movie. I would have gladly watched puppies, kittens, and giggling infants get eaten beneath a rusty chainsaw's hungry blades than watch that movie.

I'd rather watch a dog anally fuck itself with a frozen turd in the shape of a paper-mache dildo shit out of a retarded hermaphrodite's shitty vagina than watch that movie again.

If there was some sense of precognition that I could have had, I would have hung myself with the rotten intestines of a boar and have jerked myself off into a bucket of molten lava than see that movie. I would have gouged my eyes out with giraffe-boners than witness that insufferable mockery of horseshit and mudfuckery.

I would have let myself get butt-cutted by a million knights in shining armor until my asshole became rotten cheese and my bowels released liquid feces.

This movie was shit. While I didn't go into it expecting much, I came out of it wishing I could have erased it out of my memory, or that I could have at least given oral pleasure to every fat man and woman in the theater so that way we could have all enjoyed something.

If any of you think that this movie was good, you should

a) admit that your taste in movies sucks;
b) ask someone to punch you over and over in the dick until it becomes mashed potato or vagina;
c) eat razorblades;
d) get a better opinion, because the one you have is just fucking broken.

"Dawes, you're being so vulgar," you might be thinking, but you would be too if you could have done something more productive with your time than watch that movie, like torture innocent bystanders or stick shattered glass inside of your pee-hole.

Whatever you do, I implore you, don't see this bullshit movie.
 

mm3

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Dude, I've never laughed so fucking hard in my life.

Anyway, my father is taking us next week to see it. You really think it's that bad? My father thinks it's going to be cool but TBH I was never into the superhero/comic craze with Fantastic Four, Spiderman, etc... so either way I'll probably give it a 'meh'
 

Fire2box

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I thought it was only however the last 3 movies were clearly better. The problem with this is they never showed off any of the the guys that much, it was always wolverine and sabertooth. Also I was barely able to make out what power Dominic mohnghan had. I guess the ability to pull electricity out of the air and use it to power whatever. We'll just not let people know Nikola Tesla had that same idea, wireless electricity.

That said there's much worse movies to see right now ::cough:: The Soloist :: ::cough:: That movie did not really do much for me, I seen movies where people try to help the mentally ill out before. I think they were called "Rain Man" and "Benny and Joon". Robert Downy Jr rarely got to be funny in it and half of jamie foxx's lines are just random lines to show how far into the deep end he's going into mental illness.

I wouldn't recommend seeing either movie but if you had to see X-men.

.
 

Bryce

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Sorry, but I thought it was good. This coming from someone who saw the leaked workprint of it as well. But then again, I'm really into all the superhero/comic movies. Just to name a couple I saw:

Ironman - Saw ~8 times in the theater and bought it
Dark Knight - Saw ~10 times in the theater and will buy it
X-Men Origins - Saw opening night and have no doubt I will see it another 4-5 times. It was really interesting watching the work print and knowing just what they do to make these types of movies.

As for you, go die a horrible death for calling this movie suckage. Go see Saw 1-5, those were also good. People have no taste if these types of movies. -__-
 

krebstar

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I saw the bootleg expecting to be entertained for a bit, and I was. I've learned that when I watch movies like that all I have to do is lower my expectations immensely. Suddenly the film gets a lot better!
 

Rissy

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That's totally how you do it... You go to the movies expecting nothing... Watch any old shit and then you're like... Oh... that wasn't that bad...
All movies tend to suck... I just go there to waste money... And sometimes to be obnoxious... I'm the loud bitch up the back ^_^
 

Squigma

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Eh. It still sounds much better than every other film that's showing at the moment.

Seriously, films these days are all that awful. I don't go to the cinema to watch them, I just go there to hang out. The film just happens to be an interesting distraction.
 
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So ... what did you really think, Dawes? No holding back, you! :smile1:
 

g6s

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i think someone should take a chill pill.

don't listen to rance, he's just wrong in this case
 

Nicky

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Come on guys....it wasn't THAT bad.

ok, i lied. It wasnt very good at all:(
 

Dawes

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Iron Man was awesome. The Incredible Hulk was a lot of fun. Even Punisher: War Zone had some redeeming quality...

... but seriously? Some of you guys liked this movie? Do I really need to beat the hell out of all of you with your own severed arms until you see the truth? :D

I liked the first three X-Men movies. Hell, I even liked X-Men: The Last Stand even though it was a notoriously bungle-fucked load of diarrhea. There were just way too many series-continuity errors in this movie for me to ever appreciate it, though. I'm often pretty liberal when it comes to movies that stray from the source material, because I don't want an identical experience to the books/comics/games off of which a movie is based ... but this was ridiculous.

Deadpool? I mean .... come on. That wasn't Deadpool. That was a fucking writhing, puss-filled, semen-sprayed wart of a douchebag, that's what it was! How can somebody even think that Baraka with black Sharpie marker on his skin is an intimidating badguy? And let's not even go into the computer-controlled ass-fuckery...

I'm a big fan of how Gambit suddenly became not Cajun or whatever he was and became a post-teenaged Interview with a Vampire reject with pubic hair growing on his face. Glad he learned that outstanding ability to crawl up walls with his broken staff! Glad Wolverine learned that whole fire-escape destruction ability as opposed to say, stabbing Gambit in his face so Marvel couldn't continue to molest what was otherwise a compelling character!.

Also, let's go back to the first X-Men movie, when they show us an X-ray view of Wolverine's adamantium skeleton. There were not two holes in the skull.

There's just no excuse for this crap.

Fuck me. I'm going to go fly at helicopters driven by mutants with completely undescribed super-powers.

Honestly, though, I am glad that some of you enjoyed it. I just couldn't. I won't begrudge anyone their entertainment, but I wanted this movie to be good. I'm a pretty big Mavel fan, and Wolverine is just so hard not to like, but if Hugh Jackman liked the character so much, then I imagine it would have been better had he not anally invaded the concept and left it broken, demented, and sobbing on the side of a dirty, wet alley where no one can find it.

mm3, I'm excited to hear your take on it! Handfulofoats, come oooon! :D And Jack, I have to agree with you there in some manner. I either find that movies nowadays absolutely blow me out of my seat or make me want to blow chunks -- rarely anything in between.

This, though? Definitely the worst.
 

Jaiden

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It was really, really bad.

And not bad in a normal rubbishy but kinda enjoyable comic book film way like...well, most comic book films; the whole idea was bad. It managed to make Wolverine a far less interesting character by trying to fill in his back story but adding absolutely nothing to him and all the other characters were completely dull and two-dimensional despite presenting the writers with a good deal of promise. How do you actually make Gambit and Deadpool so insufferably banal? It doesn't really take much to make a good superhero film: the first two X-Men ones were perfectly serviceable as were the first two Spider-Mans and they were pretty much painting-by-numbers jobs. Both the Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan Batmans have been excellent and show how you can make a comic book film more thatn just a comic book film, and Iron Man was fun as well. With this though, I thought they got more or less everything wrong.

There are actually some good films around at the moment though, go and see In the Loop (if it's on any kind of release in the old US of A). Armando Inaucci is one of the comic geniuses of our time.
 

fuctifano

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I'm so sorry that your time was wasted.

(If you don't like cuss-words, go to another pansy thread.)

Horrible things happen in peoples' lives, and in mine, I've been fortunate, but today, something awful truly did happen -- I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

When the movie was said and done, I would have rathered my family die in a horrible car accident than watch that movie. I would have wanted a thousand innocent children to die of undiagnosed diseases than watch that movie. I would have gladly watched puppies, kittens, and giggling infants get eaten beneath a rusty chainsaw's hungry blades than watch that movie.

I'd rather watch a dog anally fuck itself with a frozen turd in the shape of a paper-mache dildo shit out of a retarded hermaphrodite's shitty vagina than watch that movie again.

If there was some sense of precognition that I could have had, I would have hung myself with the rotten intestines of a boar and have jerked myself off into a bucket of molten lava than see that movie. I would have gouged my eyes out with giraffe-boners than witness that insufferable mockery of horseshit and mudfuckery.

I would have let myself get butt-cutted by a million knights in shining armor until my asshole became rotten cheese and my bowels released liquid feces.

This movie was shit. While I didn't go into it expecting much, I came out of it wishing I could have erased it out of my memory, or that I could have at least given oral pleasure to every fat man and woman in the theater so that way we could have all enjoyed something.

If any of you think that this movie was good, you should

a) admit that your taste in movies sucks;
b) ask someone to punch you over and over in the dick until it becomes mashed potato or vagina;
c) eat razorblades;
d) get a better opinion, because the one you have is just fucking broken.

"Dawes, you're being so vulgar," you might be thinking, but you would be too if you could have done something more productive with your time than watch that movie, like torture innocent bystanders or stick shattered glass inside of your pee-hole.

Whatever you do, I implore you, don't see this bullshit movie.

What a lot of rubbish. We get the point, you didn't like the movie. But just because it's not to your taste, doesn't mean that everyone else won't enjoy it.
 

Dawes

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Fuctifano,

Your inability to process overstatement (flavored with a slight hint of sarcasm) is duly noted.

Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that the movie was shit covered in stale piss.

Jaiden, I'll have to check out that movie you suggested. I need anything -- I mean anything -- that would scour the memory of Wolverine out of my brain.
 

fuctifano

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Fuctifano,

Your inability to process overstatement (flavored with a slight hint of sarcasm) is duly noted.

Unfortunately, that doesn't change the fact that the movie was shit covered in stale piss.

Jaiden, I'll have to check out that movie you suggested. I need anything -- I mean anything -- that would scour the memory of Wolverine out of my brain.

I recognised the overstatement. With due respect, your verbose commentary on what you'd rather be doing instead of the movie came across as desperate attention seeking. I haven't seen the movie so can't comment on whether or not it's shit.
 

satyrical

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When the movie was said and done, I would have rathered my family die in a horrible car accident than watch that movie. I would have wanted a thousand innocent children to die of undiagnosed diseases than watch that movie. I would have gladly watched puppies, kittens, and giggling infants get eaten beneath a rusty chainsaw's hungry blades than watch that movie.

I'd rather watch a dog anally fuck itself with a frozen turd in the shape of a paper-mache dildo shit out of a retarded hermaphrodite's shitty vagina than watch that movie again.

If there was some sense of precognition that I could have had, I would have hung myself with the rotten intestines of a boar and have jerked myself off into a bucket of molten lava than see that movie. I would have gouged my eyes out with giraffe-boners than witness that insufferable mockery of horseshit and mudfuckery.

I would have let myself get butt-cutted by a million knights in shining armor until my asshole became rotten cheese and my bowels released liquid feces.

You need to become a poet. That is some fantastic writing right there.

But I'm still going to see it. The trailer is too amazing for me to pass up.
 

Chillhouse

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Ironman - Saw ~8 times in the theater and bought it
Dark Knight - Saw ~10 times in the theater and will buy it
X-Men Origins - Saw opening night and have no doubt I will see it another 4-5 times. It was really interesting watching the work print and knowing just what they do to make these types of movies.
-

Oh jesus... my favourite movie as a kid was jurassic park, and that I only saw 8 times... all on the little screen too.
 

Fire2box

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I saw Lilo and Stitch 3 times and finding nemo 3 times. I think I saw pokemon 2000 and pokemon 3 twice.

lilo and nemo was when I was like 13-16. pokemon when I was like 10-14. (Those summers were boring and hot. :p)
 

Dawes

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I recognised the overstatement. With due respect, your verbose commentary on what you'd rather be doing instead of the movie came across as desperate attention seeking. I haven't seen the movie so can't comment on whether or not it's shit.

If you "can't comment on whether or not it's shit" because you haven't seen it, then I would probably venture to say that you don't really have the insight you need to suggest that my "verbose commentary" isn't merited. I'm not attempting to sway anybody's opinion about the movie, but I'm instead stating the truth -- X-Men Origins: Wolverine is like watching a maggot suck the rotten milk of a dead hooker's lactating breasts, and probably a lot less sexually engaging.

As for my commentary being "desperate attention seeking," it's less that than doing my service to my fellow forum-goers to make sure their eyes aren't raped and mutilated the way mine were last night.

And thank you, Satyrical! Poet? Oh, I'm trying!
 
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